Don't Take That Tone With Me

What is the tone of your script? Well, clearly the tone should reflect the genre, right? Yes, of course it should. And if it doesn't, your script is in trouble and so is the rating it will receive on a coverage report. Tone is one of what I call the "off-grid" ratings when you receive coverage. Remember, the usual rating grid that accompanies a coverage includes:

Premise
Storyline
Character
Dialogue

Those are the big four. Now, to recap, premise refers to the IDEA, the basic jumping off point. Is it clear, does it pay off, is it original? Storyline refers to the narrative (and obliquely, the structure). In other words, HOW was the story told? How was the pacing and the style of the narrative itself? Character and dialogue are self-explanatory although a mystery to me is why the two are split up as separate categories. I have never seen good character work accompany bad dialogue or vice versa. I don't make the rules, guys, I just observe them.

Off-grid categories are screenwriting elements that don't appear on the grid but that are being judged in the coverage anyway: Tone, Theme, World, Logic, Stakes.

So we return to tone. Inconsistent tone might result in a romping romcom which includes some kind of climatic bar fight between the two rivals which suddenly reads like a scene from UNDER SIEGE. A tense horror script can have a playful love scene straight out of WHEN HARRY MET SALLY. A sci-fi script might suddenly have a sequence with the weighty dramaturgic leanings of TWELVE ANGRY MEN. And that can be cool, man. That can be really taking your script to the next level. If you pull it off. But pulling it off means that scene or sequence needs to have something in common with the tone of the rest of the script.

You need to make sure that the tone in your script - the tone you set on page one - is consistent through-out. Sometimes writers like to go full bore (not to be confused with full retard) and impress a reader with a NASTY fight scene - and hey, hats off - except this is a romantic comedy. Or - oh, oh, this is not uncommon - a graphic sex scene in the middle of a romcom. The couple is falling into bed together and suddenly things get a bit hardcore. And it's like a record needle goes scccrriiitch!

A reader can tell when there're problems with the tone when they suddenly realize they aren't sure how they are supposed to be feeling. That realization could happen on page five, it could happen on page 62. But it happens. Confusion sets in. I know that sounds almost too casual a reflection to point to and yet - it is the best way I can articulate the gut feeling a reader gets when the tone is a problem. Is this - funny? Is this - scary? Should I be laughing here? I'm not sure. Houston - we have a problem.

How do you make sure the tone of your script is consistent? Make sure you are nailing the expectations of your genre, first of all, in terms of structure, character work and theme. Then pay attention to the language you use.

We know that language is a many splendored thing. I can say "where have you been" in about 10 ways and each would convey a different emotion and intensity. How many of you have written an email to someone (or god forbid, a letter!) and labored over each word, deleting, rewriting and carefully guiding what you are trying to say so that the missive is received in the way you want it to be received? An example I think we can all relate to is an email or text message to someone we like - but to whom we don't want to give that away. Is the message too familiar? Too funny? Does it sound needy? We work and rework the message until it sounds inviting but neutral, playful but non-committal. You know you've done it. It is important that the message be received with a clear intentionality.

And so it goes with screenwriting. If you are writing a Western, you want to make sure the script conveys a sense of adventure, opportunity and lawlessness or maybe bleak existential survival. Clearly, your romcom is going to convey a sense of fun, laughter and romance. Make sure that if you're writing an action-thriller that the tone is, well, actiony and thrillery. Horror should convey tension and fear. Which doesn't mean you can't have a light-hearted or funny moment in your horror script - but make sure that sequence doesn't read like it came from a totally different script. The words you choose to use are a huge part of the tone you are establishing. And the pacing of the action will be a huge part of that tone as well.

Think about the way you want the reader (or later, viewer) to FEEL while reading your script. Think of the words you choose to use - EVERY word - the dialogue, the names of your characters, the names of the locations, the WAY the sun rises in a scene - as powerful tools to evoke a feeling in your script.

This is the first paragraph after the first slugline in the thriller that my partner, JP Smith and I wrote, the one that I have lately referred to here on TRW:

The western horizon is bruised and purple, punctuated by distant lightning. Rain is coming. The last hint of sun fades into darkness as cars swish by the tall pines and thick brush along the interstate...

