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Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Women in Film - Houston, Do We Have a Problem?

This from the Hathor Legacy blog. Agree? Disagree?

***

The “Dykes to Watch Out For” test, formerly coined as the “Mo Movie Measure” test and Bechdel Test, was named for the comic strip it came from, penned by Alison Bechdel - but Bechdel credits a friend named Liz Wallace, so maybe it really should be called the Liz Wallace Test…? Anyway, the test is much simpler than the name. To pass it your movie must have the following:

1) there are at least two named female characters, who

2) talk to each other about

3) something other than a man.

So simple, and yet as you go through all your favorite movies (and most of your favorite TV shows, though there’s a little more variety in TV), you find very few movies pass this test.

Read the rest HERE and let me know - do you agree?

p.s. what in the heck does Hathor mean? I had to look it up too.

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The Evolution of a Writer


I expected to get a hailstorm of outraged, indignant comments yesterday and did not. In fact, I did hear that my list of patterns made the rounds among a large group of studio readers who, bless their hearts, cheered those observations on as they have noticed the same thing themselves. Studio readers and assistants are dear to my heart; I consider them the funniest, hardest working, most plugged in group of young people in Hollywood. They are where I get the skinny; the latest scripts being shopped, the insider gossip, the black list and spec sales. They are a direct pipeline to what is going on. They keep me in the loop.

If you found yourself described anywhere (or all over) on that list of patterns, do not be ashamed, outraged or hopeless. It is the way it has to be - for now. As with anything in life, you will evolve. How do Wavers think the Wave-inatrix is able to pass on so much information on what NOT to do? Because I have done it. My first script was a thinly veiled, biographical, wish-fulfillment piece of crap that I thought was utter brilliance. I thought I could break into the business with that script, make a sale and move to Barbados. I have made every mistake humanly possible to mistake. And I'm still standing and I'm still writing. As a wise friend once said to me - you can't go around it, you can't go over it, you have to go through it.

If it's true, for instance, that your first, second and most likely third scripts will suck, why write them? Why not just start with script four? You can't go around it, you can't go over it, you have to go through it. You have to enter 29 contests with that bad script and not place in a one and wonder why. You have to get a "manager" in Georgia with a yapping dog in the background and wonder why you don't get meetings or work. You have to buy every book and dvd and go to every conference or event before you realize you're out five grand and now you need to just write a good script. You have to get over your sense of entitlement and just write. It's unglamorous, it's slow and it's often painful. The only way to become a good writer is to be a bad writer first. But awareness is your friend. Be one with your own evolution. As you buy every single book every published you will find that only one or two really speak to you. As you take class after class and go to screenwriting events, you will stumble upon that one teacher or workshop that is pivotal for you, that gives you that aha moment.

There are variations on what your experience might be, but the experience is necessary. Nobody just magically breaks in to this business. There is no overnight success. Period. So be kind to yourself. Are you a fan boy writing imitative comic strip scripts? Are you an over-40 woman writing sappy romantic wish-fulfillment scripts that wish they were THE NOTEBOOK? That's okay. Write a few of those. Get it out of your system. You have to do it.

Would you be who you are today were it not for the mistakes and humiliations you suffered in high school? If it weren't for the messed up job interviews? If it weren't for getting married too young to the wrong guy for the wrong reasons? If it weren't for that jackass guy with serious mental problems that you thought you were in love with even though he was so much younger and what was going to happen was written all over the wall in ten foot high letters??!!

But I digress.

For me, personally, as some of you may have wondered from time to time, I have written ten scripts, some solo, some with a (brilliant) partner. I have had three managers. I have had two options. I have read every book, taken every class and graduated from The Writer's Boot Camp. I have placed in competitions, I have had a script in development at Fox. And I still haven't made a sale. But time is my friend. I'm a good writer, I have great connections and I love to write. I got nuthin' but time, joy and enthusiasm. Will I ever make a sale? Maybe. Would that make you respect or enjoy the Rouge Wave more? Would that make me happier? I don't know. I love my life and I think that's evident. I love the mini-W, I love writing, I love the Rouge Wave, I love The Script Department, I love writers and I'm really damn good at what I do. So if I make a sale, I won't be any more validated. Only a little richer. And I stress a little.

