Mad Men: Dirty Martinis and Ant Farms

So how many of you watched the "Mad Men" season premiere? Go ahead--raise your hand. I’m counting. Nice. I think your Facebook statuses indicated this and I am happy to report that you’re not alone out there, my 1960s slick suit wearing, brandy in the office sloshing and non-filtered Marlboro loving friends.

Most of my fellow entertainment brethren agree that the writing, acting and art direction of the show is beyond stunning. Many shows try to layer in all the most important aspects of storytelling, but few succeed like "Mad Men." No detail is left behind. But within all the layers of storytelling comes something I usually rarely find in worthwhile television...

Symbolism.

How many of you noticed the hidden (or not so hidden) symbolism that the writers and directors use to convey theme and emotion as an integral part of the show? Yes. You in the back--from Dubuque, Iowa. You noticed? Bravo! Julie, go ahead and call Sprinkles stat! Dubuque gets a cupcake.

Images provide the audience with something I love about storytelling: Show, don’t tell. The subtext that is not only visual, but also visceral. And of course, sometimes a cigar is just a big ole fat...well, cigar.

Sure we see symbols in great movies. They can be conventional (fire, water, wind, the puppets in BEING JOHN MALKOVITCH). Or unconventional (the briefcase in PULP FICTION, the blue box in MULHOLLAND DRIVE, the loons in ON GOLDEN POND). But symbols are often left unexplored on most airing TV shows.

"Mad Men"’s premiere offered many eye-catching, provocative symbols. Season three starts with birth. Don is at the stove, boiling something that he then leaves unattended while reflecting on birth. And that something boils over, which gives us the sense that something ELSE will boil over this season. What could it be?

And when Sal engages in a kiss with the male bellhop - who somes up to check the overly warm (boiling) temperature in his hotel room - his pen explodes, leaving his starched white shirt pocket dripping with oozing ink. Sal’s tension fueled by a deep desire to be with another man bursts phalically and symbolically forth onto the screen.

And then there is the more nuanced symbol of Cooper’s ant farm. Did anybody else tune into that? It sits in the old Head of Accounts' office; when the new British boss (Pryce) and his underling (Hooker) meet, one of them comments, “This place is a giantocracy.” Hooker and his British boss will watch their ant farm of an ad agency from upon high. Then, they’ll command their little worker ants to grow their new empire with a fiery controlled chaos they surely will delve up by the truckload this season. Just like how they have already begun to pit Pete and Ken against each other as the new co-heads of Accounts.

It’s very simple, but, if interwoven well, symbols can really help reinforce your stories and premises throughout each and every scene.

How do you know it’s done on purpose in "Mad Men," Mr. Mike? Well, the frequency an object or character is mentioned is uber vital. I think "Mad Men" is subtler in its approach. But, if it is mentioned often, it is probably important. Another way to find or write about a symbol is to look at how much detail is used in describing it. Do your characters talk extensively about the object? These two methods give clues that the writer wants you to infer something about a particular object. You should do the same!

Please, writers (especially TV writers) – watch for this as you scribe your specs and future cable or network hit pilots. It enriches the world in which your characters play and thrive. And ask yourself, “Is there something more I can do to include symbols, images and icons to heighten my story and better convey emotion, theme and conflict?”

Now punch up that DVR and watch the season premiere again. Then, whip out your stogies, dirty martinis, underwire bras, skinny ties and enjoy those subtle as well as not so subtle symbols all over again...

Michael Perri is a writer/producer/comedian/techno-geek and partner with Yes No Maybe Productions in Los Angeles. Mike has produced and written plays, content for game shows, short movies, features and some scribbling on bathroom walls as a small child. He successfully helped create and launch some of the most critically acclaimed web series online including Citizen Kate and the latest smash hit - Weed Shop. Mike is currently developing original film and animated content that will soon hit the net and airwaves this year.

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Whitest Kids U Know

Morning, Wavers! If you haven't caught any of the WKUK (Whitest Kids U Know) videos on Fuse or You Tube, you're missing out on some great sketch comedy. This one is particularly relevant and hilarious. Enjoy!

