Action Lines: Opportunities Waiting to Happen

One of the weird things about table reads is that the action lines are read aloud along with the dialogue. It's slightly counter-intuitive because in the movie version of your script the action lines are, well, actions that are happening, not words someone is reading aloud. But when your script is read, there's that translation that happens in the mind of the reader - I'm reading your action lines and visualizing the actions you are describing. Right? I mean, we know that.

This is one of the things that makes screenwriting SO unique - action lines are meant to be READ at first, but read in such a way that they paint a picture. Then later, they will be read and interpreted into images and actions. So that, for example:

EXT. LAKE MICHIGAN - DAWN

The icy lake is steel grey, tinged with pale blue. A flock of GEESE flies overhead, HONKING. The sun begins to rise, bathing the lake with a honeyed glow.

....becomes a shot, right? And if this shot makes it into the final draft of your script and everyone loves it, a camera crew will shoot on location - might not be THAT great lake, might be some lake that looks really big and cold and steely. Might not be at dawn, might be at dusk. Might have to CG the geese or might get lucky. "Honeyed glow" might be a real sunrise or it might be done in post production. But you see, this very short, quick description of mine will now require a whole set of filmic actions to bring to life. But in that initial read, the reader is absorbing a mood , and the lake is setting that mood. Does it matter, then, if you wrote the same action line like this:

EXT. LAKE MICHIGAN - DAWN

The sun comes up over the large, cold lake. Geese fly overhead.

Well, no - look, it's the same shot, right? And the second example used way fewer words. But which description was more cinematic, sensory and memorable to you? It's all about finding YOUR voice and YOUR way of describing things, but I promise you that the more cinematic your writing, the more absorbed your reader will be in your script. And the better writer you are (better defined here as: both cinematic AND pithy) the better people will react to your script. Not to mention that an agent or manager will definitely not be impressed by or drawn to utilitarian writing that is there to just get the job done and move on.

Some screenwriters complain - hey, my action lines are just that - they are actions that are happening; camera movements and descriptions of visuals. So why do they have to be written WELL and held up to the same standards as prose? Because they will be READ, that's why. Read and seen and felt by a reader - then later, read, seen, felt and translated into images by the actors and the director.

At table reads, most writers are eager to hear how the dialogue sounds. That is the primary focus, usually. And they get a little yeah yeah, get through the action lines, I want to hear the characters interacting. But. Hearing your action lines read gives you a chance, for one thing, to hear how those action lines are translated by a reader. In other words, if your trusty narrator is stumbling over some of the words in your action lines, or sounds like they are going on and on as they read - it's a reflection upon the action lines themselves.

You might have too much black; you might have chosen alliterative or unnecessarily complicated words. Or you might be over-directing the characters. Take one recent example - a character in the pages is a cigar smoker. And he's veritably always holding onto, sniffing, smoking or otherwise fondling his cigar. So the writer wrote that in the action lines. Throughout the script. So that this character's lines of dialogue were always preceded and peppered with the business with his cigar - which interrupted the flow of the read. Because every single time this character spoke, we first had to read an action line about something he was doing with his cigar. Frustrating for the actor trying to just do his dialogue with flow and emotion and frustrating for the audience having to hear repetitive lines about a cigar.

Now: There are people (and characters) who are always fiddling with something - their hair, cigar, gun, cigarettes - whatever. But in general, if it's just fiddling that we're talking about, set it up early in the script and then leave it out after that. Why? Because the actor gets it already: I'm a cigar-fiddler. Micro-directing how that character is repeating personal gestures takes up space on your script pages and unnecessarily interrupts the flow of the read.

INT. PARLOR - NIGHT

Emil sniffs his cigar appreciatively.

EMIL: Your move, my friend.

He snips the end of his cigar.

FRANK: Ah, so it is.

Emil searches his jacket pocket for a lighter.

FRANK: Check and mate, my friend.

Emil lights his cigar and inhales. The smoke swirls around his face.

EMIL: Fair enough. I suppose you'll want your payment at the usual time?

Emil ashes his cigar.

FRANK: At dawn. By the lake. And bring rope.

AARRHGHGH - we get it with the cigar already! Because something really interesting is happening here; these two men have made a bet and Frank won and holy shit, by the lake with a rope? But the lines about the stupid cigar interrupt the flow of that. And Wavers, I know you think I make up examples to make my point in the most heavy-handed way possible and yet I swear upon my mother's blue eyes that this is the kind of action line writing I have seen many times over.

Remember, when someone is reading your script, they are primarily drawn to the lines of dialogue. Firstly, this is a visual thing - the dialogue is centered on the page. Secondly, the dialogue is where the story moves forward. Right? It is true that readers sometimes skim action lines, particularly if they are a bit dense. I don't mean SKIP - I mean SKIM. Because remember, readers have to time their reads - they have several more scripts to go this week and they just need the UPSHOT of your script. So if your action lines are dense and not particularly entertaining, they start skimming in order to facilitate just getting through the read.

Now - seriously - you don't want your action lines skimmed. So you have to make them melodious and interesting. You have to make them a value-added part of the experience of reading your script - a delightful, cinematic bonus. Just be careful not to overwrite your action lines; your character smokes cigars - we get it. And perhaps more importantly, the actor gets it. Set it up early and leave it alone. Or find another, more clever way of indicating the relationship between this character and his or her cigar, hair, gum, fingernails or zipper.

Try having your own table read. Have a friend or loved one play the narrator and the characters - have them read just a few pages. And listen to the way the action lines sound read aloud. Are they lengthy? Is your friend stumbling through them? Are certain gestures of a character crowding the pages or interrupting dialogue?

Action lines that are o-k-a-y get the job done. Action lines that are exceptional get writers repped and sold. It's pretty simple, Wavers. Interrupting your dialogue with action lines that micro-direct a character and his cigar is unclever-scriptus-interruptus-gimme-a-breakus.

Which is better writing - to show us repetitive details of fidgeting with a cigar or to write a character who is the essence of one who smokes cigars - whether that's expensive cubans or cheap cigarellos? What is the cigar really about, in other words? It's not just a prop; it's a way of being and thinking. So capture THAT rather than leaning on the prop itself.

Yes, action lines are, in part, utilitarian; but a good writer never leaves it at that. Why just state what's going on when you can show the reader your beautiful command of the language and your ability to direct the eye cinematically? Why have a cold lake when you can have a steel grey one with the honking of migrating geese echoing across it as the sun rises? Why do something just all right when you can do it exceptionally?

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Focused Rewriting: Action Lines

You're doing it all the time. Rewriting your script. They say that writing IS rewriting and I think this is self-evident. This is why we must not judge ourselves so harshly. Your writing can always improve. In the early stages of writing your script, mostly you just want to get it down on paper. Just get those pages going.

Rewriting is a necessary, fun and challenging part of improving those pages.

But it's easy to go back over pages and tweak them to death with no actual goal in mind. You start off by thinking - I'll just make this better. In fact, going over previous pages from where you left off can sometimes be a time-wasting way to avoid not writing the new pages you need to write. I know when I sit down to write, even if I left off on page 42, I start back at page one and read/skim the previous pages and of course make a few changes here and there before returning to page 42 and making that turn into page 48. Ain't nothin' wrong with that. But imagine the efficiency of doing a focused rewrite pass.

How about this week Wavers collectively do an Action Line Rewrite Pass?

Start on page one and go through the script with a laser focus and look at every single action line paragraph:

Are your action lines written in the present continuous tense? Harold is walking, is sitting, is loading his gun - NO NO NO - rather, Harold walks, or he sits or he loads his gun. Action lines should be written in the present simple tense.

Are there ANY typos, misspells or homophones? (two, too, they're, their, your, you're)

Are there any DENSE blocks of action lines? Screw up your eyes and look at your pages. Any block-like patterns? Seek out and destroy them.

Are there scattered action lines that interrupt virtually every line of dialogue? Seek and destroy.

Are you action lines as pithy and efficient as possible? REALLY as efficient as possible?

Have you chosen evocative words that suit the mood, tone and genre of your script?

Are there widows (single words occupying one whole line)?

Are characters described briefly yet effectively?

Are there sounds in your script, which help make the read more cinematic?

Is there a minimum of "business" in your script?

Are there repeated words you've used? Is there too much alliteration?

Go ahead. Start on page one and ask yourself if your script has any of these problems within the action lines. And spend a day or two improving upon these issues. It's good for your script, it's great exercise for you as a writer and once you really, really GET how to write great action lines, you'll never have to worry about it again. But it takes practice and repetition. It really does.

