The Last Seduction

You think about it all the time. In the middle of other conversations, while driving, when you go to bed at night. After some time alone with it, you're spent and exhausted. But you can't wait to go back for more. You don't talk about it much because other people just wouldn't understand. You tell your family you just don't feel up to going to the mall but when they walk out the door, you rush to your computer and open the file, feeling sneaky and guilty.

But moments later you get that high - the high that nobody else can possibly understand. When you're not doing it, you feel a little lost. You scribble notes to it on napkins and shove them in your pockets. You have a secret language that nobody else shares. Sometimes it breaks your heart and doesn't show up. Sometimes it betrays you and you don't even know who or what it is anymore. It's not you, your story says - it's me.

Meanwhile your family returns from the mall, rosy-cheeked and cheerful and they know something is up with you. Something that didn't include them. Something strange and seductive. You smile and ask about the mall. But you're still thinking about it and they know it.

When we talk to other people doing it, we get flushed and excited, as if we've landed on an island with familiar geography at long last. Somebody else who knows the curves of its shape, the feel of it in your hands. Somebody else who knows the rush, the heartbreak and the frustration of doing it.

But often, we'd give anything not to do it. To be able to just quit, walk away and be a normal person again. But we can't walk away from the dreamer's disease; it keeps pulling us back in. We're gonna need a bigger act break.

But are we ever going to walk down the aisle with our writing, getting showered with validation, money and respect? Or is this doomed to be a torrid, slightly debauched affair which will leave us ragged and destroyed, laughing mirthlessly in a gutter, looking up at the ironic stars?

Our writing's not telling. You have no idea, it says, dryly, and smiles at us with a rictus grin - right before it morphs back into a seductive siren, calling to us from the rocks: But I just had the best idea...

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The Doctor is IN:

Dear Doctor Jeff:

I am writing a script about grief – a mother lost her daughter in a car crash. I have read a lot of scripts by aspiring writers like me and whenever I see grief depicted, people show the grief-stricken one staring out windows a lot or going to the dead person’s room and looking at their stuff. But that seems so boring. I know there are several stages of grief that people go through, but without being able to show every stage, do you have any pointers on some of the different ways people handle grief, especially a mother?
-Wondering in Wisconsin

Dear Wondering,
The initial stance in the face of grief and loss is often a self-protective, ‘shut down’ as a way to keep unwanted feelings at bay. We may say things like, “They’ll pull through, they always do” or, “Oh, it was expected. I’m fine.” Recently, a dear friend whose husband died (after a devastating battle with alcohol and painkillers) was chased for two weeks by a series of recurring nightmares after his death.

In the nightmares, she and her husband were at home, completely disconnected from one another; either in separate parts of the house or unable to communicate. My friend would wake up so sad, so bleak and depressed… hating her nightmares.

We explored the possibility that the nightmares were, in fact, friends and teachers. When her husband was alive, she had to emotionally armor herself each time she walked in the home having no idea if he’d be passed out on the floor, called the police again because of people climbing around on the second story roof, or driving drunk. These nightmares were metaphors of their complete disconnect to one another. In separate parts of the house, unable to communicate. These visceral, cellular nightmarish truths needed to be felt, to be allowed. The nightmares served as release valves for the psyche.

Last part of your question, you might consider having someone deal with death or loss in two contrasting ways or worlds; 1) By day, where she speaks one truth. The “Oh, I’m okay. We all go through it.”. And 2) the one experienced through symbols in dreams or chased in nightmares.

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The Doctor is IN:

Dear Doctor Jeff - When Heath Ledger died, I am embarrassed to say that I actually cried. Seeing him in The Dark Knight makes me sad all over again. I read the tabloids and watch E! and I think I'm like a lot of people who are little obsessed with the rich and famous. What is that all about?
-Sad in San Diego

Dear Sad -

A couple years ago I read that Princess Diana’s son, Prince William, told an interviewee that he liked apple cider. Within two weeks, apple cider sales in England rose 26% ! Which leads us to celebrity worship/celebrity scorn. Flip sides of the same coin. Where does this come from?

