The Out-of-Towners

Good weekend, Wavers. And what a weekend it has been. A quick reminder: The earlybird deadline for the Silver Screenwriting Competition is Sunday June 1st. Depending on where you live - that's NOW-esque. Click HERE to submit.

Also, to keep it on the top of your list, don't forget the Out-of-Towner's short scene competition: Only those Wavers living outside of the Los Angeles area qualify to submit because the grand prize is a free pass to the Great American Pitch Fest this June 21-22 in Burbank and the last Rouge Waver who won was a local. So we're opening it up a little to those who'd like to come from afar to visit the City of Angels -n- Traffic. This prize is worth three-hundred and fifty clams, Wavers, so please submit your best work. No typos, malaprops or otherwise bad work will be considered. Make it clever, make it fun and win a chance to pitch to over 100 managers and production companies.

Here are the guidelines:

1) Entrants must NOT be from the Southern California area.
2) Write a short scene which includes the words: Lemon, Manhattan and Whine*
3) Any genre - but only one page and one scene.

*in dialogue, in action lines - just make it clever and make it count.

DEADLINE: Wednesday June 4th. Voting will commence on Friday the 6th and the winner will be announced on the 10th.

Submit your short scene HERE

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Announcements

The next Rouge Wave writing salon is FULL UP. Thank you everybody who is attending, it should be great. Cupcakes for everybody!

The Wave-inatrix would like to take a moment to point out a new service available for those Wavers who write and submit essays, short stories and manuscripts to publishers for consideration. It's a new service called Word Hustler and it looks to be god's gift to humankind. I know when I submit short stories for publication that I spend way more time on the submissions process than writing the story - by far. So this is a neat service - check it out!

The Out-of-Towners

Also, just so you Wavers don't get lazy, the Wave-inatrix is having another Short Scene Competition called The Out-of-Towners. Yes, only those Wavers living outside of the Los Angeles area qualify to submit because the grand prize is a free pass to the Great American Pitch Fest this June 21-22 in Burbank and the last Rouge Waver who won was a local. So we're opening it up a little to those who'd like to come from afar to visit the City of Angels -n- Traffic. This prize is worth three-hundred and fifty clams, Wavers, so please submit your best work. No typos, malaprops or otherwise bad work will be considered. Make it clever, make it fun and win a chance to pitch to over 100 managers and production companies.

Here are the guidelines:

1) Entrants must NOT be from the Southern California area.
2) Write a short scene which includes the words: Lemon, Manhattan and Whine*
3) Any genre - but only one page and one scene.

*in dialogue, in action lines - just make it clever and make it count.

DEADLINE: Wednesday June 4th. Voting will commence on Friday the 6th and the winner will be announced on the 10th. Short time span on this one, I know.

Submit your short scene HERE

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The Shrink is IN - Again!

Again, more interesting questions for Doctor Jeff, our resident psychologist, who is here to help us writers get down to the nitty gritty when writing characters. Going forward, Jeff will answer one question each week here on the Rouge Wave. If you have a question, submit it HERE

Dear Doctor Jeff:

What are the phases a torture victim should go through for a complete recovery?
-Tense in Toronto

Essentially going from dis-empowerment to re-empowerment is the healing. Nothing feels worse than being powerlessness; being unable to get out of hell. The strongest indicators for success are being able to work through Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. (PTSD) Posttraumatic means that after a trauma (post trauma) there are stress responses to things resembling the trauma. I.e., If you were molested or raped, this can be easily re-triggered by someone unexpectedly touching you at all. The intrusion of that touch can re-traumatize the person.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

Survival – Safety – Belonging – Love – Self-esteem – Actualization

Wherever the person is on Maslow’s hierarchy, he/she will generally plummet back down to Survival and Safety once they have been tortured or triggered by something resembling how they were tortured. The working through of torture or trauma is almost always gradual. The one recent exception is a form of therapy called EMDR; where specific memories can be desensitized from a “naming event’(one we organize much of our lives around) to a regular event with greatly reduced charge around it in 1 – 5 therapy sessions. This question requires a lot more explanation than this quick answer gives but that is the thumbnail.

Dear Doctor Jeff:

What is the best way for a person to rid themself of a recurring, anxiety inducing thought?
-Nervous in Nashville

Dear Nervous:

One of the best ways out of anxiety-induced thinking is to ACTIVATE NEW/DIFFERENT THOUGHTS when the ones we don’t like arise. It is almost impossible to get rid of thoughts by “going at them.” I.e., the slolutions not available if we go at the problem… only the problem is. This is the same premise behind the 12 Step programs. They don’t try to get rid of the addictions, their aim is to replace addiction with sobriety, to fill it with something else.

So, the point is to pay attention to what you are thinking, catch when you’re in the ‘doom and gloom/fear’ mode and to consciously interrupt it by choosing to put your attention on what makes you feel better. Also, pay close attention to your words. See how encompassing and pervasive is the phrase, “I am scared.” There is now no room inside for anything else because who am I? I am scared. A gentler way out is to say, “I have fear in me.” Notice how I allowed the fear, but didn’t become it, by not saying “I am frightened.” Rather than “I have some fright.” This also leaves room for other things inside, as well.

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The Shrink is IN

My good friend and our new resident psychologist at The Script Department, Jeff Cotton took five questions from Rouge Wavers last week and wrote up some great answers. Today we have Jeff's response to the first two questions:

Dear Doctor Jeff:

One problem I've encountered with my characters (in my drama specs) is that I hesitate to really put them through the wringer. In other words, intellectually I understand that Very Bad Things must happen to them, after all it's a drama, but emotionally, I can't bring myself to do it. I find myself shying away and doing The Next Bad Thing That Isn't So Bad. How can I overcome this?
-Too Nice in Toronto

Dear Too Nice:

One of the questions to ask yourself is “have I gone through the wringer in my own life and am I better because of it?” If the answer’s “No, I haven’t gone through it” or “No, I’m not better because of it,” then I don’t blame you from shying away from putting your hero/heroine through hell. Yet, most life situations that have taken us right to, and sometimes right over, the edge and we healed from, become our great teachers and allies; the places we are wisest because of our personal experience.

I watched Russell Crowe on “Inside The Actor’s Studio”, talk about not falling too in love with your character because either you won’t want them to have flaws or resist having them go pain. To not have our characters go through life is akin to putting the “high filter button’ on my old stereo. The high filter button was used when an album was too scratchy. While the high filter diminished some scratchiness, it also dulled the music. --- I encourage you to go for it.

Dear Doctor Jeff:

Is there is a book out there on reviewing the psychology of a movies/scripts like "Silence of the Lambs" or "Batman" or 'Hellboy" or "Pan's Labyrinth"?
-Curious in Cleveland

Dear Curious:

I had a friend call Samuel French bookstore. Either he didn’t ask the right questions, but they did not know of a book that did. He checked out websites and came up with these. See if they’re useful.

http://www.gointothestory.com/2008/05/villains-it-doesnt-take-much-to.html

http://www.scriptologist.com/Store/Exercise/exercise.html

http://www.smartwomeninvest.com/screen.htm

http://www.craftyscreenwriting.com/secret.html

I remember reading ‘Red Dragon’ forerunner of ‘Silence Of The Lambs.’ Graham, the FBI hunter of serial killers said (not quite a quote) “I grieve for the little boy that was tortured into becoming a monster.” It seems important to recognize that monsters are created, rather than born. Also, as much as movie like to give it the “it” moment that created us (our personalities), it’s generally a lot less black and white and more created over time, than in an instant.

A good rule of thumb is that the younger (and more helpless) the child was during the trauma(s) either the more helpless they become in later life…. OR the more monster-like they become to protect the helpless child inside.

Okay Wavers, stay tuned for more questions for Doctor Jeff and his illuminating answers.

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To Write or Not to Write - That is the Question

What a great day we had on the Rouge Wave yesterday! We had a dust up, a kerfuffle, an apology and an explanation - AND two writers are getting cupcakes delivered personally. It doesn't get better than that! Today we have another great blog from our resident coolchick, PJ McIlvaine:

***

There seems to be a virus going around some of the message boards I frequent. For simplicity’s sake, let’s call it the “what does it mean to be a writer” bug. Quite honestly, it’s not something I’ve given a lot of thought to because I’ve always been busy, you know…writing.

From my earliest memory, I’ve considered myself to be a writer. Writing to me is like breathing. It’s innate in me, like my DNA. I have brown hair; I’m a writer. Sure, when I was a kid I toyed with the idea of being a nurse, doctor, fireman, President, lawyer, baker, but these flirtations were brief and fleeting and not very satisfactory.

Now that I’m supposedly grown up, I wear other hats: Mommy, Wife, Daughter, but no matter what I happen to be doing now, I’m writing. Now it’s true that at various stages of my life, I’ve been distracted or waylaid by circumstances; sometimes I had to put my writing on hold. But even when I wasn’t writing, I still thought of myself as a writer. I’ve never really thought of myself as anything else.

My kids always saw me writing. I remember the time when they were in elementary school and I got finagled to address one of my daughter’s classes on the subject. I’m not quite sure the teacher knew what she was getting into, but I managed to enthrall the class with a short story I’d written about a boy who switched places and planets with his alien equivalent (I toned down the more horrific aspects of my story). I stressed the importance of creativity and imagination, and the kids seemed to enjoy my pep talk. So much so, that months later, my kids and I were shopping at the local market when I heard a little girl’s voice ring out: “Mommy, that’s the imagination lady!” Everybody in the place looked at me like I was a piece of lox at the deli.
However, it does seem to me that an inordinate amount of writers seem to spend more time worrying about writing than actually, you know…writing. Some have very legitimate and logical reasons that prevent them from writing or devoting as much time to writing as they’d like: kids, life, work, illness, finances, etc. I understand. There was a time when I could barely eke out a paragraph in between changing diapers.

But I really believe that where there is a will, there is a way. It just may take awhile to find it. I’m very determined (those who know me even say obsessed. Or possessed). I made writing a priority. Sometimes that meant rising at six in the morning so I could write a couple of pages before getting the kids off to school. I wrote while I was sick or the kids were sick, through my mother’s surgery, through my husband’s hospitalization, through my brother’s suicide. I forced myself to write when I had no inspiration or even when I didn’t particularly feel that I had anything worthwhile to write about. I kept writing through rejection and doubt and fear. And it’s hard. It’s incredibly hard. But it is what it is and I am what I am. Everything I’ve learned about screenwriting (and writing, for that matter) has been though my own blood, sweat and tears. Maybe there were things I could have done (like take that famous screenwriting guru’s offer to help me…for five thousand dollars) or regret (not moving to California when I had the opportunity), but I’m still here. I’m still plugging away each and every day.

So, yes, I’m a writer, and, you know…I’m very happy to be one. Most especially when I get a WGA residual check (thank you, Germany).

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When Bad Things Happen to Good Writers

Wavers, we are lucky indeed to hear from one of the writers of SHARK SWARM. The Wave-inatrix actually has been a casualty of the development process and I've seen it happen to other writers as well. And yet I still wrote a rather snarky bad review of the finished work and for that I apologize for impugning the writers in a rather cavalier manner. So the Wave-iantrix humbly offers my apologies, a cupcake and excerpts of the email I received from the writer in which he explains what went so very wrong and why. Listen and learn.

***

Hi Julie,I’m one of the writers of SHARK SWARM.

SHARK SWARM was an assignment project that I and my writing partner took over a year and a half ago. It was to be a four-hour miniseries with a fairly large budget, and it was scheduled to air on a network other than Hallmark, thus ensuring that we could include a good bit of violent content -- after all, it was a killer shark movie – who would ever expect it to end up on Hallmark, right? My partner and I worked night and day for two months, finally turning in a 240-page draft. In the end, we were very happy with it. Our script was a satirical marriage between a Peyton Place-esque small town story and 70s-style “nature run amok” movies. We wrote a series of interconnected three-dimensional characters with motivations and conflicts that were more than just surface traits (a la simple stubbornness), we poked merciless fun at corporate greed as well as blind activism, we wrote huge setpieces that would put the cost somewhere in the 30 million dollar range – pretty high for a miniseries.Then, production began. Actors and crew were hired, executives got involved, and filming commenced. We were involved in the early going during pre-production and helped to smooth out a few things, but as the film rolled, our job was done. A week into it, the budget was lowered considerably, the network deal changed, and Hallmark became the destination. An hour was hacked out of the script by the production crew. Certain big-name actors who’ve been working for years decided to change every single line of their dialogue. Other actors changed their characters entirely. Connective scenes were deleted by the producers, while scenes that we hadn’t written were added. Characters were dropped, subplots disappeared, setpieces were rewritten by producers to make them smaller, logic be damned.

The entire film was restructured in editing, meticulously researched scientific scenes (I visited marine biologists in Monterey and Santa Cruz) were dropped, reshoots were done to change character motivations and plot points, the climax was dropped in favor of a completely retooled and simplified scene that we never would have written. The final cut was a drastically different film than the one we wrote. While maybe fifty percent of our scenes made it in, they were reshaped entirely and often filled with dialogue we didn’t write. Here are a few examples. That toxic dumping thing? Not ours. Our script dealt with offshore drilling that inadvertently uncovered a mineral sheaf with electromagnetic qualities that affected local sharks and sent them into a perpetual feeding frenzy. Those pulse guns? In our draft, they were minor ultrasonic caving devices that were only used in two scenes, not supersecret military weapons. That shark cage sequence? Utterly different in our draft. And that only scratches the surface. Even worse, the final cut, which is twenty-five minutes longer and actually features a few scenes that we ended up liking, was butchered further for the Hallmark showing. So even LESS of our work made it through.

