Guest Blog! Spitballing - Old School

Script Whisperer friend Gary Bayer (the man who coined "This Bud's for you" among many other memorable advertising accomplishments) happens to be an extremely gifted screenwriter and has valuable experience to share with Rouge Wavers. Gary was kind enough to take some time out to throw some advice our way today and the Wave-inatrix thinks this is some seriously helpful advice. And so, the Rouge Wave presents: Gary Bayer!

*****

You’re stuck. The first 30 pages were fantastic. But now you’ve written yourself into a corner.

Or …

You have a concept that’s almost there. It’s on tip of your mind but you just can’t get it to gel.

Or …

The script is finished. It felt so perfect as an outline but something seems off. The big ending just doesn’t feel so big any more.

What’s a writer to do? Well, one thing you might try – something that’s worked for me as an advertising creative director and writer – is synectics.

“Whassat?” you ask? It’s a fancy name for brainstorming. It comes from the Greek word synectikos, which means “bringing forth together” or “bringing different things into unified connection.”

It’s used in the world of advertising and marketing to develop new product ideas and come up with new ad campaigns.

It’s spitballing unleashed. It’s the same format – two or more people interested in a project tossing ideas around – but with a cool set of instructions that can lead to much, much better, faster results.

Interested? Here’s how it works:

The following assumes your group has read your script.

You start the process by presenting your group with your problem. Don’t be vague. It’s a good idea to write it down for them. Be as specific as possible. For example, “I think the ending is a let down.”

Then, overload them with input. Give them a crash course on your script: Who’s the intended audience? What’s the genre? What existing films are like it? Is it big or small budget? Do you have actors for roles in mind? This forces people to mix your script idea in with all the other stuff already in their heads. And, it brings your issue into sharper focus.

Then, tell your group this one, all-important rule: Only positive things can be said during your brainstorming session. Yes, everyone has to check his/her built-in critic at the door!

If people are allowed to comment on stuff they think is lame, they cut off the process. A lame idea sometimes leads to a great one. So, your group can play it deadpan or excited. But, they’re not allowed to groan or laugh soda out their noses! In effective brainstorming, there’s no such thing as a bad idea!

Next, start people thinking and reacting by throwing out stimulus questions. With good stimulus questions, ordinary ideas can be turned into extraordinary ones; the familiar or prosaic can be turned on its head. The idea here is to transform ideas and information at hand into something new.

What makes a good stimulus question? That depends on your specific issue and the problem you’re trying to solve. But, here are some thought starters for mind-opening stimulus questions:

ADD – What would happen if you built up a character or added a new one? Would the plot boil differently if you changed the setting?

TRANSFER – What would happen if you moved scenes around? Moved the big climax to the opening frame? Would this script work better with a different social class? (Instead of suburbia, how’s it feel in a ghetto?) Maybe this plays better if it’s set in France! Maybe the protagonist should become a fish-out-of-water – same storyline, in a place your hero feels lost.

SUBTRACT – What would happen if you removed parts of your script? What if you compressed it? Have your group brainstorm what could be taken out. How might you simplify?

EMPATHIZE – Ask your group to put themselves in your hero’s shoes. Is this how they’d act? How would they act differently?

CHANGE THE SCALE – Let’s say your story takes place during one month of your character’s life. What if more time passed? Could this story cover a lifetime? What if everything had to happen in 20 minutes?

DISTORT – Twist the story out of its current shape. Imagine it with an over-the-top antagonist. What if the hero were a heroine? If it’s a drama, brainstorm how it would play as comedy – or vice versa.

ANALOGIZE – Spend some time drawing associations with this script and films everyone knows. How are they similar? Different? Compare ‘em. Make logical and illogical associations.

PARODY – If all else fails, take off the non-critical hats and have at it! Ridicule it. Mock it. Turn the story into burlesque. Roast it. Joke it. Draw a cartoon of it. This can be painful but can also shake some mighty ideas out of the tree.

A good synectics session often has interesting side effects. You might solve your current problem and come up with some other great concepts. And, because it’s freewheeling and nothing is out of bounds, it loosens everyone up – including you, the writer. You might just come away with a fresh perspective on stuff you hadn’t even been thinking about changing.

And, a good session isn’t really hard to pull together. Like a lot of writers, I work alone. So where’s the group come from? I have writer cohorts in the U. S. and abroad. When we can’t get together, I e-mail my script. Then we get on a Skype conference call (free of charge!) and brainstorm by phone. Not as fun as in person with a few friends and a few beers, but it works.

A couple closing thoughts:

It’s a good idea to put a time limit on your session. That way, people will keep their enthusiasm and energy up, knowing this won’t go on all day.

If you can find a volunteer, have someone take notes. If not, do it yourself. It’s frustrating to come out of a great session and say, “I love that idea! (BEAT – WITH SHOCKED EXPRESSION) My gawd! I forgot it!”

The beauty of a synectics session is that it’s really just spitballing among friends – but organized. And, it can lead to really good stuff.

Have fun.

Gary Bayer was an advertising writer, producer and creative director on Budweiser, Gatorade, AT&T, Red Lobster, Cap’n Crunch Cereal and many other famous brands. He created the “Pitch In!” anti-litter symbol and campaign, now seen worldwide. He recently sold his ad agency and now writes full time.

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Scriptus Interruptus

If you are a writer with more than a couple half-finished scripts, you really have to stop and take stock. Is this a pattern? Be really honest with yourself. Could you have Scriptus Interruptus?

Often a writer will start off strong, with an idea he or she is really excited about but somewhere in the second act, discouragement and confusion set in. The premise is dead-ending or becoming seemingly ridiculous. The writer feels like a rat in a maze; running down this alternative and that only to come up against a brick wall. After a few agonizing weeks, the writer bails out. The primary culprit is a premise that just doesn’t have enough story to make it all the way across the finish line. The solution: learn to thoroughly test your premise before you start pages. Develop this muscle and take it seriously. Don’t just jump into a script without a plan and without a solid sense of the story.

Without correcting the source of the Scriptus Interruptus, half-finished scripts pile up like so many empty beer cans and a feeling of futility sets in; I can’t do this. I can’t write and what kind of lousy person can’t follow through and and and….it’s a terrible trap. If you think this might be you, stop right now, breathe it out and without judging yourself, correct the problem.

Maybe your problem is not related to a weak premise. Maybe you have a fear of failure. If a writer completes a script then it will be read. By someone in the industry, maybe some snot-nosed assistant or intern and they will coldly dissect your baby, ripping it limb from limb and leaving you feeling empty and humiliated. What if the gilded dream of writing a movie is nothing but a torpid fantasy about to be popped by a needle-sharp bad coverage?

Rejection is part of being a writer. It’s a cliché but it’s true. Yes, when you finish your script it will be read, judged and likely passed on. But it may not get passed on by everybody. You only need one yes. And if that script can’t find a single fan – you write another one and hope that one will.

It is very important for an aspiring screenwriter to get some kind of industry feed back. Otherwise you are writing in a void. Whether you use a script reading service, a consultant or maybe a friend who reads in the business – get a reality check. How are you doing? Yes, it’s painful, it really is. But otherwise, how will you ever know how you measure up? The trick is to not take it personally. Every time a script gets a thumbs down, you must use that experience to learn so that you can do better the next time around. Be selfish about your negative feedback. Grab it, horde it, and use it to do better.

They say the average writer has written ten scripts before they become a WGA member. Whether that statistic is accurate or not, it’s probably a pretty good benchmark for newer writers to look to. The chances that your first, second or third scripts will be written much less received well is slim, relatively speaking. But you can’t get to fabulous script number eight without having done the time on numbers one through seven. It’s tedious, it is painful but a writer cannot learn and improve without putting some serious time and effort in.

Of course the paradox is that with every single script you write, you have to believe with all of your heart and soul that it is terrific. That’s why this business is so terribly difficult; having faith in the face of crushing odds is nothing short of attaining a kind of grace. Also, drinking helps.

So for some writers the easy way out is to never join the race. They get about halfway through a script and sort of – just – peter – out. They spend a lot of time discussing things on message boards; opining, judging and lol-ing. It’s much more pleasant to talk about screenwriting than it is to take your heart in your hands and just do it. But there is no other way, kids. You can’t go around it. You can’t skip over it. You have to go through it.

So take a good hard look at your inventory and your patterns. Are you a serial Scriptus Interruptus writer? Time to take stock and find out exactly why that is. You can change that pattern right now. Today. But if you choose to curl up in the wet blanket of fear-of-rejection-it's-not-fair victimhood - well, terrific.
Because you just left an open spot for some other writer who will can and will finish their script. And the next one and the one after that.

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Show Don't Tell

In a very strange confluence of events mostly likely having to do with planet alignment and heartburn, the Wave-inatrix has read a passel of scripts lately that featured a variation of this: Drucilla’s face showed anger. Her face showed anger? Now, Wavers should be able to see what’s weird and wrong about that description immediately.

This falls under the aegis of “show don’t tell” or oddly more descriptive (though way too clumsy which is why “show don’t tell” won the stupid popularity contest) is evidence emotion rather than inventory it. The Wave-inatrix made that up. Patent pending.

Because movies are stories about things happening, if your character is angry, he or she is going to act that out - in this way things keep moving forward in the story. The husband just told the wife he was cheating and she threw an ax at him. I’m just guessing her face shows anger.

She looks excited is not great whereas Her eyes lit up like a million stars is poetic, more interesting and makes the same point. We’re writers, here, people. And within this rule of showing and not telling as we describe events in our action lines, we are charged with moving the plot forward descriptively - and well. If you find yourself being so utilitarian and lazy as to write something like: He's impatient - you really need to stop and see the missed opportunity there. Do not hurry through action lines so you can get to the good stuff - dialogue. Action lines have the capacity to be among the most entertaining parts of a good script.