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Readers Don't "Get" Comedy: Truth or Myth?

I received a disappointed email from a writer a few weeks back; he was upset that once again, his comedy script received low marks from a reader. Readers just don't get comedy, he postulated. I'm not sure one can make a sweeping statement like that, but at the same time, comedy IS pretty subjective. What if a reader reviews your script and as it turns out, he or she has a totally different sense of humor and gives you low marks because of that subjectivity? What is a writer to do? I asked my friend Peter Russell, a long time reader at some of the most illustrious production companies in town and a teacher of story analysis at UCLA, to chime in:

*****

The writer who complains bitterly that readers don't 'get' comedy, especially low comedy, is half right.

Readers who don't have a sense of humour will not get comedy. Readers who love drama are legion, and they probably do have a harder time with lowbrow comedy than they do straight drama, in the same way comedies get fewer Oscars and less respect -- comedy is considered, by such readers, as a 'lower' form, and that probably does leach into their ratings.

But a good reader with a sense of humour will get comedy thoroughly and perspicaciously, and can judge a comic script, low or high, with accuracy.

That's the rub. How many good readers have a good sense of humour? An anecdotal guess would be less than half, if you define sense of humour as the ability (and I mean this sincerely) to judge the merits of a fart joke. And there are merits to a fart joke. Many.

Anecdotally, more men than women are puerile, and being puerile is a huge advantage when it comes to judging low comedy (whether it's Seneca, Plautus, or Apatow.) Of course there are exceptions. One of the foulest, most hilariously scatological writers/readers I know is a female.

So, yes, low comedy gets short shrift from script readers without senses of (puerile) humour. But a lot of readers do have a sense of humour, and an astute story editor at a studio can often guide the script to the right reader.

Half the time the writer will get a fair shake.

In Hollywood, those are good odds for a writer. If it's a good script, and it goes out enough, it probably will be noticed.

That's all any writer ever gets in this town.

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Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

I am what you might refer to as a totally omnivorous cinefile. An equal opportunity movie lover.

I love Lasse Hallstrom as much as I love Fellini, Woody Allen and John Waters. I love action movies, drama, adaptations, science fiction (Danny Boyle's SUNSHINE was the last sci-fi movie that really rocked my world although I'm quite excited to see DISTRICT 9), rom-com and...and...you name it. I love the movies. Passionately.

And I love a good B-movie as well. Why? Well, because I love to see what filmmakers do with a limited budget and a wild imagination. I love the stilted action, the hilarious FX and the whoopsy daisy continuity problems. I love the wink and the nod that is a B-movie. Click here to read up on the history and definition of B-movies. Suffice it to say that like cockroaches, strong martinis and hot nights, B-movies are a long and lively tradition in Hollywood. The indisputable king of the B-movie is of course Roger Corman, who gave many an accomplished filmmaker a start in his movie-making boot camp. And by accomplished film maker I of course mean people such as Ron Howard, Jonathan Demme, Francis Ford Coppola and the like.

One of my favorite B-movie makers is The Asylum, producers of movies like MEGA SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS, 100 MILLION BC, TRANSMORPHERS, and SNAKES ON A TRAIN (yes, you read that right).

MEGA SHARK is among the most entertaining B-movies I have seen lately (although SHARK SWARM still holds a place in my heart), featuring a shark so mega that once he is released from a glacier, where he was locked in battle with a giant octopus, and is free to roam the modern day ocean, he leaps 30,000 feet into the air and bites an airliner in half. IN HALF, people. That's one bad-ass shark. If you think the entertainment ends with bad-ass sea monsters from the Ice Age, think again. It also stars Debbie Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas. Rent MEGA SHARK, invite over several friends as I did, make blue cocktails, make plenty of popcorn and enjoy.

One day recently, I decided to write a fan email to one of the principals of The Asylum, David Latt, and find out if the Mini-W and I might be able to take a field trip over to their offices and pay them a visit. Little did I know what a treat we were in for. Latt agreed readily, and when my daughter and I arrived at his mini-studio lot in Burbank, he greeted us on roller blades. Apologizing because he was in the beginning stages of a cold, Latt nonetheless took my daughter and me on a tour of Asylum's new digs.