Anyone who goes through the production process knows that it’s often a wonder that ANY script survives remotely intact. Ours was one of the casualties, and the producers themselves know it. That’s the nature of the beast. At the same time, it provided a stepping stone that got us plenty of other work and allowed us a greater deal of control in the process. Since writing SHARK SWARM, we’ve written two television films (one for Spike and one for Lifetime). We’re currently working on a miniseries for one of the Big 3 networks and a feature film for one of the best actors in the business. We’ve got a career now.SHARK SWARM was our first produced credit, and we’re still quite proud of our script, despite its vast difference from the finished product.

***

And that, Wavers, is a great response. My worry, Shark Swim writers - is that aspiring writers will view this type of finished product and think that it's then okay to write scripts with gaps of logic, etc., not being aware that in actuality, the script was probably quite good and that the production may not be a representation of what is on the page.

I must say, I thought Assante's dialogue was really good - did that stay intact? He was smarmy and insincere but quite articulate and the interspersed speeches about "neighbors" and "solidarity" were fantastic. So again, cupcakes for the Shark Swim writes for taking a moment to add to the conversation and my apologies for being snarky about something that must have been a frustrating experience.

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Shark Swarm

...so a series of undisclosed events led the Wave-inatrix to plunk herself in front of Hallmark's scintillatingly titled - Shark Swarm. Wavers, there is hope for all of us.

First of all - Armand Assante. Have you seen this guy's IMDB? Has anybody made a living off of the sleazy-mean-looking-guy like Assante?

SPOILER ALERT: If you like, seriously care to know what happens (badly) in Shark Swarm, stop here and go warm your cockles over a cuppa java.

***

So Shark Swarm is about this Armand Assante who is trying to buy up this tiny town (Mendocino in reality but charmingly and cleverly named Full Moon Bay. Get it? Like Half Moon Bay?! Oh the hilarity!) and ONE guy, the Duke's of Hazzard's John Schneider (the stubborn fisherman married to a very botoxed Daryl Hannah) just won't budge. And the other townsfolk are all for selling but that's because they didn't read their contacts, as John Schneider - who really has aged nicely - points out.

So anyway. Turns out this Assante dude? Yep - he's dumping toxic waste in the bay which is killing the fish, making it a sucky living for the fisherman/townspeople, making the offer to buy their little Mendocino-Morro-Half-Moon-Bay-Town very attractive. Get it?

So nicely-aged John Schneider (flaw: stubborn) consults with his brother - a marine biologist - who used to study sharks! - anyway, they consult about the fishing situation, Assante and, apparently, some kind of great hair texturizer immune to salt spray and together they consult with F. Murray Abraham, the super duper professor of the local University - in this tiny Full Moon Bay community with one main street. So together, Schneider, his brother, the professor, Daryl Hannah and the hot EPA chick who has just come into town and makes major doe-eyes at the brother - well - they realize that because Assante has been dumping waste in the bay which killed the fish - sharks don't have their usual prey, so they are acting erratically because they are starving and swarming in huge, aggressive numbers - just off the coast! And F. Murray Abraham has this like - sonar device on his computer and he can see the shark swarms, represented by a fuzzy green cloud on his computer screen. I'm not sure how the sonar worked, either that the sharks are implanted with something to make that them visible as neon green clouds on sonar - or it's that Abraham might have turned the dial the other way seen only swarms of Marlin. It's Hallmark movie logic. Don't fight it.

And oh yeah - Daryl Hannah and Schneider have this cute, 18 year-old blonde Chelsea Clinton lookalike daughter and I'm watching this movie and I notice the girl wears the same dress during the scenes set to take place over three consecutive days. Hello - WARDROBE!?!

Oh also - yes, you may have been wondering - so the visual on the Impossible-Sonar-Device mentioned earlier is of great swarms of sharks headed RIGHT FOR the blighted Full Moon Bay. Because, as the professor said earlier - the bay has been blighted, so the sharks have been swarming within it to find food because they are confused and starved. And yet the sonar shows sharks arriving from the open ocean to head INTO the blighted area to look for food. Because they can smell the - blight? Lack of food? Also good to note: all the OTHER fish have died because of the toxic waste - but not the sharks. Just FYI. Because sharks have super anti-toxic-waste powers. C'mon you marine biology slackers, get it together.

And - I have to also mention, before the midpoint of this sleeper 3 hour movie, about 8 townsfolk have been picked off by the sharks. And yet no one is ever mentioned missing or, um, washed up missing their left leg. We see it, but the townsfolk do not react. Which causes A LOT of tension when nobody in the movie is scared, let me tell you!

The professor introduces a super-duper-pulsar-stun-gun. When you aim and fire it at sharks? You like fry their electro-sensory hunting skills. And it's a super-secret weapon the Navy (or NASA, can't remember) has developed. But this professor in Full Moon Bay (population 432 by the looks of it) has got some of these stun guns. Because. He needs them. When he lectures about the environment. You - Waver in the back - pipe down already!

But Assante's slimy henchman kidnaps Hannah! And Schneider! And Schneider's crewman, Clint! He puts them all on a boat and races to sea. And the sharks are swarming! They approach another boat -Ha - the bad guy says - ha! It's all over now! I'm going to say you tried to ram my boat with your boat, but then you're so stupid you blew a hole in your boat and drowned and nobody will suspect me and my boss Assante! We will buy your property! We will develop the town! So a struggle ensues and poor Clint gets shot and dies but not before in his dying breath, he wonders if Schneider feels lucky today. Anyway, more struggle then the bad guy suddenly has a new plan - he puts Schneider and Hannah in a shark cage and hoists them over the swarming water. Ha - he says - ha! If you get out of the cage, the sharks will eat you. If you can't get out, the sharks will bust in and eat you! I'll still get away with it! Though now I have two missing persons, a banged up shark cage and an empty, floating boat to explain. Ha- he says - ha! I've seen CSI - they'll never piece it together!

An action scene ensues in which this risky, cinéma vérité is employed:

--Bad guy girlfriend is in the hold of the boat carrying kidnapped passengers to their imminent, unsuspicious deaths. She pours champagne in anticipation of her triumph.

--Schneider and bad guy struggle up on the deck.

--Girlfriend downstairs, champagne glasses in hand, hears the struggle

--Back up on deck, the guys are wrestling for control

--Below decks, the girlfriend puts the champagne glasses on the shelf

--Above decks - the struggle continues

--Suddenly, the girlfriend shows up with a gun

I just think that for me, without seeing the girlfriend put down the glasses, I would not have believed she could have gotten on deck in this like, 26 horsepower boat fast enough. So - good detailed direction there. So. You know.

But - shark cage it is. Champagne glasses are for suckers.

Even though the CGI sharks - what looks to be a mixed school of hammerheads and great whites - are swarming straight for them, Schneider and Hannah bust out of the shark cage, use the stun gun and rise to the surface to take over the boat. But it was a pretty nail-biting sequence. No, I mean really - it was. Yup.

While the denizens of Full Moon Bay are innocently enjoying the ocean's bounty - a GIANT swarm of sharks is headed straight for them! But NO - the swarm splits up into three groups - one headed straight for a group baptism, one headed straight for the opening of the new pier with Assante officiating, and one is headed straight for the beach where Schneider's Chelsea-Clinton-lookalike daughter is swimming!

The swarm is coming, what to do!! The pastor leads the congregation into the water fully clothed. And his dialogue goes something like this: We're all here. Being baptized. As a big-ass group with no actual symbolic reason, anniversary or point that I mention. On the pier slimeball Assante is making a smarmy speech - and the sharks are swarming toward them! At Pigseye Point, the daughter and her new cute boyfriend who supports that she wants to go to college are surfing - and the sharks are racing toward them!

The sharks are swarming on three beaches. And we have three people: Schneider, his marine biologist brother and Hannah (seriously - the botox). Okay - they decide - three beaches, three of us, three coincidental events and - let's GO SAVE THE PEOPLE!! They all start for their respective cars to race to the respective beaches when - hey, Schneider shouts to Hannah - don't forget this! She turns. He holds out a stun-gun-thing - you use this. You point it at the sharks and it stuns them. Oh! Okay! Hannah says and returns to her regularly scheduled heroic race to the beach to do - what? What did she think the plan was before they handed her the super-duper stun gun?

Baaaaaaaarghgh. I think I feel a vein getting ready to burst. And just so you know, happy ending - bad guy gets eaten by a shark, all the happy couples gather on the beach, burp water and pat each other on the backs aaaaaaaaaannnnnnd sky shot.

Oh - what's this - no, we're not done! We cut to another sequence - it's the brother! And his new EPA girlfriend who turned up somewhere in the first act - they are scuba diving. What's that?! Sharks? Nooooo...they're manta rays you silly! The end.

But it wasn't all bad. Remember Clint the incidental crewman who died? In the end - give me a minute - in the end, Schneider and his daughter's new surfer-dude boyfriend are painting a new name on the back of his fishing boat. Clint's Courage. I'm sorry - I'm verklempt.

Oh Wavers. The humanity.

Disclaimer: I don't want to hear from a single Waver that movies like Shark Swarm give bad writing the green light. This is a terrible excuse and a very bad idea. If anything, movies like Shark Swarm raise the bar. Yeah - you heard me right. I used to say to people, when discussing a horrible movie (tv or big screen) that got made - hey, I wish I wrote it! That way I'd have made a sale - who cares about the quality! But you know what, Wavers - no, I do not wish I'd written that movie or any substandard movie - I'd rather write The Savages or Juno or Michael Clayton. And I'd rather wait a good long time to sell something like that than something like Shark Swarm any day of the week. No disrespect to the Shark Swarm writers but you know, I aspire to more and I think that goes for all of us.

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What's it Like to Win the Nicholl?

You're about to find out. PJ McIlvaine, gifted writer, Script Department story analyst and all round lovely lady was kind enough to do an interview of TJ Lynch, the 1999 Nicholl Competition winner for our friends at the Great American Pitch Fest. I thought I'd cut and paste it here for your enjoyment.

Storylink All-Star Profile: TJ Lynch

by PJ McIlvaine

TJ Lynch

Like his beloved Rocky Mountains, TJ Lynch is a walking, breathing testimonial to persistence, grit, and good old fashioned stick-to-itiveness. Determined to crack the screenwriting code, Lynch assiduously studied and honed his craft, climbing the contest ladder until he achieved the ultimate validation: being chosen as a Nicholl Fellow in 1999. Lynch has taken his career one step further with the release of his first produced movie, A Plumm Summer (www.aplummsummer.com), the script he wrote during his Fellowship year. Lynch was gracious enough to take time out from his busy schedule to tell us the secret of his "overnight success".

Were you always interested in screenwriting or did you initially start out in another discipline (novels, short stories, etc.)?

I didn't start my career in Hollywood intending to be a screenwriter. Like everyone else, I wanted to be a director. But how to break in? I heard Steve Martin on the radio say, "If you want to direct, write." So that's what I did. I started writing as a means to directing. But I fell in love with the process. So much so that I'm planning on starting a novel soon.

Was your family supportive from the get-go or did you get resistance?

Always supportive. But they never really did understand what I was trying to accomplish or why. I'm sure they would've preferred I go into the family business, but they always said 'Do what you want to do.' That's a gift many people aren't given by their families.

Tell us about your Nicholl experience. The script you entered that eventually won - The Beginning Of Wisdom - had you entered it before?

No, it was the first time I had submitted The Beginning Of Wisdom. But it had already won the Scriptwriter's Network Carl Sautter Memorial Screenplay Competition, which resulted in my getting an agent. It also placed in most of the other major competitions as well. However, in previous years I had placed in the quarterfinals, and then the semifinals with a previous script. That was in the mid-90's. I've heard that these days even placing in the semis gets you a lot of phone calls, but that was not the case back then.

As far as winning the Nicholl furthering my career, I already had an agent, and my script had already been optioned. But it did get me lots of meetings. Unfortunately I didn't have a follow up script ready, so I wasn't able to capitalize upon them like I might have.

What was the best thing to come out of winning Nicholl? In hindsight, do you feel it helped you or hindered you in that the expectations were much higher after winning?

The best thing is legitimacy. Perhaps the downside is you 'expect' to become immediately successful. And that possibility certainly exists as proven by some of the more successful Fellows. But they're exceptions to the rule. For most Nicholl Fellows, it's still a struggle to get writing assignments, to get your scripts sold or get your movie made.

A Plumm Summer was written during the year you won the Fellowship. It sounds like a pet project, a real labor of love. How did that come about?

My mother reminded me about an incident that happened in my hometown when I was a child. At that time we had a locally produced kiddies' show called 'Happy Herb & Froggy Doo.' Happy Herb was a magician and Froggy Doo was his wisecracking string-puppet sidekick. So my mother happened to ask one day, "Do you remember the time Froggy Doo was kidnapped and held for ransom?" I didn't, but I knew immediately it could make a great movie. So I made it my goal to find Happy Herb and get the rights to his story, which I did. (An indie family-friendly movie, A Plumm Summer stars Henry Winkler and William Baldwin with narration by Jeff Daniels. It won accolades at the International Family Film Festival and the Austin Film Festival and received a seal of approval from The Dove Foundation. In limited release, the film will also be available on DVD).

How involved were you in the filming of A Plumm Summer? Were you on the set every day?

I was on the set for four of the seven weeks of production. The producers and director were very receptive to my being there. It was a fantastic experience. Everyone should get to do it at least once.

Were there many rewrites/or changes once production began?

There were small changes made every day. And I was able to contribute in that way.

Seeing your words on screen, how did it feel? Were you satisfied with the end result?

It's tremendously satisfying, if the movie was shot as written, which I'm glad to report A Plumm Summer was. While it didn't make a lot of money at the box office, the audiences who did come to see it liked it very much. I'm very, very proud of it.

Have you started on your next project?

Yes, I'm hoping to direct The Beginning Of Wisdom next summer. I'm also finishing two more commercial horror scripts, and another small Montana story.

Do you have a daily writing routine?

It's fluid. Usually from about 11AM to 5:30PM. I do my e-mailing and business stuff in the morning, get that out of the way, and then start in. Sometimes I like to brainstorm very late at night when the 'Universe' opens up and I'm receptive.