But back to you, Wavers. One day, a light bulb will come on over your head and you'll see BLEEP it and you'll write something straight from your heart. And it will be the best thing you've ever written. And it still might not get anywhere. That's okay. Do it again. Go to conferences, meet other people. Take classes. Read books, blogs and for heaven's sake - screenplays. Lots of them. And see movies. All the time. After some time, you will find your voice, your genre and your particular methodology when it comes to outlining and writing. Your super powers will grow. Every journey starts with a single step. You don't have to know how or when or even if you're going to break into this business, you just have to know that you have to write more than you have to breathe. You just have to know that you believe. Cupcakes for every single Waver today. Breathe, believe, receive.


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Tuesday, August 5, 2008

The Elegant Universe: Patterns in Writers


In my experience reading and analyzing scripts on a daily basis for the past several years, I have become very aware of patterns. I work with hundreds of writers. I attend screenwriting events. I am right in the thick of it. And like an ER doctor who has seen everything, I have pretty much seen it all. Things delight me - but nothing really surprises me anymore. Nobody likes to think that rather than being an individual, they are a statistic. But we are all statistics. Married, divorced, college-educated, not college-educated, white, black, Latino, Asian, middle child, youngest, employed, unemployed - there are patterns in society and they serve a purpose. They tell us who we are collectively - and individually. There are exceptions to every pattern and to every rule. But here are some patterns I have noticed, over and over again:

  • Boastful, cock-sure writers usually don't have very good scripts
  • Shy, unsure writers anxious to get notes are more likely to have a good script
  • Writers who can't write good action lines have no "voice" yet
  • Most beginning writers have no second act
  • Most beginning writers think their idea is more original than it is
  • Many writers, regardless of age, have not seen the classics
  • Because a writer is a cinefile does not mean he or she is a good writer
  • Fanboys do not necessarily make good writers; they are inspired but imitative
  • Most writers with 133 page scripts do not have a handle on their story
  • Many writers read too many how-to books and get totally confused
  • Newer writers hate to kill their darlings and their pages are crowded with them
  • Experienced writers hate to kill their darlings but do it before asked
  • Clumsy, over-written action lines are the most accurate predictor of a bad script
  • First time writers usually tell biographical stories
  • Gory, ultra-violent horror is most often written by young men under the age of 25
  • Dull romantic dramas are most often written by women over the age of 45
  • Unfunny romcoms are most often written by young men under the age of 25
  • Action scripts are almost always written by men of any age
  • First time writers think their first script is brilliant
  • Experienced writers will never show you their first script - ever
  • Writers who use camera directions secretly want to direct
  • Experienced female writers write well in any genre
  • Inexperienced female writers often write about love
  • Good characters never have bad dialogue
  • Bad dialogue is never accompanied by good characters
  • Structure is confusing for the first three scripts - then something clicks
  • Writers who can't articulate a quick logline have sprawling, confusing scripts
  • Whether a writers is shy or charismatic has no bearing on the quality of writing
  • Good writers never include pictures, maps or music with their script
  • No new writer is realistic about breaking in to the business
  • The location or gender of the writer has no bearing on the quality of the writing
  • Age does not define an ability to come up with fresh ideas
  • Most fresh ideas are in fact not fresh at all
  • It takes a long time to understand "the same but different"
  • Older writers most often write true or historical scripts
  • Young male writers often imitate their favorite movies
  • Female writers do not write American Pie or Harold and Kumar knock-offs
  • Female writers are quite capable of writing great action but rarely do
  • Divorcees often write about romance or revenge
  • Most writers have not built up a good arsenal of scripts; all eggs are in one basket
  • New writers think getting a rep is easy and will happen within a year or so
  • Newly repped writers think their career will automatically take off in a huge way
  • Experienced writers know they will go through many reps over time
  • Younger writers often do not think send thank you notes when they get a read
  • Older writers think Hollywood is more polite than it is
  • Newer writers do not test their premises or write outlines properly
  • Writers who regard themselves as writer-savants refuse to write what's commercial - and may very well succeed after years of failure
  • Writers who regard themselves as auteurs refuse to embrace that this is a sales job - and melt into a pool of bitter disillusionment and hate Hollywood thereafter
  • Wealthy writers try to buy their way into the business using the most expensive software and consultants and melt into a bitter pool of outrage
  • Writers with disposable incomes obsessively attend conferences and pitch fests more than they actually write
  • Writers who cannot execute a script mechanically generally don't have a good story
  • Writers who have been disappointed over and over hate consultants or anything designed to help them succeed and nurse outraged, red-hot victim complexes
  • First scripts suck
  • Second scripts suck
  • Third script suck a little less
  • Writers with successful other careers feel entitled to success in Hollywood
  • A writer's determination to keep trying is in direct proportion to their talent
  • Entitlement is in inverse proportion to talent
  • Young writers think that Hollywood is only for the young
  • Older writers think that Hollywood is only for the young
  • Experienced writers know that Hollywood needs good stories and that a good story and being good in a room trumps age any day
  • Talent is delightful and easy to spot on page one
  • A bad script is a bad script from page one
There are exceptions to every single example I have given above, but in my experience and that of my colleagues, many of these observations are borne out again and again. Are you the exception to one of these patterns? Or do you see yourself in some of them? Seeing oneself in a pattern which may not be so positive is tough to do for anyone.

