Magnanimous Feet Contest

UPDATE: FRIDAY MAY 18TH:

All right, Wavers, it's voting day. Please review each entry for the most clever use of the phrase "magnanimous feet" and cast your vote indicating the number and name of the entry of your choice. Votes will be tallied and announced on Monday.

*vote for as many entries as you like

VOTE HERE!


SUBMISSION NUMBER ONE:

The inimitable Geena writes:

The creature waits for vulnerable prey. Body aches to the bone, legs weary of this hunt. Insatiable pathological lust for children consumes the creatures mind.Two children chase one another into the meadow. Primal hunger overtakes body, the creature leaps from the embankment.An ankle jarring thud startles the children. Prey within grasp the creature rises with magnanimous feet.

SECOND SUBMISSION:

Moviequill writes:

A creature, terrorizing some children, jumps off an embankment and lands on his magnanimous feet. Mordecai hops on the toenail and jabs his pitchfork into the quick. The creature bellows and raises it's foot, casting a shadow over the children -- ready to squash them like ants-- suddenly it freezes. A child sings the Dragonian Anthem. The creature is mesmerized. It drops to it's knees with a crash and bows. The Queen is alive.

THIRD SUBMISSION:

Sam went off the rails and submitted a short scene as opposed to an action line but the Wave-inatrix thinks it's pretty cool so here goes:

...a creature, terrorizing some children, jumps off an embankment and lands on his magnanimous feet. POP. POP. POP. Rapid shots from a sniper rifle echo. The children stop and look up, past the fallen creature, and spy in the distance ---- a towering oak tree. A gunmetal FLASH in the leafy branches catches the sunlight.The creature, leaking a viscous, purplish blood, gives his final groan. Bulbous yellow eyes freeze in a ghastly stare.

CUT TO:

INT. AUTOPSY ROOM -- NIGHT

Under a crisp white sheet, the hulking form of the dead creature stretches the length of a gurney. Exposed, a pair of enormous, gnarled FEET protrude.A latex-gloved HAND flips the light switch. The hand belongs to DR. VERTRUZA (40s), the kindly, competent doctor you can only hope performs your own autopsy. If he had a pipe, he's be puffing it as he ushers TWO INTERNS (20s) into the room.

FIRST INTERN: Those -- those feet are magnificent.

SECOND INTERN: (opening a caliper) I've seen healthy adult legs smaller than these.

DR. VERTRUZA: I am reminded of a joke we used to tell in anatomy class.

The interns look up from the CREATURE'S FEET.

DR. VERTRUZA: How is it that a hand cannot measure twelve inches?

The interns shrug. Do tell.

DR. VERTRUZA: Because then it would be a foot!

The first intern scrapes CAKED MUD from between the massive TOES and peers at them with a magnifying glass.

FIRST INTERN: This is -- I've never seen anything like this.

The doctor urges him on.

SECOND INTERN: It's the ridges.

DR. VERTRUZA: Bingo.

SECOND INTERN: Toes have unique patterns of ridges and whorls, just like fingers.

FIRST INTERN: Toeprints, to identify this thing.

SECOND INTERN: That is, if it HAD toeprints.

CLOSE on the massive toes -- smooth as a baby's bottom.

DR. VERTRUZA: Precisely. Genetic? Deliberate? This creature lacks toeprints.

FIRST INTERN: These feet. Both magnificent -- and anonymous.

DR. VERTRUZA: In technical terms, we would call them magnanimous feet. Quite rare.

SUBMISSION NUMBER FOUR:

Eric submits:

A pair of desperate bloodshot eyes peer around a tree. The eyes narrow as two children wander into the meadow. Heart pounding, mouth salivating the creature charges, licks it’s cracked and bloody lips, then leaps. Flies through the air. Lands squarely on the young boy’s shoulder.
The boy looks down at the tiny creature on his shoulder, flicks it off. The rejected creature plummets toward earth, lands with a crackling thud on it’s magnanimous feet.

SUBMISSION NUMBER FIVE:

Ernest contributes:

A creature, terrorizing some children, jumps off an embankment and lands on his magnanimous feet. The oldest BOY (10), a precocious red head, stops and approaches the creature, slipping off his tennis shoes.The creature, startled, stares at the boy's courageous feet. Toe-to-toe, the boy's generous feet brush the tops of the creature's noble, abundant feet. Now serene -- almost blissful -- the creature lifts one of his unselfish feet and strokes the boy's courageous toes. The creature's massive, benevolent feet lavish forgiveness on the boy's unresentful soles.