Most of us, early on, were taught to look outside of ourselves for our inner value or worth. Thus, instead of cultivating self-esteem, we cultivated something we were told was more important… others’ esteem. How others thought of us became more important than what we thought of ourselves.

Looking outside ourselves puts an unnatural amount of attention on others and how to act. This explains the craziness of a celebrity’s endorsement of products. By association, if apple cider’s good enough for a prince, and he’s wealthy and royalty well then by association, so am I. Apple cider’s what I drink, too. Lastly, this also leads to a brutal scorn heaped onto celebrities involved in scandals. How the mighty have fallen. Either celebrities are better than us, and we look up to them… or they’re worse than us, and we look down. Both up and down are out of balance.

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The Doctor is IN:

Dear Doctor Jeff:

I am writing a romantic comedy about a woman in her thirties who is obsessed with getting married and having children. I think I understand why women sometimes do this (I’m a guy) but I was wondering if you have any thoughts about this so that I can really nail what my character’s motivation and flaw is. In other words, why do some women consider that a benchmark? What is behind a strong emotional need to be a mother and how can I better understand it as a man?
-Piqued in Poughkeepsie

Dear Piqued,

Great question, man-to-man. I think it’s difficult for women re: the questions of motherhood and marriage to separate what’s instinctual (inborn) from what’s ingrained (societally imposed.) That, in fact, might be the flaw… your heroine’s struggle to untangle who she really is from who she’s supposed to be. (It’s also the human dilemma to shake off the trance and separate who we really are, from who we’ve been trained, raised, manipulated to be… then, to live it!)

A thought: If the heroine had a best friend, a lesbian for instance, (someone who lives outside the traditional definitions of marriage and motherhood) her friend might provide the heroine with the shake up/wake up she needs to make a conscious decision from the one she's been subliminally taught to be.

Be well,
Doctor Jeff

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The Doctor is IN:

First of all, thank you Dr. Jeff for answering these questions on The Rouge Wave and thank you to Julie for arranging it.

My question is regarding character flaws and arc, etc. We know that a great character has a flaw/challenge that they are trying to overcome, and some character arcs involve the character rising to the challenge and some reject it.

What are some believable ways that a character overcomes their flaw/challenge? What makes a character finally choose to overcome or set aside their flaw? Someone can have an opponent, ally, or opponent/ally pressing them to overcome that flaw for years, so what might make them finally take that step?

Thanks!
Trina Koning MacDonald

Dear Trina,

While lots of spiritually evolved people had relatively easy childhoods, the majority didn’t. They came from harsh, abusive pasts which put them on the quest to go through Hell to get to Heaven. These painful childhoods became the compost by which either their lives remained piles of shit or became the fertilizer for growing the flowers, (i.e., the roots of the transformation.)

What finally makes “real life” or “reel life” heroes and heroines take the big step? Generally, something happens or keeps happening that put them up against it. Thus, it becomes intolerable to not do… not strive… not battle. Clint Eastwood in “The Outlaw Josey Wales” says, (and I near quote) “When you’re backed in a corner, surrounded by enemies, outnumbered, out-manned, out-gunned… THAT’S WHEN YOU GET PLUMB DOG MEAN!” Something huge is at stake and the protagonist goes down swinging rather than just goes down.

The way a transformation becomes believable is either, or both;

A) the deck gets gradually (or quickly) stacked against the protagonist. It finally reaches a crescendo/breaking point where the next act against them becomes the ‘straw that breaks the camel’s back’ --- and our own frustration, as the viewing audience, (watching them suffer these indignities) becomes so heightened that we’re right with them when they won’t take it anymore.

Or

B) The small steps made throughout by the protagonist support (in believability) the ‘Big Step” i.e., the new internal stance or external behavior.

