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Tuesday, September 23, 2008

The Devil Wears Rouge

Hello, all!

My name is Chaia and I am thrilled to let you know that I am Julie's new assistant for all things involving The Rouge Wave and The Script Department. I will be doing things like moderating comments, answering inquiries, and planning how to steal her adorable dog JUST KIDDING I MEAN BRINGING HER ADORABLE DOG LOTS OF TREATS. Julie is of course still reachable as well, and I will be notifying her of anything and everything she needs to know.

If you have questions for me, you can email me HERE.

In case you are wondering about me:

Chaia Milstein grew up in New Jersey. Her highly marketable undergraduate thesis on contemporary Jewish lesbian poetry won Bryn Mawr College's M. Carey Thomas Prize for Best Essay and initially propelled her into a stellar retail career. Since then, she has worked as a writer/editor for various high tech, GLBT, and general interest publications, both print and online. She maintains website copy for several local small businesses and writes the occasional corporate manual. One time, she actually got paid to write poetry.

She is also a writer of big-budget feature comedies along the lines of Wedding Crashers and The 40 Year Old Virgin.

She is stuck in the third person but assures you that she is very much looking forward to working with you all!

P.s. This is me.

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R.A. Porter said...

Welcome aboard, Chaia! Just let me know where to send the cupcakes (you like cupcakes, right? That's a hiring requirement around here, I'd guess) if I ever need to grease the Rouge Wheel.

Kirkland said...

Oh, goody. Julie's taken ill and there's been a coup at the RougeWave by a Chaia pet.

Oh, did I just say that? How snippy.

Connie Blankenship said...

Chaia, welcome! Can you answer a question -- why was Julie's contest for amateurs won by someone who has two produced credits as a screenwriter?



wenonah said...

I have nothing but respect for a snarling chick in a tiara! Welcome and thank you for giving Julie a much needed and deserved break!


chaia said...

@wenonah - Why thank you! I will do my best to make life easier for Julie.

Dave Shepherd said...

Kirkland said what I was going to.

So I'll leave now. Welcome!

Anthony Peterson said...

How cool - that kinky snarl makes you look like a martial arts expert.


JustHiltz said...

"Oh, you're good. You're real good".

Hope the job works out well for you!

Julie Gray said...

Thank you everyone for welcoming Chaia so warmly! You can tell by her pic that she's feisty like me. Maybe more so. We tried to take a pic with a cupcake bikini on but it didn't work out.

E.C. Henry said...

Chaia, your teeth gritted, snarling head-shot scared the shit out of me. You don't bite, do? Although I'm several thousand miles away, and looking at you via monitor based on that picture I fear for my safety. Are these fears warranted?

- E.C. Henry from Bonney Lake, WA

P.S. Congradulations on writing the big-budget comedy. Like what you compared it to -- now I wanna read it!

Belzecue said...

Chaia, welcome!

Now, let's take a moment to weigh up the pros and cons for having "well placed" props in shot. Like... a large fan, for example.


- lends an air of mystery to the subject

- can create balance to the composition

- can put a new speedboat in your driveway (turn prop towards camera with the letters C-O-K-E clearly visible)


- temptation to insert "I'm your biggest 'fan', geddit?" lame joke

- fan injuries up 23% in 12 to 25 female demographic

- these X-ray spectacles are going back to the store tomorrow

chaia said...

@r.a.porter - Thanks! Make mine gluten-free and dairy-free please...

@kirkland - I REIGN SUPREME. Um, or whatever Julie says I do.

@connie blankenship - Sure I can answer that! The competition was open for anyone who was eligible and qualified per the rules (i.e. not just for amateurs only). The winner was eligible, and we are all super thrilled for her.

More info can be had on the 9/18/08 post called Thanks For Asking if you're interested.

@everyone else - :> :> :>

chaia said...

@belzecue - I'm a little dubious at the "Hello there and I sure wish I could see your rack asap" greetings, but, um...thanks for the welcome!

Anonymous said...

Hi Chaia,


You're new here! Big Welcome!

Just curious, if you had to list some of your favourite movies, what would that list look like?

And if someone ask you to write a screenplay about the life of one of these actors/singers/politicians, which one would you pick and why? And which one would you not pick and why?

1. Robert Redford
2. Madonna
3. Beyonce
4. Obama
5. Lindsay Lohan
6. Michele Rodriguez
7. Katie Holmes
8. Mel Gibson
9. Aishwarya Rai
10. Cher

All the best to you on your new job.


Belzecue said...


Gasp! I am horrified.

"strategically-placed prop" + "x-ray specs" does NOT automatically equal "see your rack".

That is a connection YOU made totally out of the blue, yeah? And frankly I'm a little shocked YOU WENT THERE so quickly. But, hey, I be not the one to cast the first stone of judgement into the... circle of... screaming... monkeys... and... thing.

I purchased those spectacles solely for medical reasons. In my defense I present Exhibit A, Doctor's Prescription.


Please dispense to __MR BELZECUE__ ONE (1) pair of X-ray spectacles, and not the joke kind you keep on the shelf but the REAL kind that has been certified by NASA for the ASTRONAUTS but has been kept SECRET from the PUBLIC (for obvious reasons). If you are having difficulty locating stock, please check behind the counter in the BROWN BOX beside the SWEDISH nature magazines (please phone my secretary if the October issue has arrived).

Thank you for your prompt, obedient, and unquestioning attention to this LEGITIMATE DOCTOR'S prescription that I am writing for you now with my DOCTOR'S PEN which was gifted to me at my GRADUATION from a FAMOUS MEDICAL SCHOOL that I don't wish to boast about, but I expect you are thinking of it right now. No, the other one.


"Your Health, Our Wealth" (tm)