Dense Action Lines = Kiss of Death

For many new screenwriters, action lines seem like the least of their concerns. That's just the part where you download what's happening, describe characters, etc., big deal, how hard can it be? I have seen many an aspiring screenwriter who writes in some other context, sometimes even on a high level of achievement (having been published or otherwise lauded), really take action lines for granted - which honestly, as a person who has written published essays and short fiction as well as scripts, irks me. Don't take action line writing so lightly - give it some respect.

Action lines are in some ways Screenwriting 101: Don't just tell me what's going on, lay it out as if I am watching what's going on. Huge difference. Yes, yes, one can adhere to "rules" like keep action lines to less than four lines in one paragraph but really, what sets action lines in a script apart from any other type of writing is that they are cinematic in nature. They have movement, they guide the eye, they set the tone. They don't just plunk us into the middle of a tableau and describe it to death: They are kinetic and elegant.

Don't ever just toss out action lines to simply describe something. Always take advantage and make them pull two and three times their weight. Don't describe a scene as if it is a static diorama. Remember that action lines are NOT subtitled; don't tell me that this dude is the CEO of Evil Corp. and that he's having an agitated conversation with someone. SHOW me what that looks like. Sorry I'm ranting a little; I read a script yesterday that had a great premise but that was absolutely sunk by action lines that did nothing to service the story and everything to take what should have been exciting and make it a describe-o-rama snorefest.

Let me give you an example that is scrambled for confidentiality's sake. This is an amalgam of every bad action line mistake you could make...but let me also say this is NOT an exaggeration. I repeat - NOT an exaggeration. This is sadly common:

LOUISE GINT is blonde, in her 50s but still looking good. She wears expensive clothing but she is annoyed. She is the president of the Junior Soccer League. She is in a high school gymnasium and stands at a podium set up on a stage and tries to get the crowd to quiet down to listen to her. Her vice president, LOU HALL is in his 30s and is a grumpy type who rarely smiles. All around them a crowd waits to hear the speech. A PHOTOGRAPHER with a beard stands toward the back and begins to snap pictures of the event. He is Louise's ex-husband and there is no love lost between them. Screens are on either side of the podium and the screens play footage of a soccer team in Ireland winning a game. Louise starts her speech.

Do you see how annoying this is? And this example is probably eight lines shorter than I commonly see. It is expository, it is boring, it is overwritten and it just sits there like a lump. It doesn't MOVE.

Now let's try it again:

A high school gym is crowded with SOCCER FANS. Parents, die-hards, teenagers. A bearded PHOTOGRAPHER jostles for position at the back. Suddenly, microphone feedback echoes throughout the gym -

LOUISE (O.S.): Ladies and gentleman! Quiet down please!

The crowd turns its attention to the commanding woman at the podium. LOUISE GINT (50s), blonde and confident in her Donna Karan, looks over the crowd.

LOUISE: Quiet please!

LOU HALL (30s), grim and unsmiling, leans in to Louise.

LOU (under his breath): This isn't going to be easy.

Louise covers the microphone with her hand.

LOUISE: Shut up and roll the footage, dammit!

Two large screens on either side of the podium flicker and come to life. Team Ireland plays a rousing, mud-spattered game.

LOUISE: It is my duty as Junior Soccer League President to present to you the incriminating footage of the game played last year in Dublin Heights.

MAN (O.S.): Miss Gint?! Miss Gint!

Louise swivels her head to someone in the back of the crowd. It's the photographer.

PHOTGRAPHER: Wasn't this footage obtained through illegal means?

The crowd grows silent. Lou leans closer to Louise and whispers.

LOU: Isn't that -

LOUISE: My ex husband. Bastard.

Etc.

So - you know - this is an example and it really goes nowhere but do Wavers see how both examples basically give out the same information but one does it in a way that is moving along and the other is just an action line DUMP?

Look, writing action lines vis a vis the first example is a natural way for new writers to do it. It's what you are used to; it uses a weird combination of pointillism and paint roller to set up what's going on. But the second example is how scripts (good ones) are actually written - information is doled out on an as-needed basis. As one example, in the first iteration, the writer just informs us that Louise is the president of the junior soccer league and that further, she is annoyed. But in the second example, we just let her BE the junior soccer league president - she tells us that as part of what she's doing. And she SOUNDS annoyed. We don't inform you the photographer is her ex, we discover that in a kinetic way. Louise sees him only after he asks a question. And we find out just who he is in a much more fun way.

It's like the difference between trotting out beauty contest girls and saying: Miss Corona Hills is 27, likes long walks on the beach and really loves puppies! Rather than introducing information as if she walks out onto the stage as an actor in a play - we gather information about her through the way she talks and acts - we gather the information, we look for it, we experience it.

And that sums up the vibe of good action lines, people. Don't information dump but rather, let the information wash over us incrementally. Because when you write that way, you have engaged me, the reader. I am experiencing what I am reading, not being hit over the head with it. This not a manual for a garbage disposal. This is like being led on a garden tour.

And that. Is my rant for the day. Thank you and get back to work.

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Pilot Season

By Lisabeth Laiken

OK, quick, answer this — what will you want to watch this fall?

With everything going on in the world, can you hazard a guess right now where you will be and what you will be in the mood for in seven months?

Do you think you will want to watch shows about parenting? A family drama maybe? A family comedy? How about some more soft procedurals? Will you be ready to laugh at the exploits that happen after being fired? Or have your heart tugged by them? Will a new medical drama or two distract you from your woes? Or will you have had enough of reality and just want an escape, so maybe some familiar witches? Vampires? Aliens? Or do you just want to cut to the chase and see the apocalypse? Or the future? These are all options under consideration. Do any of them strike your fancy?

There are millions of dollars at stake right now trying to guess that answer. Maybe that’s why time travel is such a popular television theme; the network execs wish they could do it themselves!

Pilot season is a crazy carnival ride in a good year; this year it might be even wilder - how can the execs gauge anything with everything in such flux? And this pilot season wasn’t even supposed to happen. After the writers strike, the networks proclaimed very loudly that throwing money at an array of pilots didn’t work and wasn’t cost effective and they weren’t going to do it anymore. Well it may be true that it’s inefficient, but not doing it didn’t work out so well either, so they are back at it.

In the last few weeks, dozens of ideas have gotten the greenlight - to go to script, to be cast, to get directors - all with the hope that in March they will get the word to start shooting. If you are writing a spec script or developing your own television show idea, or if you just like TV and want to follow a kind of horserace, there are three great resources to keep track of it all: Variety's Pilot Watch, The Hollywood Reporter's articles and orders at Pilot Log, and The Futon Critic DevWatch. This last resource lists everything - details and history - with great filtering options!

The casting reports are starting to pop up. So much of a show's success depends on chemistry between set-up and actor. Just look at this seasons The Mentalist; its whole pull is what Simon Baker makes of that character in a rather middling show. Who would you like to see back out there? If you were writing a show, who would you want to be delivering your lines? I know that if Kyle Secor, John Hawkes, Emma Caulfield, or Caroline Dhavernas were to be cast in something I would need to check it out. Lauren Graham (who tops my list of MIAs) has a pilot for ABC called "Let It Go" that seems to be gaining momentum, so here’s hoping I’ll see at least one of my faves this fall.

Other shows on the radar already include the latest attempt to recreate AbFab (Kristen Johnston, Kathryn Hahn) and a remake of V. Two movies being dusted off and having their shoulder pads removed are Parenthood and Witches of Eastwick. The CW is hoping to attract the Twilight fans with Vampire Diaries. Hotties James Tupper and Michael Vartan have been tagged for medical shows, Mercy and Time Heals, respectively. Jenna Elfman is getting another go with Accidentally on Purpose and Amy Smart has her first lead in See Cate Run.

It’s way too early to say what will end up on the air. I have my fingers crossed very tightly for the new Herskovitz/Zwick drama A Marriage but who knows — a couple of years ago I was sure we’d be watching Judy Got a Gun and Nice Girls don’t Get a Corner Office. Anyone remember when those had the buzz? It was 2007. We got Cavemen instead.

Lisabeth Laiken has been scrutinizing television since they got the breed of dog wrong on Little House on the Prairie. After ending her college years watching movies and television critically in a joint Film Studies and Semiotics program, she went on to use two VCRs to collect and catalog all her favorite shows (over 500 tapes) long before DVR was a glimmer in anyone’s eye.

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Getting Unstuck

So you're working on your script and you're just - stuck. Not feeling the love. Suddenly feeling adrift. Suddenly doubting it, disliking it and sliding into an existential spiral of yuckness. Something just isn't working. This is not how it's supposed to be! I am the only writer who is stuck! I suck! Other writers do not go through this! Wrong, wrong and wrong again.

