Don't be a Tweaker

You know you do it. You compulsively tweak your script. A little here a little there, you can't leave it alone. You go back through the pages and change dialogue. And change it back. And fix an action line. And fix it back. But then the real trouble begins. You tweak something on page thirty-two which necessitates changing something on page seventeen. And page forty-nine. Now you're done. Time to send that script off to a competition, consultant, friend - whoever. But wait - one more tweak r-i-g-h-t here...

When does a writer know when to leave well enough (or bad enough) alone? Make sure that every time you open your script you have an actual goal in mind. Maybe you are in the midst of adding new scenes, aka actually completing your script. Maybe you just got some notes and you're addressing the pertinent sequences. Maybe you're just rereading it one last time and OH LOOK there's something to tweak.

The problem with tweaking ad infinitum is that you can't see the forest for the trees. Yes, tweaking can improve your pages, but if you do it compulsively, sort of like chewing a fingernail, you can actually damage your script and/or just be wasting your valuable time. Because your time is very valuable, as a screenwriter. Anyone can go back through and rearrange punctuation, but what actually improved and shifted in your last session with your script?

So before you open your script for the day ask yourself: what is the goal of this writing session? Am I tweaking here and there but ultimately getting the work done? Or am I stalled out in tweak-mode? In many ways, tweaking is the way screenwriters justify to themselves that they are working on the script so lay off! But - it's a little lie they tell themselves because they aren't actually being productive at all.

It's like saying you're going to clean the kitchen and then making yourself a snack. You ARE in the kitchen, right? Right.

So make sure to set goals for your writing sessions and keep it real: are you achieving the goals you set or are you rearranging words to kill time and feel productive?

This tip might work only for the total geek Wavers but hey - trying something new can't hurt, right? When you sit down to write, look at the clock. Give yourself a time-limit. Now say to yourself: I am writing for 45 minutes. And when I open this script the goal is: [insert goal here].

Goals might include:

finish pages 25 through 35
write the murder scene
review script for character development of Myrtle
work on dialogue in the sex scene
review the big battle, make sure I didn't cop out

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Getting Viewers Off the Couch

Have you ever been told that your script is not “big” enough or that it read like an episode of a television program? I have. And I read scripts currently that feel that way to me too. Now that I’m on both sides of the fence, I have gained an incredible education. What does “not big enough” mean?

It means your story does not have enough excitement, setpieces and memorable characters to really justify being on the big screen. It means your story is okay or good enough but it just doesn’t feel like a major motion picture. It’s heartbreaking to tell that to a writer and it’s heartbreaking to hear. I recently read a crime thriller that was very adept and fairly entertaining. But it definitely felt like an episode of CSI. Serviceable but not get a sitter, pay for parking, buy two tickets and dinner exciting.

And that’s what executives are looking for – scripts that have big, exciting setpieces, really scary moments, fantastic twists, inventive writing or huge belly-laughs. If you keep hearing that your script doesn’t feel “big enough” go back and look at your premise, first of all. Is it really that unique? Or does it fall under the pretty-good category? Would the story attract an A-list actor who could just as soon stay on their private island for another three months? Would it persuade your stodgy brother-in-law to put down his Coors, leave Major League Baseball alone for the night, get in the car and drive to see a movie? More and more these days, even yours truly gives serious consideration as to whether or not to head out to the movie theater. Tickets are expensive. Lines are long. Parking is a bummer. Concessions are expensive. Why go to the theater when I can go to my local video store, rent a movie or watch tv in the comfort of my own home?

And that’s what we’re up against, Rouge Wavers – television programming and dvd rentals. Television has taken a huge bite out of the box office. There is fantastic writing going on in the world of television and wonderful original movies on Showtime and HBO. Why should a movie-goer leave the house to go see your movie?

You have to see it on the big screen. Have you ever said that to someone? Well - that's what you want your script to read like - wow - this is going to be GREAT on the big screen. This isn't just a heist story or a romantic coming-of-age - this is a MOVIE.

