Just Effing Entertain Me

One of the most memorable moments of the screenwriting program I graduated from a few years back was when the ah – temperamental - founder of the program was pacing behind the classroom, chin in hand, listening to a student’s convoluted, complicated premise line. Suddenly, he slapped his hand on the student’s desk, and shouted JUST #%$# ENTERTAIN ME!

Setting aside the poor, boring student’s near heart-attack, Rouge Wavers, the lesson learned by all of us that day was huge. That's why it stands out above all other lectures and exercises I have ever participated in. So put down your Syd Field, your McKee and your Vogler for a minute and consider that you have one job to do when writing a script: just make it effing entertaining. That's all. Simple, right?

What does "entertaining" in this context mean? It means that regardless of genre, the reader (and ultimately exec) is turning the pages with a slight smile; they are lost in concentration, their eyes move quickly over the lines, they do not hear the phone ring, they do not care about anything else. Everything from the action lines to every word the characters say is entertaining. The premise is entertaining. It is engaging, in other words. The pages of your script are lively, quick, original, remarkable and delightful.

I’ve said it before, let me say it again – this is bread and circus, Rouge Wavers. Earn your bread. Dance for the reader. Dance as if your life depended on it. Dance so that the reader will not want to put your script down even for one minute.

I read a script so dull the other day that it took me three days to finish reading it. Because I couldn’t read it for more than 20 minutes at a time before my attention wandered so badly that I had to read other scripts in-between. When I read a script that entertains me, I read it in maybe an hour flat. Time stops, I care about nothing else, I am completely engrossed in the material.

Discussions about the art and craft of screenwriting can become very academic. While I honor, respect and through experience have absorbed a great deal about all that bookish stuff, I also know that the entertainment business is paperclips and glue; it is cue the moon and lower the skyline just so. It is art, it is commerce, it is Just Effing Entertain Me. If there is one fundamental principle that guides the business of making movies it is: keep asses in seats. If your script, no matter how properly executed, is dull, it bears no promise of that.

You want to earn a lot of money and see your movie grace the silver screen? You want meetings and an article about you in Variety? You want a WGA membership and to quit your day job? Then keep up your end of the bargain: write colorful, original, entertaining stories. And when you finish one and it wasn't good enough to get you over the Citadel wall - do it again. Dance, Rouge Wavers, Dance. I do it - we all do it. Keep your understanding of the business simple: it's right in the name - The Entertainment Industry - ShowBiz - Hollywood.

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