Pineapple Express FINALISTS

That was really difficult, Wavers. Probably the most difficult time I have ever had trying to find the top three short scene submissions. They were ALL so good!

Voting Guidelines:
NO ballot-stuffing, please. I think we all remember what happened a few months back. Look at each submission and ask - did it entertain you? Was it clever? Were the three words (pineapple, express and August) incorporated in a witty, contextual way? This is not a popularity contest, this is a recognition of which short scene was the most clever, surprising and effective.

FOXHOLE by Richard Porter

EXT. FOXHOLE - DAY

SGT. FRANCO and PFC ROGEN huddle under exposed roots. Mud cakes their units. Rogen scribbles in a small notebook.

FRANCO
What are ya writin’, Rogen?

ROGEN
Journal. Figure I ever make it out of this damn war alive, there’s a novel in all this.

FRANCO
Shoulda known you was a writer. You express yourself real good. You write a lot back home?

ROGEN
A bit. Wrote some stories in college. Even had one published.

An F1 GRENADE sails over the grunts’ heads. The pineapple bounces once and bursts in a spray of shrapnel and dirt.

ROGEN
Sarge! Sarge, you alright?

Rogen crawls to Franco. His face bleeds. Franco is worse.

FRANCO
Rogen. You okay?

ROGEN
I’m not worried about me, sarge. Let me take a look.

Rogen unbuttons Franco’s blood-soaked shirt.

FRANCO
Don’t. It’s...

Franco grabs Rogen’s hand and stares at him.

FRANCO
It’s too late. I ain’t makin’ it. Promise me something.

ROGEN
Anything, sarge.

FRANCO
Tell my boy I love him. Tell August Jr. his pop loves him.

Chunks by Ian Urquhart

INT. KITCHEN - DAY

HERB (50), eating irons raised, scowls as BARB (50) serves
up a pizza. He lifts a pineapple ring off with his fork.

HERB
What THE HELL is this?

Barb sits down opposite, rolling pin grim.

BARB
Pizza Hawaii. Special delivery.
All your cussing, I got it express.

HERB
This pizza's got rings. Rings
don't agree with me. Rings make
me ill. Chunks, I can eat. I won't
touch rings with gloves on.

BARB
You had rings back in August.

HERB
I threw my guts up! I coulda DIED!
I'm allergic to rings.

Barb leans over, just ZORROS a ring with her knife.

BARB
Chunks.

HERB
PHONIES!

BARB
What's the DIFFERENCE?

HERB
You oughta know. I told you enough.
Bogus, there ain't two the same.
Bona fide, they ain't no more
different than eggs. That there
is BOGUS. That there is a RING!

She sighs. When a man knows his chunks ...

BARB
You want something else?

He bats his freaking ring-poisoned pizza aside. Barb smirks.

BARB
Doughnuts or bagels?

ARGENTINE TANGO by Millar Prescott

EXT. CUBAN COUNTRYSIDE - 1937

Young entrepreneurs, CHE(9) and FIDEL(11), sit at a roadside
table from which they sell pineapple slices. Music plays from a small radio on the ground beside them. Across the road, in a grassy field, a couple dances the Argentine Tango.

Down the road, in the distance, RUBÉN ZALDÍVAR(36) approaches carrying a suitcase in each hand. He wears a suit and tie. Upon his arrival, he unburdens himself and pulls a handkerchief from his jacket pocket to wipe his face, neck, and brow.

RUBÉN ZALDÍVAR
The August sun is hot.

CHE
Where did you come from?

RUBÉN ZALDÍVAR
Banes. Three hundred miles behind.

CHE
Where you going?

RUBÉN ZALDÍVAR
Havana. Four hundred miles beyond.

CHE
Why are you walking?

RUBÉN ZALDÍVAR
The destination is much sweeter if
a man suffers his journey.

CHE
But the aftertaste is bitter. No?

A pig riding a motorcycle speeds past on a wave of dust. Rubén Zaldívar pulls his wallet from an inside breast pocket. A photograph of eight year old Shirley Temple falls to the ground as he presents a credit card to the boys.

FIDEL
We don’t take American Express.

The motorcycle returns to stop in front of the trio. Rubén Zaldívar, suitcases in hand, climbs on the back. The photograph flutters as the pig and man speed off.

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