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Don't Cop Out

Very often, Rouge Wavers, my blog posts are inspired by real-life experiences I have with the latest script I read for my business or a production company or perhaps something that is going on with a peer, friend or colleague. And so this weekend I read a script that said, simply:

There is a furious battle.

I flipped to the next page. Nada. We move on to the next scene. I flip back. What?? Where'd the furious battle go? I look at the page numbers - has the writer left out a page? No, the writer didn't. The writer simply didn't write the scene.

Rouge Wavers, this is as bad as over-writing the scene. It makes the writer look lazy, inept or both and it cheats the script out of a really great setpiece. A furious battle? Well – what does that look like? What does it sound like? What does it feel like? Scripts are like amusement park rides – so thrill us. Simply stating that there IS a battle, chase, sex or gunfight scene does not work whatsoever.

Never, ever miss an opportunity to show off your chops as a writer. We want to hear the clanging swords and be flecked with mud – we want to see the ladies watching and fanning themselves, we want to hear the THUD of the horses….

Anything less is a cop-out of huge proportions.

If you’re really intimidated by writing a great action scene, I recommend getting ahold of and reading some great….wait for it….action scripts. Check out DIE HARD (any) or LETHAL WEAPON – heck, THE ISLAND has a fantastic action sequence. MISSION IMPOSSIBLE, THE FRENCH CONNECTION, THE LAST SAMURAI…

The list is long. Don’t be intimidated, do your homework and figure it out. But don’t simply cop out, it will take all the zing out of your script, deflate the read and make you look like an amateur.

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Emphasizing Words

Should you underline, italicize or all-cap words for emphasis within dialogue?

Sparingly, sure. A reader is not going to have a fit if you underline or italicize a word to place emphasis on it. And sometimes, it’s hard to avoid. Writers know that focusing on a particular word in a sentence can change the meaning entirely.

Harriet: Marcus, it’s time that you knew, this is not your child!

She holds out a freakish creature, wrapped in a blanket.

***

Harriet: Marcus, it’s time you that knew, this is not your child!

She beckons Marcus’ brother Cedrick to step forward.

***

Harriet: Marcus, it’s time you know, this is not your child!

She points to the baby in the stroller nearby.

***

We have talked before about ALL-CAPPING words for emphasis and we know that can be very effective in action lines. But in dialogue, use an all-cap emphasis extremely rarely. Here is an example with no emphasis, an italicized word and an all-cap. Each one has a slightly different intonation.

Lawrence: Deirdre, I am on fire tonight!

Lawrence: Deirdre, I am on fire tonight!

Lawrence: Deirdre, I am on FIRE tonight!

Place emphasis on words in your dialogue is all right here and there. Sparingly. It is not absolutely verboten, which is the misconception most writers labor under. But do take it easy. Don’t lean on it. Write your scenes with such clarity of context that there would never be a doubt as to whether Lawrence is aflame and in need of medical attention or whether he was aflame with desire.

Words are like musical notes, we use hyphens, ellipses, italics, underlines or all-caps to direct the eye and the attention to where we want it. Used sparingly, it’s no problem for a reader. It just might help you make your point in a funnier, scarier or more urgent way.

Over use of any of these condiments will absolutely mark you as an amateur though. Do not use more than one per page for dialogue and no more than two or three per page in your action lines. That's not a hard-and-fast rule, there is no Reader Issue Word Emphasis-o-Meter, but writers, particularly less experienced ones, should be quite judicious with this.

I recently read a script by a very good writer who had a PEASANT CLANG a large BELL loudly THREE TIMES until the SOLDIERS arrived along with the GENERAL and just as he arrived a SPEAR hit the dirt in front of him, all turned and the WARRIOR KING stood PROUDLY.

Lemme tell ya - it's exhausting and it makes you look like you're shouting. And as a reader, all I am seeing is the all-capped words. It's like playing Wheel of Fortune instead of staying with the action.