Sound kinda ominous? It should. If this were the opening for a romcom, even if the sun were setting I promise the word "bruised" would be nowhere near this description. Or "distant lightning" or "fades into darkness." We are using these scant 35 words to set the tone of the script to follow. The lake in our script is "dark and rippling." The house is quiet. The neighbors are SUPER cheerful. All in service of a creepy tone which is like the yellow brick road leading the reader into an inescapably tense story.

So make sure to use language in the service of the TONE you are conveying. And make sure that all scenes and sequences are consistent with that established tone as well. I am sure you are quite capable of writing an explicit sex scene, super violent fight or very serious and dramatic scene - but does that scene belong in THIS script? Don't get dinged for blowing the consistency of your tone.

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Rating the Project

Happy Monday, Wavers! Here is an excerpt from the ongoing Reader E-Course that I am offering. The more I think about it, the more I think that taking this course would be GREAT for aspiring writers who have absolutely no plans for becoming a reader. Why? Because you are going to learn all the inside tips, tricks and tenets of covering a script. So you'll have a good sense of what is going to happen to your script when it's covered. You'll learn about the standards to which your script will be held. So without further adieu, for your edu-tainment:

Rating the Project

It’s a well-known axiom in Hollywood that readers are the gatekeepers. Our “pass” recommendation on a project means that at that particular company, the script is done. Finito. Kaput. It’s a big responsibility. Readers are pulled in a lot of directions; we are usually writers ourselves and we feel for the writer of the script we are reading. Because we get it. We get how hard they worked on the script. Other times, the fact that we are writers ourselves makes our judgment harsher – gimme a break! HOW did this script get to this level of consideration?! Add to that the feeling of being a bit unsure if this script is really a pass – like – maybe it could be better, right? And if we “pass” and the script gets picked up at another company, will we get in trouble? Did we blow it? What if we give a script a “consider” and the executive who then has to read it disagrees with us? Will we get fired?


The fact is that being a reader means you must take your job seriously; you are considered an expert. The production company is paying for your judgment. If you say the script is a “pass”, it’s a “pass”. The production company is relying on you. The key is to make absolutely sure that you back up your “pass” or “consider” with well-reasoned perspective and an understanding of the market and of the tenets of good storytelling. The greener you are as a reader, the harder it is, initially, to know whether a script really is that original. Once you’ve read a few hundred, you’ll start noticing the trends and patterns and yes, you become a bit jaded.

Err on the side of being tough on scripts. It is a thousand times more likely you will get called on the carpet by an exec for giving a “consider” that wasn’t really a “consider” than giving something a pass. Here’s why: if you give a script a “pass” the executive will still briefly review your coverage. He or she will skim the logline, the grid and your brief summary (a mini-condensed paragraph summarizing your decision that you cull from the coverage itself and put on the first page of your report). Now the executive is going to make their own decision and decide that the logline or your notes are interesting enough to warrant a look at the script. Or not. But if you give a script a “consider”, the exec is going to read your coverage quite carefully and if your coverage sounds really enthusiastic and wonderful, the exec just got homework for that weekend. They are going to take that script home for the weekend and read it themselves. And an exec who has taken time away from a party, from relaxing, from his or her family only to read a script that is in fact NOT a “consider” is not a happy exec. Err on the side of being tough.

A script you give a “consider” to has to be absolutely PERFECT in your view. So perfect it could be cast and produced right now. That great. A “recommend” means that times a thousand. It means that the executive should immediately cancel all plans and read the script. Right now. One production company I read for, with a first look at Sony had the executive’s cell phone number on the coverage template. If a script got a “recommend” you were to immediately call the exec.

So that’s a pretty big responsibility. Are you prepared to tell the exec, at 10pm or while they were lunching at the Ivy, that this is a script they should reschedule their entire day for? Can you back it up? What if they don’t agree with you? You better be damn sure before you give a recommend.

