Network Me. Don't Stalk Me.

Networking is one of the most important skills that a budding screenwriter needs to acquire. Network at writing or screenwriting functions. Network with other writers. Network with professionals you have the opportunity to meet. Watch the movie, NETWORK - it has nothing to do with networking but man, if you haven't seen that movie...prepare to be blown away.

Here is what networking is:

meeting, greeting, exchanging of information, sharing of laughter, stories and phone numbers.

Here is what networking is not:

creeping people out, following them, not reading social signals.

If you meet other writers at an event - take a moment to get to know them. Maybe you can gain a feedback partner. Surely you can glean useful information - maybe they queried a manager who was receptive. They might have tried some screenwriting software you've been curious about. Maybe they found a way to understand structure that totally makes sense to you.

It's just like every other walk of life. It takes a damn village. If a person has gone before you and discovered a pitfall or a hand hold on a ledge, learn from that. Most ideally - maybe, just maybe through six degrees of separation, someone has a friend who has a friend who has a friend in the position to do something to help you out when the time comes.

But networking does not equal entitlement. If you meet someone with that friend of a friend of a friend, in all likelihood, they won't announce that straight away and if there's one thing people can smell a mile away, it's someone who is trying to use them. And it makes you squeeze tight like a mussel at low tide. Nobody likes the feeling of being exploited and used.

You have to develop relationships over time. Be there for the person you're networking with. Ask not what they can do for you - ask what you can do for them. Be generous and authentic. Do not over inflate who you are and what you have to offer. Just be real. Among all other human qualities, we are drawn to authenticity. It feels like a million bucks when someone is real with you. Networking is about an exchange of information but more than that it's about relationship building.

So what do you do if someone seems to glom onto you and you get the distinct sense they will do you no good at any point in time? Gently, politely be too busy and hard to reach.

Wait - isn't that counter to everything the Wave-inatrix just said above - about being authentic and generous?! Isn't the idea of weighing how advantageous knowing someone is completely awful? Well kids - they don't call it show friends, do they? Here's a little tip: network with writers who are at least your peers. Networking with someone who is more of a beginner than you are will do you no good. Unless you want to mentor someone which is a perfectly nice thing to do. But it won't get you anywhere. You may have a lot to offer that person but you need to be networking with people who have something you can learn or benefit from. But all of this is relatively self-explanatory, even if it does seem to have an awful self-centeredness at its core. Be authentic but be realistic.

You do not need 12 new friends who do not know what a slugline is. You do need one or two new network-friends who can turn you on to a great screenwriting message board, a new software, or a production company currently looking for material. You are looking for someone who might be able to make an introduction and get you connected to someone who won a competition you've never heard of and that is perfect for your genre.

When you go to a screenwriting event, bring business cards. I know many, many of you have gotten "Sylvia Silversteen - Screenwriter" printed on your cards. I wouldn't necessarily burn all those cards but I'll be honest - it's kinda goofy. I'm sorry, it just is. Obviously you're a screenwriter, you're at the damn event. Professional screenwriters don't usually announce that in cursive font on a business card. If you have that on your business card, I'll be honest, if you give that card to a professional such as myself, later, we will giggle at it a little bit. I know. It's mean. But we do. Because it's silly and it makes you look somewhere between an over-eager goofmeister and a rank amateur. I know. It stings. But I'm being honest.

Also, please do not make up some production company that you "own" and have that on your card. Also goofy. If I work in Hollywood, I'll either immediately recognize it's a fake company or I'll look it up and find out it's fake. And you look - goofy.

If you have some other day job and you also write, come up with some nice looking business cards that simply say your name, phone number and email address. Less is more. All I want is to be able to contact you but if it's me you're giving the card to, in all honesty, I won't be contacting you - you'll be contacting me. You can give me your card if you feel compelled to but really, you should take MY card because I don't have twelve-thousand hours in a day to email people I just met, don't know and who probably want something from me.