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Business

What is “business” on your script page? Well, that’s short for “stage business” and that’s an old-fashioned term which means folding laundry, opening a coke, answering the phone, stacking the mail, hanging up the dishtowel – all those little actions. Because movies are not real life – they are real life condensed, compressed and put under an entertaining spotlight, we don’t show a fraction of the “business” that goes on in real life when we write our scripts. Add up everything you did in the past 30 minutes. You made coffee or tea, you had your morning ritual, you chose your clothing, you made your bed (or not) you got into the car to go to work, you greeted the guy in the parking lot….a lot of business. And let’s be honest – it ain’t that fascinating, is it? So in movies – we skip over most of that stuff so we can get to the good part.

The word “business” is by definition negative, in fact. If someone comments on the “business” in your scene – they are not complimenting you, they are saying, in essence, that your action lines are cluttered, with too much going on. If what’s going is distracting and doesn’t add depth or meaning from a thematic or character standpoint – your action lines will be labeled “business”. If what’s going on adds a layer of depth and flows seamlessly, it won’t be mentioned at all. But it will be appreciated.

In other words, one writer throws in that the character brushes his teeth, then flosses then uses mouthwash. Somehow, it’s not working, it doesn’t feel organic, it feels like it was bedtime and the writer figured they better show bedtime ritual. Another writer chose consciously to show this character get ready for bed because it illuminates him in an amusing or otherwise elucidatory way. It’s not well, it’s bedtime, I have to fill page space by showing him get ready for bed. It’s – check out the way this guy gets ready for bed. And watch that tooth floss. It's going to come back later in the story...

Every single word you write in your script is scrutinized for meaning. If you have two characters discussing something in a scene and one character gets up in the midst of that scene, answers the phone and tells the dry cleaner that if they can’t get the stain out of the dress they should just toss it – I am going to wonder why that just happened and I am going to try to assign some meaning to it. Because nothing in a script is accidental. Yes, in real life, quite often our conversations are punctuated with the UPS man’s arrival or opening bills or kicking the fridge door shut. Because real life continues to go on around us and we just swim in it as we try to achieve our larger goals. But in movies, everything flows into the story.

If you have a character kick the fridge door shut we then would ask of that scene: did they just get a beer out? Or a chocolate pie? Is there a magnet on the fridge that falls off after the kick-shut and the magnet says: Eat to live? In other words choose actions very consciously. Choose your actions to make a point. Yes, I know that in real life people scratch and move a dishtowel and doodle. But in movies, I don’t care. Unless it matters. So if you show your character doodle, I am going to watch that carefully for some kind of meaning. And if it ain’t there – now I wonder why you wasted the gesture.

New writers tend to write a scene and think well, I’ve got to make this more life-like and add a phone call, a dog bark or some laundry folding and mail sorting because my two characters can’t just sit there and statically talk. True enough, they can’t just sit there and statically talk. Unless you’ve written MY DINNER WITH ANDRE and what they are saying is so brilliant that you can get away with the minimalist action of ordering more wine or espresso.

What are you characters doing in each scene? What is going on around them? Look for a balance of adding that layer of the reality of their world versus simply giving your character something to do so they don’t sit still. If you’re just not sure – write the dialogue in the scene, move on and come back to it. Don’t add actions simply so they are there. It’s okay to come back and then add a layer that you couldn’t think of in the moment.

Make every scene count, make every word count, make every action count. Otherwise – it’s just business.

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Rouge Wave Scene Competition

It's the dog days of summer and many writers are in the doldrums as they await competition results. Summer is waning, a strike is looming and inspiration is low. But Wavers, you must keep writing. How often is too often to say: it's a numbers game. Be generating material at all times. So as a little shot in the arm, the Wave-inatrix dangles a small competition out there for interested Rouge Wavers.