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Rating the Writer

As many Wavers are aware, I am teaching a Reader Correspondence Course. Quite a number of people have already signed up and are diligently doing their homework. I thought it might be fun to excerpt a section on how readers rate writers:

Rating the Writer

Many production companies want a rating for the writer as well as the project. In this way, they can keep on file “consider” or “recommend” writers when they are looking for assignment writers. How is it possible to have a “consider” writer but a “pass” project? Easy. A “consider” writer has chops. Voice. Style. It’s just that this particular project is not a fit for the company at this time. Making a decision between a “pass” or “consider” writer isn’t too tough. “Pass” writers are those with dull, pedantic writing. “Pass” writers don’t get structure. They didn’t entertain you on the page. They didn’t even have a very exciting idea in the first place.

Now: just because a writer has some typos here and there is absolutely no reason to “pass” the writer. You have to use your judgment; if the story is really compelling (even if it’s a “pass” for this company) but here and there you found some typos, ignore that in favor of the story telling. If, however, typos and language usage is a mess all over the place, you’ll find that the story is affected because of it. The two are linked at a certain point. A writer who cannot use the language well is not given to being able to tell a story well either.

When rating the writer, the main question you are answering is: should a project come up, should this writer be considered for the work? Can this guy or gal write well? If you give the writer a "consider" are you willing to back that up if asked to explain that rating? Be prepared to back up every rating you give on a script or on a writer. Your hiney = in a sling. Rate the writer accordingly.

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The Ratings System

Screen Scribe asked a good question apropos of my last post:

...how does one know when a script is right or wrong, good or bad, well written or poorly drafted? Is it simply a matter of reading said script and coming to the realization or do you have guidelines that must be met in order to fill all of the required qualifications?

Readers judge scripts for PASS or CONSIDER based on ratings in five areas:

Premise: Is it original, compelling, entertaining?

Structure: Is it technically correct but more importantly, is it effective?

Storyline: Is the way the story is being told working for this story? How's the pacing? Was it confusing or muddled?

Character: Were the characters memorable and three-dimensional?

Dialogue: Was it organic sounding and well written?

After we fill out the grid with "fair" "good" or "excellent" for each element, we write about 1 1/2 pages of notes (depending on the prodco, some like more) and a synopsis. In our notes we say something (anything) nice then list the elements that are or are not working that justify the fact that this is a PASS or CONSIDER.

Then we write about one paragraph about each element and further backup our opinion with examples and comments. We don't say anything about how it could improve or be better, we just lay out why it's not working as a whole and/or why it won't work for this particular production company.

Obviously, notes for consulting clients dig much deeper into the how and why the script is troubled and seeks solutions. Writing coverage for production companies isn't that difficult because you don't have to put too much thought into it, you just look for certain qualities and rate them. Rarely - RARELY - have I ever really been on the fence about a PASS versus a CONSIDER. It's usually pretty obvious. And if the exec who reads my coverage simply doesn't get inspired by the logline, that's not my problem, I've already done my job.

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Coverage Reports

At the top of a coverage report there is a form each reader fills out. In that form appears the title of the script, the name of the production company evaluating the script, the name of the executive assigned this script, the name of the agent and agency of the script’s provenance, the genre of the script, the era the script is set in, how many pages are in the script and the name of the reader. Phew.

Next appears the logline and for most companies, under that, a comment summary or “brief”. The brief is usually culled from somewhere within the coverage comments and is a quick – or brief, get it? - summary of the reader’s thoughts on the material. Here is a real brief altered slightly for confidentiality’s sake:

This espionage action/thriller is full of (sort of) exciting scenes and an abundance of technical knowledge but has a rather boilerplate feel to it; the bad guys could be replaced with Saudi’s, or even the East Germans of yesteryear and the same story could be told. Scratch that – has been told. A mundane plot combined with characters that are two-dimensional does not raise this script above the rest of the crowd.

The executive will probably stop reading the coverage right about here. There are other circumstances that might make the exec read the synopsis or more of the comments and that might be something like: he or she had been really excited about the premise and are curious why the reader clearly didn’t like it. Maybe the script came highly recommended and they just have to read more about why it apparently sucks so much. But in general – the review of the coverage would probably stop right after reading that brief. Not all briefs are this negative, obviously. Here’s a more positive one, again altered slightly for confidentiality:

A powerful mostly true story, XXXXX tells a tale which many of us may not have known. And that’s a problem. King XXXX is a monarch of such distant times past that most of us have never heard of him, making it difficult to connect to the material. There is nary a negative thing to say about the script itself, this is top drawer work by top drawer writers; the story of friendship and betrayal in such dark times is compelling. In fact, the script is a real learning experience. Therein lies the rub - the material is a bit academic.