But Wavers, the specific message today is to not only avoid being plainly descriptive in your action lines, to not only remember to show and not tell but to please, please for the love of God, avoid his or her face shows X emotion. Seriously, his face shows lust? Her faces shows impatience? His face shows boredom? No, no, - that would be my face shows horror and my hand shows a Seconal.

That a character’s face shows an emotion is like saying that you’re thinking with your mind. Why yes – yes you are thinking with your mind. So if you’ve got a moment in which your character is feeling something deeply; pain, humiliation, love, infatuation – don’t describe how that looks, enact how that feels through your character. Characters do not act impatient – they ARE impatient. They don’t look excited – they ARE excited.

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Half-Baked Ideas

Have you ever shared the super cool idea you just had on your way in to work with someone only to have it blown full of holes immediately? It’s a crushing experience. Or thought of an idea in the shower, then called a friend to eagerly share it only to have them absolutely pick it apart? And you are left dripping, half-clothed, with one leg shaved and the other not - and completely humiliated? Maybe I'm getting too personal. And you know who you are, idea-shooter-downer!

It doesn’t matter what your level of experience is, the Wave-inatrix recommends keeping the trembling, naked baby mice that are your brand-new ideas to yourself at first.

Because you haven’t thought the idea through. Because you can’t even articulate it very well. Because you know, even as you share it aloud that it’s half-baked. And when you share half-formed ideas too often and continually get shut down, something curious begins to happen: you start to believe that you cannot come up with a good idea. That all your ideas are bad. And it chips away at what is probably the single most important quality a writer needs to have in their kit bag: confidence.

And having a new idea be shot out of the sky like a fat pheasant has another side-effect; it inhibits the idea from forming fully into what is perhaps a good idea. Maybe what you thought of isn’t the whole idea, it’s the beginning of the idea. And maybe if you keep digging and thinking, there is something tremendous there waiting to be discovered. But when it gets shot down immediately, you take the idea out back and bury it before it starts to stink.

Do not set yourself up to have a baby idea shot down. Your confidence will suffer and any possibility of a great idea hidden in a goofy one will go out the window along with the bathwater. It’s like writing a really angry letter. Hang onto it for a day or two. Don’t act just yet. If the idea’s really that good – it won’t go away.

Beware the ideas borne of six cups of coffee and no sleep. They are tempting seductresses but maybe you need to eat some protein and get some rest before running up to your best friend breathlessly and inveighing about the best idea ever – an all penguin talk/reality show set on a melting glacier.

Conversely, when a friend shares an idea with you that literally was just formulated in the parking lot, here’s what you do. Smile. Do not ask questions that begin with “why”, rather, ask questions that begin with “what if”. What if the penguin was an albino? What if the talk show was in Brazil? Now you can begin to riff on the idea in a mini spitball session. Have fun with it. Allow your friend to have fun with it. You want them to feel as if they can run their next crazy idea past you and not get shot down. And perhaps as importantly, you can run your crazy idea past them and not get shot down.

Spontaneous ideas that come to you while driving, showering or calculating next year's taxes are not necessarily bad ideas. But give them some thought. Keep an idea file. And be careful before you share; it is a sad truth that many writers get a perverse enjoyment out of shooting down ideas. Maybe it's envy or annoyance - whatever it is, the net result is not necessarily tough love but creativity-crushing. If an idea that just popped into your mind has merit - it won't leave you. Don't set yourself up; don't rush to share.

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Common Usage Errors

Sometimes grammar school seems like a million years ago and all that conjunction junction stuff went right out the window. Absolutely everybody makes mistakes; sometimes the more you stare at pages the easier it is to gloss over a usage error or misspell. And these days, language is morphing rapidly, with new words being born all the time and with usage becoming more and more casual. As important as it is to go with the flow and to like, acknowledge that the inclusion of, like, the word like, is part of the patois, it is also important to have a firm grasp of the basics.

Check out the OWL at Purdue University as a really handy grammar and usage resource. Even though the Wave-inatrix spends 90% of each day either reading or writing, which makes her relatively formidable, she will freely admit that most of her usage is based on gut intuition alone. Things just do or do not sound right. But can the Wave-inatrix explain the rule? No way.

Writing is our craft, Wavers, and we shall not and cannot ignore the rules. A sailor must learn the ropes before sailing down the mighty Hudson and so must writers learn the rules before setting out to write our novels, short stories, scripts or poems.

I have excerpted a bit from the Owl, below, about commonly confused words. Some Rouge Wavers may roll they're eyes, thinking their to smart too make these silly erors but trust the Wave-inatrix, you do make these errors - we all do - and nothing makes a reader respect you less then seeing them. See how your getting anoyed just reading this? Its just bearly readible.

Accept, Except
accept = verb meaning to receive or to agree: He accepted their praise graciously.
except = preposition meaning all but, other than: Everyone went to the game except Alyson.

affect = verb meaning to influence: Will lack of sleep affect your game?
effect = noun meaning result or consequence: Will lack of sleep have an effect on your game?
effect = verb meaning to bring about, to accomplish: Our efforts have effected a major change in university policy.

Advise, Advice
advise = verb that means to recommend, suggest, or counsel: I advise you to be cautious.
advice = noun that means an opinion or recommendation about what could or should be done: I'd like to ask for your advice on this matter.

Conscious, Conscience
conscious = adjective meaning awake, perceiving: Despite a head injury, the patient remained conscious.
conscience = noun meaning the sense of obligation to be good: Chris wouldn't cheat because his conscience wouldn't let him.

Idea, Ideal
idea = noun meaning a thought, belief, or conception held in the mind, or a general notion or conception formed by generalization: Jennifer had a brilliant idea -- she'd go to the Writing Lab for help with her papers!
ideal = noun meaning something or someone that embodies perfection, or an ultimate object or endeavor: Mickey was the ideal for tutors everywhere.
ideal = adjective meaning embodying an ultimate standard of excellence or perfection, or the best; Jennifer was an ideal student.

Its, It's
its = possessive adjective (possesive form of the pronoun it): The crab had an unusual growth on its shell.
it's = contraction for it is or it has (in a verb phrase): It's still raining; it's been raining for three days. (Pronouns have apostrophes only when two words are being shortened into one.)

Lead, Led
lead = noun referring to a dense metallic element: The X-ray technician wore a vest lined with lead.
led = past-tense and past-participle form of the verb to lead, meaning to guide or direct: The evidence led the jury to reach a unanimous decision.

Than, Then
Than: used in comparison statements: He is richer than I.
or
used in statements of preference: I would rather dance than eat.
or
used to suggest quantities beyond a specified amount: Read more than the first paragraph.

Then: a time other than now: He was younger then. She will start her new job then.
or
next in time, space, or order: First we must study; then we can play.
or
suggesting a logical conclusion: If you've studied hard, then the exam should be no problem.

Their, There, They're
Their = possessive pronoun: They got their books.
There = that place: My house is over there. (This is a place word, and so it contains the word here.)
They're = contraction for they are: They're making dinner. (Pronouns have apostrophes only when two words are being shortened into one.)

To, Too, Two
To = preposition, or first part of the infinitive form of a verb: They went to the lake to swim.
Too = very, also: I was too tired to continue. I was hungry, too.
Two = the number 2: Two students scored below passing on the exam.

We're, Where, Were
We're = contraction for we are: We're glad to help. (Pronouns have apostrophes only when two words are being shortened into one.)
Where = location: Where are you going? (This is a place word, and so it contains the word here.)
Were = a past tense form of the verb be: They were walking side by side.

Your, You're
Your = possessive pronoun: Your shoes are untied.
You're = contraction for you are: You're walking around with your shoes untied. (Pronouns have apostrophes only when two words are being shortened into one.)

One Word or Two?

All ready/already
all ready: used as an adjective to express complete preparedness
already: an adverb expressing time
At last I was all ready to go, but everyone had already left.

All right/alright
all right: used as an adjective or adverb; older and more formal spelling, more common in scientific & academic writing: Will you be all right on your own?
alright: Alternate spelling of all right; less frequent but used often in journalistic and business publications, and especially common infictional dialogue: He does alright in school.

All together/altogether
all together: an adverb meaning considered as a whole, summed up: All together, there were thirty-two students at the museum.
altogether: an intensifying adverb meaning wholly, completely, entirely: His comment raises an altogether different problem.

Anyone/any one
anyone: a pronoun meaning any person at all: Anyone who can solve this problem deserves an award.
any one: a paired adjective and noun meaning a specific item in a group; usually used with of: Any one of those papers could serve as an example.
Note: There are similar distinctions in meaning for everyone and every one

Anyway/any way
anyway: an adverb meaning in any case or nonetheless: He objected, but she went anyway.
any way: a paired adjective and noun meaning any particular course, direction, or manner: Any way we chose would lead to danger.

Awhile/a while
awhile: an adverb meaning for a short time; some readers consider it nonstandard; usually needs no preposition: Won't you stay awhile?
a while: a paired article and noun meaning a period of time; usually used with for: We talked for a while, and then we said good night.

Maybe/may be
maybe: an adverb meaning perhaps: Maybe we should wait until the rain stops.
may be: a form of the verb be: This may be our only chance to win the championship.

Again, I urge you to bookmark the The OWL at Purdue University. There are exercises, tips and lessons that are really great for brushing up.

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The Mission Statement

Many Wavers may have heard the story about Zach Helm (Stranger than Fiction) and how he wrote a mission statement as a way of establishing a clear vision and control over his career and his future. What? You never heard that? Yeah, he's making a lot of money right now, guys.