How long does it take you complete a script from start to finish?

It varies widely. The fun ones, the ones where you've really nailed it, seem to write themselves. It goes very fast. Other ones are drudgery. They take forever. That's usually a sign, for me at least, that it isn't going to be a very good screenplay.

How many drafts do you complete? When do you know when a script is done, so to speak?

I do three or four drafts. It's done when I can't think of ways to improve it. That's not to say I think it's perfect. No script is perfect. But at a certain point you get to where you've exhausted your abilities. The script may not be great, but it's as good as you yourself can make it.

How many scripts do you write a year?

Again, it depends. Between my own scripts and collaborations, I average about two.

Do you see yourself primarily as a screenwriter, a director or simply a filmmaker?

I see myself as primarily a screenwriter. I think that's actually the most important piece of the puzzle. Without that, there's no movie. That said, I still make a portion of my living working below-the-line as a gaffer on commercials and industrials. It's part time and pays great; perfect for a screenwriter. So in that sense I am a filmmaker.

Do you have an agent and/or manager?

My agent left the business shortly before the Writer's Strike. But at this point I have enough connections that I can get my scripts read without one.

Living in LA, do you find that your writing style/ideas have changed?

Interesting question. I don't really think so. Then again, I've been here a couple decades. We're all products of our environments, so I suppose some of the big city has rubbed off. But I always think of myself as a Montanan at heart.

Do you have any words of wisdom or advice for newbie/fledgling screenwriters?

Don't worry about getting an agent or a manager when you're early in your career. Worry about getting better. And enter the legitimate screenplay competitions. They're a great barometer to objectively examine how your work compares to your peers. If you aren't at the level to at least make the semis in a screenplay competition, you probably aren't good enough to attract an agent anyway. Keep writing, keep studying. And once you start making the finals or winning, the agents and managers will come to you!

Is there anything you would have done differently?

Yes, I would've begun my study of the craft years sooner. My first several scripts I wrote without knowing anything about the craft of screenwriting. I figured I'd learn by doing. I'd been to film school and loved movies, so I figured I'd pick it up naturally. But even after making the semis in the Nicholl, I felt like I really didn't know what I was doing. I'd be working on a scene and wonder what should happen next.

So I stopped writing and devoted a year to learning the craft. I had my script analyzed by one of the well known consultants. I read all the books, went to all the classes. Eventually I cobbled my own 'expert database' of screenwriting craft. When I put pen back to paper it really paid off. I wrote The Beginning Of Wisdom and won the Nicholl Fellowship!

How do you think the business has changed since you won Nicholl? Do you think it's harder today to break in or easier thanks to the Internet, the indie world, etc.?

My hunch is that it's more difficult to break in now. Each year there are more and more people who imagine themselves becoming screenwriters or filmmakers, more and more film school students graduating to find a limited number of job opportunities available to them. Also, and this is only my opinion, I think the indie film world is shrinking because the audience demographic is changing. Fewer adults are willing to get off the couch and go to a theater; they're content to wait for films to come out on DVD. So Hollywood has no choice but to cater to the demographic that does go out at night and see movies, that being the teenage 16-24 audience. Unfortunately that audience isn't very discriminating. They'll go to just about anything that appears to be big and loud or scary, regardless of the reviews. And amazingly they don't even seem to feel ripped off when these films are below their expectations. The important thing is that they've seen it, so when it's talked about at school Monday they're in the know. Thus more big, loud, expensive tent pole movies and fewer indies. Filmmakers who make more intimate films for a sophisticated 'art house' audience, for grownups so to speak, do so at their own peril.

That said, there are more opportunities to have your work seen outside of the big screen, especially for makers of short films. The explosion of outlets on the Internet for posting films, and even screenplays and pitches, is nothing short of amazing. Whether that proves to be a stepping stone to larger success in real filmmaking or screenwriting however, remains to be seen.

Are you a full-time writer?

Actually I still make a minority portion of my living as a lighting designer and gaffer on commercials and industrials. It pays quite well and affords me lots of time to write. I also do screenplay consultation on a limited basis.

You seem to write in several different genres. What do you think of the idea of "branding" oneself with a particular genre?

If it's a popular genre, you're golden. But if you specialize in art house fare, historical costume dramas, et al, you're in for a frustrating ride. And you probably won't make a lot of money. That said, if you're a newer writer you should write what you want and not cater to an audience. You'll enjoy it more and thus you'll learn more. Over time you'll build your own 'brand' as you figure out the one or two genres you're best at.

Where do you see yourself ten years from now?

I'd like to be directing films that I write, as I hope to do so with my Nicholl winner, The Beginning of Wisdom. If that doesn't work, I'll be living in a cabin in the woods somewhere writing novels. That actually doesn't sound so bad, does it?

PJ McIlvaine (www.pjmcilvaine.blogspot.com) is the writer of the Emmy nominated, critically acclaimed Showtime original family film My Horrible Year with Eric Stoltz, Mimi Rogers and Karen Allen. In addition, she has an indie holiday movie The Town That Banned Christmas with Matt McCoy, Jane Sibbett, Hunter Gomez and Carol Alt awaiting distribution.

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The Psychology of Your Characters

One of the delightful benefits of working with and getting to know writers from all over the world is that the Wave-inatrix not only makes many friends and connections but my client list is a virtual fountain of talent and resources.

One example is Jeff Cotton. He is a client, a friend and a psychologist of great accomplishment and experience. Jeff was kind enough to invite me to one of his recent training sessions to see him at work and I was blown away.

Yesterday, as Jeff and I were chatting, our conversation turned to a sociopathic antagonist I am currently writing. We spoke at length about the banner symptoms, past and present, of sociopaths. What can drive them to violence. What makes them tick. What their childhood is usually like. Just where that sociopathy comes from.

I took probably four pages of notes about my antagonist as a result of our conversation yesterday - and about my main character as well. Because who is a nice, ripe victim for a predatory sociopath? My main character's flaw leaves her wide open for such a person to come into her life. But why? Jeff gave me so many insights it was amazing.

The thing I love about Jeff is that he keeps it real. No lavender-scented office and piped in Enya for Jeff - he has, in his own words, been to hell and back in his own life and between that and his many years of working in his field has pretty much seen it all.

Suddenly, in the middle of this amazing, informed conversation, the Wave-inatrix had a brilliant idea. What if you could email or chat with Jeff with any psychological questions you might have about your characters?

The Script Department will soon announce Jeff's availability to consult with writers about the psychology of their characters for a nominal fee but for a short time only, the next five Rouge Wavers who order any Script Department service* will be eligible for a drawing and one winner will win a free 30-minute phone consultation with Jeff.

I know many are on vacation this weekend, or otherwise hanging out with family, but in addition, for TODAY only, you can email your (brief) questions to me and I will forward them to Jeff for his review. I will accept a limit of five email questions for Jeff and the cut-off is today at 5pm pacific time. Email your questions HERE.

So take advantage and truly dig deeper into your characters with the help of Jeff Cotton, our resident psychologist.

Have a good, productive weekend, everybody!

*minimum service - basic coverage

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The Migratory Pattern of Writers

Here is something I posted on a message board recently and it received some thumbs up. Forgive me if it isn't written with my usual élan (and thanks to the Rouge Waver who tåüght me høw to üse the fünn¥ åccent kéy - ît's a høøt!) but I take it it was relevant:

Here is the usual trajectory of a new screenwriter:

*You learn the rules, you write a terrible script that you think is brilliant. You are crushed to learn it's not brilliant.

*You write script after script, you hew to the rules but your writing is mediocre. You are crushed to learn your writing is mediocre.

*You get totally sick of the rules and the system and you keep writing.

Then you go one of two ways:

A) IF you have talent, real TALENT, and in your heart of hearts you know this, you become somewhere between pissed off and unafraid and then your writing starts to skyrocket and transcend rules because it's just so compelling and personal and full of your voice. Then, slowly, good things start to happen and your tenacity and determination fuels the fire.

OR

B) You search yourself and realize you just don't have the facility with words and story that you thought you did, nor the insanity it takes to keep trying and you bow out with grace and don't look back.

If you are in the A category, you keeping trying with some sort of diagnosable tenacity that scares family members and you live on the vapor of possibility, of stars aligning and of the sheer high you get out of writing. And that path could just lead to a sale, or an independently produced film, or representation and then the story continues....*

*average length of this journey - ten years.

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Writing Salon

The first ever Rouge Wave writing salon, which took place last weekend, was an absolute blast. All four participants came away charged up and excited. We had break-throughs, we had productive writing time and we had cupcakes. Two participants mentioned it in their blogs: Bamboo Killers and The Big Woo, another participant drove down all the way from Napa (and just sent me a lovely thank you card!) and the fourth and I are having martinis for lunch this Friday. So it was a good time.

Essentially, the RWWS was a guided writing group. Some have great writing groups, but others have a hard time really getting and keeping it together. A good writing group works best when somebody is guiding the flow. That way no one person takes up more than their share of time. That way the time is well-spent and has a shape. That way there are expectations around what should be accomplished during this time. In that regard, the Wave-inatrix was pleased and proud at how well our session went and impressed by the way those four participants showed up, on time, in the heat and absolutely set to working and discussing with real determination.

I do want to thank my colleague, Jeff Lyons, of StoryGeeks, for partnering with me that day and bringing so much to the table. Jeff is a good friend and amazing story analyst.

The next Rouge Wave Writing Salon & Cupcake meeting will be held on Saturday, June 14th. The fee to attend this three hour session is $100. Limit is ten writers, minimum is four. Please contact me HERE if you are interested in attending.

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Then There Was The Junior Script

Rouge Waver Diane had this comment to make of yesterday's post:

I agree with so many of your insights on starting a new script. But the one thing that I do - to get the creative juices really going - is write the scenes that have given me the inspiration to write the script to begin with.

Diane - you took today's post right off of my keyboard. I do like to organize my premise and do some character work first before I can write any kind of scene, but I get your gist and what you are proposing is what I actually do as my second step in the Frankensteinian process of giving life to an idea.

I write a Junior Script. Or Script, Jr. as I affectionately call it. I know the Wave-inatrix often proclaims this or that God's gift to humankind but truly, the Junior Script is, well, God's gift to humankind.

Here is the academic definition of the Junior Script (patent pending): A short, half-assed script in which the writer jots out sluglines and brief, on-the-nose scenes nailing the intent of the scene with almost zero grace or redemptive qualities except that it is now on the page.

You know those kitchen sponges you can buy that are completely flat until you put them under water and then they expand? This is your Junior Script. It's the matzo of scripts. Unleavened, kinda flavorless but you have a weird, inexplicable attachment to it anyway.

So you've written an outline and you're feeling pretty good about it. Mostly. It's always a work in progress. The Junior Script enables you to start writing scenes - the scenes you know you want to write, the place-holder scenes and anything else that inspires you at the moment. Your Junior Script can be 32 pages long - we don't care at this point - it's those first pages, those initial scenes that you need to get on paper before they dissipate, never to be retrieved.

A scene in a Junior Script might look like this:

INT. Candy Store - DAY

Our main character comes in, freaks out and robs the place.

Main Character: You LIED about the Abba Zabba! You LIED!

INT. Hamlisch County Sheriff's Office - LATER

Main character shuffles in, manacled, then kicks the sheriff in his paunch and manages an amazing escape.

Main Character: You'll never catch me! NEVER!

And so on. A Junior Script is really just a way of saying Your Script In It's Infancy - but I call it by a totally different name because the Junior Script is its own, sovereign country. It has different rules.

The Junior Script can be super long - or super short. It can be crappy. It can sound stupid. It can be brilliant. It can have typos. It can be on the nose. It is free from judgment or neuroses. It is a way of just putting place holders and half-scenes in place so that it can slowly evolve into the First Draft.

Recently, I heard an great little anecdote. A caterpillar was struggling mightily to get out of its chrysalis when a woman, watching this struggle, couldn't help but lean in close and help the little guy out just a little bit. The new butterfly emerged quickly, flopped around and promptly died. Because caterpillars need that struggle to get out - it builds the muscle-strength and circulation they need to be able to fly moments later. Now the lady is a butterfly-killer.



Oh, Wave-inatrix, love you do but damn you're circuitous sometimes...

Like a caterpillar crawling out of its chrysalis, the Junior Script needs to be imperfect and to struggle and it cannot be judged and found wanting because it's evolution is the struggle. Often, screenwriters, no matter where they are on the curve, get squeezed in the vice of the expectation of perfection. They think it has to be great the first time. On the first page. In the first scene. Untrue.

After you've organized your idea and worked out your main character, let loose on a Junior Script and just get on paper what you want to get on paper. Don't judge it, for god's sake don't show it to anybody, just let your fingers fly. If you really aren't sure what will happen in a scene, don't jot it down, it has no place in the Junior Script. Only get down those scenes in which you know what the beat is - but don't worry about writing it well. Suspend judgment during the writing of the Junior Script. Learning to do so will allow for your evolution as a writer, from one draft to the next and beyond.

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In the Beginning Was the Box

So you have an idea for a script. You talk to friends, they like the idea. YOU like the idea. This is exciting. Then you open up a blank document. And stare at it. You write down your idea. Suddenly, it's not seeming so great. Hours pass, sweat beads on your forehead. The blank page mocks you. Dozens of other pressing needs cross your mind: changing the paper at the bottom of the bird cage. Checking the mail. Throwing in the whites. And still, the page mocks you every time you return from these other pressing priorities.

So - what is literally the very first step you take in this whole "write a script" thing? The Wave-inatrix has written ten scripts and believe it or not, the first step is always the hardest. There's no easy, pat way into getting your story going. Why, I spent this last weekend in this self same position. But by the end of the weekend, I had written a complete outline for an idea I've been bandying about for weeks. It's imperfect, it's not fleshed out, but it's there. Finally, a lumpen shape to play with. I also changed the paper at the bottom of the bird cage and did quite a lot of laundry. But I digress.

