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Thursday, June 5, 2008

The Out-of-Towners TOP THREE

Okay Wavers, here they are - the top three finalists in the Out-of-Towners short scene competition. Remember, the writers had to use the words "Manhattan" "lemon" and "whine". When you vote, you are looking for the original and clever use of those words in the scene. You are also looking for a scene with a beginning, middle and end. A scene in which - on ONE page - the writer has written graspable characters and an entertaining situation.

The winner receives a free pass to the Great American Pitch Fest in Burbank, this June 21st and 22nd. Vote on the poll on the sidebar. The winner will be acknowledged on Friday, June 6th, end of (my) day (and hey, that's pretty late at night if you haven't noticed).


*****

Adi - By Adam Hong, of Washington, DC

FADE IN:

INT. MANHATTAN STUDIO APARTMENT - DAY

ADI (26), a vibrant Nigerian, enters a dark studio apartment
carrying a meal-on-wheel bag. He winces at a pungent odor.

ADI
Mrs. Anderson! Your breakfast's here.

He pulls the drapes open and cracks the window. Mrs. Anderson,
an ancient woman, lies on her bed.

MRS. ANDERSON
Who are you?

ADI
Adi. Ruth is not feeling well. Do
you need help sitting up?

She manages to prop up, watches him unpack the meal on the
tray, and lay it in front of her. His arms are strong.

MRS. ANDERSON
Why aren't you fightin' for us?

ADI
Like your son?

MRS. ANDERSON
Y'all talk about me behind my back?

ADI
Of course we do. Eat your melon,
Mrs. Anderson.

MRS. ANDERSON
Can you send Lemon to Nam? Tom loves
Lemon.

ADI
I'm sure they have it over there.
I'll get you some water.

Adi steps over the kitchenette and draws some tap water.

Mrs. Anderson cries from her bed.

MRS. ANDERSON (O.S.)
I want Lemon!

His eyes catch a picture of a cat hung on the wall. The word
'Lemon' is carved on the frame in cursive type. He turns,
and steps on a dead cat. Mrs. Anderson's whine drones on.

MRS. ANDERSON (O.S.)
Where is Lemon? I want Lemon!

***

Sense and Sensibility by Tal Gantz, of Jerusalem, Israel

INT. BAR - NIGHT

ALEX, gorgeous and sexy, drinks a cocktail by herself. All the guys in the bar stare at her but none has the guts to approach her except...

RYAN (O.S.)
You know what you are? You're God's answer to Job.

Alex turns. RYAN, an average Joe with a t-shirt that says: "Win, don't whine!", takes a seat next to her.

RYAN
You would have ended all argument between them. I mean, He would have pointed to you and said "I do a lot of terrible things but I can still make one of these." And then Job would have said, "Eh. Yeah, well, you win."

Alex can't help but smile.

ALEX
Woody Allen in "Manhattan", right?

RYAN
Yeah, my favorite movie.

ALEX
Wow, a guy who's favorite movie is not "Star Wars"? That's a first. Tell you what, if you can guess what's MY favorite, we have a date.

Ryan grins, accepting the challenge.

RYAN
Let's see. You remind me of 30 Rock's Liz Lemon: smart, funny and sarcastic.

Ryan takes a good long look at Alex. She returns his gaze, letting him really see her.

RYAN
But you're also insecure and hopelessly romantic. So I'd say..."Pride and Prejudice."

A beat. Then Alex leans forward to whisper in his ear.

ALEX
Actually, it's "Sense and Sensibility", but that's close enough.

And every single guy in the bar drops his jaw in disbelief as Alex kisses Ryan.

***

Just a Manhattan, by Michael Finley of Perth, Australia

INT. SEEDY BAR - DAY

There's a few REGULARS scattered about the bar, but they're
too far in their cups to notice NEIL TWEEDY, 40s, dressed
in a business suit with no tie, as he enters.

The bartender, LENNY GLASCO, 30s, looks up from his paper.

NEIL
Gimme a Manhattan. Twista lemon.

LENNY
We don't serve Manhattans with a
twista lemon. Not no more.

NEIL
I hear this place has the best
Manhattans with a twista lemon
money can buy. A lotta money.
You get me, kid?

LENNY
I can do you a Manhattan with a
cherry. You want one of those?

Neil's hand snakes inside his jacket, pulls out $20,000 in
cash, and plunks it down on the bar between them.

NEIL
Just a Manhattan. Twista lemon.

Lenny eyes the money.

LENNY
Who you want?

NEIL
Goodman. In the fifth.

Lenny smirks, reaches for the money--

--Neil strikes, stabs a stiletto through Lenny's hand,
pinning it to the bar. Lenny shrieks in pain.

NEIL
What'd we tell you and your boss,
Lenny? Huh? What'd we tell you?
No more twista lemon.

Lenny whimpers and whines. Neil twists the stilleto.

NEIL
I hear so much as a word that
you're back in the game, then you
ain't even gonna see me comin'.

Lenny shakes his head. Neil pulls the stilleto out, cleans
it on Lenny's shirt, scoops up the money and leaves.






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1 comment:

2nd2Nun said...

Really liked "Just a Manhattan." Good job Mike!