Short Scene WINNER

Good morning, Wavers. Here is the winning Christmas Short Scene. Joshua James will be receiving a fifty dollar gift certificate to the business of his choice.

I tried to find a special guest judge but due to the holidays, many people are either out of town or too busy with other commitments. I was frustrated by that but then I thought, wait, I'm a pretty special judge, so we'll go with me. In the past, when I have chosen the top three short scenes, I know immediately who the winner should be (ballot stuffing aside, which is why we're using a new model - not popular vote but professional vote).

Of the 50+ short scenes that were submitted, only a tiny fraction were anywhere near what I had hoped for. Now, given, writing a compelling scene that tells an entire story in and of itself is quite a challenge. But it's a challenge that a screenwriter should be able to meet. This is why these competitions are a great exercise.

Many short scenes were too clever for their own good. I didn't get it, in other words. Things weren't set up and came out of the blue. Storylines were unclear. Keywords were repeated, on the nose or inserted a bit randomly.

Joshua's short scene was head and shoulders above any other submission I received. Head and shoulders. So what did Joshua do right?

His short scene used the keywords organically. The scene has a beginning, a middle and an end. It has a key moment that sets up a mystery and the pay off is satisfying and sweet. It sets up world, it is logical and it has universal resonance. Congratulations, Josh, you did a great job.

Nog
by Joshua James

EXT. SNOW-FILLED STREET - DAY
Wind and snow howl. BARB (29) wades through the knee-deep
snow in the middle of the street. She carries a large
thermos. Wades up to a house. Shivering, Barb takes out her
keys. Notices a-

MAILMAN - struggling through the snow, three doors up.

BARB - checks the mailbox by the door. A letter.

INT. FOYER - DAY
Barb stomps snow off her boots, unwraps herself from the
scarves and jackets.

She opens the letter. Picks up the thermos. Walks into the hall. Stops midway as she reads:

“Dear Barb, enclosed is an all expenses paid trip for
two to MAUI for the Christmas holiday. You’ve put in so many
extra hours that the partners and I agreed to do something
special for you. It’s Maui, Barb, Maui! Best, Tracy.”

EMMA (O.S.)
Barb? Is that you?

INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
Barb steps on the pedal of a kitchen trash can. Lid goes up.
Barb drops the letter, tickets and voucher into the trash.

EMMA
I can’t believe you went out in a
raging blizzard just for that.

EMMA (60) appears, in a wheelchair. Barb grabs two cups.

BARB
It’s your favorite. Cinnamon
flavored egg nog from Cuddy’s.

Barb pours egg nog from the thermos. Hands a cup to her.

EMMA
I bet you wish you were somewhere
warm and sunny right about now.

Barb smiles. Sips her egg nog.

BARB
Not at all, Mom. It’s Christmas.

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