The truth about writing and breaking into this business lies somewhere in the grey space between all of these observations. For every single rule or pattern, there is an exception. But patterns are patterns for a reason; there is a learning curve when one becomes a screenwriter. And being a screenwriter, all on your own, in your basement or attic, leaves you with zero perspective. Those in the business know you very well though. We see the patterns of scripts and of writers. We see the patterns of success, failure, entitlement and determination.

You can potentially read this list and think - hey WAIT, I'm a 25 year old female whose first script is about stabbing that frat boy who cheated on me 28 times and my action lines suck and until this moment, I thought I'd have an agent by year end and sell this thing! Well - not so fast, right? Sometimes it's good to look at yourself under a microscope. There's so much to learn and so much that goes into this crazy pursuit - forgive yourself if you've fallen into a pattern. Awareness is the first step to recovery and an invaluable leg up to the next level of your evolution as a human being and a screenwriter. It's okay to be part of a pattern - but is it the pattern you want to be part of?


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Monday, August 4, 2008

The Pineapple Express Short Scene Competition


All righty, Wavers. It's time, don't you think? Let's get August off to a bang with another short scene competition. And here are the three words you must incorporate into your scene:

Pineapple
Express
August

If you are an Old Waver, you already know the rules but let me spell it out again:

Submission Guidelines:

Write a one page scene incorporating the words pineapple, express and August. Genre doesn't matter but the words must be in context. Make your scene clever, evocative and what the Wave-inatrix holds most dear - effing entertaining.

Send your one page scene to me as a pdf or fd document.

Deadline:

Saturday, August 9th. The top three finalists will be posted on the Rouge Wave on Monday, August 11th.

Prize:

A $25 gift certificate to Amazon, Starbucks, AMC Theaters, a charity of your choice or The Script Department.

Submit HERE



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What Not to Pitch

After having spent two days with writers lined up to pitch their stories to executives at the Fade In Pitch Fest and hearing dozens and dozens of pitches as I helped writers practice, I realized that for many writers, the distance between their knowledge of their story and the way they present that story can be pretty tremendous. It reminded me of an episode of What Not To Wear - again and I again I pointed out to writers what the strengths of their story were and showed them how to show those strengths off. I heard great, cool, smart writers with great stories pitch that story in a terribly boring and slam-dunk PASS way. With some simple discussion and rearranging of the pitch, suddenly what sounded convoluted and dull really sparked and sounded fascinating.

I had to ask writers practicing with me to please not apologize for 1) the fact that the (true, tragic) story made them a little emotional 2) messing up on the pitch 3) not really knowing how to pitch 4) the fact that the script was not as violent or explicit as other movies like it 5) the fact that there are probably better ideas than this one.

Would you go on a date with someone and immediately apologize for the stain that your date hasn't noticed yet and probably won't, on the lower left inside corner of your sleeve? Would you apologize for stumbling over a word in a sentence? NO. You want to exude confidence and authenticity.

There is a dynamic in Hollywood which is unfortunately borne out by a very few egotistical and unkind types, that writers are essentially schlubs who barely deserve the oxygen we breathe and it leaves writers with some serious self-esteem issues. And the Wave-inatrix is here to say BLEEP that BLEEP.

Do not apologize in advance and point out weaknesses in your story or your pitch. Do not apologize if you get momentarily confused or emotional about your pitch. Do not point out, in advance, that your idea probably isn't that great. If you don't believe in your story or your idea, how can you possibly translate that to the person hearing your pitch?