The company, co-founded by Latt, has been in business since the '80s; they start production on a new film every four weeks. Every. Four weeks. Most everything is done onsite. Pre-production, post-production and principal photography. The commissary is a microwave and some folding chairs. A dinosaur leg and part of a whale carcass lie stacked in a corner.

I had so many questions for Latt about his business model, how he got into making B-movies, if he found the term offensive (No, that's a compliment. Our movies have been called Z-movies, he said with a laugh), where he gets the ideas, who writes the scripts, what his movies cost to make, etc. And this is what I learned:

Most films produced by The Asylum have a core budget of $150K. MEGA SHARK cost $250K in part due to the cost of casting. Why that particular film became a viral online phenom, Latt is not sure. Netflix rentals were 70% higher on that title than in general but due to their business model, no more copies or profit were made.

The scripts all come from ideas that are then assigned to a small stable of non-guild writers. The ideas are inspired by what is renting well at video outlets like Blockbuster. If 10,000 BC is renting well at Blockbuster, Asylum sets up 100,000 BC. It takes about four months from the inception of an idea to the movie hitting the shelves.

Marketing is nonexistent. Asylum films are sold directly to Netflix, Blockbuster, Hollywood Video and some foreign distributors. Zero marketing costs mean predictable profit. Latt has never lost money on a film made by Asylum. In fact, every film has made a profit - which makes The Asylum more successful, per project, than Disney, Fox, Paramount, Sony, Warner Bros and Universal combined.

Many more questions were asked and answered; I didn't record the interview because it wasn't as formal as that. One question I wish I had asked is if Asylum had ever been threatened with lawsuits by the makers of the mainstream movies that they riff on if not...dare I say it...rip off. Eek. The answer would appear to be no, since one such lawsuit would bury Asylum but good and with permanence. And yet they just upgraded to newer, larger facilities. I'm not sure what the writers are paid, or if their pay scale is in keeping with the usual WGA 3% rule.

Latt is, in many ways, living the dream. He makes movies. A lot of movies. Quickly. And he sells them predictably and he pockets enough profit to keep Asylum in production mode at all times and to float his personal life as well. He knows the films made by Asylum are not great art and he doesn't care. He is good humored and realistic and has a great generosity of spirit. He may be looking for some fresh writers down the line, so we exchanged business cards.

If you have a sense of humor and appreciation for ingenuity, stop by your local Blockbuster or Hollywood Video or go online and rent some of The Asylum's titles and enjoy.

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Natalie Portman's Online Resource

Wow, this is a really neat resource, Wavers. I know, I know, you have a lot of stuff to do today. But check out Making Of!

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No, Seriously, Just F*ng Entertain Me

Good afternoon, everybody! And now...bite those fingernails...the quarterfinalists have been narrowed down significantly to the contenders for the top spots. I just had the scripts printed and labeled and took them to my office. So now I gaze upon the pile of scripts in which I will find my winner.

The title, writer's name and genre are written on each. Who will it be? This is the fun part, this is the part I love. I know of the hundreds of scripts received that these are the cream of the crop. Is the grand prize winner the script with the hilarious title that I can't wait to read? Or is it the script with a very unassuming title? Which genre will it be? I'm like a kid in the candy store; I love the anticipation. I wonder what the writer's like? I wonder if this will kick off a career?

Amidst all of this, life continues to roll on. As I mentioned a couple of weeks back, I went on vacation in Key West and Miami for a few days. While on that trip, I met a young, aspiring writer who took my business card. A few days ago, he emailed me a few pages of his novel, wondering why he cannot get any interest in a read from editors or agents. I'm too busy for this, I thought! Gah! I have a competition to run! But - I'm in a good mood so I read the few pages he sent.* And because I don't want to leave you Wavers hanging for entertaining distractions to read today, the slightly modified (for privacy and entertainment) email I sent the writer is below. I figured there's a kernel in here for everyone, screenwriter, novelist or short fiction writer though you may be:

*What is the lesson there? If your email is polite, not too ass-kissy but with just the right amount of flattery, the recipient might just be in a good mood, have a free five minutes and read what you sent. You never know, right? I get emails like this all the time -requests that are rude, blunt or demanding go straight to the deleted folder. If you've ever sent me a question or some pages and you never heard back it's because I'm busy up to my eyeballs and your email did not move my spirit to stop what I was doing and read your unsolicited question, script or manuscript. Hint: I like flattery and cupcakes.