To power through the yuckness and self-pity of feeling stuck, you might ask these questions:

What
What
Why
How
Who

WHAT is the premise? What am I writing here? In one sentence. Spit it out. This is a thriller about a woman being stalked by a potato farmer. Let's practice the power of intentionality here - write the WHAT down on a Post-It and stick it onto your computer monitor.

WHAT turns me on about this story? What tickles me about it? What interests me here? Write it down. Don't judge what you write, just brain dump.

WHY would audiences enjoy seeing this movie? How does it help them escape, reflect or connect with their own humanity? Write it down. Again, brain dump.

HOW can I tell this story in a way that is uniquely compelling? How can I find a way into this story that is different from other stories like it? Do some brainstorming. Do you tell the story in reverse? Is the story set in a different era or location?

WHO is the main character? Do you need to push the pause button on the pages and do some character exercises and backstory writing? Do you really get the flaw of this character? Do you actually know how your character prefers his or her coffee? When they graduated? What they drive, what music they like, how they feel about their parents? How much do you know about this main character? The key to writing a compelling character rather than a marionette is backstory and character work.

In other words, revisit your mission statement for this script. Why did you want to write this story in the first place? What is making you feel suddenly stuck? Are you becoming mired in the details and have you lost track of the big picture? Is your main character really three-dimensional?

Look, there's no two ways about it - writing is painfully difficult at times. That's why most people are incapable of doing it. The brain of a writer must be lit up like a Lite Brite when we are brainstorming or writing. Imagine what that must look like. Take a moment and appreciate how hard this is. This writing thing isn't for sissies.

So be kind to yourself. Don't judge the process. If you need to take a break, take a break. But if you need to open a new Word document and just free-flow brain dump about this script, why you're writing it, who your main character is or why audiences will enjoy this story, do so. What you write won't wind up in the script, per se, but it will go into your creative larder as fuel. I do think that allowing yourself to just type your thoughts freestyle, without judging, can unleash ideas and inspiration that have been hidden.

That's the rub with writing, isn't it? You can't force it. But you can feed it. You can get in the mood for it and mainly - you can give in to the experience of it. Because it just isn't pretty.

It's like camping - you show up at the camp site all outfitted with fancy REI gear and all neatly prepared and two days later you're wearing three layers of filthy clothes with soot on your face and eating something off a stick that dropped in the dirt a minute ago. And you just don't give a damn. There's something totally exhilarating about just not giving a damn anymore.

Why just yesterday, a dear friend, after receiving a summons for a meeting at ICM this Friday, told me how she got to this point. She'd written several comedies, nothing was taking off, and she decided to not give a damn and just write a crazy post-apocalyptic script and damn the goddamn torpedoes. That's the headspace she was in. And now...fast forward about nine months: manager, agent, meetings at prestigious production companies. How's that for just letting go of control and not giving a damn?

Whatever it takes. Nobody is going to judge your process. And being stuck is quite decidedly part of the process. Writing is not neat, it is not pretty, it is not one size fits all. It's okay to have days when you absolutely hate your script. Pick that dirty marshmallow right back up, blow off the filth, ram that stick through it and roast it on the fire. The sweet center will still be there, no matter how you cook it.

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Reminder Plus a Happy Dance

Good afternoon, Wavers - I have some exciting news. We landed a really neat writer to dine with our grand prize winner for the 2009 Silver Screenwriting Competition. The doors open for submission on Sunday March 1st, and the deadline is May 1st. The first two weeks of submissions are early bird discounted. The website has not yet been updated to reflect the reason I'm doing a big happy dance today so here's the upshot:

With cash and prizes totaling $10,000, The Silver Screenwriting Competition will award the Grand Prize winner a round trip ticket to Los Angeles, three nights at a four star hotel on the Sunset Strip, meetings with three managers and lunch at the Ivy with Josh Zetumer, currently adapting DUNE for director Peter Berg. (Josh also worked on SHERLOCK HOLMES and JAMES BOND: QUANTUM OF SOLACE). How’d you like to pick his brain over lunch?

And that’s not even including the MacBook Air, iPhone and $750 in cash. Go ahead. Give it a try. Then start packing your bags for Hollywood. Deadline, May 1st, 2009, 11:59pm Pacific Time.

Oh happy happy joy joy. I've actually met Josh on a number of occasions and let me tell you, he's one smart guy. He has twice appeared on the Black List (2008 and 2007) and in 2008 was named one of Variety's Top Ten Screenwriters to Watch. And now you can watch him have lunch and give you some choice advice and inspiration. Super neat. So mark your calendars and get those scripts ready - it's gonna be a fun competition!

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Quality Writing Time

So you've made the time to write which feels terrific except now...you have to write. And you stare at your computer screen. And you wonder...do they have wireless at this cafe? I should check. You check. They do. Your finger hovers over the "accept this sketchy wireless connection" message. You click it. You get wireless but it's pretty bad. You check your email and the weather and it takes forever to load so you give up and click back on your script. You tweak some dialogue and then scroll down to the next blank page where you need to write a new scene. You type EXT. and then start sweating. You open your outline. Where were you? Ahhhhh, right. Right, right, right. But - is this outline really working? You spend ten minutes going over it. A terrible feeling starts to overwhelm you. You put your chin in your hands and stare around the cafe at the other writers. They all seem so busy and immersed. But you - but - this script - this is terrible. The outline is terrible. The pages are terrible. You know what? Let's see if the weather page finally loaded. It didn't. Just write, you idiot, you think to yourself. Back to the blank page after the terrible page on page fourteen. EXT. - FBI BUILDING....oh man is this scene DAY or NIGHT? You know what? Your coffee is getting cold. You go get another latte. And as you stand at the counter waiting for it, you look around at the cozy scene inside the cafe and you feel suddenly quite writerly. Look at all these writers click-clicking away. This is the life! I am part of a community! A silent one, but still! We are all here creating. You get slightly high from that feeling mixed with the sound of the espresso machine and clink of coffee cups and the sharp scent of coffee.

But every step back to your seat is like walking the green mile. There's the blank page again. But this time, fueled even momentarily by your this-is-the-life thoughts, you sit back down and start writing. Click-clicking away, you write a scene. And it's beyond bad. It's awful. But you don't care. Two terrible pages flow out of you when suddenly you are gripped with the realization that now you have to go back to page two and explain something. God writing is awful! You fix the thing on page two. Huh. This is starting to feel okay. These pages are not bad. The outline is carrying you forth like the yellow brick road. You get in the groove. You feel like you can't stop. You look at the time - oooohhh man, gotta wrap up. In just a few minutes. Just a few....INT....more....OPERATING ROOM....minutes....NIGHT.

Two hours later and you pack up your computer. You've written five whole new pages and worked on previously existing pages too. You've run the gamut from self-loathing to self-congratulatory pretension and back. You've had two lattes and then bought a water because you feel guilty about how the cafe owner is possibly making enough money with all these writers perched like trolls, occupying tables for hours. You think, if this cafe owner charged ten bucks for table rental, you'd pay it. You hope this doesn't occur to the cafe owner. As you walk home you think to yourself, what Woody Allen said is true: 80% of success is showing up. Even if showing up for your script is a hero's journey filled with doubt, pitfalls, horror and highs.

And you know what you've just had? A great writing day. Because this IS what writing looks like. If you have some sort of fantasy in your mind that other writers experience anything much different than this, you're laboring under an illusion.

Like the 7 circles of hell, the wireless checking, the going to get more coffee ploy, the loathing of your pages, the checking and re-checking of the outline - this is all normal. It's what we have to do in order to get to the good part.

Here's the biggest secret to writing. Ready? Ass + chair + time. That's it.

Now get back to work.

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Post Oscar Hangover

Good morning everybody! And how did we enjoy the Academy Awards? Here are my thoughts:

*Hugh Jackman: Who knew? Excellent job. His opening number started off with a high cringe factor but ended with hilarity. Hugh really is an all-around entertainer. Plus, he's never met me but I cover books and scripts for Seed so I feel a special connection to him. In my mind.

*Anne Hathaway: That girl can sing! And was a great sport. Barbara Walters interview later was fairly boring though. She's too together to spill or reveal anything substantially interesting. Whatever, healthy, grounded Hollywood girl. Thanks for nothin'.

*What was Philip Seymour Hoffman wearing on his noggin? What was that?

*Where was Jack Nicholson?

*Heath Ledger's win: I can't help but wonder if he would have won were he still with us. It was a compelling performance but clearly his tragic loss fueled this vote. How weird would it be to be any of the other nominees in this category and just know for sure that you will absolutely not be ascending the stage to collect jack. This may explain Hoffman's head gear.