You see, your script can and might have any number of problems ranging from global to specific - structure, theme, logic or character issues - but bad action lines really are the KISS OF DEATH. Because when your action lines suck, then it follows, in a reader's mind, that your whole script sucks. Because action lines are the plate upon which your whole script is served up. I read a script the other day with a GREAT core premise - really, really fascinating. But the action lines absolutely blew the concept out of the water because they were so bad. Don't let this happen to you. There's no excuse when you have resources all around you instructing you how to do it right.

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Dense Action Lines = Kiss of Death

For many new screenwriters, action lines seem like the least of their concerns. That's just the part where you download what's happening, describe characters, etc., big deal, how hard can it be? I have seen many an aspiring screenwriter who writes in some other context, sometimes even on a high level of achievement (having been published or otherwise lauded), really take action lines for granted - which honestly, as a person who has written published essays and short fiction as well as scripts, irks me. Don't take action line writing so lightly - give it some respect.

Action lines are in some ways Screenwriting 101: Don't just tell me what's going on, lay it out as if I am watching what's going on. Huge difference. Yes, yes, one can adhere to "rules" like keep action lines to less than four lines in one paragraph but really, what sets action lines in a script apart from any other type of writing is that they are cinematic in nature. They have movement, they guide the eye, they set the tone. They don't just plunk us into the middle of a tableau and describe it to death: They are kinetic and elegant.

Don't ever just toss out action lines to simply describe something. Always take advantage and make them pull two and three times their weight. Don't describe a scene as if it is a static diorama. Remember that action lines are NOT subtitled; don't tell me that this dude is the CEO of Evil Corp. and that he's having an agitated conversation with someone. SHOW me what that looks like. Sorry I'm ranting a little; I read a script yesterday that had a great premise but that was absolutely sunk by action lines that did nothing to service the story and everything to take what should have been exciting and make it a describe-o-rama snorefest.

Let me give you an example that is scrambled for confidentiality's sake. This is an amalgam of every bad action line mistake you could make...but let me also say this is NOT an exaggeration. I repeat - NOT an exaggeration. This is sadly common:

LOUISE GINT is blonde, in her 50s but still looking good. She wears expensive clothing but she is annoyed. She is the president of the Junior Soccer League. She is in a high school gymnasium and stands at a podium set up on a stage and tries to get the crowd to quiet down to listen to her. Her vice president, LOU HALL is in his 30s and is a grumpy type who rarely smiles. All around them a crowd waits to hear the speech. A PHOTOGRAPHER with a beard stands toward the back and begins to snap pictures of the event. He is Louise's ex-husband and there is no love lost between them. Screens are on either side of the podium and the screens play footage of a soccer team in Ireland winning a game. Louise starts her speech.

Do you see how annoying this is? And this example is probably eight lines shorter than I commonly see. It is expository, it is boring, it is overwritten and it just sits there like a lump. It doesn't MOVE.

Now let's try it again:

A high school gym is crowded with SOCCER FANS. Parents, die-hards, teenagers. A bearded PHOTOGRAPHER jostles for position at the back. Suddenly, microphone feedback echoes throughout the gym -

LOUISE (O.S.): Ladies and gentleman! Quiet down please!

The crowd turns its attention to the commanding woman at the podium. LOUISE GINT (50s), blonde and confident in her Donna Karan, looks over the crowd.

LOUISE: Quiet please!

LOU HALL (30s), grim and unsmiling, leans in to Louise.

LOU (under his breath): This isn't going to be easy.

Louise covers the microphone with her hand.

LOUISE: Shut up and roll the footage, dammit!

Two large screens on either side of the podium flicker and come to life. Team Ireland plays a rousing, mud-spattered game.

LOUISE: It is my duty as Junior Soccer League President to present to you the incriminating footage of the game played last year in Dublin Heights.

MAN (O.S.): Miss Gint?! Miss Gint!

Louise swivels her head to someone in the back of the crowd. It's the photographer.

PHOTGRAPHER: Wasn't this footage obtained through illegal means?

The crowd grows silent. Lou leans closer to Louise and whispers.

LOU: Isn't that -

LOUISE: My ex husband. Bastard.

Etc.

So - you know - this is an example and it really goes nowhere but do Wavers see how both examples basically give out the same information but one does it in a way that is moving along and the other is just an action line DUMP?

Look, writing action lines vis a vis the first example is a natural way for new writers to do it. It's what you are used to; it uses a weird combination of pointillism and paint roller to set up what's going on. But the second example is how scripts (good ones) are actually written - information is doled out on an as-needed basis. As one example, in the first iteration, the writer just informs us that Louise is the president of the junior soccer league and that further, she is annoyed. But in the second example, we just let her BE the junior soccer league president - she tells us that as part of what she's doing. And she SOUNDS annoyed. We don't inform you the photographer is her ex, we discover that in a kinetic way. Louise sees him only after he asks a question. And we find out just who he is in a much more fun way.

It's like the difference between trotting out beauty contest girls and saying: Miss Corona Hills is 27, likes long walks on the beach and really loves puppies! Rather than introducing information as if she walks out onto the stage as an actor in a play - we gather information about her through the way she talks and acts - we gather the information, we look for it, we experience it.

And that sums up the vibe of good action lines, people. Don't information dump but rather, let the information wash over us incrementally. Because when you write that way, you have engaged me, the reader. I am experiencing what I am reading, not being hit over the head with it. This not a manual for a garbage disposal. This is like being led on a garden tour.

And that. Is my rant for the day. Thank you and get back to work.

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Directing the Eye of Your Reader

We all know that including directorial/camera instructions in your script is a big no-no. It's annoying, it's unprofessional, it's overstepping, it's pretentious and it's annoying. Yeah, I said annoying twice.* I'm talking about stuff like MOS (without sound), SMASH CUT, PAN TO, TRACKING SHOT, etc.

SMASH CUT TO:

*an anonymous Rouge Waver commenter once pointed out that I had used a word twice in a very ha-HA way. To which I responded, dude, I am a good writer. I never use a word twice unless I am being ironic or comedic. Every word I write is thought through. Because that's what writers do. Unless I'm too lazy, tired or hung-over to notice in which case, ha-HA away; nobody should drink 3 grape soda and vodka cocktails in a row and I know that now.

BACK TO SCENE:

Anywho, I get the impulse - we screenwriters see and hear the scenes we're writing. Aspiring screenwriters often do one of two things wrong: they either add camera directions as above, or they just - don't. They do something like:

WALT crosses to the sink and rinses his coffee cup. He notices the birds singing outside. Behind him, a drooling monster enters the kitchen and begins to pant hungrily. Walt turns and sees it.

Walt: Oh my god a drooling monster!!

B-O-R-I-N-G.

So the trick is, how do you guide the eye of the reader in your action lines without over or under serving the moment? How do you get that nice dun dun DUN moment in there?

Walt is the character whose point of view we are with, right? We are experiencing what he is experiencing. In the example above, the scene is written as if from a bird's eye view and it saps the scene of any tension. But try this:

WALT hums while he rinses his coffee cup in the sink. Outside, two robins chirp merrily at the bird feeder. Walt smiles when - another sound, one he doesn't recognize...it's not coming from outside. Slowly, Walt turns.

A DROOLING MONSTER is right behind him!

Walt rockets backwards onto his ass, spilling water all over himself.

Walt: My god! A drooling monster!

So we jump in later, we put Walt's attention on something else before he notices the monster, we create a nice dun dun DUN! moment when he sees the monster and we give him a sharp reaction to the sight of it.

Now that silly example might be really far from what you're writing but the concept applies to good scene work in any genre in any script.

Action lines are not just a droning narration, they are more akin to telling a story around a campfire. You know? Like in summer camp?

And THEN -

Everybody stares at you, the crackling of the fire the only sound as their respective marshmallows start to burn...

Behind her...

Your fellow campers can't stand it - what? What is behind her? I know you know what it is but TELL US!!

And it doesn't have to be scary, though I keep using those types of examples because I write psychological thrillers.

Let's crib that set piece from BRIDGET JONES I was talking about the other day. Without looking at the script, mind you, which was probably written differently than this but you'll still grok my point:

Darcy takes a swing at Cleaver. He goes down momentarily then rushes Darcy. The two struggle then tumble into -

A packed Greek restaurant!

Now, again, I actually don't know how that scene was written but you'll notice that the way I have done this here, the mere separation of the action lines gives the reader pause long enough to be pleasantly surprised. They don't see the Greek restaurant coming because you, simply using a line break, waited to show us that.

Another writer might have done this:

Darcy takes a swing at Cleaver. He goes down momentarily then rushes Darcy. The two struggle then tumble into a packed Greek restaurant.