How many Rouge Wavers have articulated definite goals about their writing and their careers? Interestingly, we often plan our weekends far in advance. Our holidays and get-togethers are meticulously planned. How many here already have some sort of plan for Labor Day? A fair percentage do. And yet - what is your plan for your writing? Really - not a dreamy plan, not a fuzzy, philosophical plan but a real, business-oriented career plan. And that, Rouge Wavers, is how you use "plan" or a "plan" derivative seven times in one paragraph. Watch and learn.

The Wave-inatrix is loathe to wander into Oprah/The Secret-Land (though she is in fact an admirer but we can argue about that another day) but articulating and comitting to paper your writing goals really is an empowering experience. Something about staring at: I will get a manager by January 1st, 2008 makes one sit up and pay attention. Really? How? Uh, okay how many scripts have I written? What kind of shape are they in? Better start doing some research and buy a Hollywood Creative Directory!

The Wave-inatrix, like many writers, used to have visions, in her less experienced (read: naive) days, of success being defined as something like...oh...a million dollar spec sale. Whoooo everybody do the Wave! High five!

But now, several scripts and years later (shut up) a realization has dawned upon me. And that realization is that it is better to set smaller, more realistic goals. A million dollar spec sale is about as likely to happen to a newer writer (though I suppose I now qualify as medium-rare) as is a Narwhal sighting off the Santa Monica Pier.

Make realistic goals, dependent upon where you are as a writer. Things in an ascending scale, like:

I will finish this script by September 1st
I will finish another script by January 1st
I will find representation by the end of 2008
I will be a WGA member by mid-2009
I will pick up my socks

But that's not really a mission statement - wait - let's capitalize that: Mission Statement. See? Already it feels real and important.

What do you want, ultimately, as a writer? Anyone who just said "million dollar spec sale" even under their breath, even with the 3-beer excuse does not get a cupcake. And I really mean it this time. Go ahead, look at the nice picture up there. You don't get one.

Seriously - what do you want? To earn your living as a writer? Okay. To do that you're going to need to be a WGA member. To do that you're going to need a rep. To do that you're going to need write some excellent material. See how it's all connected? Set short, medium and long-term goals.

First, write a Mission Statement. It might be a one, two or three page manifesto of your life as a writer exactly as you would like it to be six months, two years or five years from now. Be realistic. You know where you are as a writer and you know you have to put the time in.

Write your Mission Statement in the present tense. Be specific.

I live in a spacious home in Venice. With two dogs. Not the kind that shed. I am a member of the WGA and I drive to meetings in my lime green Ferrari. With the top down. Unless it's chilly. I work on assignment and do rewrites and "script doctor" jobs. I get paid over $50K for each job. I am great at pitching and am respected. I am working on a feature film that will be sold for over a million dollars and because of my experience and talent, I can expect that amount easily. The movie will be shot in Rome, and I will be on set while it is. For now, when I return from my meetings, I work poolside on my laptop and watch the pool boy clean the leaves from my pool. I have great health insurance through the guild and so I can afford to leap off the diving board as I show off. I beckon for the pool boy to please call 911.

That's just MY Mission Statement - each person's will be unique. But imagine it. Exactly what kind of life do you want to lead as a writer? Jump ahead, in your imagination. Get your head out of this particular frustrating script. Look to the future, write down what you see there - as if it's already happening - and then commit, on paper, to just how you're going to get there. Visualize every step and believe you can do it. Imagine the wind blowing through your hair in that lime green Ferrari. Imagine the joy of working on assignment, of being sought-after and respected.

It might be a cliche, you might even have this on your coffee cup but it bears repeating, because many things mom used to say really are true. You will get cramps and die if you swim after lunch. And -

“If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it.”

William Arthur Ward

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Guest Blog: Producing Your Screenplay Makes You a Better Writer

It occurred to the Wave-inatrix that she knows oodles of writers with particular areas of expertise that Rouge Wavers might benefit from. So in that spirit, today the Rouge Wave is proud to feature a guest blog by Catherine E. Rubey, writer/producer of Baggage.

****

Unbeknownst to me at the time, I wrote my screenplay so that I could direct it too. This was pointed out to me by several writers who reviewed the early drafts and noticed the detail and subtleties built into the scenes that really are brought to life by a director of the same vision…usually the same person. Interesting, I thought.

After 3 years refining this project from the first page written in Final Draft, I have learned so much that will make me a better writer next time around. And I’m honored to have the opportunity to impart some of what I learned in this space today.

If you’re thinking about writing, directing and producing, or just want to learn more about the way producers think, the best advice I’ve heard is “begin (write) with the end in mind.” Quite simply, it requires you to put on your producer’s hat while you’re wearing your artist’s smock!

As writers, we know that we have to do research. Use your considerable researching skills and research movies similar to yours in genre, SFX, production design, star power, etc. Then examine each of those similar projects using the producer-side of your brain: budget, locations, size of cast, logistics, production resources (aka props), etc.

I’m not suggesting that you only write for smaller budgets or delete period pieces from your list of preferred genres. Rather, if you can have an understanding of what it takes to pull each type of project off in a successful way (aka make money), then your project will stand out amongst the hoards of others stacked up on desks all over Hollywood.

This is a tough proposition, I realize. The last thing I want to do is to limit your imagination or the expression of your ideas; however, we have to be realistic about the execution of those ideas. The more options you can give a producer, the easier it will be to get your project greenlighted and move into pre-production.

Learn the business of movie making.

The business of movie making is so vast and the paths to success are so varied that it’s easy to get bogged down in the details of it all and just focus on the writing. After all, “it’s the writing, stupid” from which all subsequent miracles will spring. You can increase your chances and your usefulness in a project if you can familiarize yourself with other aspects of the movie-making process.

Sidney Lumet wrote in his book Making Movies that screenwriters are often cast aside in the filmmaking process at exactly the time they could be the most helpful to the process. Who knows more about the story, characters, etc., than the original writer? How many times have we read or heard about a script being optioned, written, re-written, and doctored until it resembled nothing close to the original story?

To make yourself a valuable asset to the entire process, familiarize yourself with the other aspects of the business as you plot your career. Write a business plan, examine a movie budget, understand the role of unions and guilds, and know the difference between a SAG Ultra Low and Modified Low Budget Agreement. Make friends with a local production company, learn about the latest camera technology and trends, network and ask questions to directors, DP’s, actors, and RESEARCH, READ, READ, AND oh, read.

Read the trades, read scripts, read blogs about filmmaking, read books by directors, producers, actors, and whomever else you can stand. You’ll have to sift through some fluff (kinda like a good DVD commentary) but there are many, many things to be learned and you can find most of them at your local library and on-line. Read Neil Simon, Sidney Lumet, David Mamet, William Goldman (take your pick) and you can gain some fantastic insight into the process that YOUR fabulous idea sets into motion.

Then, when you have an opportunity to do more than just write, you can jump right into a production meeting and contribute in any number of ways. And oh, by the way, it’ll make you a better writer. Good luck and keep writing!

About the author:
Catherine has completed several feature length award-winning screenplays, as well as two shorts. Her first feature, Baggage, begins pre-production this summer in Chicago (baggagethefilm.com). She is a co-producer on the coming of age feature, SWIPE. She is a contributing writer for the Hungry! Chicago Family Guide book and website (http://www.hungrycity.com/). She is a judge for the Written Image Screenplay Competition at held annually at Columbia College. She’s a featured columnist at http://www.wildcardpictures.com/. She’s a frequent film festival attendee, enjoying many years at the Sundance Film Festival, and the Chicago International Film Festival. She lives and works with her husband and three children in the western suburbs of Chicago, Illinois.

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Index Cards: Part One

You know you do it, Rouge Wavers – you get addicted to thinking up Cool Moments for your script. When you describe what you’re working on to someone else, you excitedly tell them about the scene where you have dreamt up a special effect or particularly dramatic moment in which your character, suspended upside down, has a tear roll down (up) into his eye as he lets out his last, sad breath. Just as the giant spiders attack.

And you know what, Wavers – that’s a great moment. But it’s just a moment, not a whole scene and depending where you are in outlining or otherwise writing your script, this Cool Moment might be more useful waiting its turn while you finish solving some of the tougher issues with your script.

In a recent discussion of outlining using the 12 Sequence method, Rouge Waver thekhalif (IF that's his real name!) noted that he uses something like the 12 sequences but breaks his outline down even further, into smaller and smaller components.

There are many ways to approach organizing ideas, beats and information about your script. Some writers literally write a 60 beat beat-sheet. The Wave-inatrix prefers to organize ten-pages sequences but she also slices honeydew melon with a butter knife and hasn’t shaved her legs in – woops – WTMI.

The point being that some writers like to collect and organize Cool Moments or even specific beats ahead of time and out-of-order and others like to beat out the macro sequences and then let the Cool Moments emerge as the pages are being written. Ideally, writers should leave the process open to interpretation.

But the trick, Wavers, is not to let your method of staying organized become your worst enemy. Writers need to produce product in order to be competitive. Writers who get stuck in the miasma of dreaming up Cool Moments wind up in a self-defeating pattern and don't churn out finished scripts as often as they could.

But Cool Moment addicts need our love and understanding. And they need to first admit they have a problem.

Scripts are blueprints for movies, a visual medium, so we screenwriters are always picturing movie moments if not living them – or trying to, with mixed results. Your script should be packed with great moments – as long as those moments are in terrific scenes in compelling sequences in a powerful act of an entertaining script.

I cannot express how many times I am working with a writer on a specific issue with their script and they interrupt with like, this cool visual that will go in that spot! FOCUS PEOPLE! That cool visual does not help solve your logic issue or premise question. That cool visual does not give your character a powerful arc.

Here’s what you do to stay focused. Buy a pack of index cards and keep them with you. Every time you think of a great moment or cool visual – write it down. Perhaps even jot down the act you think that moment belongs in, or the scene it is otherwise connected to. Have fun with it, keep a whole stack of great ideas for your script.