*Slumdog: I love Danny Boyle. And I liked this movie a lot. But I never got on board with the Crazy Slumdog Fan Club. I'm slightly baffled by the love fest over this movie. I really am.

*Kate Winslet: Well deserved and about time. However, and we rewound the TiVo twice, her "thank you, Academy!" QUITE sounded like she dropped the f-bomb which we know is impossible and yet wow it sounded like the word "thank" started with an "f". This will be an enduring mystery to me.

*Sean Penn: Well deserved but I was really, really rooting for Rourke. Also, his speech was a bit heavy-handed for my taste. Also, he neglected to honor/mention or thank Harvey Milk in his speech which I'm sure he regretted later. Also he did not thank Robin Wright Penn - I know they've been estranged but she's the mother of his children!

*Tina Fey and Steve Martin - hilarious!

*Dustin Lance Black: This win really made me tear up. Not only what he said in his speech but his sheer, heart-pounding amazement at having won. He deserved this win.

*Penelope Cruz: Well deserved win; her performance was riveting, I must say. But she looks oddly childlike to me. The aspect ratio of her face is off.

*Did anybody see any of the feature docs? I am embarrassed to say that I have not. Yet.

*Ditto foreign language films. What have I become? I used to see them all. Must do better next year.

*Best Achievement in Sound Editing. Best Achievement in Sound Mixing. Academy, please combine these two categories into one: Best Achievement in Loudness. That way we could grasp this highly technical category and I might have won the pool.

*The way FIVE actors would come out like ominous muses to regale/roast the nominees was creepy. And unwieldy. And time-consuming. Please don't do this again, Academy.

*Ratings were up by 6% so what do I know.

*Did it strike anyone else that going on and on to Frank Langella that he played the definitive Nixon while Anthony Hopkins was also on stage was - awkward? To be honest, I haven't seen more than bits of Frost/Nixon, but I just saw Oliver Stone's Nixon and Hopkins was amazing as Nixon.

*Fashion: Why so many off-the-shoulder looks? It was like a meme. Meryl Streep looked lovely except the dun color of her dress was a bit sober for the occasion. Oh how I miss the days of Cher and her ridiculous outfits. Everybody is so tasteful these days. Mickey Rourke looked great but I'd recommend a shampoo as part of his morning ritual.

*Mickey Rourke on Barbara Walters later - uncomfortable. Does anyone take Barbara Walters seriously anymore? I'm just embarrassed at this point. From Anwar Sadat to the Jonas Brothers.
*Mel Gibson on Jimmy Kimmel later - whoa, whoa, whoa. Do not tell me this man is clean and sober. And disappointingly, he denies that he coined the expression "sugartits." What a let down.

Complete list of nominees and winners HERE.

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Sunday Afternoon Musings

Hello, Wavers. Is everybody geared up to watch the Academy Awards? Here's an item of interest that I thought might make a fun opportunity:

Little Bird Productions here in LA is looking for one-act plays between 10 and 20 pages with four characters max and minimal sets. They say dramatic or comedic is fine but they've found that dramedy seems to work out the best. Scripts can be sent as PDF, Word or Final Draft and must be received by March 22nd. Ostensibly, from what I'm reading here in the South Hollywood News, which is where I found this item, LBP then produces a show called Mixtape, which is a showcase, of kinds, of these one-act plays. They have been producing Mixtape since November 2007 and the show sells out. They say "It will be amazing exposure for new writers, as several up-and-coming writers, directors, producers, top literary and theatrical agents, and industry heavy-weights have become fans of this flock of birds and are sure to be in attendance again." I cannot vouch for this event or organization personally but it sounds like a pretty neat opportunity to me. If you'd like more information, email littlebirdproduction@yahoo.com and find out more.

And then we move onto an observation. And that is that it is weird living in Los Angeles during big events like the Academy Awards. This is such a company town; everywhere you look during the past week, evidence of tonight's broadcast has been abundant. More celebrity sightings, as celebrities are in town for the event, more blocked off parking, more helicopters, more trucks and rigs and gear around the Kodak Theater and limousines at every intersection - it's like living in a small town the week before the Big RiverDaze Parade and Barbecue. And today, even if it is a bit grey outside, there is an air of anticipation. Everybody is scurrying out to buy food and booze before the broadcast begins. Don't even THINK ABOUT driving across town anywhere near Hollywood starting yesterday. I am expecting several friends over this afternoon for the broadcast and one can't make it because he lives so near the Kodak that he literally can't get out of his neighborhood. So, nothing wise or profound to say today except that it's just - it's weird living in this town sometimes. I've lived here for almost exactly six years and there's no denying the singularity of the experience. Sometimes living at the ground zero of the global entertainment machine is really energizing and exciting and sometimes it's oppressive and a little depressing. Depends on which day you catch me. Sometimes I'd give my right arm to just walk down the street and meet and chat with only carp fisherman and librarians. A little perspective would be nice once in awhile. But that's why God made vacations.

In the meantime - who has found time to write this weekend? Anyone? I am going to sheepishly raise my hand and admit that I didn't. But guess what - solidarity, people - I am hereby quite publically going to put myself on the line and take one for the team. I have a bunch of people arriving in four hours but that gives me easily two hours during which I could go write. So I'm packing up my computer and heading over to Canters for some soup and writing time. Literally. Off I go. Check your Google Earth - I'll wave.

Enjoy the afternoon and evening and I'll check back in with everybody tomorrow.

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Can You Find Two Hours?

Okay Wavers - here's our weekend challenge. Can you find two hours to write this weekend? In between the laundry, grocery shopping, Academy Awards and doing-of-things-with-your-significant-other-if-you-have-one? Doesn't have to be two consecutive hours, although that is ideal. Maybe you can write for 45 minutes this morning and an hour and 15 minutes tomorrow morning. Maybe you can write in increments of 20 minutes. Maybe you can duck out of your usual weekend obligations and just crank out two solid hours. Is this too much to ask of us? Are we taking our screenwriting careers seriously? Do our families understand how important this is to us? No, yes and of course.

Remember: this is like exercise. You will have 32 excuses why you don't have time, all seemingly quite legitimate. And yet - if you manage to squeeze some writing time in, you'll feel like a million bucks afterward.

So try to carve two measly hours out of this weekend someway, somehow and get some writing done. I'll be right there with ya. Who's in?

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Stimulate the Economy: Get out of the House

Hello, Wavers - and Happy Friday-Before-the-Oscars. Sorry for posting so late today; had to make a run to the airport this morning. And all that jazz. I don't know how many of you are lucky enough to work at home but if you count yourself as a work-at-homer you know that it is a sublime blessing - and sometimes quite a curse. I myself work at home and I love that I can stop and do laundry, walk the dogs or do the dishes. On the other hand - I work at home. So I am surrounded by work. I can always work. Early morning, late at night - it's always there. When The Script Department decides to get a fancy office on Rodeo Drive, I'm gonna be one happy camper. Because then when you leave - you're DONE for the day. I miss that feeling of DONENESS. I have recently decided, however, in my inventive way, to start working at cafes at least two or three times a week. On TSD stuff and on my writing.

For me, there's something motivating about packing up and working somewhere else. I live in LA and so most coffee shops and cafes are packed to the GILLS with writers tap-tapping away. Something about that conveys a sense of camaraderie. Plus, for me, the white noise of a cafe - the espresso machine, the low murmur of voices, the cars swishing by outside - lends a feeling of being in a sort of bubble within which I can be more productive. I'm not sure why that is but I know I'm not alone because again, the cafes around here are always crowded.

Whether you work at home or work outside the house, consider going to your local cafe to do your writing. I find I can get more writing done in 90 minutes at a cafe than in three hours at home. So give it a whirl - you don't need to spend more time writing, necessarily, you need to spend good time writing.

So off I go - there's a great coffee shop about three blocks from where I live and starting today you can find me there several days a week. Look out, whoever has the table that's gonna be my new favorite spot. Or - maybe this is going to be a journey of finding the perfect cafe to write in. Hmmmmm...is this a story idea?

Wherever you are - get back to work.

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Table Read Follow-Up

Last evening, The Script Department hosted another of our monthly table reads at The Attic Theater. And this is what the writer, Seth Fortin, had to say about the experience:

***

I always feel, as a screenwriter, that my work happens in a kind of vacuum until the moment someone actually reads it out loud. I know how these lines are supposed to be delivered, and in my head I can hear, oh, William Hurt or Michael Gambon or Glenn Close inflecting them with exactly the right emotional notes, allowing the subtext to ring out sharp and clear like a fork against a wine glass in a crowded room. I know how it's supposed to sound, I know what's been left unsaid in each scene, I know when characters are bluffing or holding something back or on the verge of tears.

