Top Ten Things Readers HATE

Good morning, Wavers. I trust many of you, as usual, are busily thinking of a clever one page scene for the latest competition. There's nothing to lose and a $25 gift certificate to gain. Plus we like to have fun at the Rouge Wave, so, you know, you really gotta give it a whirl. Click HERE for the guidelines and click HERE to submit.

Also: just FYI, I have recently had requests from two production companies and a lit manager for some GREAT scripts. I have already submitted a few this week, from my client base but am definitely looking for great material to get out there. Obviously, I have to read the script first and yeah, that obviously means do some notes on the material, but the reputation of the Script Department has grown to the point where I am getting hit up for good scripts. So. Just put that in your pipe and smoke it. I am looking for anything well written, but also family, tentpole, action, horror and thriller.

So the happy, happy class who took Ten Things Readers HATE over the weekend requested that I repost that list here on the Rouge Wave. Now - you really had to to be there and I can't reprint everything that we discussed in a 90 minute class. But I will reprint the list itself just for fun. This list could have been much longer but this is what we discussed at the Great American Pitch Fest. And remember - because it's the Wave-inatrix - my list actually goes to 11.

Bear in mind that readers are often overworked and underpaid and your script may be the third script they read that day. So they're a little cranky, a little jaded and they really want to go to bed. But no. Your script is staring at them and they gotta get through it quickly so they can turn in the coverage that night so tomorrow they can go pick up six more scripts from another production company a long, smoggy drive away. So I've set the scene, right?

Top Ten Things Readers HATE:

#11 A script over 120 pages.

Reader thinks: Please kill me now. The writer doesn't have a good grasp of structure and tight story telling. Great. Just great.

#10 The writer sent weird shit in the mail with the script.

Reader thinks: Oh god. A rank amateur. Some kind of nut. What is this map/sketch/doll/polaroid/music and how fast can I toss it to the floor so I can just read the script already?

#9 Boring, derivative scripts in which nothing happens.

Reader thinks: Wtf? Where's the conflict? What is the bloody point here? I hate this writer! Why can't he or she just tell me a story already! I'm hungry. Maybe there's something in the fridge. Maybe I should throw some laundry in. But I have to get this script done and - I hate this writer!

#8 Wonky Tone or Genre

Reader thinks: Wait - I cannot draw a bead on this. It's funny, it's graphic, it's scary, it's got characters with more personalities than Sybil. I can't sum this up, I can't follow where it's going. There's no cohesion. I'm gonna PASS this writer so fast his head's gonna spin. Gd it.

#7 Bad, Confusing Sluglines

Reader thinks: My eyes! The humanity! These pages are cluttered and overslugged. Too many details in the slugs! Or - completely generic slugs - ext. house - day - oh come ON!

#6 Gratuitous, Shocking Sex or Violence

Reader thinks: Really? Am I supposed to be impressed or shaken by this? You're dealing with the wrong reader, pal. If it's not in keeping with the tone and narrative, if it's just there to pop wheelies and tell me way more than I ever wanted to know about your sexual fantasies or urge to scoop out eyeballs with a melon baller, then color me NOT impressed.

#5 On the Nose Dialogue

Reader thinks: Talk about an urge for violence - what do you think I am, stupid? This dialogue is patronizing, dull and amateur. But hey - this is going to be a fast read and an easy PASS. Bring it.

#4 Dense Action Lines

Reader thinks: Like I'm going to wade through this crap. I'm just trying to synopsize this quickly and efficiently. And this is killing my eyes, slowing down the read and adding exponentially to my already cranky mood.

#3 No Structure: the BOSH script

Reader thinks: Nothing is moving this story forward, it just goes and goes and goes. It's a BOSH script! (bunch of shit happens).

#2 Lame Characters

Reader thinks: These characters sound, act and look like robots. If there was one thing that might have gotten me into this story, it would have been characters I give a damn about. But no. Is this writer serious? Does he or she read this dialogue outloud? People don't act this way. These are types! Oh! I'm so cranky!!