But be careful, Cool Moments offer instant gratification. But a script full of Cool Moments does not a great script make. The underpinnings need to be there and that is the work that leaves us staring a blank screen and wishing we were dead some days.

Focusing on moments or visuals while ignoring larger issues like narrative and character arc will mark you as an amateur; eager to get to dessert when you haven’t finished your vegetables. Ensuring that you have a solid premise, making sure your structure is tight and that your characters are well-developed is job one.

If you are a Cool Moment Addict, that’s more than okay, that’s – well – cool. You are going to be the next Quentin Tarrantino or Wes Anderson. But you can’t get there if you aren’t also willing to do the Less Cool stuff. Go buy yourself a pack of index cards and fill those suckers up with great stuff. Then put a rubberband around the deck and get back to work.

Index Cards: Part Two coming to the Rouge Wave when the Wave-inatrix is darn good and ready.

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Sequential Narrative

To outline or not to outline? That is the question that many writers argue and obsess about.

Some feel outlining is a crucial part of ensuring you have a solid script, others feel that outlining is a muse-killer and should be avoided at all costs. Some do something in-between; start an outline, get bored or confused, abandon it and then wind up with 43 bad pages and wonder what happened. Well, the road map got tossed out the window was what happened, and now you find yourself on a dirt road in an unrecognizable county somewhere southeast of Fresno.

The Wave-natrix holds that those writers who insist that they never outline and don’t need to actually do outline – in their heads. In my experience working with writers, it is a rare talent which some writers really do possess. But for those of us without a mental chalkboard that organized – we outline.

It took me a long time to come around to outlining but that was out of inexperience and not really finding an outline method that worked for me. When one thinks of outlining, one thinks of what we learned in high school and – well – that just doesn’t make sense.

We know that a script is three acts but if you outline by act that still leaves some pretty wide open, undulating plains of – question marks. That never worked for me. So what I do now is outline using a sequential narrative. Oddly, many writers use this method and books have been written on the topic and yet for some reason, it’s not widely known. There are different ways of looking at a sequential narrative outline; some recommend using 8 sequences, others use 12 and some far-flung islands in the South Pacific recommend 5 ½ .

The 12 Sequence Outline:

Imagine that each sequence in your script describes approximately 10 pages of material (ten minutes of screen time) and that your script is about 100 to 115 pages long (work with me people; The Wave-inatrix is quite loathe to set down rigid numbers on topics like these as there are always variants by story and by writer. So these numbers are flexible and approximate):

ACT ONE: 30 pages
Sequence One: 1-10
Sequence Two: 10-20
Sequence Three: 20-30 – first plot point or pinch

ACT TWO: 60 pages
Sequence Four: 30-40
Sequence Five: 40-50
Sequence Six: 50-60 – the midpoint
Sequence Seven: pages 60 to 70
Sequence Eight: pages 70 to 80
Sequence Nine: pages 80 to 90 – the second plot point or pinch

ACT THREE: 10 to 15 pages
Sequence Ten: pages 90 to 95
Sequence Eleven: pages 95 -100 – climactic ending
Sequence Twelve: pages 100 to - fill in blank – the tag

Okay so immediately you’ll notice that sequences 11 and 12 don’t have ten pages; here is a good place to note that while generally each sequence will have about ten pages, the further you go along in your script, the more compressed each sequence becomes. Because remember, in a script, events escalate furiously as we near the end. Because tension is rising and things have snowballed into bigger and bigger stakes and entertainment. Also we know that third acts are not as lengthy as the first or second act in your script; the material is not evenly divided by dint of the job that the third act has to do.

I personally have never written a twelfth sequence. I always run out of story by the eleventh sequence. So in my world, the sequential narrative has not only wiggle room for personal use but is really most helpful in the first nine sequences in terms of keeping your story on track.

Notice that sequences three, six and nine are the BIGGIES; these are where you have the biggest reversals and complications in your story.

Jotting down a sequential narrative – whether you use 12 sequences, 8, 10 or in my case, seriously, I use 11 – accomplishes multiple goals at once.

You can see if you have enough material for the movie full stop. You can see if you have enough entertaining material which moves the story forward and occupies about ten pages in each sequence. You can plan the biggest complications at about the right page number and best of all, using this methodology guarantees you will never have a dull page. Ever.

Why? Because each sequence will have a beginning, middle and end. Or – conflict, complication, resolution. And the resolution of one conflict in a given sequence will naturally push a conflict to happen at the beginning of the next sequence. It’s all causal; like dominos crashing into one another.

So in order to make this method work, simply jot down all 12 sequences (or whatever but don’t be difficult, let’s start there. What’s that? Complaining? No dessert for you.) and give each sequence a quick description:

Sequence one:
A sheriff on sabbatical rides in to what looks like deserted town in Nevada, goes to the saloon and discovers a gunslinger has taken everybody hostage.

Now stop and ask yourself: does that feel like ten pages of material? Does that have set up, complications and is it introducing a narrative you can sink your teeth into? Well, sure, this lame example has some compelling promise.

So jot down descriptions of each sequence making sure you keep that description short, sweet and full of complications, reversals, cliffhangers and resolutions.

Then, label your sequences like DVD chapters. Wha-? You know, DVD chapters. Each has a title, yes? And that title describes the essence of what happens in that particular sequence of the movie. I find that emulating this and labeling my sequences keeps me focused on the essence of what is going to happen in that sequence. So I might label the example above:

Sequence one: This sabbatical sucks
A sheriff on sabbatical rides in to what looks like deserted town in Nevada, goes to the saloon and discovers a gunslinger has taken everybody hostage.

Again, apologies for being silly but my point is that you want to boil each ten pages of your script down to its essence. You are zooming in from the larger view of your script down to the details of a particular section of the script. And now that you have that smaller portion of the script under the microscope you can ask yourself: is this ten minutes of screen time? Does this sequence have an over-arching purpose? Does this sequence contain conflict, complications and reversals? Does this sequence have unique entertainment value?

What you are doing is taking the macro idea of a script in which three acts contain conflict, resolution, complication, reversal and so forth and distilling that idea down to each ten pages. Do you see where using this methodology you will never have a dull page? You are requiring yourself to make sure that every ten minute-sequence contains all of those dramatic requirements.

What about those sequences where things are quiet, where your character is you know, falling in love or just chilling or contemplating life? Um, yeah, please don’t ever write those sequences. You should never have a dull page. Fold contemplative, inward moments into the larger action. Please. But do not allow your character to drift throughout an entire sequence because he or she will take the whole narrative with them and now your reader is bored.

The Wave-inatrix recommends Screenwriting: The Sequence Approach! for those interested in learning much more about this methodology.

The Wave-inatrix will end here by saying that outlining using the Sequential Narrative has literally changed her writing life forever but it is something new to get accustomed to and takes practice.

It boils down to something relatively simple but things learned long ago and practiced daily, much like tying shoelaces, do seem very simple now when they were quite complicated at first.

So Wavers with questions should not only check out the book recommend above, but post questions here and perhaps we in the Waver Community can stretch our hands across the sea and provide even more clarity.

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Magnanimous Feet Winner!!

Rouge Wavers, the votes are in and the people have spoken. The winner of the Magnanimous Feet Competition, with twenty four votes is Lee, with Magma Mouse.

SUBMISSION NUMBER ELEVEN by Lee - 24 votes!!
The children dive toward their special hideaway refuges. Hitomi and Megumi run from the demonic mouse as its tiny feet begin to glow bright orange and ooze magma, leaving burned footprints as he gives chase. Megumi: How miserable are we, fleeing the evil Magma Mouse. Hitomi: I am emotionally unstable but I must escape this fire demon in the shape of a household rodent. The creature, terrorizing the children, jumps off an embankment and lands on his Magma Mouse feet. The flower garden beneath his feetbursts into flames.

Here are the other finalists:

SUBMISSION NUMBER SEVEN by Robin: twenty votes
She loved him. Always had. Worshipped the voice, smooth and deep like a silky trombone. Dreamt of his four armed embrace under the purple moons. How long? Since the days they terrorized children in the sea. Inky waters now dead.That was then. Right now, she had never felt so alive.Sex was in the air.His beauty made her fur moist. Other creatures cooed about what his magnanimous feet meant. Soon she would know.

SUBMISSION NUMBER SEVENTEEN by Steverino - eighteen votes
EXT. ALLEY - NIGHTFOOT and WATSON stand on either side of KAREN's naked body, which glows like alabaster from blood loss and the full moon shining on it. FOOT: I'd say she had a night of it. WATSON: I'd say...

SUBMISSION NUMBER EIGHTEEN by Hanji - sixteen votes
Creature gives chase with
His willing, generous hands,
Magnanimous feet

SUBMISSION NUMBER ONE by Geena - eight votes.
The creature waits for vulnerable prey. Body aches to the bone, legs weary of this hunt. Insatiable pathological lust for children consumes the creatures mind.Two children chase one another into the meadow. Primal hunger overtakes body, the creature leaps from the embankment.An ankle jarring thud startles the children. Prey within grasp the creature rises with magnanimous feet.

SUBMISSION NUMBER THREE by Sam - eight votes
...a creature, terrorizing some children, jumps off an embankment and lands on his magnanimous feet. POP. POP. POP. Rapid shots from a sniper rifle echo. The children stop and look up, past the fallen creature, and spy in the distance ---- a towering oak tree. A gunmetal FLASH in the leafy branches catches the sunlight. The creature, leaking a viscous, purplish blood, gives his final groan. Bulbous yellow eyes freeze in a ghastly stare.

CUT TO:
INT. AUTOPSY ROOM -- NIGHT
Under a crisp white sheet, the hulking form of the dead creature stretches the length of a gurney. Exposed, a pair of enormous, gnarled FEET...