But is it on the page?

Have I actually written the scenes in such a way that all that stuff comes to the fore?

Do the act breaks really ramp up the tension, or are they over-subtle and meaningful only to the guy who's got the whole story in his head?

Do the characters have all the distinctive bumps and wrinkles that I think they have, or have I left some of that stuff sitting in storage boxes in the abandoned warehouse of my imagination?

Is my exposition faced-paced and clever, like a West Wing walk-and-talk, or is it frustrating and sleep-inducing, like my college calculus class?

In short: did I write what I think I wrote?

One way to answer that question is to give your script to someone in the business and get their very first, unvarnished opinion. Another way is to get a bunch of working actors together and have them do a read-through, cold, with no rehearsal. It's not that a first impression is always right; it's just that if a group of professionals understand where you're trying to go with a certain scene or a certain joke or a character arc, then it's probably on the page. If not, you may have left something in the brain.

Happily, Julie and The Script Department can help you with both of these. Last evening, Julie and her colleagues organized a table read for my original science fiction comedy pilot Just In Time. Six actors, all Guild members, all pros, sat down and performed the script in front of a small audience, while Julie and special guest Margaux Froley, a writer for the CW's Privileged, took notes and prepared to give feedback.

As the actors did their thing, I had a chance to hear, directly, what a first-time reader thought was happening in each line of dialogue. I had a chance to see where, on a first look, character interactions were confusing or unclear. It was a useful exercise. But for me, as the creator of the characters, it was also a little bit magical to see them brought to life. (This is the other, private benefit of the table read. Sure, it's great to wade into the technical needs of your script. But it's also a thrill to see your work become a physical reality, even if it's an unrehearsed, off-the-cuff reality. Especially for those of us who are still writing spec scripts, there's no guarantee that the thing you're pouring soul and sweat into will ever be filmed. So if you ever do a table read -- treasure the moment!)

After the read-through, the actors gave their immediate impressions and asked me the things they'd been wondering as they read. These ranged from "The characters were well-drawn" to "If you cut down on the sci-fi exposition, you'd have more time to spend on character" to "Do you envision this as a single-camera or multi-camera show?"

Then we turned to the writers in the room. Friend-of-the-blog and previous table read participant Christopher Bosley and web-series producer Mike Perri both chimed in with great insights - including one casually-dropped idea that made me want to jump up and go "Holy crap! That's it! That's the missing link! Goodbye, everybody; I have to go write now!" (I didn't; I'm polite. But I wanted to.)

Next Margaux and Julie gave notes. At first they asked where I saw the show going, what I thought motivated the main character, what kinds of things we hadn't seen on the page yet - the vision questions. These are the kinds of questions you would expect to be asked if you were in a meeting with someone who could actually produce your show. This reminded me of the most important thing about writing pilots - you have to know what comes next, what could be happening in a year or several seasons down the road.

Then we got into the deep and brutal questions that have to be asked about any script. Really, they all boil down to a single question: Can you get an audience to watch this? Under that general question, subquestions: Is there a clear genre? Does this really work as a half-hour show, or would you be better off making it an hour-long drama? Are your characters the kinds of characters that people would want to see week after week? Do your act breaks make people want to stick around through the commercials?

Finally, while everyone else noshed on cookies and fruit, Margaux and I had a quick conference where she gave me her point-by-point notes, which ran from the technical ("use an en dash instead of an em dash") to the practical ("What show is this like? What network do you see this on?") to the philosophical ("It's not 'comedy-specific'... doesn't fit into an easy mold.")

By the end I had dozens and dozens of useful suggestions, enough to take a script, premise, and characters I love and shape them - I hope - into a sharp, marketable piece of work. And I had seen what every screenwriter hopes to see - my work leave the page and become a real thing for half an hour. Awesome!

Seth Fortin is a Rouge Waver and Los Angeles newbie of six months. In his previous life, he worked in Military Intelligence as a translator.

If you live in the Los Angeles area (or would like an excuse to visit) and would like a table read of your material, please click HERE for details and arrangements of this free, fun and illuminating experience.

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Hollywood A-S-S-T

Enjoy this hilarious video!



Hollywood ASST from Back of the Class on Vimeo.

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Don't Take That Tone With Me

What is the tone of your script? Well, clearly the tone should reflect the genre, right? Yes, of course it should. And if it doesn't, your script is in trouble and so is the rating it will receive on a coverage report. Tone is one of what I call the "off-grid" ratings when you receive coverage. Remember, the usual rating grid that accompanies a coverage includes:

Premise
Storyline
Character
Dialogue

Those are the big four. Now, to recap, premise refers to the IDEA, the basic jumping off point. Is it clear, does it pay off, is it original? Storyline refers to the narrative (and obliquely, the structure). In other words, HOW was the story told? How was the pacing and the style of the narrative itself? Character and dialogue are self-explanatory although a mystery to me is why the two are split up as separate categories. I have never seen good character work accompany bad dialogue or vice versa. I don't make the rules, guys, I just observe them.

Off-grid categories are screenwriting elements that don't appear on the grid but that are being judged in the coverage anyway: Tone, Theme, World, Logic, Stakes.

So we return to tone. Inconsistent tone might result in a romping romcom which includes some kind of climatic bar fight between the two rivals which suddenly reads like a scene from UNDER SIEGE. A tense horror script can have a playful love scene straight out of WHEN HARRY MET SALLY. A sci-fi script might suddenly have a sequence with the weighty dramaturgic leanings of TWELVE ANGRY MEN. And that can be cool, man. That can be really taking your script to the next level. If you pull it off. But pulling it off means that scene or sequence needs to have something in common with the tone of the rest of the script.

You need to make sure that the tone in your script - the tone you set on page one - is consistent through-out. Sometimes writers like to go full bore (not to be confused with full retard) and impress a reader with a NASTY fight scene - and hey, hats off - except this is a romantic comedy. Or - oh, oh, this is not uncommon - a graphic sex scene in the middle of a romcom. The couple is falling into bed together and suddenly things get a bit hardcore. And it's like a record needle goes scccrriiitch!

A reader can tell when there're problems with the tone when they suddenly realize they aren't sure how they are supposed to be feeling. That realization could happen on page five, it could happen on page 62. But it happens. Confusion sets in. I know that sounds almost too casual a reflection to point to and yet - it is the best way I can articulate the gut feeling a reader gets when the tone is a problem. Is this - funny? Is this - scary? Should I be laughing here? I'm not sure. Houston - we have a problem.

How do you make sure the tone of your script is consistent? Make sure you are nailing the expectations of your genre, first of all, in terms of structure, character work and theme. Then pay attention to the language you use.

We know that language is a many splendored thing. I can say "where have you been" in about 10 ways and each would convey a different emotion and intensity. How many of you have written an email to someone (or god forbid, a letter!) and labored over each word, deleting, rewriting and carefully guiding what you are trying to say so that the missive is received in the way you want it to be received? An example I think we can all relate to is an email or text message to someone we like - but to whom we don't want to give that away. Is the message too familiar? Too funny? Does it sound needy? We work and rework the message until it sounds inviting but neutral, playful but non-committal. You know you've done it. It is important that the message be received with a clear intentionality.

And so it goes with screenwriting. If you are writing a Western, you want to make sure the script conveys a sense of adventure, opportunity and lawlessness or maybe bleak existential survival. Clearly, your romcom is going to convey a sense of fun, laughter and romance. Make sure that if you're writing an action-thriller that the tone is, well, actiony and thrillery. Horror should convey tension and fear. Which doesn't mean you can't have a light-hearted or funny moment in your horror script - but make sure that sequence doesn't read like it came from a totally different script. The words you choose to use are a huge part of the tone you are establishing. And the pacing of the action will be a huge part of that tone as well.

Think about the way you want the reader (or later, viewer) to FEEL while reading your script. Think of the words you choose to use - EVERY word - the dialogue, the names of your characters, the names of the locations, the WAY the sun rises in a scene - as powerful tools to evoke a feeling in your script.

This is the first paragraph after the first slugline in the thriller that my partner, JP Smith and I wrote, the one that I have lately referred to here on TRW:

The western horizon is bruised and purple, punctuated by distant lightning. Rain is coming. The last hint of sun fades into darkness as cars swish by the tall pines and thick brush along the interstate...

Sound kinda ominous? It should. If this were the opening for a romcom, even if the sun were setting I promise the word "bruised" would be nowhere near this description. Or "distant lightning" or "fades into darkness." We are using these scant 35 words to set the tone of the script to follow. The lake in our script is "dark and rippling." The house is quiet. The neighbors are SUPER cheerful. All in service of a creepy tone which is like the yellow brick road leading the reader into an inescapably tense story.