#1 Typos and malaprops

Reader thinks: Oh come ON. Seriously? One or three is one thing but now I'm beginning to feel personally insulted. Proofread! Is it that hard? Do you want to be taken seriously??

Now, Wavers know that there is a remedy to every single one of these items. And if you are new to the Rouge Wave, look at the Browse by Topic and click on corresponding subject labels to read up on how to do a better job and improve your craft. Mostly, just do the opposite of each point made here. But of course, there's a lot more to it than that.

The larger point of the class is that you have to imagine yourself in the reader's shoes. And during the class, cruelly, that's just what I did, by passing out the first ten pages of a script that somehow managed to accomplish everything on this list save number 10 and that's just because I didn't bother to bring the map of the castle to the class. I gave everyone four minutes to read the pages (about how long a reader would spend, give or take) and asked that they circle those things that are slowing down the read for them. It was painful to watch, and I'm sorry, but it was effective, no?

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The Passage of Time

54 DAYS LATER

Yes indeed, the Wave-inatrix recently read a script in which on the last page, preceding the happy ending, the supertitle 54 DAYS LATER was employed.

The funny thing was, in this instance, it didn’t matter how much later it was, it was just a postscript or tag for the story which had already wound up. The odd number cracked me up; why 54 days later? As opposed to, I dunno, 53 or 57 days later? Why not round it up to an even 60? What the writer’s logic was there I’ll never know but I’ll tell you one thing, it sucked the moment dry of its impact.

The passage of time in scripts is one of the first confusing issues a new writer deals with. How does one indicate that after the scene in which the character got coffee, the character took a shower, got dressed, drove through traffic and arrived at work? Well, very quickly, by observation and practice, we learn the basics of Movie Time. Movies embody a certain magical passing of time to which viewers are accustomed. Writers make conscious decisions whether or not to show a character taking every single step involved in getting out the door in the morning. It’s fine to do if it has dramatic or comedic affect on the story at hand. If the point is that the character lives a highly routinized life – show each step. If the main action is going to happen later, in the office, at the bar – or wherever, then the steps taken to get there are implied. For more experienced writers, this is too rudimentary to discuss much more than this but those just starting out, a great way to understand this concept is to simply pop a few movies into your dvd player and observe.

What if more than a few implied moments or hours pass? What if you are moving forward in the story to two weeks later – or a month later? Well, that’s easy enough. Get your slug line down and then simply write in all caps: TWO WEEKS LATER. Or, as in the case study which prompted this post, SIX WEEKS LATER would be fine.

Let’s pause for this commercial break, sponsored by the supertitle:

Supertitles: words that appear anywhere on the screen, usually on the bottom, which indicate location or time
Subtitles: words that appear on the bottom of the screen which are usually a translation

We can indicate the passage of time in action lines and using a mini-slug:

INT. MOSSY CAVE - DAWN

Adam: What are we going to do today?
Eve: I thought we’d go to the pool.

LATER

Adam stands at the edge of a waterfall with sun block and trunks on. Bright noonday sun shimmers through the leafy fronds that surround him.

We could just as easily have written:

INT. MOSSY CAVE - DAWN

Adam: What are we going to do today?
Eve: I thought we’d go to the pool.

EXT. GLASSY POOL - DAY

Adam stands at the edge of a waterfall with sun block and trunks on. Bright noonday sun shimmers through the leafy fronds that surround him.

In either event he’s at the pool. It’s noon. Done and doner. Say Adam is afraid to jump in the water...

EXT. GLASSY POOL - DAY

Eve: Adam! Are you going to stand there all day?
Adam: No!

EXT. Waterfall – DUSK

Adam shivers slightly then finally peels off his fig leaf trunks.

Or we might do:

EXT. Waterfall – DAY

THREE MONTHS LATER

Autumn leaves drift around a cobwebby Adam. He shivers.