Write a half-page scene which includes: Cosmetics, an aging movie star and a soup commercial. Choose a genre. Make it funny, make it scary, make it poignant - heck, make it ON GOLDEN POND but you have only 1/2 page to do so. And here's the fun part: you must include the words whiskey, tango and foxtrot somewhere in the short scene.

The Wave-inatrix will choose the top three scenes, post them and we shall collectively vote.

The winner receives a $25 gift certificate for either the Landmark Theaters, AMC or California Pizza Kitchen (winner's choice) and 25% discount on any Script Whisperer service (winner must take advantage by August 31st).

Deadline to submit: Monday, August 6th

Submit HERE

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Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Frustration. It hits all of us. The Wave-inatrix sees it more than most because it's either my own frustration or one of the hundreds of writers I work with. Some recent examples:

Writer, friend and Script Whisperer client: This is a gifted and experienced writer. He wrote and rewrote a script, was feeling very high octane about it, got notes from an exec. Not good enough. Can he do more this and less that and eviscerate this and add that? Can he gut the 2nd act and why is this character so brooding? It's not that the notes were not necessarily legitimate, it's the distance between those notes and where my writer thought the script was. He is still in Pissed Off Seclusion as far as I know.

Close friend of mine: has this writer friend, right? The kid was so-so. She'd given him notes from time to time and while I must maintain her anonymity, suffice it to say she's qualified to easily assess his writing skills. Kid is all of 22. Suddenly his mediocre, cliched, predictable horror script gets some attention at a major studio. Kid gets a pitch meeting. Studio buys pitch for a quarter million dollars. Kid has a studio-bought dinner with an A-list, academy award winning screenwriter. He texts my friend from the bathroom, mid-dinner, with lots of exclamation points. A few weeks ago, the kid shows up in the list of top-ten screenwriters to watch. Which is when my friend called me, absolutely apoplectic. We have to have dinner, she said, her voice shaking - we have to have dinner to discuss WTF is going on here!

Script Whisperer client: has written a fanTAStic family adventure. Great work, definitely makeable. I got it to some producers here in LA at appropriate companies who liked it but weren't looking for that particular storyline at this moment in time. They commented very positively on the writing though. His material was read by buyers with millions of dollars in their budgets and was taken quite seriously - as it should have been. But a few months earlier, he had placed the same script in several competitions. As the results begin to roll in, he finds to his disbelief that it hasn't placed in a one. And the Wave-inatrix can personally attest to the general quality level of competition scripts - dismal. So - what's going on here? Why isn't his work being recognized??

The Wave-inatrix: had a script, along with her partner, out at several A-list actors and top-notch production companies last fall. The project bounced from office to office, getting good notes but not quite finding a home. We'd get notes from actors like: She just did a project like this. or She wants to do a comedy right now or She's booked for two years. But she liked it. Great. The material made the rounds at all the big buyers and players and my partner and I were proud of that even though to date, it hasn't come to fruition. Partner and I decided to work on something else and tend both projects at once (it's a numbers game, remember?) We get notes from a producer who wanted to read the earlier script as a sample before reading our new one. The notes were not only not positive, they defied all the notes we'd gotten for a year previous. They defied the notes of the studio we developed our material with. In fact, if these were the only notes we'd ever gotten - we'd probably cry in our coffee and quit right now. Thank god we had some perspective and experience but WHAT is going on that points of view range that widely. And this 22 year old kid.....It makes the vein in one's forehead throb.

Wave-inatrix friend: wrote a taut psychological thriller. Great stuff, the Wave-inatrix vouches for it personally. Friend got script to a great management company. These were her notes: Really liked it, great character and story development but could you move the midpoint to page 25? I really like my first acts to end no later than page 20. First act end by page twenty? So where does that put the end of the second act - page 60? So there's either one helluva long 3rd act or we're talking about an 80 page script here. How much compressing can a story handle? Do audiences have that much ADD? That's as if we show the girl getting attacked in Jaws, then go straight to the heated chase of the shark out on the boat and skip the town meeting, the USS Indiana speech, the snarky conversations with Richard Dreyfuss. If action is piled on action and we lose the smaller moments, where does a script have to go from there? What are we left with? By these definitions, most of the great movies we know and love from the past would not stand a chance today. Whiskey tango foxtrot??