Get nice, professional, slightly clever cards made with your name and contact information only. They don't have to be dull - my personal cards have a great D.H. Lawrence quote on them, toward the bottom, in italics. My business cards obviously feature my business information. URL, services offered, all of that stuff. I carry both with me. You can order business cards in a number of places but a good friend of mine had extraordinarily clever and effective cards made at for a very affordable price at Etsy. Check it out.

If you meet a professional such as myself at an event, be cool, man. Just be cool. Everybody wants to meet a professional at an event. Don't hog my time and loiter at my booth or in my class so long that I can't talk to other people too. Don't follow me into the bathroom (yup; more than once) or the parking lot (twice, recently). Don't ask for my home number. Don't ask me to read your script for free. Don't get into my personal space, don't start emailing me six times a day with little favors and questions (happens all. the. time.) I am friendly but I am not your friend. I am a professional and I'm at this event to do business. Don't ask me to meet you for coffee sometime if I've just met you. I'm busy and I don't know who you are, even if you seem nice. If you follow me around - into the parking lot, bathroom, restaurant during break, you actually scare me a little, the same way that would scare you a little. It's not cool.

In my case, many of my clients have become my friends and associates. Because we had a strong chemistry and because those clients add value to my business and to my life. Don't assume you can do that too without courting me politely for awhile first. Ask what you can do to help me. Not the other way around - not right away. And not til I can see that you are a great writer and a real mover and shaker.

A writer who was working as an assistant on Grey's Anatomy once hit me up, out of the blue, to review a short script of his. He was a co-worker of one of my best friends. For that reason, I did it. The film was made, I was thanked in the credits and now we are about to meet to discuss making one of my short stories into a short film. I scratched his back, now he's scratching mine. More importantly, in our initial interaction, he had some creds that made me prone to help him: he was on a big show (in any capacity) and he worked with one of my oldest friends. That gave him a free pass. I had faith in where he was coming from, in other words.

So when you network - have an ungoofy business card. Be authentic and friendly while sussing out whether who you are chatting with is about on your level or not. If you get a creepy feeling that the person you're chatting with has a slight form of Aspergers, gently extricate yourself. If you have a feeling the person is super nice but a total novice, gently extricate. If you feel the person is about on your level - fine, get to know them a bit. Proceed with caution. There are a lot - and I mean A LOT of strange writers out there. Be careful. Get a copy of Malcolm Gladwell's Blink - it is true that you can usually tell in about two nanoseconds, whether a person is weird or genuine. Trust your instincts.

When meeting a professional, be aware that for every one of them you are meeting, they are meeting a thousand of you. If you bump into them in the bathroom or eating lunch - say hello and let them have some privacy. I know it seems really elementary, Wavers, but I have seen the opposite happen all too many times. If you do bump into me at lunch, let me eat lunch. If you bump into me at the cocktail reception afterwards, maybe ask me how I am, rather than launching into your pitch or your story again. If you really want to make me happy, send me a thank you note or a thank you email. Check in with me once every few weeks and ask how I am and wish me well. Don't ask me favors until I offer you the favor. Which I may not, so don't be offended. And don't be offended if I don't answer your email. I saw it, but I'm busy.

As you build your network, you build some legitimacy. If you email me and you know someone I know - ah - whole different story. Then you'll get my attention much more quickly. But don't lie about that or exaggerate it. I'll find out. I had someone do that to me just a few months ago - use someone else as a gateway to me. I fell for it, the writer, as it turns out, was a complete nut job and when I went back to check that association in question - it was only in passing. I had been had. So now I check. You're a pal of Blake Snyder's? Really?! So am I! And now I'm gonna email Blake and ask.

So let's rinse and repeat -

What networking is:

meeting, greeting, exchanging of information, sharing of laughter, stories and phone numbers.

Here is what networking is not:

creeping people out, following them, not reading social signals.

That is all. Now get back to work.

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