The passage of time can be exploited to achieve many effects.

INT. BOB'S BEDROOM - DAY

Bob stands in his briefs reviewing the contents of his closet.

Bob: Honey, I have nothing to wear today!
Honey: Oh yes you do. Look on the right side of the closet.

INT. WIDGET-TECH - DAY

Bob walks through the lobby door at his office wearing a chicken suit.

So, Bob got dressed but not until he went through everything until the only thing left was last year’s Halloween costume. We don’t need to watch the search for the outfit. It’s boring. Unless it’s not. What if every suit in Bob’s closet was identical blue polyester? Now the moment is worth dwelling on because it’s funny and it tells us something about Bob. Show the audience only that which contains the most entertaining or informational moments.

Generally, simply indicating in the slug line and action lines the difference in daylight, clothes, and positioning of your character is enough. Only tell us that literally TWO WEEKS have passed if it makes logical sense for the story.

Stay relatively basic: TWO WEEKS LATER, ONE WEEK LATER, ONE YEAR LATER, TWO MONTHS LATER, FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER. 54 DAYS LATER leads us to wrack our brains for the significance when there is none. If only a little time passed, just indicate so either in the slugline or in the action lines. Don't all cap a time change unless there is a signficant reason for doing so.

Passage of Time Checklist:
Do I need to show this character making coffee and scratching his belly? Or is the main action in the next scene? Then imply the time change only.

Do I intend for the audience to see the words: TWO WEEKS LATER? Then precede that with SUPERTITLE: TWO WEEKS LATER

Can I indicate the passage of time effectively simply in the action lines?

Is this passage of time making the scene "land" better? Is it funnier this way? Sadder? More interesting? Why is this taking place TWO WEEKS LATER? Is that necessary or can I keep it in the now?

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Slugging Your Script

INT. YOUR DESK – DAY

Most of us have a basic understanding of how a slug line works. Slugs are the bits that establish where and when we are. Easy enough, right? But sometimes it gets confusing. We move locations from room to room, day to day and sometimes from one era to another. Slug lines can easily become very cluttered and difficult to read.

Let’s review the most common mistakes that I see in sluglines:

• Putting too much information in the slug
• Indicating times too specifically
• Slugging every single room in the house

The most infamous slugline ever: INT. BRAIN – DAY
Done Dealers will recognize that golden oldie instantly. Those were good times.

While there are no hard and fast rules and while any one can come up with exceptions, Rouge Wavers, I read an awful lot of scripts each week. And so I have a perspective on what is usually done. And not done. So let me further elucidate:

Too Much Information:

EXT. BOMBAY – LAXMI MARKETPLACE – MANGO STALL – 1922 – MORNING

Here is the better way:

EXT. BOMBAY – LAXMI MARKET PLACE - 1922– DAY
Ghandi examines a mango at the mango stall. It’s first thing in the morning and the fruit is fresh and covered with dew.

Or

EXT. BOMBAY – 1922 – DAY
It is early. The Laxmi Marketplace is bustling with vendors and shoppers.

AT THE MANGO STALL
Ghandi examines the fresh fruit.

Whatever works, whatever keeps it simple, whatever suits your style.

Time of Day:

Really, the time of day should be limited to: DAY, NIGHT, DUSK, DAWN, LATE AFTERNOON, EARLY MORNING.

You can also note things like: LATER, MOMENTS LATER, SIMULTANEOUS or CONTINUOUS. We’ll come back to continuous and simultaneous.

Moving From Room to Room:

There are differing styles of indicating moving from one room to another. I like to use the mini-slug. A mini-slug is an all-capped – well, mini slug. Let me give you an example.

INT. BOB’S GAMESHOW SET – DAY
Bob wraps the show, thumbs-up the director and heads offstage.

THE GREEN ROOM
The door opens and Bob goes straight for the water bottle and pours it over his head.

Or

INT. THE CRAIG FAMILY LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Dad sips his bourbon and watches football stoically.