SUBMISSION NUMBER SIX:

Andy C. submits:

The giant bows his head to enter the nail salon as the receptionist nervously prepares to greet the hulking figure. Avoiding eye contact, she silently directs him to the back of the salon, past the gawking stares of the well-to-do patrons. With all eyes on him, he lowers himself slowly into the padded recliner, then removes his enormous mid-calf boots, revealing pale, magnanimous feet that almost glow as they reflect the florescent light.

SUBMISSION NUMBER SEVEN:

Robin F. has a doozy:

She loved him. Always had. Worshipped the voice, smooth and deep like a silky trombone. Dreamt of his four armed embrace under the purple moons. How long? Since the days they terrorized children in the sea. Inky waters now dead.

That was then. Right now, she had never felt so alive.

Sex was in the air.

His beauty made her fur moist. Other creatures cooed about what his magnanimous feet meant. Soon she would know.

SUBMISSION NUMBER EIGHT:

Giles submits:

A creature, terrorizing some children jumps off an embankment and lands on his magnanimous feet. His feet, menschy in the extreme propel him away from the children saving them even as his vituperative jaws snap at the children and his pulchritudinous earlobes shimmer in the breeze.

SUBMISSION NUMBER NINE:

Dare writes:

Boy Scouts dash through the forest. ROAR. A creature, terrorizing the children jumps off an embankment, lands on his magnanimous feet. Creature stumbles, green blood oozes from deep slash wounds. A Boy Scout steps from behind a tree, a bloody knife in his hand, an angelic smile on his lips. Creature weeps as it reaches out to the Boy a friendship merit badge in its paw. Boy raises the knife, sun glints off the surface.

SUBMISSION NUMBER TEN:

Michael writes:

Billy shook with terror as he peered out from his hiding spot at the decidedly hairy creature struggling through the thick mud towards him. Billy stared at the creature’s huge, magnanimous feet (the accursed thing’s one saving grace) and noticed it was limping. Emboldened, Billy stepped out from his makeshift refuge and faced the creature. “D-do you ha-have a splinter in your pa-paw?” the boy asked hopefully. “No,” replied the creature. And devoured him. Whole.

SUBMISSION NUMBER ELEVEN:

Lee had the cheek to submit:

The children dive toward their special hideaway refuges. Hitomi and Megumi run from the demonic mouse as its tiny feet begin to glow bright orange and ooze magma, leaving burned footprints as he gives chase.

Megumi: How miserable are we, fleeing the evil Magma Mouse.

Hitomi: I am emotionally unstable but I must escape this fire demon in the shape of a household rodent.

The creature, terrorizing the children, jumps off an embankment and lands on his Magma Mouse feet. The flower garden beneath his feetbursts into flames.

SUBMISSION NUMBER TWELVE:

Dharmesh writes:

John barrels through the dense, steamy jungle. Ambiance of watery salvation mocks him at every turn – freedom is close. Suddenly, John slides on muddy saliva - nothing can stop his descent down to the embankment.

BAM. He lands awkwardly, and there it is, the creature, so grotesque, yet so innocent. Adult hatred barks inside John, “It can’t be reasoned with -- it has no feelings -- it cannot turn the other cheek.” The creature points him to his magnanimous feet and bellows, “I have an itch.”

LUCKY SUBMISSION NUMBER THIRTEEN:

SK submits:

Slime-green, as tall as Godzilla, the frantic CREATURE sprints toward the embankment, the HUNTERS closing in behind him. Reaching the edge, he has no choice but to jump. That’s when he sees them. CHILDREN. Hundreds of them. Some kind of festival going on down there. No way he can make the jump without crushing at least a dozen. So what? Who gives a damn about some stupid little children? “Guns ready!” Pause. He jumps. His enormous feet flay the air, about to crunch human flesh. But -

Mid-air, he seems to have a change of heart. He somehow manages to adjust his huge body. In a magnanimous feat, he plops down on a spot completely free of children. A smile comes to his hideous lips, as frightened children scatter, screaming for their mommies.

SUBMISSION NUMBER FOURTEEN:

Christian writes:

The children stand stock still, dumbfounded by the loud echoes of pounding on the soft moist earth.

LOUDER!

CLOSER!

The pounding is then joined by the cracking sound of branches falling to the earth.

EVER NEARER!

Suddenly emerging from the trees is a large hideous creature.

The children, frozen in fear yet taken over by their inherent curiosity, watch as the creature comes closer.

Its fangs bared.

Its huge chest heaving.

Its magnanimous feet covered in the soil not left in the craters it creates with each step. The children signal each other to run……

Suddenly, the creature speaks…..

“Is this the way to the 7-Eleven? I’ve been lost for hours.”

