Brevity: Not Always Your Best Friend

Upon occasion, the Wave-inatrix reads scripts by writers who took “avoid too much black in the action lines” a little bit too seriously. That is to say that their action lines are written in a weird shorthand making the pages sound as if they were written by someone just recently having learned English. And not very well.

He runs. Face scowling. Breathing hard. To boat. Climbs in.

Thing is, when the Wave-inatrix sees these kinds of ghastly action lines, they are always written by writers perfectly capable of speaking and writing English. But the action lines are written as if the writer is on Survivor: Half the Alphabet Available!

Wavers, we know that action lines should be brief and descriptive, but writing action lines this badly is cutting off your nose to spite your face. Because now you wind up with action lines that sound a bit – well, honestly – retarded.

Action lines serve several functions in a script. They indicate who is where. They show us who is walking, running or eating cake. They tell us how the character is running. And they tell us a lot about the world of the script. Is it humid, rainy or sweltering? Are there car horns blaring or trees creaking in the wind? More than being functional, action lines should be entertaining. They should be as compelling to read as the plot. Wavers newer to the RW can find a much more in-depth discussion of action lines here.

The mark of a truly talented writer is one who imbues the action lines with voice, voice, voice. Voice is something we have discussed on the Rouge Wave before but in short, it’s personality. Writers should take advantage of the opportunity to showcase their particular voice and style in the action lines.

One of my clients, a fantastically gifted horror writer described a woman pulling up in her car thusly: She pulled into the parking lot in the worst, dented, piece of shit Toyota you’ve ever seen. Yes, there’s a bit of profanity there but it matches the tone of the script. But really, a great description. He doesn’t give us the year or make of the car but boy can you visualize that car. And it does speak volumes about the character. This writer has a voice like nobody’s business which is why he is going to make a lot of money one day. He takes chances, he is totally politically incorrect and he doesn’t give a rat’s behind about what is considered proper or what the “rules” are. But he writes pages that you cannot forget. For more about voice, click here.

A good way to find out how you’re doing is to read the action lines aloud. Do they flow? Do they make sense? Are they playful, colorful, frightening and in every way reflective of the tone of the genre you’re writing? If they sound weird when you read them aloud, they’re going to seem twice as weird when a reader reviews them. If you remember nothing else from today’s blog, remember that.

New writers get a bit freaked out by reading over and over that action lines should be very brief and spare. The Wave-inatrix is here to remind writers that action lines showcase your voice, they are both functional and entertaining and they should never be so brief that something like: Couple kisses suffices as an action line. If you have sacrificed writing real sentences for brevity’s sake, rethink your pages. Shorter is not better when the flow of language winds up on the cutting room floor.

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