Dumb Mistakes I Have Made

The Wave-inatrix spends a lot of time giving advice about what NOT to do. Today, Wavers, I will share some of the bitter, embarrassing and painful mistakes I have made. Burnished in the fires of these missteps, I offer them to relate and identify with newer writers, to serve as a cautionary tale and surely everybody needs a good mid-week belly laugh. Go ahead, laugh. Because Wavers, these dumb moves only made me a better writer today. And passing on tips to you, my readership, is my passion and my mission. Read 'em and weep.

Wrote a feature script after having only read one book on screenwriting and nary a produced script. Figured that was good enough. Script clocked in at 72 pages.

Boldfaced and highlighted every slug line, thinking that made them easier to read.

Indicated my favorite songs and lyrics in Super Cool Scenes. Practically made myself cry because these scenes were just SO poignant and beautiful. To me.

Gave script to an unkind, disinterested party for notes. Got notes. Almost died.

Bought a Hollywood Creative Directory, started with the letter “A”, called every phone number, alphabetically asking sweetly if that company would like to read my super wonderful romantic comedy. Got hung up on a lot. Got some script requests. Go out to dinner to celebrate this huge step toward a WGA membership and Academy Award. Spend piles of money copying and mailing scripts. Never heard from companies again.

Wrote another script, got it to a “manager” in LA who was mysteriously never able to meet in person. Was okay with that for months until she dumped me and I discovered no one had read my script anyway.

Wrote a television spec, gave it to the Head of TV development at Fox, a cousin, and asked him to give it directly to the show. He did. I was not aware that you should never send a spec for a show to that show. Got a curt, acidic call from a producer on the show telling me how much the script sucked.

Had a lunch meeting with a manager, ordered soup so it would be easier to talk and not be chewing or dealing with firmer food. Soup was very spicy; wound up making a scene by gulping ice cold water and coughing.

Had a meeting with a manager, held ice-cold water bottle in my right hand figuring it would stop my hand from being sweaty when we shook hands. We shook hands and the manager grimaced – my hand was freezing and dripping wet.

Had meeting with a manager about a romantic comedy. Sit on deep, slippery leather couch where I take on the posture of Yoda and notice that every script on his shelves was action-thrillers. Wonder why he never calls me back.

Pushed to have meeting with agent who is a friend of a friend. Realize three minutes into the meeting that I have little to say or offer, endure awkward fifteen minutes, leave knowing I wasted his time and mine and worse, that I burnt that connection for good.

Optioned a script to a “producer” for $500. During lunch, she was thrown out of the restaurant for making a scene over her turkey sandwich. Script was never read by anyone she said it would be. Let her re-option it for free for another six more months before realizing this.

Joined screenwriting message board and began posting witty repartee and merry rejoinders thinking that open, honest, helpful posts are desirable. Got “flamed” to a crisp. Have to look up “flamed” to confirm.

Entered scripts in every contest that will take my entry fee, even win a couple. Wonder why nothing happens after that. Research contest administrators, find nothing; no connections, no reputation and no track record.

Wavers, my story shifted into a higher, more professional gear after these experiences and continues to do so. Today I am a repped writer with a whip-smart and professional writing partner, with a psychological thriller being read by A-list actresses and A-list production companies.

Suffice it to say that if the Wave-inatrix can help even one Rouge Waver avoid some of these dumb mistakes, as God as her witness, she will. And Wavers, know that the Wave-inatrix does not judge because she has gone before you and paved the way, hogging all the embarrassment for herself.

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