*********

Hey Young Writer X - wish I could look at this material much more in depth, alas, I am way too swamped with the competition right now. I did read over it very quickly though and my very surface comments would be that the premise - where this is all going - is unclear as heck and the main character is not very likable or relatable. That's all fine; many fine main characters in fiction have been less than charismatic but that said, a reader needs something they can hang onto - something they can relate to, and some reason they would want to read on.

Now, you know that I primarily work in entertainment, i.e, film scripts, but in my travels I was also frequently hired to read novels for possible adaptation. I have a book coming out this spring called Just F*ng Entertain Me and the main tenet is that material needs to be fundamentally engaging and entertaining. While literature has a lot more room for wheelie-popping, character development and reflective musings, at the end of the day, as attention spans are growing shorter and shorter and the demands on our time have become crowded with things like Twitter, You Tube, gaming, television and movies, you have to be particularly adept at grabbing your reader immediately and keeping them reading your pages. And for that, your premise must unfold and present itself fairly quickly and the main character, even a dissolute anti-hero as yours, must be relatable in some way.

Now, a story about an anti-hero who gets sick to death of it all and hatches some plan or other is not a new premise. What do you bring to the table that is fresh? The beginning pages (including prologue) do not yet highlight or showcase why I should read on. Read the first 10pages of The Lovely Bones and tell me you're not completely hooked. Hell, the first two sentences of the book hooked me: My name was Salmon; like the fish, first name, Susie. I was 14 when I was murdered on December 6, 1973. This is brilliance, just FYI. She was murdered at age 14?? Then - who's narrating the book?! Hooked solid.

Put yourself in the shoes of an editor who receives piles of manuscripts each week. Read the first few pages of several authors whom you admire. Reread your first few pages. Why should I read on? What am I going to learn from a bitter, dissolute character that I haven't already read before? Your job as a writer is to ENTERTAIN your audience - writing a novel is not an exercise in gazing at your navel and picking the literary lint out of it while showing me what pretty words you know - your job is to entertain me. It's bread and circus. Thumbs up or thumbs down.

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Nurses on the Battlefield of Life

So over the weekend I had to review the notes and files for every single entrant for the Silver Screenwriting Competition - I'm talking about hundreds and hundreds of loglines, Wavers. As the loglines and scripts flew by, I found myself smiling. It was like a scene from A BEAUTIFUL MIND: the loglines flying by with a soundtrack of clicking and clacking keyboards and murmured voices...Look at all these writers. Look at all these ideas. Some were crazy and ridiculous, some were profound and serious and some were everything in-between. The collective energy that led so many writers to work so hard for weeks and months to write a script swept over me and I really got a bit choked up.

How wonderful it is that we write. How beautiful and awesome the energy that compels us to make stuff up and in doing so entertain others and provide catharsis for ourselves. Thank you, writers everywhere, for writing. You sit alone, in cafes, at home, in the car in your driveway (as Raymond Carver did) and you bravely face the blank page. You put your heart and soul onto paper knowing the odds are terrible, knowing there may be no payback or payoff or even any encouragement. But you do it anyway.

You make me laugh, you scare me, you make me cry, you make me think and your sheer creative energy renews my faith in the human spirit. I don't care if you advanced to the next round or didn't - you're all rock stars in my world. Thank you. You make my life richer just because you are out there, you crazy writers. Never stop. Do it for me. No, do it for every person who needs a laugh, a scare, a new point of view or just a distraction on a Friday night when their own lives are too overwhelming. Like nurses on the battlefield, you writers administer hope, candy and distraction from the toils and troubles of life.