So make sure to use language in the service of the TONE you are conveying. And make sure that all scenes and sequences are consistent with that established tone as well. I am sure you are quite capable of writing an explicit sex scene, super violent fight or very serious and dramatic scene - but does that scene belong in THIS script? Don't get dinged for blowing the consistency of your tone.

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What B Movies Can Teach Us

The Mini-W and I have a rainy day pastime of renting B movies with titles like BLUE DEMON and SHARK HUNTER. Although we were a bit disappointed by the Sci-Fi Channel's IT WAITS because it wasn't that bad. SHARK SWARM, for a bevy of reasons, is still one of our all-time faves - a perfect storm, if you will. But I digress.

You have to love a B movie. There's a certain bonhomie present when the dollars are low, the motivation is high and the writing - well, whatever sort of works. We have been amazed and impressed at the directorial decisions that elevate budget constraints into cleverness - or camp. But one thing we have noticed, fairly consistently, is the presence of two-dimensional characters.

When you're watching a B movie, your expectations are much lower. In fact, you're pretty sure you're going to wind up with some pretty good belly laughs. And you usually do. But from a writer's perspective, even characters in a fairly ridiculous situation (a Yeti killing all the pretty college girls in the next cabin over, or giant alien-eels with telepathy attacking your submarine) should have SOME believability. Shouldn't they? Are writers like hairdressers at a party, doomed to observe what is NOT working and cringe?

Obviously, the writing in B movies is not meant to inspire, resonate or be otherwise organic by any measure. That goes out the window in the same way that Little Debbie Cakes are not meant to provide nutrition. And hey, I can respect that. However, if I were training a hairdresser to have a sharp eye for what is fashionable and what does and does not work, I would take that hairdresser to a romance writers convention in Kansas City and just roam the place with my Jack and Coke and soak it all in. That's what I'm recommending here.

B Movies are what they are - and there have been plenty of books written on the topic. And yet, they yield lessons for screenwriters with higher - no - different aspirations.

I've always maintained that reading bad scripts is more instructive than reading good ones. Good scripts are just - good. What works well works so harmoniously that they are not as easy to deconstruct. But bad scripts - it's like that scene in A BEAUTIFUL MIND when the numbers float into focus and create a pattern.

The Mini-W and I just watched a movie yesterday in which an ancillary character LOATHED the main character for believing that X monster was responsible for the undersea troubles at hand. LOATHED him. And we kept thinking - why? Was the actor over-emoting? Well, I think it's fair to answer yes to that one. But - what was going on for his character that the possibility of a crazy, outsized, paleolithic monster inspired rage? And, in the case of the main character, would a person be truly ANGRY for lo these 20+ years since his parents were killed by said monster? Seriously? Just pissed off and two dimensional for all this time? In every situation? I'm not sure which is more uncomfortable, listening to dialogue that bad or watching the actor try to work with it anyway.

To take one example of a character flaw so roughly hewn as to give one giant splinters: In SHARK HUNTER, our main character witnessed his parents being eaten by a megalodon when he looked to be about 10. We fast forward what appeared to be about 20 years or so and he is an edgy, bitter college professor of some kind, who designs state-of-the-art undersea exploratory stations. Okay I'm making that up - some kind of undersea something stations. It was hard to tell. Now he is needed to go down into the undersea something station and try to find out what destroyed another undersea station with one giant, blunt blow to the side. Something's fishy. And it really pisses our main character off. PISSES him off that he has to go on this adventure and that obviously what did it was the same megalodon that attacked his family 20+ years ago. And we know this because he emotes EDGY ANGER at all times. So you can see the writer's logic: family killed, guy pissed at megalodon this whole time. Now he has a chance to come face to face with it. So what's his character flaw? By the looks of it, that he is pissy and angry. Why? Parents were munched. And how does he pay for this flaw? Uh, he's unpleasant? And how does he overcome this flaw? Uh, he kills the megalodon in the end?

In IT WAITS our main character is a drinking, sobbing wreck because her backstory is that her friend died in a car crash for which she was responsible. The monster, a demon unleashed from a cave puts, the Unhinged Woman whose flaw is...not taking responsibility(?)...through the wringer until she calms down enough to (SPOILER ALERT) kill it good by mashing it back into the cave and blowing it up. And so now, she has taken responsibility and...the demon is dead and...well, you know, from the perspective of a viewer, the brushstrokes are pretty broad. She killed a demon. You know, like, she slayed HER demons and now she is prepared to live a life in jail but guilt free. Because the larger theme is: slaying your demons is important if you want to live a guilt-free life. A be a good person. Or something.

Do you see how these broad strokes are just a bit too simple to resonate? Now, in a B movie, these formulaic half-character-arcs can work because (as above) the jumping off point is not meant to be profound. But as an aspiring screenwriter trying to write something more mainstream and, let's face it, higher paying, one wants to delve deeper and use a scalpel, not a chainsaw when creating truly believable characters.

So watch some B movies sometime soon. It's good for you on many levels; revel in and enjoy what a filmmaker can do with 50 grand, a state park and a great rubber suit but also observe the rough hewn characters and ask yourself - what IS the flaw here? WHY does this character act this way? What would you do differently?

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Coverage Language

Hello, Wavers, I am re-purposing an older post (way older, like almost two years old) about the language used in coverages. There are reasons for reposting this today to which you are not privy, but suffice to say that sometimes it's easier to just say to someone: read The Rouge Wave today.

***

Readers write coverages in a strange, pseudo industry speak that sometimes sounds purposefully vague. That’s because it is. We are covering our asses. Incidentally, the biggest ass cover a reader can hide behind is “consider with reservation” which means – Um, I dunno. Not bad but not great and oh geez, the pressure!

Remember, it is considered bad form for a reader to really trash your script. We have to be polite. There are potential minefields a reader must step around. Most notably, the writer could be the executive’s wife, friend or second cousin. I have had this experience. I didn’t trash the script (see bad form, above) but I nor did I mince words. I returned the script to the executive. This should have clued me in because we usually just throw the script away. Sitting in his office was his wife. Oh! This is the reader who covered your script, honey! I turned, oh what is the expression? – a whiter shade of pale. I felt so ambushed. Why didn’t he tell me?? Because the exec wanted an honest coverage. Had I been in a stupid or cranky mood and not been aware of the Readers Do No Harm oath, I would have been fired for having written a slightly snarling coverage – the script was that bad.

It sometimes feels as if we readers say the same things over and over and over. Because we do. Though the permutations of stories can be almost infinite, the problems within them are actually relatively finite. And so we use a proscribed vocabulary to lightly but firmly tell an exec just why this script is a “pass.” The words we use are written in a polite code. A code which you may also recognize, in a couple of instances, from bank loan officers or doctors...

Here is a key to what a reader says and what a reader really means in a “pass” coverage.

Unfortunately...
You’re sunk.

However...
You’re flailing.

Soft premise
Boring script.

Two-dimensional characters
The characters sucked.

Thin character work
The characters sucked.

Unfortunately, soft or missing stakes...
Script was boring; nothing fueled the journey.

However, the linear narrative...
I fell asleep during the read and woke up with a notepad stuck to my face.

Unfortunately, action lines need work
Holy crap, how did this writer get the script here? Seriously we need a better filtering system.

Faulty logic was hard to follow...
Okay I know I’m tired but I had my Wheaties and the script didn’t freaking make sense!

Poor structure
Three cups of coffee and I see no freaking plot points. I am having reader rage!

Now, you will never see your own coverage, that’s the rub. The exec will simply read the first paragraph summary to your agent over the phone. And your agent will say to you simply: It wasn’t for them. Or maybe something like, they thought the ending was too predictable.

This is why, if you can, it is a great experience to get a coverage of your script from a consultant or script reading service – just to check out what would be said about your script in Reader-ese. Yes, readers are subjective but until the Reader 5000 is fully developed by scientists working round the clock, you’re stuck with us.

Let me once more dispel the subjectivity fear (or rationale as the case may be) that writers assign to the coverage process. We do this every day. We have nothing against you, in fact we get really excited when your script is fantastic because you make our day. We learn very quickly to set aside our personal likes and dislikes, roll up our sleeves and examine your script from a mechanical perspective. We will not trash you – even if we really hate your script. It will only get us fired or otherwise in the hot seat. We always start off by trying to say one good thing. It might be “A script with a very inventive take on an amphibian democracy on Pluto unfortunately has some issues with character, structure, premise and logic.” Note the “inventive take.” Sometimes that’s all we can pull out of the hat. I have at times stared at my blank computer screen trying heroically to come up with that one good thing.

