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Friday, January 30, 2009

Google Search Heaven

So, you know, I can tell who you are. You know that, right? I can see where you come from when you read The Rouge Wave. Forums (and which thread), whether someone emailed you about TRW, whether you checked in from the US or from Spain. You click on my Facebook a lot. You click on my Twitter. I can see whether your internet carrier is from Fox or Disney or pacbell.net. I can see which other blogs you were reading first. I can see which blogs you read next. I can see that my ex-boyfriend occasionally reads the Rouge Wave. Unless there's somebody else who works at his exact company at that exact location. Hi sucky ex. You know who you are.

I watch with great curiosity how Wavers get here. Or my assistant does and she tells me every day who you are.

The more people Google TRW, the higher page ranking I get. So in the interest of doing some self-SEO-ing here are a tiny fraction of the searches just TODAY that led people to The Rouge Wave. If you're the Gretchen Mol nipple guy let me just say for the love of god why do you search for that so often?! And to that other guy - if you have to ask - probably not.

Burmese movies
Gretchen Mol's nipple
Julie Gray
Do I have talent?
How do I write a movie?
Rogue waves
Sex scenes
Hot sex
Logline how do I
Rouge Wave blog
ROUGE WAVE BLOG
Gretchen Mol's nipple (yeah. we get that a lot)
Juno dialogue sucks
Black List
television staffing
successful web series
write script
Mat Nix
how to write a tv script in 10 minutes

I am not making this stuff up, Wavers. We actually get some pretty awful and disturbing searches as well. Won't print those here. Yeccch.

So there's your Friday entertainment. No get out and do something nice for yourself this weekend. And make mama proud. Do some writing.


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10 comments:

ditty said...

I recently had someone get to my blog via a search for "Alan Rickman's forehead crease," a subject which, to my knowledge, I've never discussed on my blog. Not quite Gretchen Mol's nipple, but still good for a laugh.

Xander Bennett said...

I would like to know the answer to that last one.

Christina said...

I'm lazy, most of the time to get to your blog, I google "rouge wave blog." A couple times I've mispelled it "rogue wave." You would not believe some of the YouTube footage I've found on rogue waves - like cruise ships barely staying upright with blasted with rogue waves out of the blue. Or people stranded in big surf:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiRgKXs92fc

A Who said...

ooh, that's kind of creepy.

As a virtual shut-in, I gotta tear myself away from "social networking" but, I know, you know that.

A Who said...

May I delete my previous comment and this one, too? :/
(Suddenly self-conscious).

Belzecue said...

1. Take out garbage.
2. Google "Gretchen Mol's nipple"
3. Comment on TRW about doing my bit to get TRW Google-bombed via Gretchen Mol's nipple (currently no.4 on Google search)

Done and done. Nap time.

Belzecue said...

Nothing spectacular to report, search-wise, from http://screenwritingnews.aferg.com/ ...

'jan smithers nude' -- Model and actress, approximately 60 years old right now. Welcome to my audience demographic. What can I say: old screenwriters are... nostalgic. (Keep two hands on the keyboard at all times, fellas.)

'"total drama island porn"' -- what's scary here is that the query's enclosed in quotes, meaning the searcher wanted the entire phrase intact, not just word matches. Screenwritingnews has the dubious honour of being the no.5 hit for this stuff, which I'm hoping is some kind of fanclub for Fantasy Island.

'ho-crastinating' -- Step aside. I'll take a shot at this one. Ahem: "The oscillating motion of one's foot between the brake pedal and accelerator when parked at the curb and approached by a 50-ish lady sucking a lollipop and dressed like Princess Leia.

'ineedtosellascreenplay' -- take a number, pal. Ticket dispenser over there. Currently serving 42,332 of 13,400,778.

'slumdog millionaire bathtub money metaphor' -- Dude, go rent Scarface and let Pacino give you the long answer.

'"carrie fisher" 1987 hurricane' -- ??? Oh you are kidding me. And I mentioned Princess Leia just moments ago? Spoooooky.

'fannie may halloween cookie jar' -- I'm guessing Oliver Stone was checking if his next screenplay idea was taken.

* My apologies if any readers authored one of these searches. No offense intended. Your traffic is welcome here! Except for the guy who wanted to find out how to ______ in a ______ while dinosaurs _______ and _________ with Winston Churchill. I can tell you without equivocation that your search is chronologically and anatomically impossible.

chaia said...

OH MY GOD THANK YOU FOR CALLING OUT THE GRETCHEN MOL NIPPLE SEARCHER.

THAT IS ALL.

LOVE,
YOUR ASSISTANT WHO READS ALL YOUR SITE REFERRALS DAILY

Gerrry Hayes said...

Now I feel all exposed.

Julie Gray said...

Yeah Gerry. Nipple lover. :)

Chaia - you get the brunt of it, you beautiful girl. A lesser assistant would have quit by now. But not you. xoxoxo