SUBMISSION NUMBER FIFTEEN by Eric - six votes
The creature walked up the stairs,with a magnanimous glare. He opened his door, with a magnanimous roar. Oh what a feat, to brush those magnanimous teeth. And with much flair,he did comb his magnanimous hair. The creature was beat, dragging around those magnanimous feet. He crawled into bed, to rest his magnanimous head. Pulled the covers, up over his magnanimous blubber. Then set his alarm clock, with his magnanimous…. Oh damn, can’t think of a word that rhythms with clock.

Thank you everybody for contributing some really clever riffs on a completely absurd word pairing and somehow making it work. Lee can contact the Wave-inatrix to collect his prize.

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Rouge Wave-ogram

G'day Wavers - an announcement, a reminder and a nudge to vote for the Magnanimous Feet Competition.

First the announcement: The Script Whisperer's very own Cathy Rubey, writer/producer of the upcoming film BAGGAGE has received some good news - Corbin Bernsen has agreed to play the lead role. Filming will begin in Chicago this summer. A huge Rouge Wave to Cathy and company. What a huge step forward in what has been an arduous process! Coincidentally enough, Cathy will be featured as a guest blogger on the Rouge Wave next week. Until then, check out BAGGAGE.

Now the reminder: Wavers may recall that Pilar Alessandra of On the Page will be leading a pitching workshop tomorrow, Saturday May 19th here in Los Angeles from 12 to 5pm. Registration fee is only $100 for Rouge Wavers. To register or learn more click here.

And the nudge: 18 Rouge Wavers put a lot of blood, sweat, tears and oh maybe 20 minutes into their contributions to the Magnanimous Feet Competition. Please show your support by voting today. A pizza hangs in the balance. This is serious business, Wavers!

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Magnanimous Feet Contest

UPDATE: FRIDAY MAY 18TH:

All right, Wavers, it's voting day. Please review each entry for the most clever use of the phrase "magnanimous feet" and cast your vote indicating the number and name of the entry of your choice. Votes will be tallied and announced on Monday.

*vote for as many entries as you like

VOTE HERE!


SUBMISSION NUMBER ONE:

The inimitable Geena writes:

The creature waits for vulnerable prey. Body aches to the bone, legs weary of this hunt. Insatiable pathological lust for children consumes the creatures mind.Two children chase one another into the meadow. Primal hunger overtakes body, the creature leaps from the embankment.An ankle jarring thud startles the children. Prey within grasp the creature rises with magnanimous feet.

SECOND SUBMISSION:

Moviequill writes:

A creature, terrorizing some children, jumps off an embankment and lands on his magnanimous feet. Mordecai hops on the toenail and jabs his pitchfork into the quick. The creature bellows and raises it's foot, casting a shadow over the children -- ready to squash them like ants-- suddenly it freezes. A child sings the Dragonian Anthem. The creature is mesmerized. It drops to it's knees with a crash and bows. The Queen is alive.

THIRD SUBMISSION:

Sam went off the rails and submitted a short scene as opposed to an action line but the Wave-inatrix thinks it's pretty cool so here goes:

...a creature, terrorizing some children, jumps off an embankment and lands on his magnanimous feet. POP. POP. POP. Rapid shots from a sniper rifle echo. The children stop and look up, past the fallen creature, and spy in the distance ---- a towering oak tree. A gunmetal FLASH in the leafy branches catches the sunlight.The creature, leaking a viscous, purplish blood, gives his final groan. Bulbous yellow eyes freeze in a ghastly stare.

CUT TO:

INT. AUTOPSY ROOM -- NIGHT

Under a crisp white sheet, the hulking form of the dead creature stretches the length of a gurney. Exposed, a pair of enormous, gnarled FEET protrude.A latex-gloved HAND flips the light switch. The hand belongs to DR. VERTRUZA (40s), the kindly, competent doctor you can only hope performs your own autopsy. If he had a pipe, he's be puffing it as he ushers TWO INTERNS (20s) into the room.

FIRST INTERN: Those -- those feet are magnificent.

SECOND INTERN: (opening a caliper) I've seen healthy adult legs smaller than these.

DR. VERTRUZA: I am reminded of a joke we used to tell in anatomy class.

The interns look up from the CREATURE'S FEET.

DR. VERTRUZA: How is it that a hand cannot measure twelve inches?

The interns shrug. Do tell.

DR. VERTRUZA: Because then it would be a foot!

The first intern scrapes CAKED MUD from between the massive TOES and peers at them with a magnifying glass.

FIRST INTERN: This is -- I've never seen anything like this.

The doctor urges him on.

SECOND INTERN: It's the ridges.

DR. VERTRUZA: Bingo.

SECOND INTERN: Toes have unique patterns of ridges and whorls, just like fingers.

FIRST INTERN: Toeprints, to identify this thing.

SECOND INTERN: That is, if it HAD toeprints.

CLOSE on the massive toes -- smooth as a baby's bottom.

DR. VERTRUZA: Precisely. Genetic? Deliberate? This creature lacks toeprints.

FIRST INTERN: These feet. Both magnificent -- and anonymous.

DR. VERTRUZA: In technical terms, we would call them magnanimous feet. Quite rare.

SUBMISSION NUMBER FOUR:

Eric submits:

A pair of desperate bloodshot eyes peer around a tree. The eyes narrow as two children wander into the meadow. Heart pounding, mouth salivating the creature charges, licks it’s cracked and bloody lips, then leaps. Flies through the air. Lands squarely on the young boy’s shoulder.
The boy looks down at the tiny creature on his shoulder, flicks it off. The rejected creature plummets toward earth, lands with a crackling thud on it’s magnanimous feet.

SUBMISSION NUMBER FIVE:

Ernest contributes:

A creature, terrorizing some children, jumps off an embankment and lands on his magnanimous feet. The oldest BOY (10), a precocious red head, stops and approaches the creature, slipping off his tennis shoes.The creature, startled, stares at the boy's courageous feet. Toe-to-toe, the boy's generous feet brush the tops of the creature's noble, abundant feet. Now serene -- almost blissful -- the creature lifts one of his unselfish feet and strokes the boy's courageous toes. The creature's massive, benevolent feet lavish forgiveness on the boy's unresentful soles.

SUBMISSION NUMBER SIX:

Andy C. submits:

The giant bows his head to enter the nail salon as the receptionist nervously prepares to greet the hulking figure. Avoiding eye contact, she silently directs him to the back of the salon, past the gawking stares of the well-to-do patrons. With all eyes on him, he lowers himself slowly into the padded recliner, then removes his enormous mid-calf boots, revealing pale, magnanimous feet that almost glow as they reflect the florescent light.

SUBMISSION NUMBER SEVEN:

Robin F. has a doozy:

She loved him. Always had. Worshipped the voice, smooth and deep like a silky trombone. Dreamt of his four armed embrace under the purple moons. How long? Since the days they terrorized children in the sea. Inky waters now dead.

That was then. Right now, she had never felt so alive.

Sex was in the air.

His beauty made her fur moist. Other creatures cooed about what his magnanimous feet meant. Soon she would know.

SUBMISSION NUMBER EIGHT:

Giles submits:

A creature, terrorizing some children jumps off an embankment and lands on his magnanimous feet. His feet, menschy in the extreme propel him away from the children saving them even as his vituperative jaws snap at the children and his pulchritudinous earlobes shimmer in the breeze.

SUBMISSION NUMBER NINE:

Dare writes:

Boy Scouts dash through the forest. ROAR. A creature, terrorizing the children jumps off an embankment, lands on his magnanimous feet. Creature stumbles, green blood oozes from deep slash wounds. A Boy Scout steps from behind a tree, a bloody knife in his hand, an angelic smile on his lips. Creature weeps as it reaches out to the Boy a friendship merit badge in its paw. Boy raises the knife, sun glints off the surface.

SUBMISSION NUMBER TEN:

Michael writes:

Billy shook with terror as he peered out from his hiding spot at the decidedly hairy creature struggling through the thick mud towards him. Billy stared at the creature’s huge, magnanimous feet (the accursed thing’s one saving grace) and noticed it was limping. Emboldened, Billy stepped out from his makeshift refuge and faced the creature. “D-do you ha-have a splinter in your pa-paw?” the boy asked hopefully. “No,” replied the creature. And devoured him. Whole.

SUBMISSION NUMBER ELEVEN:

Lee had the cheek to submit:

The children dive toward their special hideaway refuges. Hitomi and Megumi run from the demonic mouse as its tiny feet begin to glow bright orange and ooze magma, leaving burned footprints as he gives chase.

Megumi: How miserable are we, fleeing the evil Magma Mouse.

Hitomi: I am emotionally unstable but I must escape this fire demon in the shape of a household rodent.

The creature, terrorizing the children, jumps off an embankment and lands on his Magma Mouse feet. The flower garden beneath his feetbursts into flames.

SUBMISSION NUMBER TWELVE:

Dharmesh writes:

John barrels through the dense, steamy jungle. Ambiance of watery salvation mocks him at every turn – freedom is close. Suddenly, John slides on muddy saliva - nothing can stop his descent down to the embankment.

BAM. He lands awkwardly, and there it is, the creature, so grotesque, yet so innocent. Adult hatred barks inside John, “It can’t be reasoned with -- it has no feelings -- it cannot turn the other cheek.” The creature points him to his magnanimous feet and bellows, “I have an itch.”