IN THE KITCHEN
Melanie chops onions and cries.

A Comprehensive Bad Example:

Hewing to my belief that you can learn more from bad examples than good, here is some slugging that I very often see cluttering up newbie scripts and in this really annoying example, you'll see every mistake being made - too much information, time of day repeats, noting every single room and location to the nth:

INT. THE VAN DER HOOVLE HOME – LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Dad sips a Pabst Blue Ribbon and irons his shirt for tomorrow while the TV blares.

INT. THE VAN DER HOOVLE HOME – DANNY’S BEDROOM – EVENING
Danny uses a quill pen to draw a delicate dragon on his forearm. Somebody taps on his window.

EXT. THE VAN DER HOOVLE HOME – DANNY’S WINDOW – EVENING
Danny’s friend Lloyd hoists himself in the window.

INT. THE VAN DER HOOVLE HOME – LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Dad looks up. He heard something. He heads upstairs.

INT. THE VAN DER HOOVLE HOME – THE STAIRS – EVENING
Dad goes up the stairs.

INT. THE VAN DER HOOVLE HOME – THE LANDING – EVENING
Dad reaches the landing. He looks toward Danny’s room.

INT. THE VAN DER HOOVLE HOME – DANNY’S DOOR – EVENING
Dad knocks on the door.

Okay I don’t need to go on – though I could. The number of slug lines is dizzying. We don’t need to indicate the time over and over again – it’s happening continuously. But Rouge Wavers – I see this type of writing a lot. I am not exaggerating though I sorely wish I was.

Let's Try That Again:

INT. THE VAN DER HOOVLE HOME – LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Dad sips a Pabst Blue Ribbon and irons his shirt for tomorrow while the TV blares.

UPSTAIRS
Danny uses a quill pen to draw a delicate dragon on his forearm. Somebody taps on his window. Danny looks up. His friend Lloyd hoists himself in the window.

DOWNSTAIRS
Dad looks up. He heard something. He heads upstairs.

THE LANDING
Dad looks toward Danny’s room. He walks toward the door. Knocks.

Continuous:

Continuous basically suggests that the camera is moving and/or following the character or action. So it might be written thusly:

EXT. JACKSON BROWN’S JACUZZI – NIGHT
Mr. Brown tosses back the rest of his margarita and rises from the steaming water. He throws on a kimono.

INT. JACKSON’S OPULENT BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Jackson tosses off his kimono and falls face down onto his bed.

IN THE CLOSET
A beautiful blonde unsheathes a knife.

Simultaneous:

Simultaneous indicates that something is happening - well – simultaneously. So it would be used thusly:

EXT. JACKSON BROWN’S JACUZZI – NIGHT
Mr. Brown tosses back the rest of his margarita and rises from the steaming water. He throws on a kimono.

INT. JACKSON’S BEDROOM – SIMULTANEOUS
A beautiful blonde grabs a hunting knife and hides in the closet

INT. JACKSON’S OPULENT BEDROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Jackson tosses off his kimono and falls face down onto his bed.

IN THE CLOSET
The beautiful blonde unsheathes the knife.

Simultaneous Made Even Simpler:

Personally, I never use simultaneous. Because there is another accepted method and that is where a scene is happening simultaneously, leaving off the time of day part of the slug altogether connotes it. Check it out:

INT. MR. GREENJEAN’S DRESSING ROOM – NIGHT
Mr. Greenjeans takes off his pancake makeup and stares into the mirror. Lights a cigarette.

EXT. THE TELEVISION STUDIO
A black Mercedes rolls up to the building silently. The window rolls down slightly. A pistol barrel peeks out.

Here’s the thing with sluglines. Keep them simple. They serve a very basic function. They tell us where we are. They tell us about what time it is. They serve as a quick guide. Readers don’t read them so much as glide over them – what we want to read is the action and dialogue in the scene. When you clutter up your pages with sluglines in an effort to be precise, you just make it more confusing.

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