You see how much more fun the first example is? But what I most commonly see from new screenwriters is this - the worst way to write this:

Darcy and Cleaver fight. Behind them, a Greek restaurant is open. They struggle their way into the restaurant.

I kid you not, I see that kind of writing all the time. Dull, dull, dull. You've told us everything from a bird's eye view and there's no fun to be had in the reading of that. YOU know there's a Greek restaurant and they're going to tumble into it but as the viewer (or reader) I only vaguely know there may be businesses on that street but I'm not really paying attention to what kind of businesses - I'm on the fight. That's the beat of the scene. The fight. But you, the writer, you're going to top the fight with the introduction of a new element - a packed restaurant.

Writing kinetic action lines is a variation of show don't tell but I prefer to think of it as an issue of pacing and where the eye is directed. What do you call attention to in order to then create some surprise on the page? A Greek restaurant! Wow! But if you tell me the restaurant is there in the first place, I already saw that moment coming and it sucks the fun out of getting there.

Using line breaks, hyphens, all-caps - these are all tiny little mechanical cheats to draw attention where you want it. In the Walt example, above, we put his attention (and yours) on the birds outside. That way the monster will be more surprising. In the Darcy/Cleaver scene, we want your attention on the fight itself. We save the Greek restaurant for the topper.

Now, before some smarty pants Rouge Waver sends me the BRIDGET scene and says SEE- Fielding did it thus and such way which was totally different from your example, let me say in advance, I don't care, I am making a very salient point here and I think we all get that. Or, I hope we do.*

SMASH CUT TO:

*Dear anonymous commenter, stuff it.

BACK TO SCENE:

Look at the rhythm and pacing of your action lines. Make sure you play out your scene in such a way that you are taking the reader by the nose and putting their attention where you want it so that I get maximum fun and entertainment out of not noticing the CREAM PIE about to be heaved into the character's face. Or the guy standing behind the door with an ax. Or the elevator door about to open on a crazy circus clown. Who has a cream pie.

Pacing and rhythm is fundamental to all entertaining writing - whether it's a blog post, short story, novel or script. I do it on the Rouge Wave all the time. Pretty much in every single post. Because otherwise this blog becomes information, information, information, information. And that is dull and you wouldn't come back for more, would you?

Now if you'll excuse me - DING! - huh, what's that? I pause in my blogging, I turn and -

A CRAZY CIRCUS CLOWN HEAVES A CREAM PIE IN MY FACE!

I wipe the cream from my eyes and it's then that I notice -

It's Anonymous Commenter!

Julie: Very funny, dude. Very funny.

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Decor - Does it Matter?

You can tell TONS about a person by what's in their home, right? Just tons. Next time you go over to someone's house, use your writer's eye and sweep the room. A lot of books? Is it super dusty and messy? Or clean as a whistle? Is there a prominent flat-screen TV and lots of movies lying around? How about the color scheme? Bright? Neutral? How about tchochkes? (Knick-knacks for you non-Yiddish speakers.) How about awards or artwork? Anything embroidered? Anything at all?

In my neighborhood, many people have their windows flung wide open at night, owing to the heat. And a stroll up and down the block will reveal an apartment with a huge, wide-screen tv with a lawn chair pulled up in front of it. And a living room painted bright red, strung with tiny Christmas lights. And a living room window peppered with children's drawings. Messy apartments, with stereo systems up on cinder blocks. Apartments with a lot of Hollywood posters of yesteryear. There are apartments that look very lived in. And apartments that look just moved in to.

What is important to us is revealed in our homes. This is our womb-like lair. Where we go home, after a long day, to relax and find safety and peace. It's where we can walk around in boxer shorts and ripped up tee shirts. It is our private space.

So I was reading a script recently which indicated that the main character's apartment was nice. That's all. No other details. Just"nice". While you don't want to take up an inordinate amount of space on your pages with design details, taking a second to describe your main character's domicile is a very good idea. Or, to state it in the reverse, not doing it is a missed opportunity. A big missed opportunity.

Sometimes writers will say that the place is "bare bones" or indicate that the main character is rich or has "good taste". But - neither one of those things really gives me a visual.

Take "bare bones" as an example. Okay, all right - but are the dishes stacked neatly near the sink or is the sink overflowing with dishes? Is the character a slob or a neatnik? Is this place bare bones because the character is broke or because they have no life? In other words, what does bare bones say about the psyche of the character?

You don't have to go into a lot of detail (which is another, very common mistake I see) but just sketch it out some. When you say they are rich and the apartment is nice, do you mean they have expensive antiques? Or so you mean they catalogue shop at Pottery Barn? Is the apartment or house stuffed with things or pretty minimalistic? Is it an overstuffed couch or leather? Is the decor feminine in nature or very masculine? Gloomy or bright?

Does your character care for plants? Or not even? How about pets? Anything slithering around or rubbing up against your leg? Could the place use a good cleaning or health inspector? Or does your character use a maid? Is your character's home a welcoming space or a cold, unwelcoming one?

Again, I cannot stress enough that in the big sweepstakes of significantly important qualities in your script: original premise, character arc, theme - decor is a detail that is not up there as one of the most important details. But not taking a few words to set the scene is a missed opportunity to tell us more about your character. Saying "nice" or "expensive" or "bare bones" is a cop out.

But nor should you catalogue everything in the room. No - broad strokes - but when you say the character is "rich, with expensive tastes" what does that mean, exactly? That tells me absolutely nothing. Is it gilded, Colombian drug lord "good taste" or is it eclectic, upscale-flea-market-collectors-finds "good taste"?

Do some research this week and look around at the home decor of your friends and neighbors. What stands out? How does this define your friend or neighbor? Our chosen decor does offer a glimpse into us, no doubt about that. Whether that decor is cardboard boxes and lawn chairs or priceless art and antiques.

Describing decor is ultimately a small detail of your script but don't miss an important opportunity to give is a glimpse into your character's soul.

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Repeated Words and Alliteration

Clearly, the Wave-inatrix reads a lot of scripts. A lot. At least one full feature on a daily basis, and very often, two. When I read your script, I have a huge advantage over you - I've never seen it before. When you've spent that much time with your pages, it's hard to see the forest for the trees after awhile. That's where I come in.

If you use the word "angry" or any version of it on your pages more than once, I see it. It's like that scene in A BEAUTIFUL MIND when Russell Crowe sees all the patterns in the numbers. It's like I put 3-D glasses on and suddenly everything that is not working comes into full view. If a writer needs to work on the flaw of their main character, or has a typo here or there - I have no judgment about that. My job is point it out and help fix it. But, as Wavers know very well by now, when I catch something that the writer overlooked, I get a little nuts. Like typos, malaprops and just plain laziness.

Here's a quick, made-up but scarily accurate example:

INT. BEDROOM - DAY

Quietly, Jim pulls back the covers and goes to the window. All is quiet outside.

SHERRY: Jim, what are you doing?
JIM: Shhhh, be quiet.

Okay so here we have "quiet" used three times in short order. Hello? Make like an Eskimo and come up with other words to describe that it's quiet.

I might be reading a page and notice the word "she" used maybe ten times in one page. Or "they", or "damn" - doesn't matter what the words are but it's lazy writing to repeat the same words over and over. Words on your script pages are like pointillist paintings; you are going for this larger image of beauty, but that image is made up of tiny dots. And when the tiny dots are spelled wrong, repetitive or my personal favorite - malaprops, the larger image has a hard time arising from them.

Now. Is this something that falls under the screenwriting priority list of theme, character arc or the originality of your premise? No. Your words won't be seen onscreen at all, so in the end, using "quiet" six times on a page doesn't matter. Or does it?

Alliterative words are defined technically, as words with the same consonant sound: She sold seashells at the seashore, or Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers. But in the sense I use it here, it simply means words that sound an awful lot alike and therefore make the read slightly clumsy.

Think twice before naming your female ensemble characters Sharon, Susan, Cindy, Sookie and Sally. Because I am going to get them all confused. They sound too much alike. I recently read this: a stray ray of sunshine blah blah blah. Stray and ray. Back to back.

Much has been made of the multitudinous and egregious spelling errors in Tarrantino's INGLORIOUS BASTARDS. Spelled Inglourious Basterds on the copy that I have. Must we really pause here to point out that this is an established, and some would say, very gifted director and so he gets a free pass where you don't? Okay. I said it.

When someone reads your script, you are not only not preceded by a reputation for greatness, coolness, celebrity-ness or artistry - you are actually preceded by loads and loads of really bad scripts. So the assumption is, on page one, that this script probably won't be very good. Because you're one of the hoi polloi. Guilty by association.