The first thing I do is write down, in a long, sloppy paragraph, what my idea is. I stare at this horrible paragraph. And I ask of it - where's the antagonist? What is the crux of the conflict? What is the deal with the main character? What is her flaw?

And that is where I start. With my main character. Because I know, lo these many years both reading and writing scripts, that whatever the adventure I had first come up with, must be inverse to the flaw of my character. Uh, oh but I don't have a flaw yet. I go back to the main gist of my story idea. Okay what is the worst flaw you COULD have in this situation, that fuels the story, that will make the universe rain down on my main character's head at every turn?

And then I just begin to write. Steam of conscious, unedited crap. I just write. I write stuff that I will quickly delete. And then I rewrite it. I write bits of dialogue. I fill the page with utter gobbledygook that no one else will understand. Then I look back up at my primitive premise line.

And I begin to see. A shape has started to suggest itself. And I tweak the premise line. Then I keep writing about my main character. Oh - and that idea for the antagonist again. Yeah, great line of dialogue. And hours pass and still, I have a half-page of confusion. But slowly, very slowly, a shape is beginning to emerge.

It's like packing up to move. At first, you have a pile of boxes and all of your stuff staring at you. Half-heartedly, you pack one, random box. Okay, one box done. Is it time for lunch? Anyone want coffee? But you stare bleakly at the rest of your stuff and know you've got to keep moving. And suddenly, you must categorize. What if I just pack up this ONE cupboard? What if I start with the kitchen at least? A primitive system of organization has emerged from the muck of procrastination.

Boxes are assigned and stuff is going in those boxes and hours later - aha! Progress has been made! Now motivation starts to kick in. That part of the house is DONE. A light is at the end of the tunnel - you can do this!



So think of the blank page as a room full of possibilities that need to be categorized, starting with what your story idea is. So put that idea in a box and stare at it. Then look around the room and know that character work is the next box that really has to be packed and stacked, next to the premise line. And then later, the theme - oh but you don't need that right now, just pack the dishtowels and leave the box open, you'll get back to that. Oh and the antagonist, that should get packed and put near the main character. Oh looks like you forget something to put into the premise box! Keep that one open too.

And suddenly, hours later - your hot mess of an idea has started to gain a certain organized beauty. It's not perfect, but you've made progress. The end is in sight - the end, in this case being an outline that while imperfect, makes a certain kind of sense. Once you've packed all your boxes, you can endlessly arrange and rearrange them before you make the move and UNPACK the boxes into actual script pages. But that's much easier - these boxes go in the kitchen, those boxes go in the living room. You organized the packing now you can unpack at your leisure. Because you know where everything is and where it needs to go.

That might be one hot mess of a metaphor but Wavers, it works for me. And I have begun the process of organizing my next script and it feels great. But the point of this missive is that it's not only okay it is totally normal to feel somewhat overwhelmed and distressed when you start a new script and have no idea what your first move should be. Just pack one box. And then another.

What's the main idea of the script?
Who is the main character (that's one messy box)
Who is the antagonist?
What then is the inciting incident?
What would the climax then be?
And the midpoint?

Hmmmm... Not working. So rearrange the boxes. Nobody is judging this right now. You are alone in this rag-and-bone shop, you decide how to find just enough order to spark your creative juices and let the eventual pages flow.

Keep shuffling those boxes until order arises from the chaos. And once you've got some kind of order, you've made it past the toughest part. Truly. The unpacking, the actual script pages will present challenges too, but at least now you're in your new place, full of possibilities and extra closets and cupboards you didn't even know you had. Now is not the time to worry about exactly where you're going to put the panini maker. This is just getting this big, overwhelming, dusty project STARTED.

Actual page writing? That's when you're all unpacked and have an amazing outline and then you figure out what color to paint the living room or which kind of curtains to put in the kitchen.

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Sweet Emotion - Part II

Yesterday we talked about the importance of delving deeply into the emotional core of your script - of really going there yourself in order to make the pages truly transformative and resonant.

Writers go through identifiable, almost predictable stages of learning. Interestingly, new writers start off with a lot of what I’ve talked about the past couple of days – the emotion! The coolness of the scene! The coolness of writing a script! The coolness! But they need to dial that part back and get under the hood. The outline! The premise line! The idea testing! Not so much with the coolness.

But ironically, once you’ve put coolness on the back burner and do the hard work of learning about execution and outlining, guess what – you get to come back to the coolness. In fact – you have to.

All humans have very deep, hard-wired primal need for love, justice and safety, and very deep, primal fears of death, danger and betrayal. So tap into that most primal part of yourself when you write – if your pages don’t make YOU cry or flinch or laugh your ass off – they probably won’t make anybody else feel that way either.

Do any Wavers know any actors? I don’t mean celebrities – I mean actors. Yeah, they’re pretty weird. In a good way. You know I love you, actors that I know. But you’re odd. Because that’s what actors do for a living – they go into the deep well of universal emotions and archetypes and literally dwell in that space. No wonder so many famous actors have all number of emotional and substance issues – it takes a lot to live in that space as often as they do.

My personal trick? Music. I literally choose a playlist of songs that ping the emotions in what I’m writing. Songs that make me sad or put me in the mood that I want to establish on the page.

I believe that music is one of the single most powerful tools for opening up your emotional pipes – ever. I don’t care who you are, you drive down the street and Springsteen comes on the radio – say Dancing in the Dark – and you turn up the music, and for three minutes, you are right there with The Boss and you don’t mind the light you just missed. You just don’t. Because the music flows through your veins and life is good in that moment. Music literally changes your brain waves.

Maybe you like to listen to Tibetan monks droning, maybe you can get into the white noise at a café (I really can) – whatever it is for you – whatever transports you into the emotional core of your story – go there. Do it. Because it will transport you into the right-brain reverie that we writers are addicted to and moreso – it will transport your audience too. What you feel deeply – they will also feel. There’s magik at work in truly great writing.

After you’ve outlined, after you’ve written a great premise line – when you are ready to start pages, tell your left brain sayonara, turn on some tunes and get into your deepest place of feeling and being. Don’t be afraid of it – it’s what makes us writers.

In my experience working with writers, the ability to be fearless and go into the emotional core of what you are writing is what separates mediocre writers from great ones. If writing your script isn’t an emotional journey for you, it won’t be an emotional journey for anybody else. When I open your script to page one, I just bought a ticket. Take me with you.

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Sweet Emotion

In a moment that will live in infamy forever, recently the Wave-inatrix lazily tuned into the last half hour of Deal or No Deal. It was horrible. What a spectacle. But j-u-s-t before I could click to the next channel, I found myself thinking – TAKE the eighty-six thousand dollar offer! TAKE IT! Okay okay he said no deal – choose briefcase number 16! The million dollars is in number 16!!

Suddenly, even in the lowest form of entertainment (the banker said that if the contestant’s family gained enough pounds eating chicken wings, live, on stage, that he’d add $1,000 for every pound they collectively gained), I found myself identifying with the main character – the contestant. He really needs the money! He and his wife have had a hard time financially! Eighty-six grand is enough to change his life! Go for it, guy from Iowa! GO FOR IT!

What a rush it was, gambling with someone else's money, someone else's life! It was vicarious and it was fun.

It’s the same reason that when I found myself watching 27 DRESSES (way cuter and solid than I had given it credit for, by the way) I was able to ignore a couple of silly plot choices in the third act because - dammit – if Heigl didn’t choose Marsden, then her one shot at true love would slip through her fingers. Choose him! Choose him! Go get him! Love is real! Love is GOOD!

It’s why I watched PHILADELPHIA the other night and literally cried my eyes out. Oh and what wonderful, cathartic tears they were. Love! Grief! Justice! Take that, mean Jason Robards!


It doesn’t have to be an experience you know personally, it doesn’t have to be anything you’ve ever done – but here’s the thing – we humans, we crave the sensation of feeling. PURPLE RAIN? Arguably a pretty lame movie – but, but – When Doves Cry? Not sad? Darling Nikki? Man, Prince was MAD! And it was effective. If you like Prince. The Purple King. The Glyph. The Tiny Purple Wonder. Nothing compares 2 him, take me with U!

We all know what it feels like to be overwhelmed with our emotions when we watch a movie and we also know what it feels like to be grinning and laughing so much in a movie that the utter silliness of the world doesn’t matter – damn, ANCHORMAN is funny. It just is. And you can bet your bottom dollar, that as a performer, Will Ferrell can reach into that feeling part of himself that knows how it feels to be the big guy, the lumbering guy, the flabby-tummy guy.

Judd Apatow wouldn’t be able to write such great comedy if he didn’t identity personally with his main characters. He clearly has an empathy and connection with men who are vulnerable and imperfect and struggling. I don’t think many comedies have as much heart and depth as The 40 Year-Old Virgin – and as many belly laughs and memorable moments - (You know how I know you’re gay?) Apatow gets how it feels to be Seth Rogen in KNOCKED UP.

When a certain primal part of you is called forth, your intellect – the insistent, thinking part of your brain is on the merciful hold and your heart takes over.

So how do you imbue your script pages with those kinds of urgent, primal emotions? Fear, love, longing, grief, injustice – or pure, unmitigated, totally freeing laughter?

The secret is this, Wavers- you have to feel those emotions yourself as you write. When you’re writing – don’t think about the eventual audience. Get so into your pages that you are completely transported with the emotions on the page. The anger, the jealousy, the fear, the love, the laughter – feel it completely. Immerse yourself, suspend that thinking part of yourself as you write and reach the primal part of yourself that needs to see justice borne out or the girl get the guy or the bad guy killed off and justice wrought.

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Getting to Know Me

Call it heat-induced narcolepsy, call it end-of-week laziness, but the Wave-inatrix just couldn't seem to motivate today. But I owe something to my Wavers today, do I not? Who else provides mildly entertaining sort-of-education while you are at work? So here is an interview Christina Hamlett (Could it be a Movie: How to Get Your Ideas From Out of Your Head and Up on the Screen) did of me for American Chronicle this last April. I think you will find it scintillating. Or at least way better than that report due today by 5pm. By that measure, almost anything is scintillating, isn't it?

***

There´s a funny scene in Shakespeare in Love in which a boatman – upon recognizing the young Bard as his passenger – eagerly tries to foist a new script on him. As anyone who has lived in Los Angeles for more than 10 minutes can attest, it´s an accurate send-up of the fact that almost every valet, waiter and clerk you encounter will just happen to have an extra copy of his or her latest project if they overhear you have any connection to Tinseltown. ("Here´s the Cobb salad you ordered, Ms. Hamlett, along with 10 side pages of my horror script about mutant lamprey eels.")

While no one can fault their unabashed enthusiasm (the writers, that is, not the eels), many of them could benefit from a session of insider knowledge on how today´s script-selling game really works. Julie Gray, founder of The Script Department, serves up her views on how to break in to this elusive market.

Let´s start out with some background on your love of movies and how you came to launch The Script Department.

I have loved movies since I was a little girl and The Wizard of Oz was on television once a year. I don´t know if it´s an odd gene or something, but I fell in love with movies like South Pacific, Oliver! and Pillow Talk. I loved the glamour, the stars, the way everything was dramatized and larger than life. (I lived in a very rural community which might have had something to do with it.) My grandmother was a stage actress in Boston and I think I inherited my love of film and theater from her. When I was in high school, my best friend and I wrote, directed, starred in, produced, edited and exhibited many fine films using our Super 8 camera and allowance money. We did everything from horror to game shows to a sci-fi fantasy with fake little Styrofoam jet fighters.

After graduating from The Writer´s Boot Camp in Santa Monica, I began working as a reader for several high-profile production companies here in town. Over time, it began to break my heart to be so brutal to the scripts. There´s just not a lot of nuance in a "pass". So often I saw scripts that had great intentions but that just didn´t deliver, particularly on the premise. I know just how hard it is to be writing feature scripts in such a tough spec market. Writers need encouragement and inspiration as much as they need the cold, hard truth about what is not working. I came to realize that how you work with a writer can either open the creative doors or shut them down. I decided to start a company that not only provided great notes but provided those notes in such a way that each writer was respected as a unique individual, no matter where they were on the curve. I wanted to really interact with writers and help them not only become better writers but to also feel empowered in the process. You don´t see a lot of that in a town that historically doesn´t have much respect for writers.

How many people work with you in analyzing new projects?

Gosh, we have grown so much I have to take a minute to answer that. There are two Script Department partners, Andrew and Margaux, and I have three other readers who work pretty much full time. Then I have a few go-to readers if I have overflow beyond that. And we also have some "boutique" services offered by such giants as Christopher Keane. I´m very careful about who I choose to work with. I have always held a very clear vision of our objectives and every story analyst who works with me holds the same vision of integrity, kindness, honesty and encouragement because we are all writers and we´ve weathered the slings and arrows.

What is the breakdown of charges and what can clients expect to get for their money?

We offer everything from Story Notes, which is $400 and you get an hour phone consultation after you´ve received 5 pages of notes, down to logline and query letter evaluation which is $75 and everything in-between. We try to tailor our services to the unique needs of writers. Probably our most popular service is the 3-reader package where three of us read your script and get you 1.5 pages of notes. So the writer gets three opinions and three takes. That one flies off the virtual shelf!

We launched a screenwriting competition this year, called The Silver Screenwriting Competition. We´re doing this competition in the same spirit as The Script Department, holding that vision of writers really benefiting from their relationship with us. The Grand Prize is pretty generous and my favorite part of it - beyond the $2500 in cash, beyond the free trip to LA, beyond the day of meetings with 3 managers - is cocktails with Blake Snyder at the Chateau Marmont. How incredible is that? I´m tagging along, for sure!

The Rouge Wave is a hilarious component of your website! Tell us how this flirtation with silliness and mirth came about.

Oh, thank you. The Rouge Wave is definitely a labor of love. I don´t flirt with silliness, I am silliness. My business partners really have so much patience! What can I say, I´m a Scotch/Irish redhead and we like to laugh.