For many writers, pitching is akin to having open heart surgery with no anesthesia. We do spend so many quiet hours alone with our ideas and our stories and being in a situation like a pitch fest, where you are putting yourself and your story on the line over and over again can be very stressful. I did hear one pitch fest participant tell me that a jr. exec from a HUGE talent firm here in LA literally rolled his eyes at her, during her pitch, and said "You people really need to learn how to pitch." It was rude, it sucked the wind out of her - and it was probably true.

The pitch might not have been so great - not because the writer isn't a good writer or the story isn't a good story (although to be honest, there is a high percentage of that going on) but because the writer's frame of mind in that setting was that of supplicant not salesperson.

Are you a supplicant when you pitch? No. You are not. Sure, the person hearing the pitch is the person with the power and the money in the situation. Sure, it could change your life if your script gets read and liked. But Wavers, writers are not second class citizens. I cannot emphasize that enough. Of course you need to understand the dynamic going on at pitch fests: the people hearing your pitch have heard dozens of others that day, they'd rather be at a Dodgers game or home in their socks waiting for the Chinese food to come but this is their job and what they would really like, since they have to be there anyway, is to hear a GREAT pitch that will make their careers. Of course they'd like to bring in the new writer and the new script that makes them look like geniuses for having found you. They may seem cranky, tired or disinterested - or politely tired and disinterested - but they would LOVE to hear a great pitch. Just effing entertain them. And don't apologize - it puts you in a second class position immediately. It broadcasts - I don't really deserve to be here.

If you were on a date and that was the vibe you got from the guy or gal who showed up, how unsexy is that? You don't REALLY want to date me. But hi. How are you. What a huge turn off. Confidence is sexy, Wavers. In every walk of life. Charisma is sexy. Enthusiasm is catching. And we'd all love to hear a good story.

If you are clinically shy and pitching is an awful, awful experience and you don't feel you can overcome that - either get coaching or just don't do it. Query scripts the old fashioned way and if you get a meeting on the script, well, you're already halfway there. But for god's sake - a little more confidence, people! I know it's hard. The Wave-inatrix is clearly an upbeat, warm, friendly and outgoing person. So for me pitching is not difficult. I enjoy it. For others - it's not so easy. I understand that and I am empathetic.

Someone hearing your pitch is not necessarily someone who expects perfection from the pitch itself - authenticity is endearing. If you mess up, smile, back up and say it properly the second time. Be natural. Introduce yourself first. They know why you're there - no need for apologies or pretense. A pitch fest is like a sales convention. Sure, some of the people hearing your pitch would rather be somewhere else. It's a weekend for god's sake. But their companies have one directive: Find Good Scripts. Maybe your script is the script they're waiting for.

Know your genre. Tell me your title. Throw me a descriptive, brief logline. Make me enjoy your company. Make me FEEL the story you are telling. Make me laugh, give me the goosebumps. Hook me emotionally in SOME way. Make me remember your smile and your sincerity. Send me a thank you note.

One pitcher who practiced with me said, in a long, monotone monologue with an utterly expressionless face: sothebadguysbreakinthehouserapeandkillhisfamilysohewantstomakesurenobodyeverdoesthatagainsohe....

UH - somebody rapes and kills his family?!? And you just babbled right over that? Isn't that everyone's absolute worst nightmare?! The person listening has a family. They saw IN COLD BLOOD. They watch the news. It's a visceral fear. So why didn't I feel that fear when you said it? Holy BLEEP! That's HUGE! But it felt quite dull, actually. If you can't make me feel the emotion (laughter, passion, fear, whatever) in your script when you talk to me about it, I have zero confidence that I'll feel it on the page, either. Even though it might be on the page. Even though this is just maybe because you suck at pitching. But based on that pitch and I have about twelve others before I get to go home today, I'm thinking - would I want to work with this terribly shy, neurotic, unfun writer? Could I take this guy into meetings and feel great about that? Do I have one iota of confidence that his or her pages are good? Um....no. Goodbye.

Pitching does NOT come naturally to a lot of writers. But the ones who are absolutely clinically shy are in the minority, in my experience. Mostly, writers feel cowed and intimidated by who they are pitching to. Because of the name of the company they work for, their clearly expensive clothes, their fabulous haircut, their youthful sneer or academic scowl. NO NO NO NO NO. You are every bit as worthy as the person you are pitching to.