So this is your shot. Don't blow it. Don't give them the satisfaction. Scan your pages for alliterative words and names, for typos (god knows) and vis a vis today's lesson - repeated words. Use a highlighter and go through your pages - have you unwittingly used a word over and over again? Get rid of those repetitive words. Stand out from the crowd with stellar pages which represent a stellar script.

As we duke it out over the final, final, top scripts in the Silver Screenwriting Competition (and there's been some um, lively duking-it-out, trust me) not one of the scripts in question has typos, repeated words or malaprops. Not a one. Otherwise they would have been knocked out in an earlier round. We want the best of the best. You need to do anything and everything to be sure you fall under that category and what may feel like a silly chore - making sure you don't use "they" ten times on one page is actually not silly at all.

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PACHEW! Sounds in Your Script

Is it okay to write sounds into your script? You know - stuff like BANG! RRRIPP! POW!

Yes, please. It makes the read a lot more fun. And it's fun to do. Your character might throw a rock into a lake with SPLASH or a soft plunk. The faucet might drrrip. DRIP DRIP DRIP. The door can open with a creak. And yeah, italics are okay once in awhile.

I have a client right now who is just the king of great sound effects. The genre of his script is such that sound effects are an important part of this story and man, does he do it well. On page one, our hero arrives in a cloud of dust in the middle ofa crowd with a BAWOOMPH! Later, bullets fly by with a SCHWIZZ! Laser guns fire PACHEW PACHEW! The ring of a phone breaks the silence with a BAAAA RING! This is not all on page or even on every page. Just here and there when the moment calls for it.

Recently, I read a script in which a rock flies through a glass window with a SPLAT! And I thought - splat? Wouldn't that go CRASH! or SHATTER! or CRACK ? And it really bothered me because I had to backtrack to see if I had read the action line wrong, if perhaps an egg had hit the window, or spit or bird poop. No - it was a rock. Rocks don't make glass go SPLAT, they just don't.

So be careful that indicating the sound gets you the cinematic effect you want, not confusion.

Experienced screenwriters know that a successful read of your script should immerse the reader in the simulated experience of seeing the movie. Choosing to write a sound effect here and there adds to the effing entertainingness of your pages.

Like anything, don't overdo sounds to the point that it's annoying. Don't use it as a crutch, use it for effect. Judiciously used, it's actually very fun and adds a lot of ZIP! to your script.

Remember, your script is essentially a seduction. You want the reader to become totally immersed in your story. Use absolutely everything at your disposal - use every one of your wiles. And if a well-placed FWAP! or BOOOOSH! adds to the experience of the moment in a scene, by all means go for it.

There are a lot of qualities that equal a PASS writer, but being boring is probably number one. Don't tempt the reader to hurl your script across the room with a THUD.

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Bad Action Line, Bad!

In response to a comment sent in from my dear friend Luzid about what I mean by bad action lines, I have for your viewing hilarity, created an amalgam of every bad, dense action line that I have read just today. On the couch. Wishing I was doing something else but for that one super cool horror script.

***

The heaving SEE tosses the boat closer to the glacer while the crab pots slide toward TONY, ruddy, a drinker (mid-30s but looks like he's 50) who glares at TRACEE (17, wishes she was 21) and RAIN pounds the deck while in the background, TOWERING OIL RIGS mone and sway in the wind. On the HORIZON a fleet of ships head toward a danger cliff and obscured by the storm, nobody can see the danger they will soon be in. Tony gropes for a rope, winds it around his left wrist, trying to help get the last crab pot in but a WAVE crashes over him and Tracee gets hit by the jib, which throws her overboard in an explosion of fome. She struggles but nobody sees her and the storm gets worse and the person reading the script starts having some kind of seizure and the WAVES of pain crash over there brain and they get a papercut and a migraine and close the script with SMASH CUT.

Too many lines, everything is run together, typos and misspells, saying not showing, bad character descriptions - a virtual bounty, an overflowing net of writhing, sardine-like action lines. Even if a person had no typos and wasn't a totally horrible writer, remember that feeling you got in the pit of your stomach when you first scrolled down and saw my example? How you kind of went oh GOD - not now. I like short, pithy Rouge Wave paragraphs - yeah. That feeling. Don't give a reader that feeling.

A too short action line might look like:

The boat rocks. Thunder overhead. Bad storm. Cliff approaches. Lightning.

It's like if Joe Friday and The Hulk had a baby. Hulk, smash!

I'm not going to be one of those people who says you have to use 3 or 4 action lines, no more. I don't think one can really pronounce that there's some limit, over or under which you will suddenly turn the reader off. Really, just make your action lines easy on the eye, make them evocative and colorful and fun. And if you find that you have blocks with more than say 5 lines of action - just ask yourself - what words can I lose or substitute to shorten this? Or is it fine the way it is? Just keep your eye on that.

There is a lot more information on the Rouge Wave if you click on "action lines" under Browse Topics.

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The Rouge Wave Mailbag

Dear Rougewave,

I keep running into the advice to never use "we see". People say that a lot of readers will throw my script into the "round filing cabinet" if I use it because in general they hate to see "we" in a script. They say I shouldn't take the chance. Is this true?! Do you guys really hate it that much? So much so that if I've written a killer script you'll toss it out just because I used "we" a couple of times? The thing is, I've seen it in all kinds of scripts, but the same people tell me those scripts are later drafts and that I'll rarely if ever see it in early drafts of spec scripts. But I thought spec drafts WERE what I was reading! Gah! I'm confused! Am I taking a chance by using it?

Sincerely,

Ed F.

Ed,

First off, close your eyes and take a deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breath. A nice, relaxing, cleansing breath. Innnnnnnnn... ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut. Good. (Open your eyes.) Okay, here *we* go...

This is by far the most frequently asked screenwriting-related question (at least on the internet). And I have to be honest -- when Julie told me someone had asked it, I begged her to let me weigh in. Man, for ages, I've been waiting for someone to give a definitive answer. *The* answer. The one that would end all speculation. Well, I'm going to attempt to do that now. Yeah, yeah, I know the debate will rage on long after this blog entry has passed away and gone to cyber-heaven, but, what the heck, lemme tell you what *I* think...

"We xxx (see, hear, fly over, tumble through, etc.)" is part of the screenwriting lexicon. It's not quite a formatting tool, like INT. or EXT., but it's close. I have seen it used so often, I practically *expect* it now whenever I crack open a script (or scroll down in a pdf or FD document). And, yeah, early drafts of spec scripts that sold (and are in development or have been produced) are sometimes riddled with it. And since I know the *real* question is about early drafts of specs that broke their writers into the business, rest assured, you'll see it in those, too. (Check out Brad Inglesby's THE LOW DWELLER, James Simpson's ARMORED and Jon Spaihts' PASSENGERS, for starters.)

So put your mind at ease -- you can use it. Just use it wisely. And creatively. But that applies to everything, right? Instead of writing a bunch of random "We see Gary walking into the bar. We see Todd stumbling out of the bathroom. We see Veronica caving Fred's skull in with a hammer" sentences, think about exactly why you might want to use it on a given occasion. Perhaps it's to create a POV shot in your reader's mind: "We inch our way down the corridor... toward the blood spattered door." Or maybe it's to draw attention to something we see, but a character in the scene doesn't: "Right as Paul turns away from the closet, its door quietly swings open, and we see two glowing RED EYES peering out of it. Paul is oblivious, though, and we want to warn him, we want to scream "Watch out!" at the top of our lungs, as the dark, hulking SHAPE glides out of the closet..."

Crude examples, but you get the idea.

And, yeah, people will say, "Well, in both of those passages, you could omit 'we' and still have the same visual." And then they'll offer their rewrite and it *won't* be the same thing -- it *won't* imply the same visual. It won't have the same *feeling*. It won't have the same, dare I write it, Voice. I've seen that a million times.

Because here's the thing... the real issue: When you write a screenplay, your job is to give a reader (be it a reader-reader, an agent, a producer, a studio exec, an actor, a director, etc.) the experience of watching a movie. You want to immerse them in the film you've played over and over in your mind. Basically, you want them to feel as if they're watching *your* movie when they read your script.

I say use whatever tools you have to use to accomplish that. Use them creatively, use them wisely, and use them confidently.

"We back away, slowly, as the hordes of mutant anti-we-seers crawl out of the woodworks."

Tony Robenalt

****

Yeah. Tony's pretty cool. That's why he reads at The Script Department. If you want Tony's notes on your script you can request him personally. If you dare.

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Top Ten Things Readers HATE

Good morning, Wavers. I trust many of you, as usual, are busily thinking of a clever one page scene for the latest competition. There's nothing to lose and a $25 gift certificate to gain. Plus we like to have fun at the Rouge Wave, so, you know, you really gotta give it a whirl. Click HERE for the guidelines and click HERE to submit.