And again, returning to something that I said earlier and the motto that Mary Poppins lived by, a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. When we can laugh and be silly, we open ourselves up to learning. So the Rouge Wave is a very silly and yet very informative place. I run little short scene competitions a few times a year and gosh, let me tell you, I´ve gotten some good stuff!

What do you feel is the most unique about what The Script Department has to offer its clients?

Our attitude and intention. We take our time with each client and we pour ourselves into it, heart and soul. You wouldn´t believe the gifts and cards we get each month. It makes me choke up sometimes; wine, candy, chocolate – I even got a boomerang from an Australian client! I have clients offer me their homes for vacation – I mean, who does that? I like to think that we receive what we put out there to our clients. Working with The Script Department is like working with friends who get you feeling comfortable and relaxed and then tell you the truth about your work so that you can raise your potential as a writer.

On average, how many projects do you receive per month and, of these, how many sparkle with potential?

We get between 20 and 50 scripts per month. Sometimes more. Of that number, I´d honestly say maybe every couple of months we see a script that really blows us away and those we do submit to various managers. In terms of potential, we probably see perhaps 3 or 5 a month that, while in need of work, do have potential because of a unique premise and/or because the writer really has a great "voice".

What are the three biggest mistakes you see in the submissions you review?

Soft premise – meaning, there´s simply not enough story to tell, and poor character work. Characters who are two rather than three-dimensional. Writing great characters takes time and experience, there´s no two ways about it. Oh, and typos – people forget to proofread and those simple mistakes can really encumber a script.

Which genre would you like to see more of/less of?

It´s not really a genre, but scripts that are essentially autobiographies with the names changed. We see, very often, young writers who are writing their first or second scripts and they forget to test the premise to make sure that the time they went to Florida and their cousin Bobby got lost in the petting zoo is as entertaining to others as it was to them. It´s not. I would like to see less fantasy/epics because, honestly, with the box office domination of Harry Potter, for a new writer to break in with an expensive spec like that is next to impossible. Writers should write what they love and what fascinates and motivates them but also keep an eye on the market. Judd Apatow has put a new spin on comedy in the past few years so don´t write another Judd Apatow comedy; try to foresee the next wave of comedy in terms of zeitgeist.

The $64,000 question: why is Hollywood turning out so many bad movies (including remakes and sequels)?

Because box office is slipping and television is taking a big bite. Studios are very risk-averse. It´s getting harder and harder to get audiences into the movie theaters and executives are making decisions based on the lowest common denominator. Teen boys are a very lucrative part of the box office and shock/horror and violent movies appeal to them very much. But the slow-grade success of The Bucket List is an example of a movie for a different age range that, while it didn´t do box office gold on its opening or any other weekend, has proven to have legs over time. I think audiences like intelligent, provocative movies and that sooner or later, the decision-makers in Hollywood are going to have to acknowledge our aging population and widen the net.

What´s your best advice to someone who wants to write his/her first screenplay?

Take a class. There are online classes available through UCLA that are quite valuable and many other programs, from weekend workshops at Gotham to 12-week programs at The Writer´s Boot Camp. You learn by doing – buying 12 books on screenwriting is very overwhelming. I can´t recommend taking a class enough – and then another class. And another. Educate yourself and get the peer and academic support you need so that you don´t waste four years writing pointless scripts and feeling totally defeated. Some are real self-learners, sure, but in any case, all aspiring screenwriters should also read as many produced scripts as possible. If there is one faster track to learning, it is reading produced scripts. There you can see, right in front of you, what is working. Beyond that, there are message boards like Done Deal and of course Absolute Write that offer a lot of inspiration and instruction and I like to think The Rouge Wave is a good resource, too.

The most recent writers strike was not the first – nor will it be the last – experienced by the film industry. Do you envision that more screenwriters will start following similar trends provoked by the publishing world (i.e., the emergence/escalation of ebooks/downloads, self-publishing, small presses) and embrace alternative venues that are at less risk to disruptions of income stream, intellectual property rights, and residuals?

Yes. I think a whole new world is dawning in entertainment and that we have only just begun to see its effects. This is the You Tube generation and the success of websites like "Funny or Die" prove that there is a plethora of new venues out there for entertainment and writers. I think it´s an extraordinarily exciting time for writers because a system which was exclusive and entrenched is beginning to crack around the edges.

What are your three favorite movies of all time and why?

Without question, Singin´ In The Rain because I love the music, I´m a huge Gene Kelly fan and I just love the optimism of those MGM musicals in the 1950´s. I think I´ve seen Singin´ over a hundred times!

Another all time favorite is Harold and Maude. The premise is perfect, the character arcs beautifully wrought, the theme is life-affirming and, of course, it has a great soundtrack. The first time I saw it, I was a teenager and I really didn´t know what to make of it but over time, I discovered a new layer with every viewing. Great writing and truly heartfelt material.

More recently, I loved Away From Her and 3:10 to Yuma. Loving the latter surprised me because I don´t think of myself as a fan of westerns, but the writing and performances were spectacular. That scene where Christian Bale whispers fervently to his wife why he has got to take this on brought tears to my eyes. My god, every word was just golden.

Oh and I can´t leave out Ordinary People. That has to be up there in my all time favorites. It doesn´t matter how many times I see it. I love that movie top-to-bottom; performances, writing, direction – everything.

If a movie were made of your life, who would you most like to portray you?

Carrie Fisher.

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Cyber - what?

Rouge Wavers know what a huge fan the W is of UCLA Writer's Program classes, both online and on the ground. I am totally, unabashedly in love with the quality of this program; the instructors are spectacular and I have never been anything short of gratefully amazed whenever I have taken a class. The online classes are quite easy to navigate, too. This from the person who until recently couldn't figure out who to put an accent over a letter and who has no idea how the interweb works. In my defense though, does anybody? Like, really know how all that information travels invisibly through space to show up magically on your computer screen as teeny little words and pictures?

Anyway - so when I received this email from the program today I wanted to be sure and share it with all my Wavers:

****
This June, save 10% on online courses at the UCLA Extension Writers' Program Cyberhouse: An Online Open House

Enjoy a taste of what it's like to learn online with UCLA Extension and connect with a dynamic writing community. Make plans to log on anytime to the Writers' Program's Cyberhouse: An Online Open House, Monday through Thursday, June 2-5.

Just by logging on to our Cyberhouse, you can meet and chat with more than 30 UCLA Extension online instructors scheduled to teach this summer and get all your questions answered.

Whether you're interested in writing feature films, television dramas, novels, short stories, essays, memoirs, or poetry, come explore your course options and enjoy a 10-percent discount on online course enrollments (some restrictions apply).

Log on to our Cyberhouse to:

• Meet and chat with more than 30 Writers' Program instructors teaching online this summer
  
• Join two live chats scheduled with instructors
  Caroline Leavitt and Barney Lichtenstein
  
• Ask Writers' Program advisors about online courses and certificate programs
  
• Enroll in most summer online courses at a 10-percent discount (advanced courses not included) when you enroll from June 2-5
  
• Learn more about the Blackboard format and how easy it is to use
  
• Find the writing community you've been looking for!

For more information, visit us online, call the Writers' Program office at (310) 825-9415, or email writers@uclaextension.edu.

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The C Word

Cliché. It's an ugly word, isn't it? Clee-shay. The fact that it's a French word adds to the shame of it. You can practically see that Gallic, upturned chin and averted gaze. Cliché. Touché. Ouch.

If I read a script that is cliché-ridden, I try to think of a more polite way to say it - can you dig deeper into the gum-chewing waitress and, um, maybe her name isn't Doris and she's got something other than a Southern accent? Most of my Script Department readers are more blunt, god bless their hard little hearts. That's what clients pay for; the unvarnished truth. But hearing that your script is riddled with cliché is just such a blow, it makes me cringe.

But here's the good news - it's not that hard to dig your way out of. Writing a clichéd situation or character is the easy way out, right? All you have to do is dig deeper, push yourself some, and really find that writer's soul you have to go over and above the easy stereotype to write in a more unique way.

Here's the thing - truly, every story has been told. But not every character has been written. Sometimes the sheer infinite potential for characters is overwhelming and it's easier to just hit the archetypal high notes. But there's a fine line between writing a TYPE and writing a cliché. The litmus test is sort of like that old saw about pornography; you know it when you see it. When I read a cliché, I literally cringe. And I think - how could the writer not know this?

Truth be told, I think writers do know when they've done it. I'm basing that on the roughly one million hours I've spent on the phone with clients, as we review and brainstorm notes they received. I always get a hangdog silence when the cliché comes up. Yeah, yeah. Caught me. But then we brainstorm together and rifle around in the character's back story, etc., until we find ways to bust out of that cliché.

Sometimes a cliché is a great jumping off point for subverting expectations and turning a corner with your character. Why, just the other day, I was working with a writer who had a clichéd situation between the two romantic leads of his action-adventure. Until we swapped the gender roles - then suddenly it was fresh. Ha! Cliché as your friend!

Can you tell if clichés are messing up your script? Well, it's always hard to get that distance from your own material. And there are writers who argue that they did it on purpose. Truth be told, of course, particularly in comedy, a kind of cliché can work - except, again, gaining distance from the cringe factor of cliché, what you might be striving for is a type.

Websters online defines a cliché as:

NOUN:

1. A trite or overused expression or idea: "Even while the phrase was degenerating to clich� in ordinary public use . . . scholars were giving it increasing attention" (Anthony Brandt).
2. A person or character whose behavior is predictable or superficial: "There is a young explorer . . . who turns out not to be quite the cliche expected" (John Crowley).

---

ETYMOLOGY:
French, past participle of clicher, to stereotype (imitative of the sound made when the matrix is dropped into molten metal to make a stereotype plate)

SYNONYMS:
cliche , bromide , commonplace , platitude , truism

These nouns denote an expression or idea that has lost its originality or force through overuse: a short story weakened by cliches; the old bromide that we are what we eat; uttered the commonplace "welcome aboard"; a eulogy full of platitudes; a once-original thought that has become a truism.

Not much positive in the definition, is there? So avoid cliché like the plague, Wavers, but if you've found yourself slumming in cliché-land, use it as an opportunity for your evolution as a writer. Dig deeper, try harder, rifle through the back story or through your own experiences.

Each human being and therefore character embodies an infinite number of possibilities. If it came easy to you - be warned, you might have written a cliché. And you'll know. Down deep, you'll be aware that you took the lazy way out. And be on the lookout for euphemistic cliché-speak: I liked it but some of the characters seemed kind of.....(polite silence).

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Dumping Self Doubt

Through the magic of technology, the Wave-inatrix can check up on Google searches that led readers to the Rouge Wave. Most common: "rogue wave". I hope those individuals are pleasantly surprised when they get to the Rouge Wave - psych! The other day I found a heart-breaking Google search for "dumping self doubt".

Oh Google searcher, you were led to The Rouge Wave for a reason. Writers are often plagued with self-doubt. It's practically a requirement. Do we have talent? Do we have the connections we need? Is any of this cool stuff ever going to happen for us? The Wave-inatrix has a client who has a script that went wide yesterday. Early word on the tracking boards is quite positive. Will he experience the thrill of victory or the agony of defeat? (hint: looking like the thrill of victory so far).

So how do you know if you can write? Or if you should be trying to win at this crazy game? Or if any of this is worth it? You don't.

Yes, it is true in the Wave-inatrix's experience that some writers really do have to work harder at that innate ability to work with language and with story - I guess that's the pc way of saying, no, not every aspiring writer has god-given talent. Do you? If you didn't, would someone tell you?

In my opinion, talent is either immediately evident but needs to be shaped and disciplined or it emerges slowly, as the writer finds his or her voice and style. So how can I possibly say that a writer has no talent when perhaps it just hasn't quite emerged and taken form yet?

I've seen it happen, Wavers - I've seen a writer go from all-over-the-map to quite good over the course of several years. Because that writer was me. But truth be told, I have always had a facility with and love of writing. I won poetry contests in grade school, I published in the yearbook and school paper - I guess you could say I got my start quite young. I still have my copy of the 1973 Writer's Market to put that into perspective.

It was my determination, belief and my love of reading, language and film that kept me going and going for so long. Until gradually a voice emerged and with that, publication, validation and confidence. Talent can be innate and it can also be groomed.

But what about dumping self-doubt? Can it be done? Sure it can. In the same way that you can dump worry, anxiety or depression. By sheer force of will and by holding on with an attitude of gratitude and joy. All writers get stuck in self doubt. As do most creatives. And heck, most humans, let's be real.

Self-doubt can fuel and energize us, but it can also be debilitating. Don't let it get in the way of your writing. Write for the sheer joy of it, maintain a perspective, always be learning more, watching films and reading great prose.

If you didn't have self-doubt, you wouldn't be human. But don't let it get in the way. Relax into life and writing and ride the horse with joy - don't let it ride you.

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This Just In

My colleague Jim Mercurio has made a krazy-kool offer. Anyone who submits to the Silver Screenwriting Competition between now and midnight, June 1st is eligible for a drawing to win a slot in Jim's Killer Screenwriting Class - a $1,200 value! That's quite a generous offer - Jim's class is amazing. So if you're thinking of submitting, do it in the next two weeks and get yourself in that drawing!

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We are Miners

A little Cowboy Junkies ref for those closest to the Wave-inatrix's cupcake heart.

When we think about the flaws of our main characters - the flaw that will be changed or resolved at the end of their character arc, we have to be sure that the flaw is an active one. In other words being "shy" as a flaw doesn't connote much in the way of this character driving the action because of it. Your character's flaw should be something that affects every aspect of his or her life so that because of this flaw, stuff keeps raining down on the character's head in such a way that he/she cannot deal with it effectively. Until the lightbulb goes off over the character's head.

Writing good characters is all about digging deeper. Mining for the details.