What are your strengths? Great smile? Great hair, nice clothes? A good handshake? Work it, Wavers - work it. And learn to recognize the sexiest, most interesting parts of your story and trot that out first. Because if you don't seem excited about your script, then I can't possibly get excited about it either. It's a fundamental truth. What's cool about your story? Why do people need to see this movie? Tell me about the set pieces, tell me what the upshot of the plot is, make me feel your story.

I was told that the very nice gentleman who gave the "how to pitch" talk at the beginning of the pitch fest sounded bored and was pretty negative in pointing out that most pitches will go nowhere. Maybe he's right - okay he's right - the chances are not huge. Writers do need to be aware that truckloads and trainloads of scripts arrive in Hollywood every day and that lots of writers are fighting for attention. Everybody wants to be Miss America. Sure, you should be aware of that. But that attitude of defeatism is no way to get revved up for a pitch fest. Believe in yourself and believe in your story - BE that person that makes the day worth it for the person listening. Yeah, that's right - make their day. Because if you don't believe that's possible, you have just wasted everybody's time, most importantly - your own.

I rarely rant but I'm ranting a little. Because I love writers and I believe in them. And I don't like this cultural acceptance that we are second class citizens. I don't buy it and either should you.



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Sunday, August 3, 2008

The Impact Character

Wonderful Chris Huntley of The Write Brothers, the man behind Dramatica Software and MovieMagic was my booth neighbor at the Fade In Pitch Fest this weekend. We wound up spending some time together and Chris shared with me a series of video clips he put together in which the "impact character" identifies with the main character. This series of clips illustrates Chris' point beautifully.

So - what is this "impact character"? At The Writers Boot Camp, this was called the "dynamic character" - a character who can variously be an antagonist, mentor or co-protagonist. This is a character who shares, in a sense, a parallel journey with your main character - a character who is in many ways opposite from your main character and yet ultimately more like the main character than the main character would like to admit. Enjoy these great movie moments which illustrate the way in which a secondary character influences the main character:

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@ Home Pitch Fest

So the Wave-inatrix is at the Fade In Pitch Fest all this weekend and getting to know some wonderful, motivated and interesting writers. Hundreds are there, pitching their scripts to some pretty big companies. I have been offering pitch practice sessions and I am surprised at the number of writers who really have trouble encapsulating their script within a five minute time limit. So as an exercise, I think it would be wonderful if any motivated Wavers reading this today - regardless of where you are in your script - would politely but firmly corral a friend or significant other and pitch that script.

Practice, in other words. Not the part where you feel nervous and you're tired and you've stood in line forever, but the part where you tell the story of your script in a pithy, articulate, exciting way. A pitch is not a monologue where you simply read from a cue card or take a deep breath, look into the middle distance and drone on like a kid who memorized the Gettysburg Address. Your pitch should be alive, it should be like a conversation with the person listening. It is organic and it is entertaining. If your story is scary, make your pitch scary. If it's funny, be funny. Start by introducing yourself and naming the genre and title of your script. Then go straight to the one or two sentence logline. Then go into a little bit more detail but always leave room for the pitchee to ask questions or make comments so they don't get overwhelmed or lost.

Here's the thing, if you can't articulate the main thrust of your script in five minutes, Houston, you have a problem. So many writers at the Fade In event have said to me - but I can't do that! There's SO MUCH more going on in the story! Yes, you can do it. Those details do not belong in the pitch. The pitch should encapsulate the genre, the tone, the hook and the main PLOT of your script. Look, if you're inexperienced, it isn't easy. Even experienced types get nervous in the moment and can stumble all over the place. But practice makes perfect, no?

So today take a few minutes, stare at your script and write down a logline. Then lure someone in your family to the dining table, prime them with a beer or some Ritz crackers, look at the clock and BAM - go - give yourself five minutes to pitch your script. Even if your loved one is in a gravy stained tee shirt and has no pants on, even if your loved one is your cat, just GO. Do this thing. Pitch your script in five minutes. Then do it again. Start over. Do it again. Switch family members. Lure a friend over with the promise of chicken kabobs. Try it, Wavers.

Can you pitch your script in five minutes? Practice until you can. Then watch your pages respond to this newfound sureness about what your script is about. Check page 13 against your pitch. Does page 13 carry the DNA of the pitch? How about page 27? Still there? Page 48. Is the tone, the genre, the meaning of the title and the logline in some way evident on every page?