Also: just FYI, I have recently had requests from two production companies and a lit manager for some GREAT scripts. I have already submitted a few this week, from my client base but am definitely looking for great material to get out there. Obviously, I have to read the script first and yeah, that obviously means do some notes on the material, but the reputation of the Script Department has grown to the point where I am getting hit up for good scripts. So. Just put that in your pipe and smoke it. I am looking for anything well written, but also family, tentpole, action, horror and thriller.

So the happy, happy class who took Ten Things Readers HATE over the weekend requested that I repost that list here on the Rouge Wave. Now - you really had to to be there and I can't reprint everything that we discussed in a 90 minute class. But I will reprint the list itself just for fun. This list could have been much longer but this is what we discussed at the Great American Pitch Fest. And remember - because it's the Wave-inatrix - my list actually goes to 11.

Bear in mind that readers are often overworked and underpaid and your script may be the third script they read that day. So they're a little cranky, a little jaded and they really want to go to bed. But no. Your script is staring at them and they gotta get through it quickly so they can turn in the coverage that night so tomorrow they can go pick up six more scripts from another production company a long, smoggy drive away. So I've set the scene, right?

Top Ten Things Readers HATE:

#11 A script over 120 pages.

Reader thinks: Please kill me now. The writer doesn't have a good grasp of structure and tight story telling. Great. Just great.

#10 The writer sent weird shit in the mail with the script.

Reader thinks: Oh god. A rank amateur. Some kind of nut. What is this map/sketch/doll/polaroid/music and how fast can I toss it to the floor so I can just read the script already?

#9 Boring, derivative scripts in which nothing happens.

Reader thinks: Wtf? Where's the conflict? What is the bloody point here? I hate this writer! Why can't he or she just tell me a story already! I'm hungry. Maybe there's something in the fridge. Maybe I should throw some laundry in. But I have to get this script done and - I hate this writer!

#8 Wonky Tone or Genre

Reader thinks: Wait - I cannot draw a bead on this. It's funny, it's graphic, it's scary, it's got characters with more personalities than Sybil. I can't sum this up, I can't follow where it's going. There's no cohesion. I'm gonna PASS this writer so fast his head's gonna spin. Gd it.

#7 Bad, Confusing Sluglines

Reader thinks: My eyes! The humanity! These pages are cluttered and overslugged. Too many details in the slugs! Or - completely generic slugs - ext. house - day - oh come ON!

#6 Gratuitous, Shocking Sex or Violence

Reader thinks: Really? Am I supposed to be impressed or shaken by this? You're dealing with the wrong reader, pal. If it's not in keeping with the tone and narrative, if it's just there to pop wheelies and tell me way more than I ever wanted to know about your sexual fantasies or urge to scoop out eyeballs with a melon baller, then color me NOT impressed.

#5 On the Nose Dialogue

Reader thinks: Talk about an urge for violence - what do you think I am, stupid? This dialogue is patronizing, dull and amateur. But hey - this is going to be a fast read and an easy PASS. Bring it.

#4 Dense Action Lines

Reader thinks: Like I'm going to wade through this crap. I'm just trying to synopsize this quickly and efficiently. And this is killing my eyes, slowing down the read and adding exponentially to my already cranky mood.

#3 No Structure: the BOSH script

Reader thinks: Nothing is moving this story forward, it just goes and goes and goes. It's a BOSH script! (bunch of shit happens).

#2 Lame Characters

Reader thinks: These characters sound, act and look like robots. If there was one thing that might have gotten me into this story, it would have been characters I give a damn about. But no. Is this writer serious? Does he or she read this dialogue outloud? People don't act this way. These are types! Oh! I'm so cranky!!

#1 Typos and malaprops

Reader thinks: Oh come ON. Seriously? One or three is one thing but now I'm beginning to feel personally insulted. Proofread! Is it that hard? Do you want to be taken seriously??

Now, Wavers know that there is a remedy to every single one of these items. And if you are new to the Rouge Wave, look at the Browse by Topic and click on corresponding subject labels to read up on how to do a better job and improve your craft. Mostly, just do the opposite of each point made here. But of course, there's a lot more to it than that.

The larger point of the class is that you have to imagine yourself in the reader's shoes. And during the class, cruelly, that's just what I did, by passing out the first ten pages of a script that somehow managed to accomplish everything on this list save number 10 and that's just because I didn't bother to bring the map of the castle to the class. I gave everyone four minutes to read the pages (about how long a reader would spend, give or take) and asked that they circle those things that are slowing down the read for them. It was painful to watch, and I'm sorry, but it was effective, no?

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Action Line Interruptus

This is an old Rouge Wave post, Wavers, but it's so relevant and at this point so buried in the archives that I thought it would be a good topic to revisit. Why? Because we have had a massive influx of new Wavers lately and, really, are they supposed to dig through the whole archive for gems like this? I think not. We have better things to do like visit Jesus Christ Superstar Dress Up.

So: here we go. Again. Action Line Interruptus and Why it Sucks:

Open up your script. Turn to a sample page. Stare at it and get a visual. Don't read the words, just observe its appearance. How are those action lines looking? Any dense blocks? That's something that most of us know we should avoid - "too much black". But did you ever think about the fact that you can actually have too many short action lines which interrupt the flow of dialogue? Prodco readers tend to focus on your dialogue. Because it is in dialogue that the story moves forward. And they have to synopsize your script later. Of course they read the action lines too but particularly if the actions within them are stock and descriptive, they read about half the sentence and move on - because they get it, they're not that interested - they want to know what happens next. When readers review your script they are reading it FAST. So action lines don't really "stick" unless they are tremendously entertaining.

Here is an example of the way in which too many short action lines, peppered throughout your page interrupts the flow of dialogue and therefore - plot. It's a little excruciating, but the Wave-inatrix wants to put you through a sample experience. To put you in the shoes of a reader:

***

Henry: I miss the farm, don’t you?

Amos flips the pancakes and looks out the window at the Philly skyline.

Amos: Sure do.

Henry puts the syrup on the table.

Henry: Sometimes I wish we could just go out back and get syrup the way we used to.

Amos plates the pancakes.

Amos: Yeah, those were the days.

Henry looks at the pancakes, licks his lips and puts his napkin on his lap.

Henry: Course, things changed after the avalanche took mom and dad out.

Amos sits down opposite Henry.

Amos: I sure do miss ‘em.

Henry butters his pancakes.

Henry: Probably shouldna set that blast so close to 'em. You knew they were berry picking below the mountain.

Henry wipes his mouth and looks at his brother pointedly. Amos points his fork at his brother.

Amos: It was your idea, remember? You said enough was enough and I guess I just took that literally.

He gestures at their shabby studio apartment.

Amos: And they didn't leave us hardly nothin' in their will.

Henry pushes back from the table.

Henry: Guess we shoulda thoughta that.

Amos: Funeral took up most of it.

Henry: Suppose we should go visit the cemetery this weekend?

Amos digs in to his food.

Amos: We’ll bring their favorite flowers; Arctic Poppies.

*****
In this first example, not only are the characters micro-managed, their dialogue, which is ad hoc, silly, and yet on a certain level, powerful, is not delivered in such a way that we are really taking it in. Because we have interrupted the flow terribly with action lines. These two brothers have parents who died in an avalanche. They miss their old life. And they uh, they did it. This is important information to convey.

Now let’s try that again:

Henry: I miss the farm, don’t you?

Amos flips the pancakes and looks out the window at the Philly skyline.

Amos: Sure do.

Henry: Sometimes I wish we could just go out back and get syrup the way we used to.

Amos: Yeah, those were the days.

Henry: Course, things changed after the avalanche took mom and dad out.

Amos sits down opposite Henry.

Amos: I sure do miss ‘em.

Henry: Probably shouldna set that blast so close to 'em. You knew they were berry picking below the mountain.

Amos: It was your idea, remember? You said enough was enough and I guess I just took that literally.

He gestures at their shabby studio apartment.

Amos: And they didn't leave us hardly nothin' in their will.

Henry: Guess we shoulda thoughta that.

Amos: Funeral took up most of it.

Henry: Suppose we should go visit the cemetery this weekend?

Amos: We’ll bring their favorite flowers; Artic Poppies.

**
So review your scenes and make sure that they flow easily and well. Do not overuse or pepper action lines over your pages such that dialogue is split up and watered down.

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Get Your Action On

As promised, this week on the Rouge Wave, we're recapping some discussions we've had of some of the basic elements of screenwriting. With the strike giving the appearance of possibly ending soon and with competition season arriving shortly, it's time to fire up your engines, Wavers. So I've compiled and compressed Rouge Wave blog posts from various points in time to create a sort of brief "best-of" on each element.