Now that’s a better snapshot of how an executive then will decide whether to read the whole coverage. Hmm. The material is dull. But the company was looking for a historical epic, how dull is it? The reader says the writer is top drawer and there is a story of friendship and betrayal. Maybe with casting and a great director this dull, educational script will actually become an entertaining movie. And so the exec will make their own call on that. The reader’s work here is done.

The next thing to appear on your coverage is the grid. Down the left hand side is:

PREMISE
STORYLINE
CHARACTER
DIALOGUE

And across the top we have: Excellent, Good, Fair and Poor

Most grids look alike. Some substitute “premise” for “idea”, some use “narrative” not “storyline” and some have a box for “originality” and for “budget” (ratings being high, medium, low). Most readers try to avoid rating something “poor” – it’s kind of mean. “Fair” is bad enough, believe me. And many readers will avoid giving out “excellent” like candy. It has to be pretty excellent.

Next on the coverage comes the biggie:

RECOMMENDATION FOR PROJECT:
RECOMMENDATION FOR WRITER:

It’s unusual but not entirely unheard of to have a consider project and pass writer. More often, pass both. Sometimes, pass project consider writer. This means the script was written very well, but the material is not exactly up the company’s alley. But the writer really is quite gifted and might be a fit for assignments coming up. The writer’s “voice” was in keeping with the company. This is entirely a judgment call on the reader’s part. Which is intimidating at first, for readers. What? Little old me decides the fate of this script and this writer at XXXX production company? Yep. Production companies hire readers with care and because executives are so busy, they trust that a “pass” is indeed a “pass” and that a “consider” is a “consider”. One way a reader can get weeded out very quickly is if they give two many considers or recommends. Because this means the exec will now not only read the coverage carefully but the script as well. And if the exec disagrees – I mean, really disagrees, then the reader may get a talking to about just what “consider” means for this company. The standards are incredibly tough. When I first began reading, I gave “considers” a bit too easily and yes indeed, I got called on the carpet. Not fired, just told that I needed to be much tougher. That was all I needed to hear. Readers need to cover their behinds because giving a “consider” is tantamount to putting your reputation on the line as a reader. You may be asked to explain why the script got the rating you gave it. Now, that wouldn’t happen for a “pass”, that’s the thing. A “pass” is a “pass”. Why? Because there is just too much material floating around to warrant a second look at a “pass”.

Next on the coverage report comes the synopsis. Different production companies have different ideas about how detailed the synopsis should be. In general, for a standard script, the synopsis shouldn’t be more than 3 pages or so. The emphasis on detail is in the first and third acts of the script. The set up and the resolution, in other words. Executives want to know what happens but they also want to know how it happens. Readers try to write synopses as accurately as possible and as entertainingly as possible. If we loved the script, we want the synopsis to reflect how great the story is. If we hate the script, the synopsis will be a bit dry. The entertainment value of the synopsis is in direct relationship to the entertainment value of the script. Usually we write the synopsis both from memory and with the help of notes or highlighted pages.

Next comes the “Comments” section and this is usually fairly short – maybe a page to a page and a half. The brief already said, right up front, what the reader thought of the script. The comments will back up the overall recommendation of “pass”, “consider” or “recommend” and is organized like this:

First paragraph: a brief overview, always starting with something positive then segueing into a very polite laundry list of why the script got the rating it got. So that first paragraph might read something like:

An inventive take on the childhood of an influential rocket scientist raised in the 50’s is written playfully and with a lot of heart. Unfortunately, the script falls short of its potential; soft premise, two-dimensional characters and a fuzzy narrative make it impossible to really get wrapped up in the plotline and logic issues trouble the script.

Okay I just made that up on the spot. But you get the point. Now the comments will back up each negative comment, in order, with examples. The final paragraph will just summarize the reader’s take once more. It’s a classic, high-school paper way of setting up your argument, backing it up with examples and wrapping up with a summary.