Pitch fests are opportunities to get your script read. But pitch practice is an opportunity to compress and condense the main idea of your script in a way that is easy to grasp. That's okay if your pitch sucks right now. Practice. This exercise is very powerful and if your family thought you were weird before, this will cement that feeling forever. But pay no mind - they don't get it. But at the Rouge Wave, we do get it.

I will be booking five free phone appointments this week for any Rouge Waver living in the continental US (or where it doesn't cost me money to call you, unless you want to call me and we can work out the time zone) to hear timed five minute pitches. Email me and let's set something up. Don't expect the conversation to last much more than ten minutes. But give me a try. I'll listen.


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Saturday, August 2, 2008

Be Excellent!

So the other evening, my dear friend and Silver Screenwriting Competition reader - we'll call her "E" - and I were sitting on my front porch comparing notes from the scripts we have read for the first round of the SSC. Certain scripts really stuck out in our memory, enough such that we shared and swapped excellent loglines and moments of dialogue that really struck us as great. As we talked, we tried to boil down what it is about scripts that we chose to advance. What is that ineffable something that makes one script stand out from another? And the word we came up with was "delightful". Some scripts are just delightful reads. Regardless of genre. I have read two horror scripts that were deliciously, scarily delightful to read. We thought - gosh, this is something to share with writers but how do we come up with something more specific and articulate than "delightful"? What do we mean when we use that word?

Scripts that read cinematically, for one. That is to say, scripts with strong imagery and tone. Scripts that move along at a clip. No long action lines, no meandering narrative, no dull moments. Scripts that have a strong voice. In other words, the writer's point of view and personality are distinct. The script has a flavor, if you will. Scripts with personality.

By comparison, a script that is pedantic, plodding, colorless and ultimately dull is just no fun to read. It comes back to that effing entertain me expression that I am fond of using. A script should take the reader on a journey of discovery, with the delights of laughter, scares, surprises, tears, poignancy and suspense. Just like - wait for it - a movie. You know that feeling, when you start a new book and you get through several pages and your anticipation slowly morphs into boredom and disappointment? And you think - well, maybe in another 20 pages it will pick up? Or maybe next chapter? But it doesn't and your enthusiasm wanes until you close the book with a thud and move on to something else? I never want to feel that way when I read your script. I want to delight in each page. I want to love your writing. I want to be entertained.

But that's self-evident. You'd want the same thing. But how do you know if your darling baby, your beautiful script, which entertains YOU greatly will have the same effect on someone else? Get feedback from friends, colleagues, peers or The Script Department. Sometimes you can spend so much time with your script that you lose all sense of perspective. You can't see the forest for the trees. If you aren't sure anymore - get another opinion. Ideally, a relatively educated opinion. Not your mom, not your best friend or spouse. Get constructive feedback from someone who is familiar with reading scripts and someone who will be honest with you. If nobody is as entertained by your script as you are - you might just have a problem. Don't write in a vacuum; enlist the help of trusted peers or professionals.

I hope Wavers are trying to read a lot more scripts, as Scott Myers suggested in his wonderful blog. Many Wavers did indeed take me up on my offer to send some scripts their way. The offer still stands.

Be excellent, Wavers. Be unafraid to be you on your script pages. Have fun with it and the reader will have fun too.

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Friday, August 1, 2008

Rouge Wave News Items

I would like to congratulate Script Department clients David Gillis, Jason Thornton, Scott Cramer, Diane Stredicke, Zac Greenbaum and Steve Zawacki for placing as semi-finalists in the Page International Screenwriting Competition! Mama is bursting, just bursting with pride! Cupcakes for all my friends!

The Wave-inatrix will be at the Fade In Pitch Fest tomorrow, in downtown Los Angeles. If you are planning to come and pitch, please drop by my booth and say hello!

For those who will not be there - get some writing done this weekend, right?! Right.

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Rouge Wave First Person Essay


Talented writer and Script Department client Patrick Hoeft sent in this lovely first person essay that you sports fans might enjoy:

AT LEAST I GOT THE POSTER

It's January, 2006 and I beam as I watch the seconds fall off the clock and my beloved Seattle Seahawks advance to the Super bowl for the first time in franchise history, "Oh yes, I will be there."