***

Action lines are not just paragraphs which describe the building, or the car or the dusty street the character is walking down. They aren't just to tell us the character is wearing "khaki pants, a white shirt and dress shoes". Action lines are like paintings. They should be kinetic, pithy and evocative. What do I mean by that? If a writer is describing a mid-19th century street in Nevada and the day is hot and the bad guy is about to gallop up on his horse, then focus on using that action line to really convey all of that. Let us hear a carriage creaking by. Let us feel the hot sun. Let us choke on the dust and hear the sound of the boots over the wooden walkways. Choose words, in other words, that match the mood of the scene and the tone of the script overall. Read produced scripts and notice the way a horror script will use dark, scary words in the action lines. Notice the way a romantic comedy will use lighter, funnier, bouncier words in the action lines. Make the scene come alive. Don't be afraid to sound like you, not some pedantic machine who's read a how-to screenwriting book one too many times.

Here's a little secret: most readers, and by extension, executives and producers, skim over action lines quickly. Particularly if they are dense. We are only looking for key words so we can orient ourselves. The dialogue is the primary place where the plot is going to play out.

Don't tell us things we cannot see. Action lines are not subtitled. For example, do not say "the viewer will notice immediately how rich with silver money Nevada has grown." Huh? Oh - you mean there's a lot of silver being gambled on the tables? Okay, so just say that. Describe the saloon then. What kind of music is playing? Is the money clinking? Are people shouting when they win and groaning when they lose? Is it a bunch of miners and roughnecks or guys in cravats and monocles? We've all seen movies - describe the scene as if it's a movie. I know that sounds stupid but scripts are not just blueprints of movies, they are facsimiles of movies. We should read them and almost see the scenes recreated in our minds. When in doubt, challenge yourself to cut your action line down by fully half. Review it for words that are adding to the mood and feel you want to evoke.

Which Tense?

I have read more than a handful of scripts in which action lines are written in what we would technically call the "present continuous tense":

Joseph is wading across the baby pool.

...rather than the proper tense for a script which is the "present simple"

Joseph wades across the baby pool.

Stepping away from grammar labels momentarily, the reason the first example is not appropriate for a script is that it distances the reader from the action in a small but subtle way. So rather than being in the scene with Joseph, in a sensory way, we are distanced because you are telling me what he is doing. I don't watch it myself - you narrate it to me. As if I am a sight-challenged person. Joseph is wading across the baby pool.

When an action line is written properly, I observe the action myself. I watch it happen. Joseph wades across the baby pool. You aren't telling me it's happening, it just IS happening.

Action lines SHOULD:

Be like haiku: brief, economical and as sensory and colorful as possible

ALL CAP and briefly describe new characters - even extras like the NURSE.

Be written in the present-simple: The Wave-inatrix, in her polka-dot bikini, sips her bourbon and writes her blog.

Action lines SHOULD NOT:

Be dense and long-winded. Try to keep them to about 4 lines. Particularly on your first few pages.

Be so brief that they are choppy and weird sounding. Seriously, don't economize so much you leave out the fundamentals of sentence structure.

Save for few examples, be written in any other tense than the present simple. No "stirring" "dancing" or "murdering". He stirs, she dances, he murders. Keep it in the now.

The absolute best way to build your skill set with action lines is to read produced scripts. Or heck, just a good script, doesn't have to be produced. If you read quite a number of scripts you'll notice that naturally - and thank god - writes have pronounced styles. You'll see every rule broken, you'll swoon when you see Shane Black speak to you, the reader, on the page - (he's just so brilliant). But what you will not see is a screenwriter informing you, the reader, of what you are watching. Action lines should not describe a scene as if we are watching the characters in a diorama: Look, Bob is chopping carrots! Suzy is licking the spatula. The cat is meowing.

Rather, plunk a reader into the middle of the scene and describe what's happening as if it is in surround-sound and 3-D: Bob chops celery while Suzy licks the spatula. The cat meows piteously.

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Perambulation

As always, Rouge Wavers, I save up interesting or comical mistakes I find in scripts for your entertainment and edification. That is to say, I hope you more than chuckle, you also take a lesson away from a given example.

Puzzled as if over the results of a random number generator, the Wave-inatrix often finds odd errors clustered not just in one script but in several scripts within one week. And recently, I found three scripts in one week that used the wrong synonym for "walk". Writers know that choosing descriptors with a finer point on them is important for writing interesting pages. In other words if every character simply "walks" across a room, that gets dull quickly. This is a truth fundamental to all writing, naturally. Writers are wordsmiths so our vocabulary knowledge is generally several points higher than the general public. Or at least - it should be. Here are three examples of synonyms for "walk" which were completely and totally, 100% contextually wrong:

His automatic weapon in hand, the secret serviceman waddled to the edge of the building to take aim.

WADDLED?? Like a baby with a dirty diaper? Or an obese old lady?

MARINE GUNNERY SERGEANT ROGERS picked up his baseball bat and angrily sauntered over to the fight.

This guy, who has a handlebar mustache, by the way, and now runs a rowdy bar with drunken patrons, is very upset in this scene. So he saunters?

DR. CARRIGAN scampers down the hall as he responds to the Code Blue.

Scampers? Like a kitten? This is an emergency room doctor in a hellish, low budget hospital. He's overworked, he's losing his mind a bit and he - scampers?

So Rouge Wavers, be aware that an excellent vocabulary is a requisite part of being a writer and if you aren't sure if you're using the right word, look it up.

Synonyms have shades of meaning; connotations and implications that shift the tone slightly in one direction or another. Use your words with precision. Because using an inappropriate synonym can inadvertently make the difference between a great description and a laugh at your expense. I don't know about you, but I don't want any waddling security guys protecting ME.

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Don't Cop Out

Very often, Rouge Wavers, my blog posts are inspired by real-life experiences I have with the latest script I read for my business or a production company or perhaps something that is going on with a peer, friend or colleague. And so this weekend I read a script that said, simply:

There is a furious battle.

I flipped to the next page. Nada. We move on to the next scene. I flip back. What?? Where'd the furious battle go? I look at the page numbers - has the writer left out a page? No, the writer didn't. The writer simply didn't write the scene.

Rouge Wavers, this is as bad as over-writing the scene. It makes the writer look lazy, inept or both and it cheats the script out of a really great setpiece. A furious battle? Well – what does that look like? What does it sound like? What does it feel like? Scripts are like amusement park rides – so thrill us. Simply stating that there IS a battle, chase, sex or gunfight scene does not work whatsoever.

Never, ever miss an opportunity to show off your chops as a writer. We want to hear the clanging swords and be flecked with mud – we want to see the ladies watching and fanning themselves, we want to hear the THUD of the horses….

Anything less is a cop-out of huge proportions.

If you’re really intimidated by writing a great action scene, I recommend getting ahold of and reading some great….wait for it….action scripts. Check out DIE HARD (any) or LETHAL WEAPON – heck, THE ISLAND has a fantastic action sequence. MISSION IMPOSSIBLE, THE FRENCH CONNECTION, THE LAST SAMURAI…

The list is long. Don’t be intimidated, do your homework and figure it out. But don’t simply cop out, it will take all the zing out of your script, deflate the read and make you look like an amateur.

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Business

What is “business” on your script page? Well, that’s short for “stage business” and that’s an old-fashioned term which means folding laundry, opening a coke, answering the phone, stacking the mail, hanging up the dishtowel – all those little actions. Because movies are not real life – they are real life condensed, compressed and put under an entertaining spotlight, we don’t show a fraction of the “business” that goes on in real life when we write our scripts. Add up everything you did in the past 30 minutes. You made coffee or tea, you had your morning ritual, you chose your clothing, you made your bed (or not) you got into the car to go to work, you greeted the guy in the parking lot….a lot of business. And let’s be honest – it ain’t that fascinating, is it? So in movies – we skip over most of that stuff so we can get to the good part.

The word “business” is by definition negative, in fact. If someone comments on the “business” in your scene – they are not complimenting you, they are saying, in essence, that your action lines are cluttered, with too much going on. If what’s going is distracting and doesn’t add depth or meaning from a thematic or character standpoint – your action lines will be labeled “business”. If what’s going on adds a layer of depth and flows seamlessly, it won’t be mentioned at all. But it will be appreciated.

In other words, one writer throws in that the character brushes his teeth, then flosses then uses mouthwash. Somehow, it’s not working, it doesn’t feel organic, it feels like it was bedtime and the writer figured they better show bedtime ritual. Another writer chose consciously to show this character get ready for bed because it illuminates him in an amusing or otherwise elucidatory way. It’s not well, it’s bedtime, I have to fill page space by showing him get ready for bed. It’s – check out the way this guy gets ready for bed. And watch that tooth floss. It's going to come back later in the story...