LUCKY SUBMISSION NUMBER THIRTEEN:

SK submits:

Slime-green, as tall as Godzilla, the frantic CREATURE sprints toward the embankment, the HUNTERS closing in behind him. Reaching the edge, he has no choice but to jump. That’s when he sees them. CHILDREN. Hundreds of them. Some kind of festival going on down there. No way he can make the jump without crushing at least a dozen. So what? Who gives a damn about some stupid little children? “Guns ready!” Pause. He jumps. His enormous feet flay the air, about to crunch human flesh. But -

Mid-air, he seems to have a change of heart. He somehow manages to adjust his huge body. In a magnanimous feat, he plops down on a spot completely free of children. A smile comes to his hideous lips, as frightened children scatter, screaming for their mommies.

SUBMISSION NUMBER FOURTEEN:

Christian writes:

The children stand stock still, dumbfounded by the loud echoes of pounding on the soft moist earth.

LOUDER!

CLOSER!

The pounding is then joined by the cracking sound of branches falling to the earth.

EVER NEARER!

Suddenly emerging from the trees is a large hideous creature.

The children, frozen in fear yet taken over by their inherent curiosity, watch as the creature comes closer.

Its fangs bared.

Its huge chest heaving.

Its magnanimous feet covered in the soil not left in the craters it creates with each step. The children signal each other to run……

Suddenly, the creature speaks…..

“Is this the way to the 7-Eleven? I’ve been lost for hours.”

SUBMISSION NUMBER FIFTEEN:

Eric writes:

The creature walked up the stairs,
with a magnanimous glare.
He opened his door,
with a magnanimous roar.
Oh what a feat,
to brush those magnanimous teeth.
And with much flair,
he did comb his magnanimous hair.
The creature was beat,
dragging around those magnanimous feat.
He crawled into bed,
to rest his magnanimous head.
Pulled the covers,
up over his magnanimous blubber.
Then set his alarm clock,
with his magnanimous…. Oh damn, can’t think of a word that rhythms with clock.

SUBMISSION NUMBER SIXTEEN:

Ben writes:

Brendish had a problem with the troll, “These spiderwebs aren’t up to grade. You can’t splice dusty cobwebs onto to the web of a black widow.”

“Youse got it all wrong,” said the troll, “Cobwebs are terrifying…”

“A black widow’s web is a glistening dew-dropped death trap,” Brendish interrupted, “ Class B Nightmare Castles are about death! Quick, gleaming, knife-slash flash death! And you bring me this grandma’s attic shit?”

“Hey, youse can make this work. Shrink up the Hall o’ Horrors and toss in a dungeon. Cobwebs and dungeons…it’s like pizza and cheese.”

“Are there rocks in your ears? Class B Nightmare Castle. There’s not going to be any freaking dungeon. Kids…Horror…Run. Class freaking B. You were supposed to get us 30 square meters of black widow webs. And you bring me cobwebs? Imperial measured cobwebs? We have nothing now, and it’s nearly bedtime!”

“How about we spray some olive oil on the webs…makes ‘em look all gleaming?”

“Olive oil? Olive oil? Half your shitty cobwebs will dissolve if we try that.”

“So I’ll toss in some extra, gratis,” said the creature, “Fifty magnanimous feet do ya?”

SUBMISSION NUMBER SEVENTEEN:

Steverino goes over the word count a bit but check this out:

EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT

FOOT and WATSON stand on either side of KAREN's naked body, which glows like alabaster from blood loss and the full moon shining on it.

FOOT: I'd say she had a night of it.

WATSON: I'd say.

FOOT: No, no, you can't say, because I said.

WATSON: So what would do you expect me to say?

FOOT: You don't have to say anything.

WATSON: Well, she's dead, and the dead need epitaphs.

FOOT: She had a night of it? What kind of epitaph is that? I can just imagine the headstone reading "SHE HAD A NIGHT OF IT". Ridiculous.

WATSON: But it is appropriate for the moment. This moon in the gutter, this evening. I mean, what a way to go.

FOOT: I think you ought to spare the poetics. My remark was rude. I should be ashamed.

WATSON: We are here to see her off . To the morgue, where she'll be autopsied. What'll she look like then ?

FOOT: Like beef at the butcher's.

WATSON: I'd say.

Foot SNEERS at Watson when he says this.

WATSON: We're the last ones to testify to her beauty.

FOOT: She is beautiful.

WATSON: Ethereally. (beat) Um, what part do you fancy most?

FOOT: Her feet.

WATSON: Really. I fancy feet, too. I always suspected you were...a FOOT man.

FOOT: That's not what I meant. Her feet are in a puddle reflecting the stars.
(pause) I wonder if the killer who ravished her consciously composed this coincidence of toes and Andromeda.

WATSON: (staring at them) Succulent toes.

FOOT: Right then. Let's get her off.

WATSON: Wait. We have to agree on an epitaph. She was ravished, throat cut, drained of all her blood, taken from some god knows where boudoir, and left naked in the gutter.

FOOT: I believe you could be imagining the boudoir.

WATSON: I'm not imagining the cheap perfume.

FOOT: Great Scott!

WATSON: What is it?

FOOT: Watson, you are a genius! Thank you.

Suddenly, Foot springs off, leaving Watson, the body, and the approaching sheriff's wagon in the alley. Watson, seemingly immobile, watches him disappear. Then his gaze returns to Karen's body.

WATSON: (to himself) Really. That's nice of you to say. Nice of you. That's quite magnanimous, Feet, er, Foot.

SUBMISSION NUMBER EIGHTEEN:

Hanji contributes a lovely haiku:

Creature gives chase with

His willing, generous hands,

Magnanimous feet

Reminder: Vote by noting the number and name of the entrant. Vote for as many entrants as you like.

PRIZE: The winner will receive a $25 gift certificate to the California Pizza Kitchen or a geographically logical alternative. The winner will be given public approbation and can later send their mailing address to the Wave-inatrix privately so as to collect the gift certificate.

VOTE HERE!

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Strike

As the WGA nears the start of negotiations with the AMPTP (Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers) on July 16th, rumors run rampant – will there be a strike? And if so – what does it mean? A day after the Wave-inatrix heard from an in-the-know employee of Disney that there will not be a strike, articles continue to appear in various news outlets that there very well might be. Television shows are stockpiling episodes and studios are picking up the pace of production and stockpiling material in anticipation.

There is an urban myth among aspiring screenwriters that a potential strike is advantageous. If studios are snapping up material – it will be easier to get your material snapped up, right? Not really. Aspiring screenwriters, particularly unrepped, newer writers really are not affected by the looming strike and here’s why: unrepped, less experienced material isn’t in the running for being snapped up anyway. The door will not magically swing open because the studios are desperate. Studios are only so desperate, remember that. They have scripts stockpiled on their shelves going back years. Old options, scripts in turn-around, scripts that were on the “maybe” list anyway.

Because the studios are owned by huge corporate conglomerates, they have very deep pockets. A strike, in other words, is something they can withstand longer than say, a mid-sized department store. We’re talking Viacom here, people.

If production is sped up in anticipation of a strike, whether the strike happens or not there is a bit of a defacto strike, meaning that work slows for everybody. Scripts are rushed into production and therefore wrap up earlier. That way when the strike happens, the studio has product lined up in any event. A strike or even the threat of a strike means that the market will be sluggish. Hollywood will be in coping mode. And that slow down will precede and antecede the strike by months on either end.

Writers trying to break in to the industry should simply keep their heads down, their spirits up and their keyboards clicking and clacking. Keep generating material. Remember, the beast must be fed. But do not labor under the delusion that a strike or even potential strike is going to make something magical happen to you or your script. If you aren’t repped you aren’t yet on the playing field anyway. And if you are, your script still be better be A+ material. The Wave-inatrix is the first person to reiterate again and again that the perfect storm which enables a sale to happen is a mysterious one at best. Could a writer with an amazing script somehow get that script snapped up just before the strike? Sure. But that sequence of events would also involve a rep, relationships and a great script.

Don’t ignore the strike, pay attention to the issues. Hopefully you will be a member of the WGA someday and these negotiations could have a significant impact on you, your career and your income. Writers interested in learning more about the issues on the table should visit the WGAW website.

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Ask the Wave-inatrix

Here are some questions sent to the Wave-inatrix last week, apropos of the Ask the Wave-inatrix All Request Line:

Belzecue asked whether swearing in action lines is a problem and whether too much profanity in action lines (versus dialogue in this instance) could get a PASS for the writer.

If the language in the action lines is in step with the tone of the script it’s really not a problem. The only time I have seen profanity in action lines which really did impact the read were extremely misogynistic, sexual references to women, either as a nickname or just referring to an act. I have had clients do that and what I tell them is this: maybe that’s something you and your buddies say at a party while drunk, but that term or reference is a bit shocking and any female exec reading that will possibly throw your script across the room because it’s not just profane – it’s insulting and demeaning.

So the short answer, Belzecue, is swearing in action lines is fine as long as it’s in keeping tonally. And yes, a writer can get a PASS for being shockingly, insultingly profane but that’s primarily attributable to the fact that I’ve never seen that type of writing coexist with a well executed, compelling, entertaining script. Go figure.

Writer0825 asks if a script will only get read if it gets a “consider” and after you’ve queried and gotten the okay to send the script, what happens next.

Well, Writer, after you query and get a thumbs up on sending, the script will usually get read first by either an intern, assistant or reader. Unless you’ve sent to a very small, very hands-on company in which case the person who answered the phone and your query is the same person who’ll read and is also the same person who’ll then write your rejection letter or pass the script up to their boss.

Most typically though, at a production company, your script gets read by an assistant or reader. The scripts are logged in carefully and the reader or assistant has usually maybe three to four days to get the script read and the coverage returned. If the script gets a “consider” or “consider with reservation” it will get passed up to the creative executive next up the line from the assistant. The exec will read the coverage notes briefly and if they’re grabbed by that, they’ll read the synopsis. If they’re grabbed by that, they’ll take the script home and read it that weekend.