I arrived in Toledo, OH Saturday, February 4th. This is where I should have started believing in foreshadowing. I took my bags up to my room and was going to have an early dinner. I entered the lobby to find 30 Pittsburgh Steelers fans waiting to check into the hotel. One of them noticed me in my favorite Seahawks hat and screamed, "Seahawks fan!" Like sharks smelling blood in the water 30 people I had never met before in my life “booed” me. The noise was so loud that it was echoing off of the ceiling. These aren't 20-year-old kids these are men and women in their 40s and even 50s.

I decided to start my Sunday early by traveling the 60 miles and arriving in Detroit about 10:00 AM. I headed for the stadium to see if anyone might be trying to get rid of tickets early as I still needed one. Since there were no tickets to be had I decided to do some shopping and get out of the cold. I went into a small shop selling Super bowl memorabilia and bought a Seahawks Super bowl poster.

The thing that amazed me, and that I hadn't accounted for, was the amount of Steelers fans that made the 300 mile trip from Pittsburgh. They were equally as brutal as their counterparts in the hotel lobby. I gave as good as I got.

Throughout the day I was the little engine that couldn't, as I realized that there was a lot more demand for tickets than supply with all the friggin' Steelers fans around.

I'm sure I was a pitiful sight as I heard the roar of the crowd at kickoff from outside the stadium. I was exhausted, cold, dejected, angry, disappointed, and generally having an extreme dislike for Steelers fans.

I tucked my head between my legs and drove the 60 miles back to my hotel. I closed out the dismal day as the lone patron of the hotel bar, drowning my sorrows as the Seahawks lost the Super bowl.

The next day I climbed on a plane and headed home a beaten man. The only redeeming value of the weekend was my stinking little Seahawks Super bowl poster. I pulled the poster out of the package and unrolled it.

My wife rounded the corner and said it looked like fire was going to shoot out of my eyes as I stared at the Pittsburgh Steelers poster. I thought fire was a good idea and just as I was about to go outside and set that thing ablaze my 3-year-old son saw the poster and said, "Wow, cool poster daddy!" I put it up in his room where it hangs to this day.




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Jessica Biel! Naked!

That's what a very, very successful blog-ebrity who is my mentor told me to do. Use celebrity names and the word "nude" or "naked" in my posts. Of course, here at the Rouge Wave, that's hard for me to do since we don't really talk about particularly gossipy or provocative topics here. Just boring stuff like how to write great stories. So I thought I'd just get that out of the way. No naked Jessica Biel here today guys, sorry. Really, today's post is a first person essay by none other than moi, the Wave-inatrix. It's long for the Rouge Wave- just over 1,200 words. But that is the usual length of a first person essay in the publishing world and that's what I'm used to. I don't talk too much, in specifics, about me or my past but today's entry does just that and of course, because I'm me, daughter of two teachers, I wrap up with some reflections for writers. This is me - on writing:

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When I was but a mini, mini-W in swaddling clothing, my grandmother moved to Mexico and bought a beach front hotel on the west coast, a few miles down from Puerto Vallarta. Because my parents were school teachers and my grandmother was wealthy, we spent three months of each year during the summer, in Mexico at her hotel. Rather, at the fancy "big house" across the dusty street. She had remarried before I was born and my Abuelo was a Zapotec Indian, dark skinned and smiling. He never spoke English, only Spanish and Zapotec. Somehow, I understood him just fine. What's not to understand when you're playing Old Maid and building sand castles on the beach? I can still smell his fragrant pipe and taste the dark, waxy Mexican chocolate he snuck to us kids after dinner. Needless to say, I understand Spanish very well and can sing all the little Mexican folk songs sung to children. He used to walk us to the mercado after dinner when the evening was cool and buy us sugar cane. Gently, he peeled back the skin with is pocket knife and gave us our after dinner treats. The only English I recall him ever saying was this, after having handed us that sugar cane: Don't. Tell. Lita!

Being a child, it never seemed odd to me that my grandfather did not speak English and was about 50 shades darker than his freckly, redheaded grandchildren. I was about 7 when some kid cruelly pointed out that my Abuelo could not be my REAL grandfather. In disbelief, I took great umbrage and do to this day. Mom informed that yes, my granddad, that tall rancher originally from Illinois, now living in the Sacramento Valley, was my biological grandfather but that Abuelo was my grandfather too. Eventually, Abuelo died of cancer and he's buried with his family in Oaxaca. My grandmother lives on - she's 98 - and will be buried next to him someday.