Being vain is a flaw. But it's not a really good flaw until we know WHY your character is vain. Or why your character is a bully. Or a doormat. Or has anger management issues. Why, why, why? Therein lies the answer to creating a really active, interesting flaw.

I like to get to the flaw like this: I ask a client what the flaw is and they usually say something like "he wants his father's approval." Nnnnnot really working. It's not specific enough. So then I ask - why? What is the backstory to that flaw? Well, his father was distant and distracted growing up. Okay, so he didn't get the attention he wanted and you've sketched out what that arises from. Still not a flaw. It's a need. His father's attention and approval.

So let's try this: What does the character overtly WANT in his life? To be wealthy and respected. No - what does the character WANT right now, in this moment in time? To cut a deal and sell 10 Lamborghinis. Okay. But what does the character NEED?

To feel respected and loved by his father. Nnnooo....actually, digging deeper, he needs a sense of self-worth. So - the character cannot get what he wants until he gets what he needs. Car sale, i.e., money and success ain't gonna happen until he has a sense of self-worth.

And how is this character going to find a sense of self-worth over the course of your story? Ohhh how about by finding out he has a mentally deficient brother tucked away in a home? How about the bright idea of kidnapping that brother in order to share the inheritance more fairly? But what happens on that memorable road trip in THE RAIN MAN? Tom Cruise learns more about himself through his brother than at any other time in his life. So by the end of the story - the money and the success - this no longer is Cruise's goal. It's hanging onto the brother he never knew he had.

All character flaws are rooted in some kind psychic wound. A lot like life, right? Something messed with your character's head earlier in life. But here's the thing - just like us 3-d people, characters will do anything rather than just plain face that psychic wound. Often, we can't even really articulate it. But as a screenwriter, you get to be the Universe (g-d, Yahweh, Spirit...) You get to deal the psychic wound, you get to decide in what way your character acts that wound up via flaw and you get to decide what the real NEED of your character is.

Because wanting a father's respect is not the healthy answer to the psychic wound. It's about self-respect. You've been to therapy, Wavers. The thing is never the thing.

So do this exercise:

What is your character's flaw?
What psychic wound does it stem from?
What is your character's want/goal at the beginning of the story?
How does that want unconsciously relate to the healing of the psychic wound?
What does your character really need, then?
So again, what is the flaw? How is it a lame, sideways way of having the psychic wound healed?

NOW you have arrived at the actual, interesting, active flaw. A good character arc is like therapy writ large.

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What We Have Here, Son, is a Situation

What is the difference between a situation and a story - that is to say, a compelling crux of conflict big enough to cover three acts of your feature film?

A situation is that I walk into a bank and it gets robbed. A story is it is being robbed by an inept man who needs the money for his lover's sex-change operation. A situation is I cover for my dragon-lady boss while she's away. A story is I cover for her, I do better than her, her boyfriend takes a shine to me and then she comes back, furious. A situation is I decide to put my child up for adoption. A story is that the couple adopting starts to fall apart from the inside out and meanwhile my due date is coming up fast. A situation is I decide to escort a criminal to the train station. A story is when his gang is close on my heels and then he escapes.

So we could say that the central difference between a situation and a story is that a story is a situation which has a set of growing, causal complications. Kind of like a Rube Goldberg machine, right? Not just the marble rolls down the chute and plonks into a cup - but then the cup tips, the marble rolls down another chute and then makes a gear turn which lifts another chute which takes the marble on a hard right turn and the journey continues...

So how do you know whether you have a situation with the potential to really grow complex and interesting? It's all about what happens before and after that situation. And it's all driven by character. That's where the real work of being a writer comes in. Most anyone can come up with a situation - what if you woke up in the morning after a one-night stand and the person you were with was dead? Yeah - that would be pretty weird. But what if he turns out to be a senator. With enemies? What if you start getting phone calls late at night? What if it turns out, he had just announced his candidacy for the presidential race? Now we have a lot more than a situation - we have a story to play out.

Make sure that you aren't just writing a finite situation but rather that that situation, the one you first dreamt up over that second mocha frappuccino has the potential for Rube Goldberg-ness. Complications - unexpected turns - a causal, domino effect that sets other things in motion. You know, sort of like a nightmare - this happens BUT THEN that happens and you can't get out because now THIS happens, you know that funhouse-nightmare you have sometimes? Where things just keep getting worse? That's what I'm talking about. It can be funny-worse or scary-worse or dramatically-worse, but it's all going to feel completely inevitable.

A situation has an easy, predictable way out. A story takes us on a journey.

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Hanging Chads

Well, Wavers, I think we can safely call Andy at Bat the winner of the Short Scene Competition. Will the writer please contact me HERE so I can get your your FREE PASS to the Great American Pitch Fest in Burbank this June?

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The Run for the Roses

This week, the Wave-inatrix guest lectured at a UCLA online novel-writing class! How fun! And I did it in my jammies! The students asked fantastic questions about screenwriting and I think we all learned a little something about each other and the art of telling a story. Turns out that we have more in common than one would have thought possible.

If any Wavers have ever taken an online writing course at UCLA, I highly recommend it. It's a great experience and in this instance, I was beyond honored that the teacher, novelist Caroline Leavitt, recently published by Algonquin, thought this crazy redhead would have something to say to her class. Thank you again, Caroline - what a pleasure. I hope your students recover soon and that nobody sues me. I don't know what made me say that about Norman Mailer but I totally take it back.

As I post this, there are only 14 hours left in the Short Scene voting here on The Rouge Wave. That means voting ends early tomorrow morning. If you haven't taken time to vote, please do. Though Andy at Bat seems to be the clear winner - you never know. Let's nobody break any ankles getting over the finish line. Ohhh that made me so sad. Seabiscuit my ass. Somebody needs to bust that whole industry wide open. Oops, I did it again. Digressed.

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The Talking Head Tangapoo

By PJ McIlvaine

Writing scenes isn’t really all that difficult. Put one foot in front of the other and you’ll get from Point A to Point B…eventually. Creating a memorable scene is a whole other exotic animal. For your perusal and edification, let’s take a closer look at the Talking Head Tangapoo. Once almost considered extinct, the Talking Head Tangapoo has resurfaced in recent times thanks to the overwhelming proliferation of personal computers, screenwriting software, and well intentioned but misguided owners. These lost souls insist on feeding their Tangapoos a rich and flabby diet of lengthy, tedious back story which must be explained repeatedly, dull and dry exposition, flaccid action, on the nose dialogue, and just generally all around boring crapola with a capital BC.

When bred in this manner, the Talking Head Tangapoo, usually lean and mean, becomes a bloated beast prone to gout, ulcers, a slew of nasty digestive disorders, dandruff, cellulite, premature aging, psoriasis, migraines, bad breath and saggy breasts. It gets real ugly, real fast. Believe me, the last thing you want is a sick Tangapoo on your watch.

In the interest of the Endangered Species Act, let us study an example of a mistreated Talking Head Tangapoo.

INT. CONOVER HOUSE/DINING ROOM-DAY
Rebecca, dressed in a flowing gown size 14 which she got on sale at Marshalls, puts the finishing touches on her table to die for: china, silverware, candles, fresh flowers, chilled wine (1965 Moet & Chandon, a very good year). Rebecca is going all out, you see, because once she tells Warren her great news, it’s going to be the happiest night of her and Warren’s life, the man she married seven years ago a year after his first wife died of breast cancer and left him with an infant to raise. Everything has to be perfect like a Gordon Ramsay dinner service. Not like when her first husband died and she never got the chance to tell him goodbye. See, Dennis, her first husband, was an undercover cop who died in an undercover bust gone badly and they had to keep his casket close because the undertaker couldn’t do a thing with him. Warren’s a cop too, but he’s being groomed to be Commissioner one day, and he hates being stuck behind a desk like mayo on scrambled eggs, but we’ll go into that later. Cue original “Born to Be Wild” song.

Warren, a balding kind of guy, maybe David Morse or David Straithairn could play him, sits down and takes a load off his tired dogs. Warren hasn’t played basketball in years, and he’s got a Coors pot belly.

Rebecca (or Laura Linney, yeah, she’d be good too, or maybe Sharon Stone, nah, she’s washed up, let’s stay with Laura) sashays in with a plate of meat loaf and a bowl of mashed potatoes, which she sets pompously before Warren. The meat loaf is in the shape of a stork and she’s stuck pink and blue toothpicks like flags in the potatoes. Yum yum!

WARREN
Gee, honey, you shouldn’t have gone to so much trouble, I would’ve been happy with burgers. Remember the time we were at that greasy Mexican restaurant and we came down with food poisoning? I can never look at a taco again, much less eat one of them babies.

Rebecca sits down and begins eating like the prim and proper lady that she is.

REBECCA
I remember, dear, how could I forget? We were on our honeymoon and we ended up staying at that flea infested motel. It was the worst vacation of my life, bar none. Even beats the trip when I was six years old in the Poconos and the head gasket blew and we had to sleep in the bear infested forest.

Warren chomps on his meat and potatoes.

WARREN
Yeah, that does sound bad, but our honeymoon still takes the cake. Our honeymoon seven years was really, really bad. And I didn’t even get laid.

REBECCA
Speaking of getting laid, darling, I have some wonderful, exciting news for you, news we’ve been waiting to hear for years, oh I can’t wait to tell you, you’re going to be so excited, I’m ready to pee in my pants. After three miscarriages and countless attempts at fornication, some successful, some not, I can hardly believe it myself. Oh, the joy! I think I’m going to cry again, like I did when Dennis, my first husband died in that undercover bust gone badly and the undertaker couldn’t do a thing with him so we had to have a closed casket. I hope he didn’t suffer too much. We’ll never know, will we? I lay awake at night thinking about it. It’s all so very sad.

Warren opens his mouth, pulls a toothpick out.

WARREN
You know you can tell me anything, sweetie-poo, light of my life, the woman who took my poor motherless infant under her wing. Did you make your monthly sales goal? Hey, can I buy that fishing pole I saw on TV? Man, if I wasn’t a cop, I’d like to be a bass fisherman. Speaking of fish, I still haven’t figured out why your father blew his brains out. But you know, that’s how life goes. When Olivia, my first wife, kicked the bucket I thought my life would never the same. And now, look at me, we’re married and so happy together that I want to break out in song. Isn’t life funny? You never know when you’re going to bite into a cherry and choke on a pit.

Rebecca flashes her gown open and reveals the bump of all baby bumps.

WARREN
That’s all? You got fat? Hell, I knew that. That’s why I haven’t touched you in months.

Rebecca dumps the bowl of mashed potatoes on Warren’s head, the first wise thing she’s done since her father blew his brains out.

Okay, I’m exaggerating…but not by much. Unfortunately, our poor little furry creature is ready to drop from sheer exhaustion, not to mention the reader of this turgid heap of freshly laid Tangapoo.
Now let’s see a tight and taut Talking Head Tangapoo.
INT. CONOVER HOUSE/KITCHEN-NIGHT
Rebecca, eyes swollen and bloodshot, sets out two plates of hot dogs and beans.

Warren walks in, sits down, eats with gusto.

Rebecca joins him, pecks forlornly.

REBECCA
Well? Did you talk to the Medical Examiner?

Warren sighs.

REBECCA
Is he going to change his report?

WARREN
Honey---

Rebecca angrily tosses her fork on her plate.

REBECCA
I don’t care what he says. I know my father didn’t---

WARREN
Did you make an appointment with the doctor?

REBECCA
I don’t have to. I know what’s wrong with me. I’ve got a bun in the oven.
And it’s not yours.

Warren chokes on his hot dog.

Okay, after consultation with my Talking Head Tangapoo, she says that’s a little too lean and mean and she’s in mortal danger of dropping from anorexia, so let’s give it another try.

INT. CONOVER HOUSE/KITCHEN-DAY

Rebecca, her eyes swollen and red, dressed in a ratty robe and slippers, carelessly slops macaroni and cheese on two plates.

Warren enters, neatly hangs his suit jacket over his chair, revealing his shoulder holster and the golden detective shield clipped on his belt. He warmly kisses Rebecca, but she barely acknowledges him.

Rebecca plops the plates on the table.

WARRREN
Where’s Lily?

REBECCA
She’s doing her homework. She was too hungry to wait.

Warren gives Rebecca a big smile as he takes his first bite.

WARREN
Honey, this is delicious.

Rebecca shrugs.

REBECCA
It’s just macaroni and cheese.

WARREN
I know, but it’s an art. Too much milk and it’s too soupy, not enough cheese---

Rebecca impatiently drums her fingers.

REBECCA
Did you talk to the Medical Examiner?

Warren clears his throat.

WARREN
We had a brief discussion, yes.

Rebecca’s eyes fill.

REBECCA
It’s not right! Dad didn’t, he couldn’t---

Warren kneels by her side and enfolds her in his embrace.

WARREN
Baby, you have to let this go. It’s tearing you apart. It’s tearing us all apart. You know what they say, when God closes one door, he opens another.

After a long moment, Rebecca reaches inside her sleeve, takes out a folded piece of paper, slips it to Warren.

WARREN
What is this?

REBECCA
Our open door.

Ahhh, those cute cooing sounds in the background is my little Tangapoo pleasantly satiated, her tummy full but not too full, and now she’s ready for beddy. On that note, and on behalf of all her brothers and sisters, I beg you, follow the Talking Head Tangapoo rules. Less is definitely more. That is, unless you want to buy stock in Pampers.

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Action Line Interruptus

This is an old Rouge Wave post, Wavers, but it's so relevant and at this point so buried in the archives that I thought it would be a good topic to revisit. Why? Because we have had a massive influx of new Wavers lately and, really, are they supposed to dig through the whole archive for gems like this? I think not. We have better things to do like visit Jesus Christ Superstar Dress Up.

