Short Scene Comp: TOP THREE

All righty, Wavers - it's the moment we've all been waiting for. The top three finalists of the Pitch, Bitch, Stitch short scene competition.

VOTING GUIDELINES
*Did the writer make clever, contextual use of the three keywords?
*Are the characters unique and organic?
*Does the scene have a beginning, middle and end?

RULES:
Please, no ballot stuffing. We work on the honor system here. That means we want Wavers voting, not Waver's aunts, cousins, pals and co-workers.

PRIZE
A $25 gift certificate to Amazon, Starbucks or the retail outlet of the winner's choice.

And now - without further adieu:

Three Day Trip - by Iain Urquhart

EXT. RALPH'S MOTOR LODGE - DAY
BARB (50), nightgown, bursts from a cabin, SLAMMING the door.
HERB (50), singlet and comb-over, piles out behind.

HERB
Five's no good! It ain't even
even. Five is an odd! You got odd,
you got one left over. That's the
whole goddamned point!

BARB
How many tires you got, Professor?
FIVE! Two pair, one spare. But
you don't never bitch about tires!

HERB
SOCKS AIN'T TIRES!

BARB
Don't do no harm to carry a spare.

HERB
Holy shit! Sock blows out, you
just pitch up on the sidewalk,
pull on the spare. Is that it?

BARB
Honey, half your socks got blowouts
already. And don't count on
me to stitch them up neither!

HERB
I got a three day trip, here, and
two days socks! WHAT ABOUT MONDAY?

BARB
Wear one of them twice!

HERB
Two red, two black and only one
yellow! That ain't going to work!

BARB
Ever think about washing them?

HERB
I got a better plan. We're going
home Sunday!

BARB
The funeral is Monday!

HERB
Ma was a saint! She'd understand!

George Carlin in Hell by Tavis Sarmento

EXT. HEAVEN - DAY

The classic comedian, GEORGE CARLIN, paces a cloud bank in front of an audience made up of winged and haloed ANGELS. He wears his usual black ensemble and speaks into a microphone.

GEORGE CARLIN
They say when you die you need to go into the light. Well, I didn’t see any light...it was pitch black. Next thing I know I’m pulling bits of cloud from my beard and staring up at the Pearly Gates.

Polite chuckles from the audience.

GEORGE CARLIN
And what is that, “Pearly Gates”? Sounds like something your grandmother would say to her friends as they stitch doilies. “Oh my heavens, have you seen the Pearly Gates?”

Laughter from the crowd.

GEORGE CARLIN
Call it what it is: the Celestial Cage. You get wings and a perch. And there’s no need to change the paper at the bottom because we’ve got the Earth below us. We didn’t shit on the planet enough while we were down there, might as well let another load drop.

He squats and makes a loud farting sound. The audience stares in stunned silence.

GEORGE CARLIN
(deeply into microphone)
Let me tell ya, the afterlife’s a bitch.

He steps down from the cloud bank and an angel walks over with a wide smile.

ANGEL
George, why so glum? You’re in Heaven now.

GEORGE CARLIN
Yeah, speak for yourself.

The Payoff Pitch by Scott Marengo

EXT. BALLPARK - AFTERNOON

Bases loaded, two outs. Lowell High at bat.

MIGGY, the Mission High closer, peers in for the sign-

TAUNT (O.S.)
Li’l bitch got nothin’!

Miggy glances over -- a familiar face. CHUCO, 19, hangs on the chainlink. He flashes four -- Norteños.

CHUCO
Por siempre, muthafucka!

The UMPIRE calls time and pulls off his mask.

UMPIRE
Can somebody call the cops?

CHUCO
Go ahead, you fat fuck.

The COACH grabs a bat and waddles over-

COACH
Leave your brother alone, Chuco.

CHUCO
Cut him here to here -- won’t nobody stitch him up!

The bat slams the fence. Chuco scurries beyond the dugout.

UMPIRE
Let’s go, Pitch. We got a full count.

Miggy takes a deep breath, peers in for the sign...
The RUNNER on third breaks. Miggy rocks back and fires-

UMPIRE
Ball four!

The Runner crosses home and is mobbed by his teammates. Miggy hangs his head in defeat. Chuco thumps his chest, yells from the distance-

CHUCO
You heard me, muthafucka. My shadow’s long!

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