We don’t want to write our coverages in non-committal Reader-ese, but we are trained to and in the end it does facilitate our jobs. The key above is chiefly meant to entertain but ironically, my definitions are pretty accurate.

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The Mini-W Reviews: Friday the 13th

Going into the new FRIDAY THE 13TH remake, starring Jared Padalecki (from SUPERNATURAL and before that, GILMORE GIRLS) and Amanda Righetti, I prepared myself for the worst. I expected a Rob Zombie-esque let down, like the recent HALLOWEEN remake. Much to my surprise, I was wrong.

It was the perfect mix of sticking to the original story and modifying the fear effect. There was plenty accuracy for us fanatics out there, yet it was considerably scarier to see the new Jason Voorhees. For you readers out there who aren’t quite familiar with the series, Jason Voorhees was a boy who drowned in a lake at camp when his counselors weren’t paying attention. Since then, his mother has encouraged him to seek vengeance on any teens who dare to tread upon the grounds of the infamous Camp Crystal Lake. (My mom worked on a project with the Jason from the third movie and said he was "eccentric" - whatever that means; I'm jealous I didn't meet him). But anyway, donning a hockey mask to hide his deformed face, Jason becomes a killing machine with amazing strength. Although he has been killed many times, Jason never dies. He always comes back. This modern rendition of FRIDAY THE 13TH is truly a good horror movie. For anyone who likes horror even just a little, this is a must-see. Although be warned, it is, like all the other films in the series, quite graphic and violent (but still totally worth seeing).

I would give this film a 5 out of 5 jelly beans.

The Mini-W is a 15 year-old high school sophomore who has probably seen more horror movies than you have. When not reviewing movies for The Rouge Wave, she enjoys Facebook, playing with her dogs and dreaming about the day she never has homework again. She would like to give a special shout-out to Tony in Santa Monica today, and knows that she'll be better soon.

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Bulletin Board Items

ITEM:
On Wednesday, February 18th at 7:30pm, The Script Department is hosting a table read at the Attic Theater. The script being read by SAG actors is a television pilot by Rouge Waver Seth Fortin and we are having a special guest, Margaux Froley, Script Department partner and staffed writer on the CW's Privileged. Come out to support Seth, enjoy the read, participate in feedback and pick up some gems from Margaux.

ITEM:
You may have noticed that anonymous comments on the Rouge Wave are no longer allowed. You must be a registered user. For most this transition has been a smooth one. Read this article by the SF Chronicle's Mark Morford about anonymous commenting and you'll see why we've made this change on TRW.

Have a happy Valentine's Day, everybody. And for you singletons, life is good every single day, right? Buy yourself a flower and a box of chocolates and make like Forrest Gump.

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Structure: The Rhythm of the Dance

For beginning screenwriters, structure is intimidating and slightly mysterious. To more experienced writers, it is one-hand-tied-behind-the-back easy. I think the same would be true of most screenwriting elements - the learning curve is steep but once you get it, you get it forever and your problem becomes not whether your character HAS an arc or whether your script HAS a theme, or whether your script HAS a structure that works, but whether your premise is totally unique and fresh. And that is something that cannot be taught. That takes instincts and creative chops and an encyclopedic awareness of other movies that have come before yours. It's luck, it's genius, it's the Holy Grail. But I digress.

Beginning screenwriters generally write a script or two that basically has no discernible structure. The story just spoooools out like an errant ball of yarn until you finally find it under the couch, covered in dust. The story just goes and goes and goes til it ends, mercifully. I doubt there's a successful screenwriter alive who has not written that script in the early days. It happens. Then you pick up a book or three and learn where the turning points should be. So then you plug that knowledge in and you have a new problem - your turning points are soft. So your midpoint might be when the couple gets in a fight. Which, you know, in all but a masterfully written piece is probably pretty damn boring.

So you know where the turning points should be, but now you have to learn how to make those plot points BIG enough to escalate your story. That thought used to intimidate me - what do you mean BIG? Like - how big are we talkin'? It feels like one is being asked to write plot points that escalate the story into ridiculousness. No, no, no, get all of that out of your mind. Let's go back to a fundamental understanding of structure for a moment:

Structure is like the bass guitar - it keeps the rhythm. It's the 1-2-3 and a 1-2-3 of your script. And it is best plotted out in your outline first. As in a dance, the rhythm is obvious and yet subtle at the same time. You may not notice it but you feel it. It drives the dance.

So when you're looking at your outline (or your script, but for the sake of efficiency, let's look at the outline - please god, tell me you have one) you're going to ask of it, what's the rhythm here? Is this a fast dance? Or a slow burn? What is the tone relative to the genre? Obviously, in an action script, the rhythm will be fast and furious - which doesn't mean the classic structure is different - but it will FEEL different because the highs will be higher and the lows will be lower. If you're writing a psychological thriller, the rhythm will be slow burn, which will escalate, getting more and more intense as the story unfurls.

Think of a pop song that you really like. Listen to it. Can you hear the rhythm in it? Can you hear how the rhythm shifts, changes and escalates? There's the beginning, there's the chorus, the bridge and the chorus and another verse and a bridge and the chorus - and it's all designed to lead you forward tantalizingly. Because you LOVE the chorus and you can't wait to sing along to that part. Music is all about build.

Use that model when thinking about the structure of your story. Because while a pop song is approximately three minutes long, it's doing the exact same thing as a script. It's about something or someone - it has a premise. It has a theme. It has an introduction and a midpoint and a climax. It tells a story in three minutes flat and does so in such a way that you the listener are pulled along by the rhythm and the melody.

If the structure is the rhythm, the melody is the narrative. Narrative in this usage means the story, yes - the plot itself - but more than that, the WAY the plot is being told. So imagine listening to a song say for children: "The Wheels on the Bus," that's a good one.

The wheels on the bus go round and round, ROUND and round, ROUND and round. The wheels on the bus go round and round, all through the town. The people on the bus go up and down, UP and down, UP and down, the people on the bus go up and down, all through the town. The. Wipers on the bus go swish swish swish. SWISH swish swish. SWISH swish swish. The wipers on the bus go SWISH swish swish, all through the town. The. Baby on the bus goes wah wah wah. WAH wah wah. WAH wah - are you ready to kill me yet? God I think I just had a really weird flashback of MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE proportions.

The song is repetitious, right? Not really going anywhere. That's right, because this is for preschoolers. There's no build here, there's no mystery - we're just going to basically catalog stuff on a bus. The premise is stuff on a bus. The theme is - that there's stuff on a bus (or for more sophisticated kids: Life is like a bus ride, maaaan!) and the melody is exactly in synch with the lyrics. So there's no tension in this narrative. I plan to send a letter to the ignominious author of this annoying song, claiming long term Tune-Stuck-in-Head issues requiring therapy.

Now let's take another set of lyrics - one you are probably very familiar with. I'm pretty sure 99% of you can summon the music that goes with this song just by reading the lyrics...

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can...

- and you can see how this narrative is told using rhythm, repetition and anticipation. How many of you couldn't help but sing the chorus that follows the last set of lyrics there? I couldn't. It's addictive. I want the song to play out. I need the song to play out. It's a weird imperative.

And that's how I should feel when I read your script or watch your movie. There should be a compelling rhythm to it, a pattern that pulls me forward inevitably, a tension that makes me crave the outcome.

So yes, structure is technical - as is music. It's math. But its job is create a feeling in your reader - an imperative, a rhythm, an addiction to what will happen next. Study up on your plot points, and which pages they should fall on - but don't forget that your story is a musical composition with a pattern that builds upon itself, growing and growing so that the reader is compelled to follow along, with that very basic human need for completion making it impossible not to sing along with you. With a sense that what happens next HAD to happen next.

She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky

Whoah oh oh oh...how does the rest go? We can't resist. We want to sing along. And that's how your script should be. I hear the opening riffs to "Sweet Child O Mine" and instantly I go oooooh I love this song. I can't wait to hear it. I can't wait for the build. Maybe you hate that song. Whatever, man. Think of a song you love. Think of the first few seconds of a new song you hear on the radio that you are instantly drawn to. You turn it up. You gotta hear it. That's the first couple of pages of your script, my friends. That's exactly how it works.

Structure may sound boring or confining or technical but it's actually quite sexy in its functionality - it is the rhythm that imbues the experience of reading your script with that delicious feeling of - can't - get - enoughness. I want to go with you. I need to go with you. I HAVE to see where this story is going. It's math, it's music, it's storytelling.

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Networking: Jucandoit!