So Wavers - the Wave-inatrix and friends and clients of hers know your pain and frustration very, very well. Sometimes you just want to chuck your laptop under a train and go be a normal person with a normal job. In this business, the goalpost is always moving. Mediocre writers are rewarded with big paydays and great writers labor for years, unnoticed. It's who you know. It's the buzz your material creates that dictates how "good" it is. The same execs who were your detractors will be your biggest fan if someone higher in the food chain gives you and your work kudos. It's mixed up. It doesn't make sense. What can the Wave-inatrix say except that this is Hollywood, and if it were easy, everybody would do it.

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Action Line Don'ts

Here are three examples of bad action line writing that I came across very recently:

They’ve been friends since high school.

He enjoys impressing people even though he has no connections.

He has a hot temper

Now go with me here, Wavers – remember the basic tenet that action lines do not appear on the screen, yes? Does everybody see what is patently wrong with these examples?

So how does “They’ve been friends since high school” work in an action line? It absolutely does not. Because I can’t see that, you’re just telling me that. You’re going to have to work that fact in to the scene in some other, organic way. How about:

Darleen: I’m so fat! I can’t fit into this dress!
Roberta: Remember that Clamato juice diet we did in the 9th grade?
Darleen: What were we thinking?!

There are so many creative ways to let us know that these two have been friends since high school. This can be indicated in dialogue as above, it might be indicated by possessions, shared memories, or even someone else making a comment. Don't cop out and simply announce to us what this relationship is. It's lazy writing, it doesn't work, it is the mark of an amateur and it will get you a PASS.

How about this one – “He enjoys impressing people even though he has no connections.” Show it don’t say it and certainly do not describe your character as if you are introducing him or her on a gameshow: Dexter loves spotted dogs, flying kites and impressing people, though he has no connections.

No, no and NO. Maybe Dexter compensates by wearing a gold pinky ring. Maybe he has a vast Rolodex on his desk. Only we see that most of the cards are blank. Certainly in his dialogue, he’s going to speak pretentiously. The scene in LA STORY when Steve Martin tries to book a table at an impossibly pretentious French restaurant is a great example of a character trying to impress someone but having absolutely no luck whatsoever.

On the other hand, crafty and skillful writers can say things in action lines like:

Robert sits down on the piano bench. Wishing he were anywhere but here.

Floyd files his nails – can jury selection go any more slowly?

Rachel winds her kite back in. Bored.

Why can you get away with things like this? Because these are sentiments generally accompanied by facial expressions or body language. Can you see Rachel winding her kite back in - bored? How about if she wound her kite back in, frightened? Or annoyed? Well, I can picture those things. But I can't picture the fact that she never gets dates. And Wavers, it is my sad duty to inform you that yes indeed I have read action lines like: Rachel likes to fly kites and never gets dates. Sometimes she overeats when she's lonely. What is the Wave-inatrix disclaimer that comes right around now...? I wish I made this stuff up.

Remember - show it, don't say it. Evidence things, do not list them. Do not introduce your characters as if they are on The Price is Right. You don't have to tell us everything about your character immediately. Take your time. Let your character's quirks, predilections and personal history come out bit by bit, as the scene and situation calls for it. Did we know that Raymond Babbitt had to have fish sticks on Tuesdays and that he bought his underwear at Kmart on the first page we met him? No. We got to know his habits and routines little by little until they build like a drumbeat, driving his brother crazy.

When introducing a character ask yourself:

Is this piece of information or history important to convey here and now? Or might it make an interesting reveal, later?

Is this character evidencing the history or habit or am I just noting it for the reader?

Is this a sentiment or an opinion? Can my character act it out rather than my just saying it?