Every single word you write in your script is scrutinized for meaning. If you have two characters discussing something in a scene and one character gets up in the midst of that scene, answers the phone and tells the dry cleaner that if they can’t get the stain out of the dress they should just toss it – I am going to wonder why that just happened and I am going to try to assign some meaning to it. Because nothing in a script is accidental. Yes, in real life, quite often our conversations are punctuated with the UPS man’s arrival or opening bills or kicking the fridge door shut. Because real life continues to go on around us and we just swim in it as we try to achieve our larger goals. But in movies, everything flows into the story.

If you have a character kick the fridge door shut we then would ask of that scene: did they just get a beer out? Or a chocolate pie? Is there a magnet on the fridge that falls off after the kick-shut and the magnet says: Eat to live? In other words choose actions very consciously. Choose your actions to make a point. Yes, I know that in real life people scratch and move a dishtowel and doodle. But in movies, I don’t care. Unless it matters. So if you show your character doodle, I am going to watch that carefully for some kind of meaning. And if it ain’t there – now I wonder why you wasted the gesture.

New writers tend to write a scene and think well, I’ve got to make this more life-like and add a phone call, a dog bark or some laundry folding and mail sorting because my two characters can’t just sit there and statically talk. True enough, they can’t just sit there and statically talk. Unless you’ve written MY DINNER WITH ANDRE and what they are saying is so brilliant that you can get away with the minimalist action of ordering more wine or espresso.

What are you characters doing in each scene? What is going on around them? Look for a balance of adding that layer of the reality of their world versus simply giving your character something to do so they don’t sit still. If you’re just not sure – write the dialogue in the scene, move on and come back to it. Don’t add actions simply so they are there. It’s okay to come back and then add a layer that you couldn’t think of in the moment.

Make every scene count, make every word count, make every action count. Otherwise – it’s just business.

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Action Line Don'ts

Here are three examples of bad action line writing that I came across very recently:

They’ve been friends since high school.

He enjoys impressing people even though he has no connections.

He has a hot temper

Now go with me here, Wavers – remember the basic tenet that action lines do not appear on the screen, yes? Does everybody see what is patently wrong with these examples?

So how does “They’ve been friends since high school” work in an action line? It absolutely does not. Because I can’t see that, you’re just telling me that. You’re going to have to work that fact in to the scene in some other, organic way. How about:

Darleen: I’m so fat! I can’t fit into this dress!
Roberta: Remember that Clamato juice diet we did in the 9th grade?
Darleen: What were we thinking?!

There are so many creative ways to let us know that these two have been friends since high school. This can be indicated in dialogue as above, it might be indicated by possessions, shared memories, or even someone else making a comment. Don't cop out and simply announce to us what this relationship is. It's lazy writing, it doesn't work, it is the mark of an amateur and it will get you a PASS.

How about this one – “He enjoys impressing people even though he has no connections.” Show it don’t say it and certainly do not describe your character as if you are introducing him or her on a gameshow: Dexter loves spotted dogs, flying kites and impressing people, though he has no connections.

No, no and NO. Maybe Dexter compensates by wearing a gold pinky ring. Maybe he has a vast Rolodex on his desk. Only we see that most of the cards are blank. Certainly in his dialogue, he’s going to speak pretentiously. The scene in LA STORY when Steve Martin tries to book a table at an impossibly pretentious French restaurant is a great example of a character trying to impress someone but having absolutely no luck whatsoever.

On the other hand, crafty and skillful writers can say things in action lines like:

Robert sits down on the piano bench. Wishing he were anywhere but here.

Floyd files his nails – can jury selection go any more slowly?

Rachel winds her kite back in. Bored.

Why can you get away with things like this? Because these are sentiments generally accompanied by facial expressions or body language. Can you see Rachel winding her kite back in - bored? How about if she wound her kite back in, frightened? Or annoyed? Well, I can picture those things. But I can't picture the fact that she never gets dates. And Wavers, it is my sad duty to inform you that yes indeed I have read action lines like: Rachel likes to fly kites and never gets dates. Sometimes she overeats when she's lonely. What is the Wave-inatrix disclaimer that comes right around now...? I wish I made this stuff up.

Remember - show it, don't say it. Evidence things, do not list them. Do not introduce your characters as if they are on The Price is Right. You don't have to tell us everything about your character immediately. Take your time. Let your character's quirks, predilections and personal history come out bit by bit, as the scene and situation calls for it. Did we know that Raymond Babbitt had to have fish sticks on Tuesdays and that he bought his underwear at Kmart on the first page we met him? No. We got to know his habits and routines little by little until they build like a drumbeat, driving his brother crazy.

When introducing a character ask yourself:

Is this piece of information or history important to convey here and now? Or might it make an interesting reveal, later?

Is this character evidencing the history or habit or am I just noting it for the reader?

Is this a sentiment or an opinion? Can my character act it out rather than my just saying it?

Which is more economical and clever here, naming the sentiment or acting it out?

and always, always, as a fail safe, read the action line again and ask yourself: what does "he likes to impress people" look like?

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Landing Your Moments

My daughter, the Mini-W, is addicted to America’s Next Top Model. And slowly but surely, I have found myself also glued to each episode. It has actually fascinated me, how much more there is to modeling than I could have imagined. What strikes me is that the way the models go from sleepy and complaining to ON – the minute they are asked to. They know that everything changes when they are being watched – and judged. Most of us don't go to fashion shows and many of us may not have much serious regard for Tyra Banks and her television empire, but one thing is definitely true - say what you will about runway models - it's hard to take your eyes off of them.

So let's talk about your writing. You know in your head what you want to happen in a scene, and you type it out quietly, between sips of coffee - but this scene is destined to be read by some executive, assistant, reader or intern out there and that scene better be absolutely smoking-hot; all long legs and penetrating eyes. Your scene better be riveting, in other words.

No lazy strolls, no dense action lines of information - put your words on the catwalk so that all eyes are glued on them and so that when something happens, you draw attention to it. Land your moments, nail them - do not write them at the pace of a lazy stroll.

All of this “landing” scenes and moments and comparing it to runway models might be a bit of a reach. What in the heck is the Wave-inatrix talking about? Let me illustrate.

Here’s a changed-up and paraphrased example from something my partner and I wrote not long ago. It appears on the very last page of a psychological thriller. The previous scene was an intense battle scene between the main character and antagonist. We fade to black after a gunshot blast. You don't know how it ended... We cut to a quiet dock in New England.

A seagull feather floats down above the dock gently. A HAND catches it.

Alice smiles directly into the camera.

Less experienced writers might not have taken advantage of such a big reveal. I very often see the same type of moment written like this:

A seagull feather floats down above the dock gently. Alice catches it She smiles directly into the camera.

See how much more fun the first example was? See how that landed? It was a pleasure to read. We delivered the same information but notice that we used a HAND – so the reader knows this is significant, whoever it is…then we put a blank line between that and the reveal. Why? Because it literally makes you wait another second before you get the answer. A nanosecond – but an important one. A crucial one. A fun one. The second example contains the reveal but it doesn't LAND it.

I have read action lines in scripts in which clearly, some big, fun, scary or otherwise important piece of information is delivered in the same flow of words as the ones you’re reading right now so that if the murderer is your brother and he’s standing right behind you with an ice pick and you sip your coffee but before you can whirl around the ice pick appears through a clavicle, that is about the way you would experience that moment. That was pretty fun, huh? Quite a wild ride. As always, Rouge Wavers, I do not make my examples up. I might paraphrase but I have read what was supposed to be terrifying or hilarious set pieces in paragraphs like this one in which the writer laundry-lists the big Moment and it lands like a damp towel.

Use all-capped words, use spaces, use tension and mystery - use everything in your toolbox as a screenwriter to make the moment memorable. So let's have that writer be murdered by his brother once more:

The writer peers at his blinking computer screen as he reads the Rouge Wave. He chuckles to himself. Unseen by him, a shadow falls on his desk.

SUDDENLY an ice pick BURSTS through his shirt! Blood stains his blue oxford in a macabre blossom. The writer slumps over and turns weakly toward his attacker. His eyes widen.

Writer: Richard! I thought you were dead!

Parse the information out a little. Make us wait for it. Land your laughs or reveals. How things land is particularly important in comedy and in horror or thriller. But really, honestly, it’s always important. You script is on the catwalk. Strutting, winking, smoldering. Pivot, hands on hips, and stare into the eyes of your reader when something big happens. Work it. You want all eyes on you. Dull action lines in which information and actions just spool out are the equivalent of watching a very old person hobble across a crosswalk while you wait at the now green light. Come on already. COME ON ALREADY!! No. We want a Willie Wonka tumble to surprise us. Bam! Land it.