So: here we go. Again. Action Line Interruptus and Why it Sucks:

Open up your script. Turn to a sample page. Stare at it and get a visual. Don't read the words, just observe its appearance. How are those action lines looking? Any dense blocks? That's something that most of us know we should avoid - "too much black". But did you ever think about the fact that you can actually have too many short action lines which interrupt the flow of dialogue? Prodco readers tend to focus on your dialogue. Because it is in dialogue that the story moves forward. And they have to synopsize your script later. Of course they read the action lines too but particularly if the actions within them are stock and descriptive, they read about half the sentence and move on - because they get it, they're not that interested - they want to know what happens next. When readers review your script they are reading it FAST. So action lines don't really "stick" unless they are tremendously entertaining.

Here is an example of the way in which too many short action lines, peppered throughout your page interrupts the flow of dialogue and therefore - plot. It's a little excruciating, but the Wave-inatrix wants to put you through a sample experience. To put you in the shoes of a reader:

***

Henry: I miss the farm, don’t you?

Amos flips the pancakes and looks out the window at the Philly skyline.

Amos: Sure do.

Henry puts the syrup on the table.

Henry: Sometimes I wish we could just go out back and get syrup the way we used to.

Amos plates the pancakes.

Amos: Yeah, those were the days.

Henry looks at the pancakes, licks his lips and puts his napkin on his lap.

Henry: Course, things changed after the avalanche took mom and dad out.

Amos sits down opposite Henry.

Amos: I sure do miss ‘em.

Henry butters his pancakes.

Henry: Probably shouldna set that blast so close to 'em. You knew they were berry picking below the mountain.

Henry wipes his mouth and looks at his brother pointedly. Amos points his fork at his brother.

Amos: It was your idea, remember? You said enough was enough and I guess I just took that literally.

He gestures at their shabby studio apartment.

Amos: And they didn't leave us hardly nothin' in their will.

Henry pushes back from the table.

Henry: Guess we shoulda thoughta that.

Amos: Funeral took up most of it.

Henry: Suppose we should go visit the cemetery this weekend?

Amos digs in to his food.

Amos: We’ll bring their favorite flowers; Arctic Poppies.

*****
In this first example, not only are the characters micro-managed, their dialogue, which is ad hoc, silly, and yet on a certain level, powerful, is not delivered in such a way that we are really taking it in. Because we have interrupted the flow terribly with action lines. These two brothers have parents who died in an avalanche. They miss their old life. And they uh, they did it. This is important information to convey.

Now let’s try that again:

Henry: I miss the farm, don’t you?

Amos flips the pancakes and looks out the window at the Philly skyline.

Amos: Sure do.

Henry: Sometimes I wish we could just go out back and get syrup the way we used to.

Amos: Yeah, those were the days.

Henry: Course, things changed after the avalanche took mom and dad out.

Amos sits down opposite Henry.

Amos: I sure do miss ‘em.

Henry: Probably shouldna set that blast so close to 'em. You knew they were berry picking below the mountain.

Amos: It was your idea, remember? You said enough was enough and I guess I just took that literally.

He gestures at their shabby studio apartment.

Amos: And they didn't leave us hardly nothin' in their will.

Henry: Guess we shoulda thoughta that.

Amos: Funeral took up most of it.

Henry: Suppose we should go visit the cemetery this weekend?

Amos: We’ll bring their favorite flowers; Artic Poppies.

**
So review your scenes and make sure that they flow easily and well. Do not overuse or pepper action lines over your pages such that dialogue is split up and watered down.

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Thrill Ride

So lately, the Wave-inatrix has been helping out a friend with a really fun, action-packed action-adventure script. He had the first act done, actually, but was needing help beating out the second act (because he knew, from having set up the first act, about what his third act had to be already). So we've been having a lot of fun with it - this is going to be a rollicking good time and because I am sworn not to discuss it, all I can say is it has a huge, perfect, never-been-done hook. When my friend gets this off the ground, he's totally taking me out for some surf n turf. Dammit.

Recently I had the pleasure of having a young pianist and USC student of film composition over to the ol' place to play my 150 year-old piano which is, beyond my books, my most treasured possession upon which I can play slightly imperfect versions of the Canon in D and my all time fave, Hoagy Carmichael's Heart and Soul. Hey, it's music to me. And my neighbors.

The pianist - we'll call him Julio - asked about the story I was helping with. I described it and he grinned from ear to ear and said - like this? And began to score the story idea. It was an amazing experience to see how a composer plays with the story to arrive at a theme for the score. The main theme. The scary parts. The romantic part - all based on the established theme. Julio asked what the set would look like. He asked what the theme of the story was. He asked about the rating the movie would likely get.

But the best was yet to come. Sitting on the creaky old piano bench, Julio turned to me and said - tell me the scariest part. I made a pretty good scary set piece up on the spot and Julio played fast, frightening, action-y music. He turned to me again. Like - would this be a ride at Universal? It only took me a second to respond to that one. Why yes - yes it would!

I had what our beloved PJ would call a "ding dong" moment. Or, in my own parlance, an ohhhhhhhhh moment. Yes, yes this script could totally be a thrill ride! But the pianist wasn't done. What would you ride in? What would be the first thing the ride does?

And right then and there I began to simply make stuff up. For one, the actual author of this story wasn't there so I had to take some liberties but suddenly, set pieces began to inspire me.You'd be riding in this rickety canoe! The pianist began to play. And - you'd go over this waterfall that's on fire!

And suddenly, set pieces for the 2nd act began to appear to me as set pieces that would just have to be on that thrill ride. I wonder what screenwriters get paid if their movie becomes a thrill ride? A nickel for every passenger? Hey, that could add up to a lot of cupcakes.

Later, I told my friend about the experience and he was delighted and inspired by some of the set pieces I had imagined on the thrill ride based on his script. Together, we began to build on the set pieces so that they really capture the essence of the story and escalate the narrative in fun, dangerous ways.

To be perfectly honest, I had heard somewhere once before that imagining your action-adventure as a thrill ride is a great way to come up with set pieces - I'd just never done it since this is not the genre I write. If you're writing an action-adventure, I highly recommend imagining the ride that would go with it.

Now, I know a lot of Wavers are reading this thinking - fat lot of good that does me, I'm writing a period drama! 1) please, god, say that's not true but 2) so you're writing a different genre. You can still make use of this idea by imagining the trailer moments for your script. That is an oldie but how many of you have tried it?

Trailers are generally set pieces with pivotally funny/scary/dramatic moments of dialogue punctuating them. Try it today Wavers - write a trailer for your script so far. In prose - I'm not recommending you abuse Final Draft by literally writing a trailer. But what would that trailer look like? It would start with what, be punctuated by and wind up with what?

Can you distill the most exciting, pivotal moments in your script? No matter where you are in the process of writing your script, from the imagining/panicking stage to the final touches, this is a fun exercise.

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Writing Salon Full Up

Well, Wavers - that didn't take long. I have four takers. And I will be serving cupcakes. I mean, what kind of let down would it be if I didn't? We'll see how it goes and if the writers attending have a great time and recommend the experience, we'll do it again and maybe even make it a regular thing.

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Short Scene Voting

Remember, the polls are still open for the best short scene finalist so do vote. Of course I have to remind Wavers to please follow the guidelines:

*Did the writer make clever and contextual use of the three required words: taxes, numb and cantaloupe?

*Does the scene have a beginning, middle and end?

*Did the scene entertain you?

I think it far more fun for Wavers to vote than for the Wave-inatrix to pronounce the winner autonomously. Many, many more Wavers visit the RW and lurk than comment or vote. So the high number of votes is either an encouraging sign of participation or a depressing sign of mom/cousin/co-worker votes. Keep it clean, Wavers!!

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Evolution

Recently, someone cut and pasted the Rouge Wave blog post about shifting expectations in structure on a particularly cantankerous message board. One that is dear to my heart. One on which I have made dear friends. But that cantankerous element can be found online anywhere. Anonymity creates mighty experts and strong opinions.

A kerfuffle arose mightly, with many casting aspersions on the Wave-inatrix, naming her as a contemptible witch for suggesting that the expectations for spec scripts is shorter and more compressed than in the past. Some posted examples of scripts sold at 114 or 123 pages. Good examples, true examples.

But on the Rouge Wave, I hold this truth to be self-evident: Rouge Wavers are an intelligent, interactive and thoughtful bunch who weigh, measure and try things out for themselves. Color me optimistic, but I do not view aspiring screenwriters as "newbies" akin to chicks in a nest with chunks of food being rammed down their innocent throats. I hold all writers - anyone who willingly sits in the silence and makes stuff up and then hopes we'll get paid for it as slightly insane heroes. And I count myself among you.

But. As the Wave-inatrix is wont to say - I do not make this stuff up. I am hearing, repeatedly, from the managers, executives and producers whom I have professional relationships with that they want shorter scripts with more giddy-up. Does this apply particularly to the comedy and horror genres? YES. But Wavers, in my belief, there is merit in this concept full stop.

Does that mean that if your first plot point is on page 30 that you are doomed to fail? Of course not. Think, people. Or rather - think, people on cantankerous message board! Whether you use the 3-act structure of the 4-act structure is purely a personal decision - whatever works for you. The Wave-inatrix finds it useful beyond measure in my own writing but an executive won't notice and won't care. I mean, really, there's no neon sign that says "welcome to act 2B!"

Wavers know how to use their god-given noggins. The Wave-inatrix, while seemingly quite goddess like, understandably, is just a girl working in this business. A girl who employs many readers, reads many scripts, cultivates relationships with managers and executives and who makes observations based on that experience.

It says so right above you and I'll paraphrase because I'm lazy: The Rouge Wave is a place to get inspired, motivated and edu-tained. Not indoctrinated and hopefully not confused.

Do what works for you - but the word on the street is shorter is better. If you wind up taking that advice and going for a structure that looks more like this:

Page 1 to 25 - act one
page 26 to 50 - act two (a)
page 51 to 75 - act two (b)
page 76 to 100 - act three

- and you find that your story isn't being served well - then by all means, have a look at that. Here's the thing - that's not a bad problem to have. However, writing a big, fat, overstuffed, overlong script is a tough one to solve. Much more difficult to rewrite. Building on your story is much less difficult than having a wandering story with a ton of excess fat. Not that trimming excess fat is not a GREAT exercise in your evolution as a writer.

But that's what it's all about, Wavers - you are continually evolving as human beings and as writers. You learn lessons along the way. Do what works for you while keeping your ear to the ground - the word on the street is important to pay attention to.

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The Rouge Wave Writing Salon

Inspired by a focused day I spent with a writing friend recently, the Wave-inatrix has decided to try something nifty for a select few writers. On May 17th, here in Los Angeles, I will offer a FREE writing salon for exactly four writers.

What we'll do is this: we'll get together at 2pm on Saturday May 17th and have an hour of focused writing group work - we'll check in with each writer to see where they are with their material, what help or input they feel they need, etc. After every writer has gotten some input, we will have a focused hour of quiet writing time (so bring your laptops).

At the end of writing time, and heck, throughout, I and one of my colleagues will answer questions, be your sounding boards and otherwise be there to support you.

I am thinking of offering the Writing Salon twice monthly to writers who want to connect with other writers, get some serious writing done and get the support and feedback they need, live and on the spot.

Again, this is free (for now) and a pilot program. If you don't live in LA but would like to fly out for this, please do. But for now the group is quite limited, since I want every writer to get the attention they need and be able to forge new relationships with other writers.

Email me HEREif you are interested.

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In The First Person

Happy Sunday, Wavers everywhere. Today for your reading pleasure, we have a first-person essay by Rouge Waver Steven Axelrod. Read and enjoy but let us not forget to VOTE for your favorite one page scene as the voting continues.

***

My son Nick graduated from high school today, and I was stunned by the ambush of emotions. They came at me from too many directions at once. I grasped just bits and pieces of it at first: the tug of suspense when Nick as crossed the stage to pick up his diploma … as if something might happen to screw it up, as if the diploma itself might be blank. I know other people felt the same way: I made the joke with a few of the parents I knew, and saw the nervous smile of recognition on their faces. Then came the relief. It was over, we did it, he made it.

Later, I said to my Mom, “No one else knows what this feels like.” And she said, “What about me? I’ve been through it, too.” Then she said: “For twenty years you’ve been putting yourself last; now you can finally put yourself first. You can finally do what you want. But what is that?” And I had no idea. But I feel like some huge changes could begin now; as if I had graduated, not Nick.

But even that isn’t all. Nick’s graduation unplugs me from a whole community that I didn’t even know I cared about. I knew these kids, and through them their parents and through those families the real life of the island I lived on and the town that had somehow, almost against my will, become my home. Now that living connection is gone, too. The next bunch of kids will be strangers to me; the next crazy teacher won’t be my problem. So this rite of passage isolates me. It makes me feel my age. I finished my fiftieth year, my first real novel and my children’s high school careers all in the same week. That’s a lot of endings.

It was disorienting: the secret core of my identity had become a technicality. Of course I’m still a parent and always will be. But my job is complete. This is the moment we were striving for. And I’m happy about it, just like I’m supposed to be. Still, the sadness under that triumph is all around me. I feel displaced, like an executive forced into early retirement, but given a seat on the Board. My status may be the same, but my daily life will be permanently diminished.

My brother Peter came to Nantucket for the graduation, and he walked into the house with a bag of groceries a few minutes ago. Mom stood up as he came in and I asked her, “Why did you get up?” She said, “I thought Peter needed help.” He just looked at her with a patient baffled smile (he has no children). He said, “I’m fine Mom,” and started unpacking the food. She sat down again, and I said, “I guess that’s a look I’m going to have to start getting used to.”

She nodded a little sadly. “Yes,” she said. “But you never will.”

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Short Scene Finalists

Oh Wavers, I just couldn't help it. I just had to go through all the submissions and choose the top three finalists today. Glad I got up early to do it - wow -we had over 50 submissions and let me tell you, it was TOUGH to choose the top three. Really tough. I am so proud of my Wavers - you guys really took this competition seriously. I am blown away by the variety and quality of short scenes that were sent. Just amazed.