Here are some of the elements that readers evaluate when they read the script – mind you, they would absolutely not be listed like this in a coverage, but this is more or less the check list. And please note, the way these elements are discussed is not academic or scientific, but rather from a pretty basic point of view: was it entertaining, did it make sense?

Premise & Genre: Premise might be soft, or it might be really original. The genre may or may not be what the company is looking for.

Narrative/Structure: The narrative is how the story is told; is it original and fresh? Does the writer have a great “voice”? Is it paced well; is it a page turner? Structure isn’t often referred to as such; writers with repped scripts that made it all the way to a production company don’t often have trouble with structure but it happens. Mentioning poor structure in a coverage is an absolute kiss of death for the writer and the script. Bad or missing structure means this writer is not ready for prime time.

World: Did the writer establish a “world” for the script that the reader believed? This is more likely to come up in a fantasy, sci-fi or slapstick comedy script but not exclusively so. World is not usually mentioned in a coverage unless the writer has some pretty big “buys” that the reader – well – didn’t buy because it didn’t make sense in the world.

Conflict/Stakes: Did stuff happen to drive the story forward? Was there a sense of building conflict and tension? Was there something hanging in the balance in the end that made the reader really care about getting to the last page to see what happened?

Characters/Dialogue: Coverages will almost always mention character work – whether it is really great or really awful. A writer who can write great character and dialogue is probably going to get a “consider” writer even if the premise is not for the company at the time. The ability to write great characters and dialogue is the brass ring for aspiring writers. If you do nothing else well, you could still build a career off of this talent. Thing is, it tends to go hand-in-hand with other screenwriting skills, so don’t go trying to be some kind of character-savant.

Scene work/Action Lines: Oh man, if you have to note this stuff in a coverage, that’s bad. Again, just as structure, above, this falls under basic execution of craft and here’s the thing – if the execution is good, it becomes invisible. If it’s bad – then I have to note that your page or scene work sucks as do your action lines. Death knell for script. Bad page work basically means sloppy, cluttered pages, overlong scenes, dull scenes, typos, misspells, inactive scenes and sequences.

Logic: Stuff just didn’t add up.

Theme/Tone: Theme and tone may not always be mentioned, only if the theme is really beautiful and timely. Great themes in scripts are often a little invisible; it just really affected the reader with a sense of universal resonance. There is a connection with the material on a subconscious level. It’s a little ephemeral. When you read the script and when all is said and done, no matter how big the action sequences, or how scary some of the set pieces were, if you are left with the feeling that none of it really mattered – that’s because theme was not in the building. Tone will usually only be mentioned if it’s uneven. If tone is appropriate there’s no need to bring it up. This means that if you have written a bouncy little romcom and then you have X-rated sex scenes, I will be pulled out of the story – because the tone didn’t match. Of if you have a horror script with a long, romantic, upbeat romantic sequence. This could work. Or it might feel like some script pages got mixed up and I’m in a new story now. This would be a tone (and narrative) problem.

When I do my consulting as the Script Whisperer, I bear all of these elements in mind; it depends on the writer. A real beginner I might actually make a laundry list so the writer has a sense of how they did in each area. For a writer with more experience, I will only point out and dwell on the elements that are problematic. It’s really a writer by writer decision.

Production company coverages are a distinctly different beast than a story analysis for a private client. Prodco coverages are bottom-line oriented and not about hand-holding or getting into too much detail. Prodcos do not care how the writer got to the bad place; they simply want your work gone. Alternatively they don’t care how many years you’ve worked to get to this beautiful place, they simply want to buy your work. It’s not personal.

Consultants multi-task. We want you to know how your work would be received at a production company so you have a snapshot of how you compare to other writers, but we also want you to be at a whole new level of your writing through this experience. So we do hand hold and we do care. That’s why I like doing private consultations so much more. I have a stable of writers who are outrageously good and do trot scripts in for reads where and when I can. A slew of my clients are going to kill in the competitions this spring. I can feel it. And even the more beginning writers I work with end up feeling pumped and inspired to do better next time.

Reading for a production company is easier in a sense; it’s cut and dry. No strings, it’s not personal. But sometimes it is a little heartbreaking because you can see how hard a writer tried. But it’s not personal. Ouch.

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