If the opinion of the exec is wildly disparate from the reader or assistant – heads roll. Execs hate reading on weekends if the script is no good. If the exec enjoys the read and agrees with the initial coverage, they’ll take it to a meeting with the next CE over them. Dependent upon the size of the company, this might be the Head of Development or this might be a more senior exec or even a weekly status meeting. If the others agree that the material sounds promising, the exec will call your manager or agent and probably ask to meet with you personally.

At an agent or manager, the process is similar but shorter. The reader or assistant reads the script and if it gets a “consider” or “consider with reservation” it gets handed up to the manager/agent who responded to the query in the first place. If they like the read, they’ll phone you up and ask to meet you.

If your script gets a PASS then it’s definitely down the bad egg chute and pronto. It won’t get looked at by anybody beyond that. Which is why assistants and readers are truly the gatekeepers.

Mike Scherer asks when sending out queries whether to include an SASE (self-addressed, stamped envelope) or a SASP (self-addressed, stamped postcard) and if it’s a postcard, which boxes to include for checking: no thanks, yes please or what else do you have.

In my opinion, Mike, go with the SASE. It’s classic, it’s standard and in my opinion, the SASP is a bit cutesy. Nothing wrong with the SASP; if that’s your style, go for it. I can’t imagine why you’d put a “what else do you have” box because if they’ve gotten the query and aren’t interested, why would they be interested in anything else you have at that point? Sometimes if you get someone on the phone and are able to pitch your query, you might be able to establish a relationship in just a few short minutes and be able to pitch one or two more queries but when it comes to an SASP, I’d lean toward leaving that one off. But – there are no rules in Hollywood and it may or may not be effective but you certainly won’t offend anyone. I do think you have a better chance of ever seeing your SAS-anything if it’s an envelope. I have some clients who designed a very artful postcard, with great graphics and funny boxes to check. It must have cost a fortune. Of the dozens of postcards they sent out (and yes they were stamped) they only received one or two back. And these are great writers with a great script.

Adam Scott asks what my process is for fleshing out a script idea and then further, writing a treatment, outlining, etc.

Adam, I will include a link here about the early process of fleshing out an idea as well as a link to clarify the difference between a logline and a premise line. Additionally, here is a link to how to write a treatment.

Yes, I do outline, I use a 12 sequence narrative and I use it religiously. I keep meaning to write a blog post about the sequential narrative and you have inspired me to take that subject on in the near future. There are different ways of approaching a sequential narrative; some use an 8 sequence narrative and others the 12. I believe I have heard of an odd number methodology but the memory is too faint to note it here. In the mean time, I highly recommend Screenwriting: The Sequence Approach by Paul Joseph Gulino.

Ernest asked me to share more fun malapropisms and typos.

I encounter entertaining malapropisms just about daily. Most of the ones I’ve used as examples came from scripts I read at prodcos in an effort to be both kind and confidential to my private clients. I did just read about a creature, terrorizing some children. He jumped off an embankment and “landed on his magnanimous feet.” I cannot, for the life of me, figure out what the writer meant instead of magnanimous. A cupcake to the first Waver who can figure that one out. Other than that, my dear Ernest, I am reminded to compile some good ones for a fun blog down the line.

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Brevity: Not Always Your Best Friend

Upon occasion, the Wave-inatrix reads scripts by writers who took “avoid too much black in the action lines” a little bit too seriously. That is to say that their action lines are written in a weird shorthand making the pages sound as if they were written by someone just recently having learned English. And not very well.

He runs. Face scowling. Breathing hard. To boat. Climbs in.

Thing is, when the Wave-inatrix sees these kinds of ghastly action lines, they are always written by writers perfectly capable of speaking and writing English. But the action lines are written as if the writer is on Survivor: Half the Alphabet Available!

Wavers, we know that action lines should be brief and descriptive, but writing action lines this badly is cutting off your nose to spite your face. Because now you wind up with action lines that sound a bit – well, honestly – retarded.

Action lines serve several functions in a script. They indicate who is where. They show us who is walking, running or eating cake. They tell us how the character is running. And they tell us a lot about the world of the script. Is it humid, rainy or sweltering? Are there car horns blaring or trees creaking in the wind? More than being functional, action lines should be entertaining. They should be as compelling to read as the plot. Wavers newer to the RW can find a much more in-depth discussion of action lines here.

The mark of a truly talented writer is one who imbues the action lines with voice, voice, voice. Voice is something we have discussed on the Rouge Wave before but in short, it’s personality. Writers should take advantage of the opportunity to showcase their particular voice and style in the action lines.

One of my clients, a fantastically gifted horror writer described a woman pulling up in her car thusly: She pulled into the parking lot in the worst, dented, piece of shit Toyota you’ve ever seen. Yes, there’s a bit of profanity there but it matches the tone of the script. But really, a great description. He doesn’t give us the year or make of the car but boy can you visualize that car. And it does speak volumes about the character. This writer has a voice like nobody’s business which is why he is going to make a lot of money one day. He takes chances, he is totally politically incorrect and he doesn’t give a rat’s behind about what is considered proper or what the “rules” are. But he writes pages that you cannot forget. For more about voice, click here.

A good way to find out how you’re doing is to read the action lines aloud. Do they flow? Do they make sense? Are they playful, colorful, frightening and in every way reflective of the tone of the genre you’re writing? If they sound weird when you read them aloud, they’re going to seem twice as weird when a reader reviews them. If you remember nothing else from today’s blog, remember that.

New writers get a bit freaked out by reading over and over that action lines should be very brief and spare. The Wave-inatrix is here to remind writers that action lines showcase your voice, they are both functional and entertaining and they should never be so brief that something like: Couple kisses suffices as an action line. If you have sacrificed writing real sentences for brevity’s sake, rethink your pages. Shorter is not better when the flow of language winds up on the cutting room floor.

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Beating the Odds

For many writers, getting a script read, much less "considered" can feel like trying to climb a steep glass mountain. There's just no way to get a foothold when all you hear is "no" over and over again. And yet writers read the trades and see six-figure sales, development deals, pitch sales and options listed each week. Are those deals happening in some kind of parallel universe? Sometimes it feels like it.

The Wave-inatrix just had a lit manager say the other day that he's seen writers get million dollar spec sales and field so many offers they couldn't accept them all. Really?? That actually happens? Yes, it does. Just not very often. How does a writer keep up their mojo in the face of terrible odds?

Just today the Wave-inatrix took her little red basket and went networking. Lo and behold, I met a very smart and interesting young producer who said: I am always looking for really interesting, well-written scripts. And he listened earnestly while the Wave-inatrix pitched scripts of a couple of favorite clients.

Wavers, Hollywood is like a fearsome, fire-breathing dragon, laying waste to great swaths of countryside. But the truth is, the dragon needs to eat in order to breath that fire and the dragon needs - SCRIPTS.

Yes the system seems stacked, yes the odds are long but make no mistake, Hollywood needs new material and there are careers built on finding good material and getting it on desks.

The time investment for writers is enough to make the most courageous pale. A writer may spend six months to a year and more on a script. This same script will take a reader or exec about ninety minutes to read and about five minutes to draw a conclusion about. And that's just one script among piles and piles. Piles so high that the scripts slither off of mail carts. Piles so high that readers and assistants need tourniquets for the paper cuts. Piles so high there's an entire industry centered around making brads. And these piles of scripts get shoveled into the belly of the beast daily. The beast belches and breathes fire and roars for more.

Wavers - there is a bottom line and that bottom line is Hollywood needs material. Speed up your production; don't allow yourself two years to write a script. If you can possibly write more efficiently than that - do. The larger your inventory, the higher your chances. Spending years on one script is like walking barefoot to Vegas just to drop a dollar into a slot machine. The machine spins and spins and - woops. Sorry. That was your only dollar. Bummer. It's a long, hot walk home.

The truth is your odds improve the more scripts you write. And your writing will improve the more scripts you write. Persistence, experience, inventory and a bit of luck might just result in a jackpot. The Wave-inatrix knows two writers who have worked long and hard and might just get their scripts read by an up-and-coming producer this week. But that's not the best part. The best part is that those writers have more where that came from in terms of talent and inventory. So if this doesn't work out - they're still playing the machine. Get comfy, and have that bucket of quarters ready, Wavers. If you're in it, you're in it for the long haul.

The Wave-inatrix has said it before and she'll say it again - the difference between writers who make it and those who don't is that those who made it never quit trying.

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All-Capping for EMPHASIS

If you read produced scripts, you will notice that some words or sounds are capitalized. Not characters, mind you, but a RAINDROP or a WINDOW or a STILETTO.

Why is this? There is no hard and fast rule, but sometimes writers capitalize a word simply to place emphasis on it. It weights the word so that attention is drawn to it.

Say your character, DICK SWEATSALOT has his face pressed to the shag rug of the run-down motel he just burst into. As he’s held down by a THUG, he notices, in his line of vision, a STILETTO lying under the bed. If we go back two pages, we remember that the woman he had dinner with half an hour ago was wearing stilettos. Where is she? Was she here? Is she here now? It’s a big, juicy clue and so we draw attention to it for the reader.

Sometimes, writers newer to the craft will get confused and all-cap random words thinking that there is some kind of artistic significance. So maybe it’s raining outside and Dick Sweatsalot notices a RAINDROP on the window. Well, okay. There's some sad symbolism, seeing as Dick is in a pretty tight spot. But it’s way more fun if Dick, from his shag-rug vantage point might notice the STILETTO and a slick POOL OF BLOOD. So rather than an oblique symbolic image or just something the writer thought was cool, my attention has been drawn to something I really need to know. Many is the time that I have been left wondering what the importance of the CORVETTE or GREEN LAMPSHADE was in the scene. All-cap on a need-to-know basis not because Corvette's are bitchin'.