So before I present the top three scenes, let's review the voting procedures here on the Rouge Wave. Before you choose your favorite, ask yourself:

*Did the writer make clever and contextual use of the three required words: taxes, numb and cantaloupe?

*Does the scene have a beginning, middle and end?

*Did the scene entertain you?

*Please don't judge the scene by the title - those that didn't have titles I titled myself to make voting easier.

All three of these finalists are excellent writers, so please, no ballot-stuffing. This should be a close race to win a seriously generous prize. Please vote in the poll box to your right.

And now - the top three finalists in the Cantaloupe, Taxes, Numb Short Scene Competition:

DENTIST - by Kim Nunley

INT. DENTIST OFFICE - DAY

EDDIE, in a collared shirt, lays with his eyes closed in a
dental chair. Seated on a stool is DR. DAVIS, who places a
mask that covers Eddie’s nose and mouth.

DR. DAVIS
You’ll still be a bit numb when you
wake, Eddie.
(to someone O.S.)
Ella, Ms. Reeves called again.
Could you please explain to her why
her invoice must include taxes?

Eddie’s eyes open suddenly.

INT. KITCHEN - MORNING - FLASHBACK
Eddie, in the same shirt, sits at the kitchen table reading
the newspaper. LYNDSEY, in a business suit, grabs her purse
and gives Eddie a kiss on his cheek on her way to the door.

LYNDSEY
Remember, post office closes at 5.
Luck with the wisdom tooth.

Eddie doesn’t respond. Lyndsey stops at the door and turns.

LYNDSEY (CONT’D)
Eddie...counting on you.

Still without looking, he gives her the thumbs up.

INT. DENTIST OFFICE - DAY - BACK TO PRESENT

Eddie turns his head. A wall calendar shows TUES, 4/15. The
clock reads 4:45. He tries to get up, but his eyes droop and
he falls back into his chair. He lifts his arm and points.

EDDIE
Doctor...can’t...envelope

His words are undecipherable. His eyes close; head slumps.

ELLA
Did he say something about
cantaloupe?

Dr. Davis moves to replace Eddie’s arm to his side. Beyond
his extended arm sits a leather briefcase; sticking out is an
envelope with the IRS’ address and a stamp in the top right
hand corner.

***

Andy at the Bat by Edward Thiele

INT OFFICE
Andy, a 35 year old accountant, enters a conference room holding a CANTALOUPE in one hand. He throws the cantaloupe against the wall and startles the people sitting at the conference table.

DAVE
Whoa, Andy take it easy.

ANDY
Shut up Dave. Let me lay it out for you people one more time. We have a three month window, a three month busy season. It’s not football season, it’s not baseball season, maybe it is baseball season, but more importantly it’s tax season. Taxes, ladies and gentleman. You should be eating, breathing, seducing taxes for the next three months. Three months! Cindy where were you today?

CINDY
I had to take a half day because my son is sick. He said his hands were numb.

ANDY
Fantastic. Jim how about you?

JIM
(Whispers)
You know I have chemo on Wednesdays.

ANDY
Oh, gee Jim, I’m sorry. But the cancer obviously didn’t take time off, why did you? Dave what have you been doing?

DAVE
I’ve been here since eight this morning. We carpooled together.

ANDY
Oh yeah. As for the rest of you: I don’t want any more excuses. I don’t want to hear about sick kids or terminal illnesses; and Jim, you are terminal, don’t be ridiculous. Get back to work and crunch some numbers. Hey Cindy, get me another cantaloupe.

Jim puts his down. Everyone gets up and walks out.

***

Labor Pains by Colin Brownlie

INT. KITCHEN - DAY

JACK, 34, wearing sweats, stands at the sink, legs spread
wide. He cuts a cantaloupe in half, scoops the orange flesh
into the sink and waddles to the fridge, wincing in pain.

He dumps ice cubes into the hollowed-out rind of the
cantaloupe. Goes to the kitchen table. His chair has one of
those inflatable-donut cushions sitting in it.

He puts the cantaloupe rind in the middle of the donut, drops
his pants, and slowly sits, hissing from the shock of the
cold. After a moment to acclimate, he reads the newspaper.

FELICIA, 37, bounces in, gives Jack a quick kiss on the forehead.

FELICIA
Hey there, numb-nuts!

He glares at her.

FELICIA
Oooh, is the anesthesia wearing
off? Tell you what, as soon as you
get back on your...feet
(giggle)
I’ll make you feel a lot better.

Jack goes back to reading the paper. She sits at the table.

FELICIA
Just think, no more mouths to feed-

JACK
No more tax deductions-

FELICIA
No more labor pains-

JACK
No brothers or sisters for Lily.

Felicia’s turn to glare. Jack finds the sports section,
ignores her. Felicia stands.

FELICIA
We agreed on this, Jack.

JACK
Hey, it’s done, right? Agree or
disagree doesn’t matter anymore.

Felicia shakes her head, pissed, and marches out. Jack
shifts in his seat, grimacing

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Outlining, Spreadsheets & Charts, Oh My!

For a long time, I shied away from outlining my scripts because I pictured those crummy outlines we had to make in grade school:

I. Marie Antoinette

1. Her Childhood Dreams
a. Empress of the Universe
b. Giant Candy Garden
c. Big Hats

2. Her Academic Training
a. Setting a Proper Tea Tray
b. Curtsy and Air Kiss
c. Bon Bon Appreciation

I know that sounds ridiculous, that one could possibly outline a story that way but that was always the mental picture I got so - I didn't outline. The resulting scripts were not good.

Coincidentally, a dear Canadian friend sent me an Excel Spreadsheet she uses to outline the other day and Rouge Waver Christina mentioned in the comments section that she uses a spreadsheet as well. I have tried the spreadsheet thing but my (dis)comfort with Excel makes it a distraction for me.

I actually outline in a couple of different ways. It depends on my mood. As it should depend on yours. Mostly, I just use what I call a Sequential Beat Sheet:

ACT ONE

Sequence 1
In which blah blah blah

Sequence 2
And then blah

Sequence 3
Therefore, huge, surprising BLAH

ACT TWO

Sequence 4

--and so forth.

But another way I like to outline is to take a 8 1/2 by 11 piece of paper and turn it sideways (landscape). You'll need a ruler for this, by the way. Across the top of the page, I pencil in columns numbered one through twelve. Relatively roomy columns. Then down the side, I make corresponding rows - as many as I wish, because I'm the boss, applesauce. And so are you.

So in these corresponding rows, I generally put the names of my main characters. Then I might have a row dedicated to The Magic Pumpkin Seed - in other words, if you have an object, a curse, a ghost or even a point of view you'd like to track over the course of the script, make a box for it.

So now you can go down and across and for each sequence fill in, briefly, what's going on for that character. You can use this chart in any way you like. To chart character arc, to chart the level of tension in the narrative, to simply chart the location and knowledge of each character (say if you're writing something complicated and procedural).

So that's what I do. Because I have never been an index-cards-on-the-wall person, either. Many professional writers swear by that. Most television staff writing rooms include huge white boards.

I have seen many writers make fancy Excel spreadsheets but at the end of the day, it's the same difference. If you feel totally comfortable with spreadsheet software - use that. Index cards, whiteboards, cocktail napkins in pencil - whatever works.

But mainly, Wavers, don't allow yourself to feel confined by the word "outline". Just like everything in life, you learn, you observe and then you make it your own.

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Short Scene Deadline TODAY

The Wave-inatrix has received TONS of short scenes from Rouge Wavers interested in competing for a pass to the Great American Pitch Fest. Remember, I will be posting the top three - well, I originally said May 7th, but I'll read through them quicker than that, I promise. At any rate, the deadline is today - midnight Pacific Time. So yes, I am still accepting submissions. Submit HERE!

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Sex and the Screenwriter

by PJ McIlvaine

Okay boys and girls, gather round as Mama PJ gets ready to pontificate on one of her most beloved subjects: sex and the art of screenwriting. All right, you can stop with all the sniggers. I’m not joking. Really. A screenplay and sex have more in common than you might think on first blush.

After days, weeks, months, years of voluntary, solitary servitude, you’ve finished your screenplay once and for all. Bravo! You revel in richly deserved post coital bliss. You’ve toiled long and hard for this moment. You have absolutely no doubt in your mind that this is best thing anyone has ever written since Moses went up on the mountain and got the Ten Commandments from you know who. You’re so love with your script, you don’t stop to ask if you will love it in the morning. Tonight all the constellations and the stars have aligned. You’re giddy with passion and glee. It’s mine, all mine, and no one can take this precious moment away from you.

Okay, now let’s leap ahead a couple weeks. You keep playing and toying with your script, but now you just don’t love it, you’re besotted with it. Obsessed. While the act of writing was a temporary high, a great release, a catharsis, it’s not enough. It never is. Now you want other people to appreciate your masterpiece, to see it in the same light that you do. You want to show it off, you want to strut your stuff to all those VIP’s who can bring your dream to life. Isn’t that what it’s all about? To see your fantasy, your reality, on the silver screen or the boob tube or maybe on a sheet in your backyard. Fill in the blanks.

You know what comes next. You have to pimp your script like a mean mudda brudda in the hood. It’s a wild world out there and you’ve got to throw your thighs, I mean, your logline out into the big blue beyond and see who bites. So after many sleepless nights, you finally come up with a logline full of snap, sizzle, pop and crackle, a tease to make those VIP’s request (i.e. beg) to read the script. When you do it right, they have no choice but to ask to see more, even if they do so out of guilt or shame or plain old curiosity. When you do it wrong, it’s the cold, cruel silence and sting of a lover’s rejection. You want them, but they sure as hell don’t want you. You’re not alone. We’ve all been there.

Keep this in mind as you go fishing: every time a reader, manager, agent, producer, director or actor picks your script to read, it’s the equivalent of going out on a blind date. It is. Trust me, they want to like you. They really do! Otherwise why would they bother going through this ritual day after day, night after night. Their job is to find a script that will dazzle their boss, secure a promotion, appease a star, finalize a deal, promote themselves, burnish their reputation, get someone off their back or get them laid and a thousand other Very Good Things that doesn’t necessarily have anything do with the quality of your work.

Do you honestly think these execs want to schlep through ten to fifteen scripts a night just to fall asleep alone on the sofa? Of course not! They’re filled with anticipation and apprehension each time they crack open a cover stock. Is this the script the one that will knock their socks off? The screenplay that will give them an Oscar, a fancy foreign car, a mansion in Malibu, a yacht, a blow job from some nubile young actress? Or halfway through the damn thing will they be praying that an atom bomb drops not only on them but the idiot who wrote this drivel? They have your script in their hot little lands, and now you have to bedazzle them. They want to be seduced and you want your script to seduce them at least for the next hour and a half.

Consider this: the first pages of a script are just like foreplay. You want to flirt and tantalize and get their creative juices flowing with all sorts of wonderful possibilities. You want them to want you, all of you! Also, you have to make them feel that they’re in the hands of a pro, someone credible and capable, someone who’s going to give them a hell of ride for one hundred some pages, not someone who’s gonna fizzle out after page 20. They don’t want to spend a couple of precious hours with some bumbling, stumbling fool who wouldn’t know their way through three acts without a map. And if you are that bumbling, stumbling fool, do what I do. Fake it! Make them believe that you do know what you’re talking about. That’s what writers do! We fake it all the time, but we make ourselves look good as we do it. Don’t hold back. Pull everything out of your bag of tricks. Who knows when, or if, you’ll get another chance? If you don’t have them hooked in the first couple of pages, forget it, that deliciously wicked twist on page 65 won’t matter.

Ask yourself who would you rather spend an evening with: Malcolm, a nice guy who goes on about his tedious business, brushes his teeth, goes to work, tells long winded stories with no punch line, goes home and eventually discovers a dead body in his basement around page 85…or Devon, a redheaded conniving little live wire who juggles two husbands and two sets of kids that don’t know about the other and who is always trying to keep one step ahead of another husband she abandoned in Alabama (but not before clearing out their joint bank accounts) and that pesky FBI agent who wants to cuff her for his own nefarious purposes. Listen, I’m as straight as they come, but hell, I’d rather spend the night with Devon (or her unsuspecting, devoted spouses).

If you tease em’, you have to please em’, and not only in the first act. You have to keep the tension thick, the drama throbbing, the humor constant and stretched like a rubber band, the complications escalating until everything goes bing, bang, bada boom in the most wild, the most unexpected of ways, yet a way which is also logical and organic to the story. Translation: if you have set it up early on that a mongrel is going to scamper in and save the planet before complete annihilation, you can’t suddenly have an elephant trample in.

Oh, and another piece of advice, for pity’s sake: no extended, drawn out finales/climaxes. I’m sorry, maybe some people like this, but I don’t. Damn it, once you’ve reached the climax, get out of Dodge quick. You know exactly what I’m talking about. The extended talking head scenes explaining the preceding seventy-five plus pages, the twists and turns that no one saw coming (not even the writer but they decided at the last minute to pile it on for extra effect, hey, it worked for so and so and he made a bazillion bucks), the useless verbiage just to add more junk in the trunk, the “villain” who takes a hundred bullets in the head but returns for one last monumental battle between evil and the Good Humor Man, the cute but oh so predictable “here’s what our loveable goofy characters are doing in the future” outtakes, the car chases that go on for pages and pages with the inevitable fifteen million car chain reaction crash on the freeway in which our hero miraculously survives and swaggers away without nary a scratch or a blister.

Bah! Makes me want to take a shower.

If you’ve done your job right, when that VIP puts your script down, he should be as in love with your script as you are. In one fell swoop you’ve found your champion, your best friend, you’re Knight in Shining Armor. If you haven’t….well, you know, with the first schlub to show interest, pick yourself up, put on a new outfit, try a new hairdo, and liberally douse yourself with perfume or aftershave. You can take this to the bank: as sure as there is another script to write, there’s always another prodco, another manager, another agent…tomorrow.

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