SUBMISSION NUMBER FIFTEEN:

Eric writes:

The creature walked up the stairs,
with a magnanimous glare.
He opened his door,
with a magnanimous roar.
Oh what a feat,
to brush those magnanimous teeth.
And with much flair,
he did comb his magnanimous hair.
The creature was beat,
dragging around those magnanimous feat.
He crawled into bed,
to rest his magnanimous head.
Pulled the covers,
up over his magnanimous blubber.
Then set his alarm clock,
with his magnanimous…. Oh damn, can’t think of a word that rhythms with clock.

SUBMISSION NUMBER SIXTEEN:

Ben writes:

Brendish had a problem with the troll, “These spiderwebs aren’t up to grade. You can’t splice dusty cobwebs onto to the web of a black widow.”

“Youse got it all wrong,” said the troll, “Cobwebs are terrifying…”

“A black widow’s web is a glistening dew-dropped death trap,” Brendish interrupted, “ Class B Nightmare Castles are about death! Quick, gleaming, knife-slash flash death! And you bring me this grandma’s attic shit?”

“Hey, youse can make this work. Shrink up the Hall o’ Horrors and toss in a dungeon. Cobwebs and dungeons…it’s like pizza and cheese.”

“Are there rocks in your ears? Class B Nightmare Castle. There’s not going to be any freaking dungeon. Kids…Horror…Run. Class freaking B. You were supposed to get us 30 square meters of black widow webs. And you bring me cobwebs? Imperial measured cobwebs? We have nothing now, and it’s nearly bedtime!”

“How about we spray some olive oil on the webs…makes ‘em look all gleaming?”

“Olive oil? Olive oil? Half your shitty cobwebs will dissolve if we try that.”

“So I’ll toss in some extra, gratis,” said the creature, “Fifty magnanimous feet do ya?”

SUBMISSION NUMBER SEVENTEEN:

Steverino goes over the word count a bit but check this out:

EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT

FOOT and WATSON stand on either side of KAREN's naked body, which glows like alabaster from blood loss and the full moon shining on it.

FOOT: I'd say she had a night of it.

WATSON: I'd say.

FOOT: No, no, you can't say, because I said.

WATSON: So what would do you expect me to say?

FOOT: You don't have to say anything.

WATSON: Well, she's dead, and the dead need epitaphs.

FOOT: She had a night of it? What kind of epitaph is that? I can just imagine the headstone reading "SHE HAD A NIGHT OF IT". Ridiculous.

WATSON: But it is appropriate for the moment. This moon in the gutter, this evening. I mean, what a way to go.

FOOT: I think you ought to spare the poetics. My remark was rude. I should be ashamed.

WATSON: We are here to see her off . To the morgue, where she'll be autopsied. What'll she look like then ?

FOOT: Like beef at the butcher's.

WATSON: I'd say.

Foot SNEERS at Watson when he says this.

WATSON: We're the last ones to testify to her beauty.

FOOT: She is beautiful.

WATSON: Ethereally. (beat) Um, what part do you fancy most?

FOOT: Her feet.

WATSON: Really. I fancy feet, too. I always suspected you were...a FOOT man.

FOOT: That's not what I meant. Her feet are in a puddle reflecting the stars.
(pause) I wonder if the killer who ravished her consciously composed this coincidence of toes and Andromeda.

WATSON: (staring at them) Succulent toes.

FOOT: Right then. Let's get her off.

WATSON: Wait. We have to agree on an epitaph. She was ravished, throat cut, drained of all her blood, taken from some god knows where boudoir, and left naked in the gutter.

FOOT: I believe you could be imagining the boudoir.

WATSON: I'm not imagining the cheap perfume.

FOOT: Great Scott!

WATSON: What is it?

FOOT: Watson, you are a genius! Thank you.

Suddenly, Foot springs off, leaving Watson, the body, and the approaching sheriff's wagon in the alley. Watson, seemingly immobile, watches him disappear. Then his gaze returns to Karen's body.

WATSON: (to himself) Really. That's nice of you to say. Nice of you. That's quite magnanimous, Feet, er, Foot.

SUBMISSION NUMBER EIGHTEEN:

Hanji contributes a lovely haiku:

Creature gives chase with

His willing, generous hands,

Magnanimous feet

Reminder: Vote by noting the number and name of the entrant. Vote for as many entrants as you like.

PRIZE: The winner will receive a $25 gift certificate to the California Pizza Kitchen or a geographically logical alternative. The winner will be given public approbation and can later send their mailing address to the Wave-inatrix privately so as to collect the gift certificate.

VOTE HERE!

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