As a screenwriter, you want your pages to read smoothly and quickly. Punctuating action lines with an occasional all-capped or italicized word is fine if it brings attention to something you need emphasized.

Some writers capitalize sounds for emphasis so that as Dick stares at the STILETTO he suddenly hears a CLICK. Is the door opening? Is it a gun being cocked? Use capped sounds to make your read interesting and kinetic.

Suddenly, Dick rolls over and leaps to his feet to face his tormentor when – POW! A fist connects with his face. And Dick is back down on the carpet. Be judicious when choosing which words to emphasize. An overuse will have the opposite effect; your reader will simply become annoyed. But a well-placed all-capped word can direct the attention in the scene exactly where you want it. Imagine that the capped word provides a dramatic pause. Or imagine that it causes the reader to jump a little bit because WHAM! – they didn’t see it coming.

Like a very powerful spice, you only need a little bit. Too much ruins the pot. All-capping words is a sneaky way of mini-directing the scene. Not just the words we choose, but the way we use our words can make things feel rushed, scary, funny or startling. Use every single trick in the book, Rouge Wavers, to make your read not just entertaining but EFFING entertaining.

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Weekend Survey

• Apple or PC?
• Dustin Hoffman or Al Pacino?
• Nightmare on Elm Street or Friday the 13th?
• Kate Hudson or Goldie Hawn?
• Die Hard or Under Siege?
• Close Encounters or Poltergeist?
• Bette Davis or Joan Crawford?
• Doris Day or Sandra Dee?
• Scrubs or Grey's Anatomy?
• Scorsese or Copolla?
• Harrison Ford or Bruce Willis?
• Brad Pitt or James Dean?
• Breakfast Club or Sixteen Candles?
• Meryl Streep or Helen Mirren?

The Wave-inatrix says:

PC, Dustin Hoffman, neither!, Goldie Hawn, Die Hard, Close Encounters, Joan Crawford, Doris Day, Scrubs, Scorsese, Bruce Willis, James Dean, Breakfast Club, Meryl Streep

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You Got To Know When to Fold 'em

I was just speaking to a dear friend and fellow writer about a script that I just couldn't "crack". I worked on this comedy for two entire years. In-between I worked on other things, of course, but draft after draft, I just couldn't find the heart of this particular comedy. I wore myself down, I bored my writing group to death, I wrote drafts that closely resembled earlier drafts, I ripped apart the whole thing and rewrote it taking a different point of view - and I still couldn't do it. So I walked. I still like the conceit of it and most likely I will return to it - some day.

How do you know when it's time to walk away? What are the signs? Here are five tell-tale symptoms:

1. You've been working on the same script, regularly, for over a year and you seem to be taking one step forward, two steps back.
2. Your friends are really sick of hearing about the script. They say things like are you STILL working on that one?
3. You are reaching; plot points seem ridiculous even as you write them.
4. You realize you have gotten very far away from the original idea or inspiration
5. You aren't having fun anymore; you're sick of the story but you feel obligated to finish it.

Wavers, there is nothing wrong with walking away. Put the script on the shelf and just move on. It could be that one day inspiration will hit you like a bolt of lightning and you'll crack the story wide open. The solution might be getting further out of your reach the harder you try to find it. If you aren't having fun when you're writing - something is wrong.

My writing partner and I are working on a very exciting, high concept action-thriller at the moment. I work full time, reading and consulting and some days it feels a bit much to also work on this script. But when I open the pages and begin - time stops for me. I have such fun that I always get way more done than I thought I would. And that, Wavers, is how it should feel. Maybe not every second of every day, but overall.

If you're stuck, if the joy has gone out of it, you owe it to yourself (not to mention your friends or spouse) to know when to say when. There's no shame in moving on. Closing the door on this script is opening the window to another. It might just be waiting its turn very patiently.

I read a Western in which one characters says to another: The true mark of a cowboy is not how fast he gets bucked off the horse - it's how he fast he gets off the ground. Hit the ground running, Wavers. You got to know when to walk away and know when to run.

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Smart Moves I Made

Wavers no doubt had a wonderful time commiserating and maybe even identifying with the poor Wave-inatrix’s dumb mistakes of yesteryear. Well, after some wound-licking and pride-restoring, yours truly got back in the saddle and made some better decisions.

Signed up for an online screenwriting class at UCLA. Developed a relationship with the teacher, flew to LA, worked with her privately.

Kept writing.

Signed up for another online class. Flew down to LA for specialized screenwriting weekend workshops every two to three months.

Stayed in touch with my instructors, built mentorships.

Kept writing.

Flew down to LA each year and attended UCLA’s annual week long Writer’s Studio. Had lunch with other students, traded reads, built relationships.

Went back to the screenwriting message board, traded reads with other writers, met the good eggs in person whenever possible, began to be respected and well liked.

Kept writing.

Entered scripts in select competitions. Continued to be disappointed with results but entered again the next year. And the next.

Moved to LA.

Kept writing.

Won a competition at the Creative Screenwriting Expo 2003. Prize: Two-year tuition at the Writer’s Boot Camp in Santa Monica. After some hesitation – took advantage. Studied for two years, made great friends, built relationships.

Started reading at production companies. Up to 10 scripts a week. Learning curve takes sharp upward turn.

Switched genres from comedy and romcom to thriller; approached a friend and writer I knew to be extremely intelligent, fast and a good writer.

Partner and I cranked out thriller in 4 months.

Abrupt personal loss, life fell apart. Picked up thriller, walked it into the office of a friend with whom I had built a professional relationship, slapped it on her desk and with nothing to lose asked for her help. She made some phone calls.

Got a manager and the rest is still unfolding.

Kept writing.

Wavers will notice something that appears again and again in the Wave-inatrix's Wised Up Trajectory: building relationships with other writers, professionals and screenwriting teachers. Along with continuing to write, this is probably the single most important and helpful thing you can do. The Wave-inatrix continues to build professional relationships at every opportunity. Networking and relationship building simply cannot be under-estimated in its power to get your work read and evaluated, for introductions to be made and for growing a reputation as a writer. Wavers, take every opportunity you get to develop that network - in a business built on relationships, it will serve you well. Today's assistant is tomorrow's executive. Last weekend's classmate is next year's sold writer.

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Ask the Wave-inatrix

Those Rouge Wavers who have submitted comments with questions and who continue to do so, rest assured that the Wave-inatrix is saving your questions and will answer them all in a blog post next week. Keep those questions coming!

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Dumb Mistakes I Have Made

The Wave-inatrix spends a lot of time giving advice about what NOT to do. Today, Wavers, I will share some of the bitter, embarrassing and painful mistakes I have made. Burnished in the fires of these missteps, I offer them to relate and identify with newer writers, to serve as a cautionary tale and surely everybody needs a good mid-week belly laugh. Go ahead, laugh. Because Wavers, these dumb moves only made me a better writer today. And passing on tips to you, my readership, is my passion and my mission. Read 'em and weep.

Wrote a feature script after having only read one book on screenwriting and nary a produced script. Figured that was good enough. Script clocked in at 72 pages.

Boldfaced and highlighted every slug line, thinking that made them easier to read.

Indicated my favorite songs and lyrics in Super Cool Scenes. Practically made myself cry because these scenes were just SO poignant and beautiful. To me.

Gave script to an unkind, disinterested party for notes. Got notes. Almost died.

Bought a Hollywood Creative Directory, started with the letter “A”, called every phone number, alphabetically asking sweetly if that company would like to read my super wonderful romantic comedy. Got hung up on a lot. Got some script requests. Go out to dinner to celebrate this huge step toward a WGA membership and Academy Award. Spend piles of money copying and mailing scripts. Never heard from companies again.

Wrote another script, got it to a “manager” in LA who was mysteriously never able to meet in person. Was okay with that for months until she dumped me and I discovered no one had read my script anyway.

Wrote a television spec, gave it to the Head of TV development at Fox, a cousin, and asked him to give it directly to the show. He did. I was not aware that you should never send a spec for a show to that show. Got a curt, acidic call from a producer on the show telling me how much the script sucked.

Had a lunch meeting with a manager, ordered soup so it would be easier to talk and not be chewing or dealing with firmer food. Soup was very spicy; wound up making a scene by gulping ice cold water and coughing.

Had a meeting with a manager, held ice-cold water bottle in my right hand figuring it would stop my hand from being sweaty when we shook hands. We shook hands and the manager grimaced – my hand was freezing and dripping wet.

Had meeting with a manager about a romantic comedy. Sit on deep, slippery leather couch where I take on the posture of Yoda and notice that every script on his shelves was action-thrillers. Wonder why he never calls me back.

Pushed to have meeting with agent who is a friend of a friend. Realize three minutes into the meeting that I have little to say or offer, endure awkward fifteen minutes, leave knowing I wasted his time and mine and worse, that I burnt that connection for good.

Optioned a script to a “producer” for $500. During lunch, she was thrown out of the restaurant for making a scene over her turkey sandwich. Script was never read by anyone she said it would be. Let her re-option it for free for another six more months before realizing this.

Joined screenwriting message board and began posting witty repartee and merry rejoinders thinking that open, honest, helpful posts are desirable. Got “flamed” to a crisp. Have to look up “flamed” to confirm.

Entered scripts in every contest that will take my entry fee, even win a couple. Wonder why nothing happens after that. Research contest administrators, find nothing; no connections, no reputation and no track record.

Wavers, my story shifted into a higher, more professional gear after these experiences and continues to do so. Today I am a repped writer with a whip-smart and professional writing partner, with a psychological thriller being read by A-list actresses and A-list production companies.

Suffice it to say that if the Wave-inatrix can help even one Rouge Waver avoid some of these dumb mistakes, as God as her witness, she will. And Wavers, know that the Wave-inatrix does not judge because she has gone before you and paved the way, hogging all the embarrassment for herself.

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