Which is more economical and clever here, naming the sentiment or acting it out?

and always, always, as a fail safe, read the action line again and ask yourself: what does "he likes to impress people" look like?

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Beg to Differ

The Wave-inatrix's script consulting business has grown such that there are now other readers available to read scripts in the two and three reader packages. Whether or not the Wave-inatrix is one of those readers, I do of course review all the sets of notes, ensuring the notes meet my standards. The whole point of getting your script read by two or three readers at once is that you will see variances of opinion.

Recently, my two readers (wildly qualified and experienced, both) turned in notes on the same script and I noticed something fascinating. While their story notes were almost identical (there were a lot of problems) they had some nitpicky notes that were almost completely opposite. The writer is one who just so happens to have a ton of voice and personality on the page - something I absolutely adore. But one reader really took him to task for one particular action line stylism he has while the other made no comment but picked up on another stylism and took him to task for that. And interestingly, though I was not the third reader on the material - I have read his work before and would not have been bothered by either example.

So I went back and reviewed the notes again and found, upon closer examination, that the story notes from both readers reflected a narrative that was not working in a rather profoundly unsettling way. And they both felt character work was way off for the main character. AHA - so the reason they lasered in on a couple action line idiosyncrasies was that they were irritated that the script was not working on a larger level. And when readers get cranky about things like that - they nitpick.

I have had the same experience myself - if a script has a lot of typos and it's not working as a whole, I will definitely ride those misspells and malapropisms. If the script is pretty great on the whole, my eyes glide over small errors because I don't care - I'm caught up in the story.

So the moral is manyfold: yes readers can and might nitpick over small errors and idiosyncrasies and yes that is totally subjective. So, particularly if this is your first through fourth script or so - take it easy on stylizing or otherwise popping a lot of wheelies on the pages - try to lay down a great, solid story as your number one top priority. In fact, that is always, aways the first priority but the Wave-inatrix finds that the more experience a writer has getting the story right, then the writer can relax and add that layer of voice and style. But it's a careful balance at first.

Happy is the reader reviewing pages telling a great story in a great way, but cranky is the reader reviewing pages that aren't working, made more plain by stylistic choices that only highlight what isn't working. The impression a reader is left with is that the writer was a lazy pretender, eager to show off an undisciplined voice but not yet skilled enough to tell an original story and execute it well.

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Goodbye Tammy Faye

Hours ago, Tammy Faye passed. Say what you will, she was one extraordinary woman. May she rest in peace. And check out the documentary.

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Tammy Faye Messner

For those of you who have seen the interview of Tammy Faye Messner on Larry King, the sight of this formerly spunky (to say the least) woman weighing in at only 65 pounds, ravaged by cancer may have been jarring. And quite sad. She doesn't have long to live, clearly.

The Wave-inatrix thought this would be a good time to remind Rouge Wavers of a wonderful documentary about Tammy's life, made in 2000, called THE EYES OF TAMMY FAYE. I saw it when it was released and I think I expected a lot of laughs at Tammy's expense. I mean, this lady was ridiculous, right? When I came of age in the 80s, Tammy Faye and then husband Jim Bakker were tabloid fodder; truly despised by so many because of the scandals connected to the PTL Club and their right-wing political and Evangelical views. How could Tammy Faye, with her garish makeup, big blonde do and little tiny munchin voice possibly be a person one could have any respect for? She and Bakker deserved absolutely everything they got when it all came apart - the humiliation, the bankruptcy and the shame. That's how I felt going into the documentary.

But I was surprised, when THE EYES OF TAMMY FAYE was over, to have a newfound respect for this little dynamo of a woman who crashed, burned and reinvented herself with courage and laughter. She went on to become a gay and hipster icon and there was just something about her crazy makeup and insistent smile that made you want to root for Tammy. One line from the movie I will never forget. It's not profound, it's not even that original, but responding to a question about her rise and fall, Tammy says: You know, we're all made of the same dirt.

Put THE EYES OF TAMMY FAYE on your Netflix. You won't regret it.

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