Good morning, Wavers. I have spoken before about the importance of networking in building and growing your writing career. It's part of the Five-a-Day (Write, Promote, Network, Learn, Live Well). But sometimes networking can give writers an anxiety attack. When do you network and when do you not network? Network all the time at any opportunity. But say you are going to an event specifically designed for networking. How can you handle the anxiety, shyness or overwhelm-ment that can be attendant to such things?

Today we have a guest blog written by Keith Tutera, the newly hired Creative Director for The Script Department. If you've seen our new website and marveled at the look and the catchy copy, you have Keith to thank. He's young, he's hip, he's hilarious and he can network like nobody's bidness. Indeed, part of his job description is making connections and growing relationships. And we couldn't have hired anybody more skilled at doing just that. So today Keith has a few words for Wavers who know they should be networking but may need some tips and motivation:

***

So you’ve managed to gussy yourself up, find parking, and make an entrance without face-planting. Now what? For those of us who weren’t endowed with networking chops from birth (i.e. most writers), attending a networking event can be intimidating, even downright scary. EEK!

Fear not, Wavers, with a little bit of courage and a lot of common sense you’ll have them eating out of your hand. But like any good scout you must come prepared. And that doesn’t just mean having stacks of freshly printed cards on impressive card stock a la American Psycho. You’ve got to be mentally prepared.

Begin your night with some simple visualization exercises. Envision yourself meeting lots of people, having a great time, and exchanging lots of cards. Concentrate on your breathing as you do this, and as you begin to feel the excitement and confidence build — hold onto that feeling, and (here’s the tricky part) EXPECT to feel it again when you arrive. Your successful night will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For those of you who are reading this thinking that sounds like some California flim-flam hocus-pocus (ok, I am writing this from Venice Beach), allow me to offer an alternate suggestion — laughter. It can defuse tension in pretty much any situation.

Consider the following:

Last night my friend Linda and I attended a networking event for the Ivy Plus Society as guests of our friend, Adam. Being that neither of us are Ivy Leaguers (I myself went to UT, a “Public Ivy” and Linda went to UA, a fine institution, but nonetheless, no Ivy) we were both mildly intimidated. Especially since we were all arriving separately. Would they smell our non-Ivyness a mile away and pin us with The Scarlet Letter? Would we be tarred, feathered, and ridden out on a rail?

So what did we do about it? Did we fret, lament, and pull our hair out in neurotic anticipation? No, we made jokes. Linda told me that if anyone asked where I went to school, I should look them straight in the face and tell them that I just got my Associates degree from El Camino Community College. I laughed about that the entire drive to Hollywood. And if anyone asked where she was from, I told her to tell them that she grew up on a pile of dirt and was a 100% self-made woman. She got a kick out of that one.

And do you know what happened? We got to the insanely crowded venue in such good moods that we were relaxed and good to go. And we ended up meeting a bunch of really, really nice, interesting people. And we never even had to use our lines. In fact, I think one person asked me where I went to school the entire night and when I told her she was complimentary and kind.

Now, on to some networking tips:

Establish rapport first
Play it cool. Make sure there’s a vibe. When there isn’t - and someone thinks there is - you feel like you’re, well, being networked. It’s kinda hard to describe if you’ve never experienced it, but to suffice it to say it feels like an invasive procedure.

Once you’ve established a rapport, use it to network
About 99% of the people I met last night were lawyers, and I wanted to meet entertainment industry folk. So you know what I did? I asked some of the lawyers I got chummy with if they knew anyone there in the industry. Genius, right? Guess what — it worked. Introductions were made and it went very smoothly. But you gotta go with your gut — if I’d asked someone who wasn’t feeling it, I could have received a very awkward, “uhm...well...uh...”

Don’t be afraid to be bold - push yourself out of your comfort zone
At another event last week I walked by a group of people, one of whom I overheard saying that he had just posted an ad on Craigslist for a script doctor. I took a big swig of my beer, steeled myself, and went over and handed him a Script Department card and introduced myself in front of the whole group. He was super cool - as was the whole group - and before I knew it the rest of the group was asking me for cards, too. But this isn’t for everybody - it’s important to know your limitations. Whatever you do, do it with confidence, or don’t do it at all.

Should you drink? How much?
Ahh...the ubiquitous alcohol — a blessing and a curse. I recommend drinking enough to grease the wheels in the beginning, and then enough throughout to keep them greased, but not so much that they fall off the car. This is business, remember? The last thing you want to be is the guy that got sloshed and started getting handsy with the wrong girl. You know, that guy.

Above all else, DON’T BE PUSHY. And READ THE SIGNALS. They’re there
I met a guy at an event a few months ago who wanted me to teach an online course on his website. Faintly interested, I asked him to send me the link to his site, and told him that I would follow up with him if it seemed like a good fit, but [hint, hint] that I had a lot going on. No sooner did I get the words out of my mouth then he asked if it would be ok to follow up with me in a week or so. No, it’s not ok. I just told you I would follow up with you IF I were interested.

So get out there, Wavers. You have something to offer - remember that.

Position yourself as a center of influence - the one who knows the movers and shakers. People will respond to that, and you'll soon become what you project.
~Bob Burg

Originally from Washington, DC, Keith Tutera is a proud Public Ivy Graduate of the University of Texas at Austin where he earned a Master's Degree in Advertising. Having worked at illustrious ad agencies like DDB, McCann Erickson and Deutsch, Keith is an award-winning copywriter and master networker. The Script Department couldn't be prouder or happier to have him on board.

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The Entertaining Question

So your structure is great, your character arcs are satisfying, your premise is original, the dialogue is snappy and organic and you have a theme. Or, you think you do. But what is the entertaining question in your script?

The entertaining question is tangentially related to the theme. In fact, in some ways one might say that it's a specific expression of theme - posed as a question.

A significant part of the screenwriting learning curve is figuring out what theme really means. Many new writers say that the theme of their script is something like: love is all you need. Or an eye for an eye. Or time heals. Or family ties endure. Okay, these are not themes. They are truisms and - I'll go ahead and say it - cliches. Kill me with a spork and do it now. You know why these tired cliches are a no-go? Because the answer is freaking self-evident. When anything is self-evident in life - it's boring because now I have no reason to engage with it. Yup. Love heals all, alrighty....oh forgive me, I nodded off there for a minute.

Now, there is one glorious example of something being beautifully self-evident and that is when you are fighting with your boyfriend and it's SELF-EVIDENT he is wrong and then you've arrived at Valhalla, Nirvana and Avalon all at once. But that's another post. In scripts, a self-evident or cliched theme is boring. And boring anything when it comes to screenwriting is death.

Okay imagine Google Earth. You see the globe, right? That's the equivalent of saying the theme of your script is time heals all. Uhyep. Uhyep it sure does. So we're staring at this globe, right? Mining for a deeper, more specific theme is taking that Google Earth image and zooming in on a continent. Then a country. Then a city. Then a street. That's where you'll find an expression of your theme as an entertaining question.

So one might go from, on a global level, "time heals all" to something very focused and entertaining like "If your brother slept with your wife, could you forgive him? Ever?" See what I did there? I mean, you're going to start off with whatever your premise is, but the entertaining question is an expression of theme in a very personal way which allows the audience to engage it in a WWYD way.

Whenever audiences can engage with the material in such a way that is both meta (the premise) and micro (the entertaining question) then the experience of viewing your movie is both universal and personal. And because movies are a vicarious and cathartic experience for viewers, posing an entertaining question is the brass ring, is it not?

Audiences LOVE to think: Oh god, how can he DO that! I wouldn't do that! He should do this instead of that! Take one of my favorite movies of all time, DOG DAY AFTERNOON. The theme (or meta observation, if you will) is: Love drives one to desperate acts. But the entertaining question is: What would you do if you robbed a bank to pay for your lovers sex-change operation - and it went terribly wrong? Is there a way out? Can this situation be salvaged? Okay that's kind of clumsy, let's try a few others:

Or WHEN HARRY MET SALLY: the meta-theme is friendship can lead to love. But the entertaining question is: Can men and women be friends without sex entering into it? Ever?

A SIMPLE PLAN: meta-theme: Greed destroys humanity. Entertaining question: If you found a briefcase full of money on a downed plane with a dead pilot - would you take it?

3:10 TO YUMA: meta-theme: Pride forces a man to take risks. Entertaining question: Would you risk your life for the money to save your family and your pride even if you would wind up dead to do it?

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE: meta-theme: Destiny overcomes hardship. Entertaining question: Would you have the courage to risk your life to save the girl and go on national television when it would be easier to give up and accept your destiny of helpless poverty?

REVOLUTIONARY ROAD: meta-theme: Marriage requires sacrifice. Entertaining question: If you loved your spouse but HAD to experience change and excitement, would you leave the marriage to go get it? Or stick with it? What if there were children involved?