The thing about film, according to Robert McKee in his award winning ‘Story’ is that at the end of a movie we want a “permanent, irreversible change in the protagonist.’ This ‘reel life’ nuttiness is not ‘real life’. Breakthroughs in life generally don’t last. They are so far from where a person normally lives that it is nearly impossible to anchor it in a new elevated place without major slippage. So, if a movie is to ring true, the incremental process, the baby steps leading to the big step (transformation) must hold true.

Take care,
Doctor Jeff

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The Shrink is In

Dear Doctor Jeff:

What is “writer’s block” and do you know a way to get beyond it?
-Stuck in Silverlake

Dear Stuck:

Structures can be useful in overcoming writer’s block. Things like to writing for fifteen minutes with no corrections or evaluations. Beware of “analysis paralysis;” the over thinking which picks apart a sentence before we even get it down. A book, “Writing Down The Bones” can be useful, but the more you think about the writing block, the bigger the block can become. I am a big fan of “First we take the path, then the path takes us.” Start wherever you are and just write, write, write. This is, in fact, how I answered your question because as first I wasn’t sure I had anything to say and now I can’t shut up (well, not quite) but it did become a flow after I got myself out of the way.

Another structure that might prove useful is the one week challenge.
Have a clock in front of you.

Day 1 – Write for one minute without taking hands off keys or pen off paper.

Day 2 – Write for two minutes without taking hands off keys or pen off paper.

Day 3 – Write for four minutes without taking hands off keys or pen off paper.

Day 4 – Write for eight minutes without taking hands off keys or pen off paper.

Day 5 – Write for sixteen minutes without taking hands off keys or pen off paper.

Day 6 – Write for half hour without taking hands off keys or pen off paper.

Day 7 – Write for one hour without taking hands off keys or pen off paper.

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The Shrink is IN - Again!

Again, more interesting questions for Doctor Jeff, our resident psychologist, who is here to help us writers get down to the nitty gritty when writing characters. Going forward, Jeff will answer one question each week here on the Rouge Wave. If you have a question, submit it HERE

Dear Doctor Jeff:

What are the phases a torture victim should go through for a complete recovery?
-Tense in Toronto

Essentially going from dis-empowerment to re-empowerment is the healing. Nothing feels worse than being powerlessness; being unable to get out of hell. The strongest indicators for success are being able to work through Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. (PTSD) Posttraumatic means that after a trauma (post trauma) there are stress responses to things resembling the trauma. I.e., If you were molested or raped, this can be easily re-triggered by someone unexpectedly touching you at all. The intrusion of that touch can re-traumatize the person.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

Survival – Safety – Belonging – Love – Self-esteem – Actualization

Wherever the person is on Maslow’s hierarchy, he/she will generally plummet back down to Survival and Safety once they have been tortured or triggered by something resembling how they were tortured. The working through of torture or trauma is almost always gradual. The one recent exception is a form of therapy called EMDR; where specific memories can be desensitized from a “naming event’(one we organize much of our lives around) to a regular event with greatly reduced charge around it in 1 – 5 therapy sessions. This question requires a lot more explanation than this quick answer gives but that is the thumbnail.

Dear Doctor Jeff:

What is the best way for a person to rid themself of a recurring, anxiety inducing thought?
-Nervous in Nashville

Dear Nervous:

One of the best ways out of anxiety-induced thinking is to ACTIVATE NEW/DIFFERENT THOUGHTS when the ones we don’t like arise. It is almost impossible to get rid of thoughts by “going at them.” I.e., the slolutions not available if we go at the problem… only the problem is. This is the same premise behind the 12 Step programs. They don’t try to get rid of the addictions, their aim is to replace addiction with sobriety, to fill it with something else.

So, the point is to pay attention to what you are thinking, catch when you’re in the ‘doom and gloom/fear’ mode and to consciously interrupt it by choosing to put your attention on what makes you feel better. Also, pay close attention to your words. See how encompassing and pervasive is the phrase, “I am scared.” There is now no room inside for anything else because who am I? I am scared. A gentler way out is to say, “I have fear in me.” Notice how I allowed the fear, but didn’t become it, by not saying “I am frightened.” Rather than “I have some fright.” This also leaves room for other things inside, as well.

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