Script DON'TS

Good day, Rouge Wavers! I said GOOD DAY SIR! What movie is that from? Anyway, today I have a funky but altogether true list of egregious script errors for you:

Do NOT:

Do not suggest, in your spec script, which actor should play this role or which actor looks a lot like your character, as in: “Bill was tall and clean cut, like Jerry Seinfeld”.*

Do not then make a list of several possible actors who could play this role within the script itself. Or on the front page. Or on the last page.*

Do not add drawings and photos. Also please do not include a pencil drawing of the castle the story takes place in.*

Do not speak to the reader in the script, in an aside, and discuss the fact that the main actor (…might be great as a redhead!)*

Do not suggest, in your spec script, that “Music by Jackson Browne would be great in this script. Especially his later work.” *

Do not describe every article of clothing on your character, down to brand names and fabric types. Silk blouse is fine. Wool jacket. But please avoid doing this for every scene as if your character is a Barbie.

Do not compare your script or a scene therein like thus: “If Martin Scorsese directs this scene, it will be color saturated.” *

Do not write an explicit sex scene and by explicit I mean leave off words marking specific spots in the genitalia. Example: censored. *

Do not describe a potential special effect thusly: “and it would be these really cool blue colors, with yellow sparks inside and then it would explode!” *

Now, Wavers, I know you're thinking these are pretty self-evident. Well, yes. It's a fairly straight forward list. But scroll back up a minute. Those items with asterisks by them were things I really, truly read in a script. I mean, seriously: and it would be these really cool blue colors, with yellow sparks inside and then it would explode! and then you go back to dialogue. It's one of those moments that make me laugh and take a little break, maybe walk around the block once, fast, before continuing reading and for that my body thanks the writer, but people - really??!!

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