During the long, hot, muggy summers in Mexico, we kids got our lunches packed each day by Antonio, the cook, and went about our business catching iguanas, ogling the hammer head sharks pulled up onto the sandy beach by the fishermen, terrorizing our nanny, Michi, and telling my younger sister terrifying stories of the Creature of the Black Lagoon, who would surely, one of these nights, arise from the nearby lagoon and strangle her in her sleep. Being a reader, I often spent time in the hotel library. It was one of those libraries where tourists would borrow and leave behind their summer paperbacks. My grandmother's hotel was a long term hotel; guests came from all over the world and stayed for weeks and months. So the library became very well stocked. I remember the books had a faint, musty, salty smell from having sat in the library only yards from the beach for years. There was the requisite bad stuff of course (which is why I have read all that crappy, airport fiction from the 70s) and a few leather-bound classics.

When we weren't in Mexico, we lived in a very rural town in Northern California where my dad, a Berkeley grad and book freak also had quite a library. He was into the classics. Treasure Island, The Three Musketeers, The Man in the Iron Mask, everything Steinbeck, everything Melville, everything Eugene O'Neill and so on. With one TV channel, an 8 acre ranch, no texting and no video games (unless you count Pong, and really, even then, not so fascinating) what was a kid to do? I read almost every book in my dad's library.

While in Mexico for yet another humid, mosquito-y summer, I pulled out a thick, leather bound volume of Grimm's Fairy Tales. My childish mind was blown away by the dark imagery and themes in that musty volume. And I LOVED IT. For me, having come of age when Disney was fully up and running and cranking out stuff like Mary Poppins and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, The Brothers Grimm were subversive and forbidden. Eager to keep reading, I found a volume of Hans Christian Andersen as well - Lita must have had a fairytale lovin' guest at some point. The stories that really stand out in my memory are The Little Match Girl and The Red Shoes - man! That's some dark stuff! Of course, my grubby little hands eventually got ahold of geniuses like Harold Robbins - man he was a hack, a delicious, awful hack. Mom found those books out and promptly removed them from my purview. Didn't stop me from reading Forever Amber under the bedsheets.

What's this all got to do with screenwriting? Nothing. And everything. Having consumed the number of books and later, movies that I have in my life, I am well armed to do my job - analyze stories. It has also been a huge boon for my own writing. Not that any of my own scripts have vestiges of Hans Christian Andersen, but the movable feast (yeah, read that too) of literature that I was exposed to as a kid inform my understanding and knowledge of archetypes and story to this day. I suppose my childhood was a bit unique, what with the Mexican childhood and all.

What I do find fascinating is that many writers I come across have not been exposed to the breadth of literature that I have and yet - the same archetypes can be found in their writing. They just don't realize it. Color me crazy but Jung's archetypal unconscious does seem to be alive and well.

You're either thinking, right now - Oh shit! Or - Me too! Is a screenwriter who was immersed in and exposed to the great parade of literature, good and bad, a better equipt screenwriter? Yes and no. There are plenty of screenwriters who have come from much less literary childhoods and yet tell incredible stories and do so brilliantly. In my line of business, however, it is a huge boon for me. Sometimes I point out to writers that they've got some kind of Moby Dick thing going on and they hadn't realized it. But once it's pointed out, they find a great source of inspiration and in some ways, confirmation - aha! My main character is Captain Ahab! Obsessed! Or sometimes I might point out that we have a Lord of the Flies situation brewing - aha! Anarchy! Chaos! Maybe the writer has unwittingly tapped into a little Steinbeck - social injustice! The common man! Ambiguous morality and gritty humanity set in the great hurly burly of early California!

Today's Rouge Wave is not about tut-tutting those of you who may not have been as Literarily Indoctrinated by this former rural dweller and life long book worm. It is actually more reflective in nature; it's an insight into who I am and how I got this way. But perhaps in reading today's post you will be inspired to go to the library and spend some time with classic books you may have overlooked. Literature, like humanity, is on a continuum. It doesn't mean that you can't jump in and enjoy Jeffrey Eugenides or Alice Sebold or anyone else. In some ways it's reassuring to see that we writers have always talked about the same stuff and we always will. If you write, you are part of this continuum. That's pretty cool.

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