On the Nose

What does on the nose mean, actually? Well, it means the dialogue was so straight forward, so to the point that it didn’t sound organic or natural. This is a dialogue-related note, and sometimes it can be related to descriptions as well. It’s when the writer has made too much overt effort for us to get something.

How can you avoid it? Well, here’s a little trick that I find really helpful in the early stages of writing a scene. Particularly a scene I might be having some trouble with. If great dialogue flows from you easily and naturally – then great. But if you’re struggling, give this trick a shot.

Write the dialogue as absolutely on the nose as you can:

Jane: I hate you and I want to get divorced.
Ken: I am shocked and hurt.

Go through the whole scene and just get the intention down on the page. The intention of the characters, their rudimentary understanding and reactions are all you’re going for. Now once you’ve got the scene written in this way, go back and bearing your characters in mind, soften it a bit. So it might be something more like:

Jane: I need my freedom.
Ken: But I love you!

And later, that might morph into something more character-driven and specific.

Jane: I can’t believe you waited up for me.
Ken: You said you’d be home at ten. Where were you?
Jane: Maybe you should sit down.

Or whatever – it depends on the characters. So I’ve given you one trick to work from on the nose dialogue up to more organic fare by simply embracing the on-the-noseness initially.

Here’s something my writing partner and I sometimes do:

Jane: I can’t believe you waited up for me.
Ken: I have no idea what to say, you figure it out. I’m sick of this script today and –
Jane: Ken, you seriously need help.
Ken: But we’ve been working on this script all week and I need a scotch and soda.

But that’s a whole other post.

How do you know whether the dialogue in the script you’re about to send into a competition contains OTN dialogue? Well, first of all, go back through your script and examine each scene and the intentions, motivations and goals in the scene for each character. What does the character want in the scene? And how do they ask for it? What are they avoiding, pressing for or hinting at? Are these things literally contained in the dialogue? Overtly?

Think about this: the thing is never the thing. What in the heck does that mean? Well, it means that people usually relate and interact on at least a couple of levels. Pointing out someone’s tattoo might really be saying “I think you’re sexy.” Difficult conversations are particularly apt to be a bit subtextual, unless out-and-out rage has taken over. But characters and people often try to circumvent the hurt and anger – or surprise and joy – that is bound to erupt. People will often talk about just about anything but the actual issue at hand.

Check your scenes for the purpose of the scene and the goals of the character. Now ask yourself, how overtly is the character expressing that goal? Sometimes overt is good – absolutely – but if it feels wooden, too pointed or too ham-fisted, then you’ve probably got some otn dialogue.

What's the difference between on the nose dialogue and crisp, to the point dialogue? The difference is one of degree; on the nose dialogue is clunky, clumsy and so obvious as to almost feel patronizing. The funny thing about otn dialogue is that it’s like porn: you know it when you see it. Sometimes characters need to be very direct in conversation; other times you need to pull back a little bit. Dialogue should have the cadence of a symphony; melodious and complex layers, soft moments, intense moments and a rhythm. The Wave-inatrix recommends reading great dialogue as a pleasure, a pastime and a lesson.

Some recommendations of script reads with amazing dialogue:
ORDINARY PEOPLE
AMERICAN BEAUTY
TOOTSIE
THE CIDER HOUSE RULES

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