Landing Your Moments
My daughter, the Mini-W, is addicted to America’s Next Top Model. And slowly but surely, I have found myself also glued to each episode. It has actually fascinated me, how much more there is to modeling than I could have imagined. What strikes me is that the way the models go from sleepy and complaining to ON – the minute they are asked to. They know that everything changes when they are being watched – and judged. Most of us don't go to fashion shows and many of us may not have much serious regard for Tyra Banks and her television empire, but one thing is definitely true - say what you will about runway models - it's hard to take your eyes off of them.
So let's talk about your writing. You know in your head what you want to happen in a scene, and you type it out quietly, between sips of coffee - but this scene is destined to be read by some executive, assistant, reader or intern out there and that scene better be absolutely smoking-hot; all long legs and penetrating eyes. Your scene better be riveting, in other words.
No lazy strolls, no dense action lines of information - put your words on the catwalk so that all eyes are glued on them and so that when something happens, you draw attention to it. Land your moments, nail them - do not write them at the pace of a lazy stroll.
All of this “landing” scenes and moments and comparing it to runway models might be a bit of a reach. What in the heck is the Wave-inatrix talking about? Let me illustrate.
Here’s a changed-up and paraphrased example from something my partner and I wrote not long ago. It appears on the very last page of a psychological thriller. The previous scene was an intense battle scene between the main character and antagonist. We fade to black after a gunshot blast. You don't know how it ended... We cut to a quiet dock in New England.
A seagull feather floats down above the dock gently. A HAND catches it.
Alice smiles directly into the camera.
Less experienced writers might not have taken advantage of such a big reveal. I very often see the same type of moment written like this:
A seagull feather floats down above the dock gently. Alice catches it She smiles directly into the camera.
See how much more fun the first example was? See how that landed? It was a pleasure to read. We delivered the same information but notice that we used a HAND – so the reader knows this is significant, whoever it is…then we put a blank line between that and the reveal. Why? Because it literally makes you wait another second before you get the answer. A nanosecond – but an important one. A crucial one. A fun one. The second example contains the reveal but it doesn't LAND it.
I have read action lines in scripts in which clearly, some big, fun, scary or otherwise important piece of information is delivered in the same flow of words as the ones you’re reading right now so that if the murderer is your brother and he’s standing right behind you with an ice pick and you sip your coffee but before you can whirl around the ice pick appears through a clavicle, that is about the way you would experience that moment. That was pretty fun, huh? Quite a wild ride. As always, Rouge Wavers, I do not make my examples up. I might paraphrase but I have read what was supposed to be terrifying or hilarious set pieces in paragraphs like this one in which the writer laundry-lists the big Moment and it lands like a damp towel.
Use all-capped words, use spaces, use tension and mystery - use everything in your toolbox as a screenwriter to make the moment memorable. So let's have that writer be murdered by his brother once more:
The writer peers at his blinking computer screen as he reads the Rouge Wave. He chuckles to himself. Unseen by him, a shadow falls on his desk.
SUDDENLY an ice pick BURSTS through his shirt! Blood stains his blue oxford in a macabre blossom. The writer slumps over and turns weakly toward his attacker. His eyes widen.
Writer: Richard! I thought you were dead!
Parse the information out a little. Make us wait for it. Land your laughs or reveals. How things land is particularly important in comedy and in horror or thriller. But really, honestly, it’s always important. You script is on the catwalk. Strutting, winking, smoldering. Pivot, hands on hips, and stare into the eyes of your reader when something big happens. Work it. You want all eyes on you. Dull action lines in which information and actions just spool out are the equivalent of watching a very old person hobble across a crosswalk while you wait at the now green light. Come on already. COME ON ALREADY!! No. We want a Willie Wonka tumble to surprise us. Bam! Land it.
How are your moments landing?
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7 comments:
Reading the first seagull example the "directly into the camera" went right past me.
Then reading the second example I'm like, "What's with the camera?"
That pause and "Alice smiles" must have pleased my brain enough to move on.
I'm still under the paranoid impression that contest material is read differently than stuff
in the slithering stack. Contest readers going "Who's this guy think he is with all these
caps and camera references".
Someone being killed reading the Rouge Wave would make a good episode for Law and Order,
or CSI depending on the evidence.
Good post, as usual. I have seen some interestingly drab action lines.
But in that vein, do you think that every action line should be a miraculous joy or should some just get the point across?
Of course, that's the rub. How much is too much before it becomes contrived?
How much is too much, or does every single action line have to be outstanding is something that relates to your "voice" as a writer. Use common sense.
If the character simply picks up a pencil, then get your point across. But does he pick it up and throw it at the ceiling? Chew it? Spin it? Those are character details. Find your voice.
Readers LOVE a writer with a definite style. Have I read action lines that are overly complicated or too filigreed? Yes, but rarely compared to dull, dense action lines. Most writers, in my experience, are actually afraid to strut their stuff. They feel that it will draw negative attention to them. Like anything, you can get away with having fun with a scene or moment - as long as it works.
But is it working? This is why you need to get good feedback from someone in the industry once in awhile.
Geena - in the looking directly at the camera example, this is "breaking the fourth wall", something done occasionally to nail the moment in a particular way. She is looking at YOU. Knowingly. It's a wink. If she had just smiled - who's she smiling to? Herself? The seagull? Those are both legitimate choices, but in this example, my partner and I broke the fourth wall as a WINK to the audience.
Thanks. It always helps to get opinions. Yours are usually worthwhile. As far as "looking into the camera," I wrote a spec a long time ago where the protag does this in the beginning of the movie.
Heh. Your examples of how NOT to do it sound like my current script (or I fear that they might).
On the other hand, I'm strutting my stuff! I write like me now, dammit, and the folks out there can like it or lump it (the former is preferred).
This is my first exposure to your blog and I want to thank you for "Landing your moments". It really hit me where I needed to be hit. I'm writing my first screenplay and have been stuck on a couple of scenes and you opened my eyes to what I had been doing wrong. Thanks again.
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