How are your moments landing?

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Action Lines - Which Tense?

Previously in the Rouge Wave, we have discussed that action lines are a creative opportunity to make your pages come alive with sensory details. The rain can THUNDER down onto the tin roof, the gun can go BLAM!! in the motel room and the apple should be red, crisp and ice cold.

We have also discussed that action lines should be devoid of typos and malapropisms. I think every Rouge Waver knows that the Wave-inatrix goes apoplectic when writers use saddle when they mean sidle or peak when they mean peek.

We have even discussed how some over-enthusiastic writers, in an attempt to keep their action lines brief can sometimes err so far on the side of brevity that the action lines become some sort of pig latin which not only doesn't flow, doesn't make sense. So we might have: Girls in pool. Pool cold, gun POP, man yell.

The Wave-inaxtrix has expounded on how to describe your characters in your action lines and that character's faces never "show" anything - they ARE angry, upset or joyful.

Today we explore a new topic related to action lines and one that frankly, new writers often, understandably struggle with. And that is: which tense to use in action lines. It must have something to do with the alignment of the planets but recently I have read more than a handful of scripts in which action lines are written in what we would technically call the "present continuous tense":

Joseph is wading across the baby pool.

...rather than the proper tense for a script which is the "present simple"

Joseph wades across the baby pool.

Stepping away from grammar labels momentarily, the reason the first example is not appropriate for a script is that it distances the reader from the action in a small but subtle way. So rather than being in the scene with Joseph, in a sensory way, we are distanced because you are telling me what he is doing. I don't watch it myself - you narrate it to me. As if I am a sight-challenged person. Joseph is wading across the baby pool.

When an action line is written properly, I observe the action myself. I watch it happen. Joseph wades across the baby pool. You aren't telling me it's happening, it just IS happening. .

Do Wavers perceive the subtle difference? It's something that newer writers really take a long time to understand but once they do, they never look back. It's like riding a bike; simple and yet initially, as a concept, confusing - won't the bike fall down? In other words, it's counter-intuitive to write in the present simple tense. There are rare occasions when we write this way - in some forms of prose it is acceptable and stylishly so: So I walk down the street and there he is: my childhood nemesis.

But I digress. In an action line do not tell me that "we see" anything - do not tell me what the character is doing - just show them doing it. Millie eats porridge. Luciano cocks his gun. Millie looks up, startled. Luciano shoots his gun.

So just remember, your action lines are not the boring, descriptive laundry list preceding the dialogue - no. Action lines are actually equally as compelling as dialogue. Action lines are where you show off your voice, your panache and your style.

Action lines SHOULD:

Be like haiku: brief, economical and as sensory and colorful as possible

ALL CAP and briefly describe new characters - even extras like the NURSE.

Be written in the present-simple: The Wave-inatrix, in her polka-dot bikini, sips her bourbon and writes her blog.

Action lines SHOULD NOT:

Be dense and long-winded. Try to keep them to about 4 lines. Particularly on your first few pages.

Be so brief that they are choppy and weird sounding. Seriously, don't economize so much you leave out the fundamentals of sentence structure.

Save for few examples, be written in any other tense than the present simple. No "stirring" "dancing" or "murdering". He stirs, she dances, he murders. Keep it in the now.

The absolute best way to build your skill set with action lines is to read produced scripts. Or heck, just a good script, doesn't have to be produced. If you read quite a number of scripts you'll notice that naturally - and thank god - writes have pronounced styles. You'll see every rule broken, you'll swoon when you see Shane Black speak to you, the reader, on the page - (he's just so brilliant). But what you will not see is a screenwriter informing you, the reader, of what you are watching. Action lines should not describe a scene as if we are watching the characters in a diorama: Look, Bob is chopping carrots! Suzy is licking the spatula. The cat is meowing.

Rather, plunk a reader into the middle of the scene and describe what's happening as if it is in surround-sound and 3-D: Bob chops celery while Suzy licks the spatula. The cat meows piteously.

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Show Don't Tell

In a very strange confluence of events mostly likely having to do with planet alignment and heartburn, the Wave-inatrix has read a passel of scripts lately that featured a variation of this: Drucilla’s face showed anger. Her face showed anger? Now, Wavers should be able to see what’s weird and wrong about that description immediately.

This falls under the aegis of “show don’t tell” or oddly more descriptive (though way too clumsy which is why “show don’t tell” won the stupid popularity contest) is evidence emotion rather than inventory it. The Wave-inatrix made that up. Patent pending.

Because movies are stories about things happening, if your character is angry, he or she is going to act that out - in this way things keep moving forward in the story. The husband just told the wife he was cheating and she threw an ax at him. I’m just guessing her face shows anger.

She looks excited is not great whereas Her eyes lit up like a million stars is poetic, more interesting and makes the same point. We’re writers, here, people. And within this rule of showing and not telling as we describe events in our action lines, we are charged with moving the plot forward descriptively - and well. If you find yourself being so utilitarian and lazy as to write something like: He's impatient - you really need to stop and see the missed opportunity there. Do not hurry through action lines so you can get to the good stuff - dialogue. Action lines have the capacity to be among the most entertaining parts of a good script.

But Wavers, the specific message today is to not only avoid being plainly descriptive in your action lines, to not only remember to show and not tell but to please, please for the love of God, avoid his or her face shows X emotion. Seriously, his face shows lust? Her faces shows impatience? His face shows boredom? No, no, - that would be my face shows horror and my hand shows a Seconal.

That a character’s face shows an emotion is like saying that you’re thinking with your mind. Why yes – yes you are thinking with your mind. So if you’ve got a moment in which your character is feeling something deeply; pain, humiliation, love, infatuation – don’t describe how that looks, enact how that feels through your character. Characters do not act impatient – they ARE impatient. They don’t look excited – they ARE excited.

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Brevity: Not Always Your Best Friend

Upon occasion, the Wave-inatrix reads scripts by writers who took “avoid too much black in the action lines” a little bit too seriously. That is to say that their action lines are written in a weird shorthand making the pages sound as if they were written by someone just recently having learned English. And not very well.

He runs. Face scowling. Breathing hard. To boat. Climbs in.

Thing is, when the Wave-inatrix sees these kinds of ghastly action lines, they are always written by writers perfectly capable of speaking and writing English. But the action lines are written as if the writer is on Survivor: Half the Alphabet Available!

Wavers, we know that action lines should be brief and descriptive, but writing action lines this badly is cutting off your nose to spite your face. Because now you wind up with action lines that sound a bit – well, honestly – retarded.

Action lines serve several functions in a script. They indicate who is where. They show us who is walking, running or eating cake. They tell us how the character is running. And they tell us a lot about the world of the script. Is it humid, rainy or sweltering? Are there car horns blaring or trees creaking in the wind? More than being functional, action lines should be entertaining. They should be as compelling to read as the plot. Wavers newer to the RW can find a much more in-depth discussion of action lines here.

The mark of a truly talented writer is one who imbues the action lines with voice, voice, voice. Voice is something we have discussed on the Rouge Wave before but in short, it’s personality. Writers should take advantage of the opportunity to showcase their particular voice and style in the action lines.

One of my clients, a fantastically gifted horror writer described a woman pulling up in her car thusly: She pulled into the parking lot in the worst, dented, piece of shit Toyota you’ve ever seen. Yes, there’s a bit of profanity there but it matches the tone of the script. But really, a great description. He doesn’t give us the year or make of the car but boy can you visualize that car. And it does speak volumes about the character. This writer has a voice like nobody’s business which is why he is going to make a lot of money one day. He takes chances, he is totally politically incorrect and he doesn’t give a rat’s behind about what is considered proper or what the “rules” are. But he writes pages that you cannot forget. For more about voice, click here.

A good way to find out how you’re doing is to read the action lines aloud. Do they flow? Do they make sense? Are they playful, colorful, frightening and in every way reflective of the tone of the genre you’re writing? If they sound weird when you read them aloud, they’re going to seem twice as weird when a reader reviews them. If you remember nothing else from today’s blog, remember that.

New writers get a bit freaked out by reading over and over that action lines should be very brief and spare. The Wave-inatrix is here to remind writers that action lines showcase your voice, they are both functional and entertaining and they should never be so brief that something like: Couple kisses suffices as an action line. If you have sacrificed writing real sentences for brevity’s sake, rethink your pages. Shorter is not better when the flow of language winds up on the cutting room floor.

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