BLADE RUNNER: meta-theme: What makes us human? Entertaining question: Could you kill a replicant that had human emotion - even if those emotions were programmed?

You can see that some entertaining questions are more compelling than others (in my half-assed iteration of them this morning) for example, the BLADE RUNNER entertaining question is wildly engaging. I mean - wow!

So take a look at your script today. Can you articulate your theme - or meta-theme as it were? Don't beat yourself up if it's something kinda cliched like "friendship lasts forever." Just use that Google Earth function in your brain and try to locate the specificity of that theme within your story. Zoom in. Zoom in more. Zoom in again - what, specifically is the micro of that theme, expressed as a question that has an element of what would YOU do? So you are poking your theme with a stick and asking - DOES friendship last forever? Can it? What if THIS happened?

Now, instead of serving up a big bowl of yes of course it does, you are adding some texture to that. Because in reality, cliches and truisms are ideals. Yes, it would be great if friendship lasted forever. And maybe in the emotional ending of your script, it does. But I have to wonder, along the way (whether reading your script or watching your movie) if the resolution really will be so neat. How will this friendship arrive at that happy conclusion? Well, if you're going to entertain me, not without a bunch of pretty big bumps in the road, right?

Heads up tip. If your entertaining question is super specific (Would you marry Bob even if you knew he slept with Stephanie, like three years ago at that party behind your back?), try to articulate that in a slightly zoomed out way: Could you maintain a friendship with a friend who betrayed you with your boyfriend without ever dealing with it head on? Or something.

p.s. Dear Anonymous: yes, I am mixing meta with micro when it it should be macro and micro but this week I am a big fan of the word "meta" and the opposite of meta is "kata" but nobody knows that including me before I looked it up. So stuff it.

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Bulletin Board Items

Item: Congratulations to Mike Perri for his winning logline, The Sailor. Mike will be donating his $25 winnings to a local animal shelter here in Los Angeles.

Item: Saw Coraline last evening (pronounced: cora-LINE) and forgot it's in 3-D. Wild, wacky, trippy and brain-melty. Plus it's very fun to turn around and see everybody in those goofy 3-D glasses. For that reason alone, you should go see it. Felt longer than it really was. Very Lewis Carroll, not for everybody.

Item: I reckon I get 50+ emails on a daily basis. Per the pinging blog post, no hard feelings if it takes a while to hear from me.

Item: The Silver Screenwriting Competition is getting ready to open its doors on March 1 so if you're thinking of entering this year, get ready to rock it. Final deadline is May 1st so you have some time but the early bird gets the discount if you submit by March 15th.

Check out the grand prize:

• MacBook Air*
• iPhone
• Round trip flight to Los Angeles
• 3 nights accommodations at the London Hotel on the Sunset Strip, home of chef Gordon Ramsay's newest restaurant
• A day of meetings with 3 managers
• Cocktails at the Chateau Marmont with The Script Department
• Lunch at the Ivy with a TBA A-list screenwriter
• $750 in cash

*or cash equivalent if you're an IBM aficionado.

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Ping Me

So this pinging thing - how did it become part of the vernacular? Ping me! I'll ping you! Let's ping him! Nonetheless it is descriptive. It's a nudge. A tinny hello down the wires. A wink. A nod. A Riiiiiicolla! (I can't for the life of me understand why Ricola me didn't take off as a colloquialism but then again I never thought the internal combustion engine would be a hit so color me dense.)

So where were we? Ah yes, pinging. Pinging might in another, more formal blog also be described as "following up." You meet someone at a networking event. They agree to "have coffee" or "read your script" but when you ping them a week later, they ignore your email. I say ignore because they saw it all right. But they had post-networking-why-did-I-promise-that regrets. So you wait another week or three and ping them again. They feel bad so they at least email back with some probably semi-true story about being very "slammed." You wait another month and ping them again.

Now this is the turning point. The fork in the road. One of two things is going at this juncture:

They are either truly, deeply annoyed and forward your email to their assistant with the note Who is this jackass? Tell him I'm having face surgery for the rest of my life!

or -

They break down some and think you know what, fine, I'll have ONE CUP OF COFFEE with this person.

I know this because I have done it. Broken down and had a cup of coffee with someone who kept pinging me. Partly out of assuaging my own feelings that I have been perhaps rude and partly - no wait - no, that's it. Just to not feel like a rude, cold or unfeeling person.

How can you tell if you've pung one too many times? Are you being persistent or are you stalking? Well, I would think that if someone SAID they'd have coffee with you or read your script, if they looked you right in the eye and said that, that you have some latitude with the pinging. Even if you feel rude or oddly persistent. Even when you're beginning to feel like a wallflower begging for a dance. Keep pinging. Politely. Sporadically. Ask the person you're pinging how they are. Comment on their latest hilarious blog entry, their script sale or fabulous new hair cut. Flattery will get you everywhere. Because what's going to happen is that you might just wear the person down and because you pinged that one, last time - they will probably break down and meet you finally.

Now I know this sounds counterintuitive, you're thinking, gosh, if I met an agent or manager at a pitch fest for example, and I ping them more than once or twice, aren't I some kind of creepy, entitled CAPE FEAR person?? The more I ping, the more annoyed they get - it'll have the opposite effect. Well - it can. It sure can. But that persistence could also lead to an amazing opportunity, introduction or relationship. You may just ping the object of your pinging on a day when he or she is bored and they might think you know what - FINE - I'll meet this kid/writer for ONE beverage. And that could be your lucky day. Persistence can pay. I have met a number of people for coffee over time because they were politely persistent or because I was politely persistent. No guarantee any professional relationship will arise - but who knows, right?

So you've met a writer, actor, producer, agent or manager at an event. Here's two to-ping-or-not-to-ping scenarios:

Scenario One:
The person you have met is polite but a bit distant and they do NOT agree to read your work, meet you or anything else. They don't offer a business card either. In fact, they move backward slightly while you talk and scan the room over your shoulder. They are polite and pleasant but totally vague.

Should you ping them later? Not if they didn't give your their business card and not if they expressed zero interest in you or your script. No random pinging, please. If they did give you their card but your experience of them was not particularly energized, ping them once, ping them twice - and definitely let it go. They're just not that into you. You'll get put on the "no call" list. I know of two super persistent pingers this happened to. Believe it. If you get rebuffed by silence more than three times - you're not pinging anymore - you're stalking.

Scenario Two:
The person you met was warm and friendly; they looked you in the eye and when you asked if they can read your script or have coffee sometime they nodded, smiled and said "sure." They really looked at you, man, they really SAW you.

Should you ping this person? Did they mean what they said? Well, they were probably punch drunk and on auto-pilot when said they'd read your work or meet you for coffee. They said that to 10 other people too. They don't remember your name, they don't care that much but it was the polite thing to say. Should you ping them? Oh, of course. Ping once, ping twice, ping three times before you give up trying, in this scenario.

Pinging persistently can absolutely pay off and pay off big. You might actually get that script read, or form a new professional relationship. But do your pinging well. If you ping someone for the first time, do it about three to four days after you met them. Hey, met you at the thing with the thing, just wanted to thank you for an informative evening, love to have coffee some time. Done. You hear nothing back, so ping them again in about three to four weeks - Hey so and so, just checking in. How's your thing with the thing? I read about your sale in the trades - congratulations! My script is coming along pretty well. In fact, I wondered if you might have time for a coffee? No accusations, no guilt-tripping, no you-never-answered-my-other-email. NO NO NO. When pinging be as obsequious the second time as you were the first time. Remind the pingee where you met. Do NOT expect them to remember you.

Persistence can be very high yield - you never know - it might just be your lucky day when you ARE able to meet up with someone in person who might be able to help you out. After three pings (at the most) please let it go.

Remember, part of the reason people agree to "read your script" or "meet you for coffee" is that they are doing a rapid-fire calculus - maybe this writer is someone I WANT to know...they never know, right? But people are busy and they do forget, so keep pinging every once in awhile until the silence or "I'm slammed" blow-offs are loud and clear to you.

There are some who would disagree with me and would champion pinging ad infinitum. I personally send those pings to my assistant with the face-surgery-into-perpetuity note. But maybe that's just me. If you have gotten a note from my assistant with any kind of blow off, you've pung too much.

Now get back to work. And find somebody to ping.

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Indie Film Project

The Two-week Turnaround Tour or T3, is a community filmmaking project. Thousands of amateur and professional filmmakers will come together in over 14 US cities to write, shoot, and screen a short film in just two weeks.

There will be plenty of opportunities for screenwriters and we believe everyone has something to offer in the collaborative art of filmmaking. The tour kicks off March 27, 2009. Get more details HERE.

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