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The Special Project

Script readers tend to use other films as examples to illustrate a point. Makes sense, right? I can only speak for myself when I say that I found that I was using the same examples over and over again. So I asked one of my readers, Gideon Cross, to do a special project for me. I asked him to list out the inciting incident, first plot point, midpoint, second plot point and battle scene of 10 movies. I wanted him to draw from the classics as well as much more current films. When Gideon was done, I distributed his list to all of our readers as a refresher and a reference point so we can be sure to be using current examples and/or examples that change up the tried and true. It took Gideon a few weeks and a whole lot of video rentals but he did it. I asked him to write about the experience and he has done so here today:

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In my experience as a screenplay analyst, I’ve found that structure is by far the most common “trouble” area in screenplays. Luckily, these mistakes are generally fixable, and structure is quite learnable. Sometimes a screenplay just isn’t very well written, or there’s no heart in it, or the dialogue doesn’t sound real – problems that are difficult to correct. I won’t say these aspects of writing are not learnable, but they can be very difficult to learn. Structure’s not like that. It’s pretty straightforward...yet, more writers mess it up than any other category.

I recently re-watched a number of classic and successful modern movies to create a reference sheet of key structural points for The Script Department. The experience reaffirmed for me how much of a formula structure really is. I know creative people generally don’t like the word “formula,” but think of it this way: The formula creates a framework that will support all of the exceptional, original, creative content that is going to fit inside. In CRASH, which seems on the surface as if it has a sort-of unorthodox free-flowing multi-story structure, I was a bit surprised to find all of the standard structural points not only arriving on cue, but arriving en masse.

You see, CRASH follows about 67 storylines (a rough estimate), and when these plot points hit, they hit in story after story. For example at the midpoint, there’s a reversal for every character: John (Matt Dillon’s racist cop) apologizes to Shaniqua, Graham and Ria (Don Cheadle and Jennifer Esposito) discover a break in their case that leads them in a new direction, Tom (Ryan Phillippe) gets reassigned, etc. Woody Allen’s WHATEVER WORKS, which I saw in the theater recently, also hits all of the standard plot points, sometimes with real in-your-face oomph. In that movie, lead character Boris (Larry David) is fervently against marriage and commitment, often ranting about what a horrible idea it would be for him to marry female lead Melody (Evan Rachel Wood). Guess what Boris does at the midpoint? If you guessed something other than “He marries Melody,” stop, take a deep breath, and re-read up to this point.

I’ve heard writers say, “I know all those big Hollywood movies hit the same structural points, but I want to do something independent and more personal and meaningful…more like (fill in the blank with Jarmusch, Allen, Altman, Stillman, Soderbergh, etc.).” Well, Woody Allen hits those same structural points! My guess is that Allen has no idea that there’s technically “supposed” to be a midpoint reversal, or what “plot point two” is, or that the “inciting incident” should occur within the first 10 pages (maybe 12-15 if you really need that extra set-up time). However, WHATEVER WORKS and VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA - which I also mapped out for this project - hit all of those points.

That’s because these are organic storytelling elements:

A significant event or occurrence changes the hero’s world (inciting incident); the hero sets out on his or her mission (end of first act/point of attack/plot point one); the hero reaches a point of no turning back (midpoint/reversal/point of no return); all seems lost (end of second act/low point/plot point two); the hero recommits to his or her goal; the hero fights his/her climactic battle; and finally, the hero achieves resolution.

Doesn’t that seem completely natural? It does to me. Just start telling stories. Any stories you can think of – from a novel, a movie, a fairy tale…you’re going to find that formula. I think most writers know that if they want to write the next THE HANGOVER or TRANSFORMERS they should follow standard structural guidelines. What many fail to understand is that if they want to write the next MANHATTAN or TRAFFIC, they should still follow standard structural guidelines. Now, if you want to write the next LAST YEAR AT MARIENBAD, that might be a whole ‘nother article.

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Announcing Quarterfinalists

...so we're fixin to announce who did and did not advance in the Silver Screenwriting Competition this weekend. Some entrants have actually already received word. Notifications will continue through tomorrow.

This year we did something different - we gave a little bit (and I emphasize a little bit) of feedback so that entrants would have some sense of why they did (or didn't) advance in the competition. We have already received our first I HATE YOU email response from someone who didn't advance. Ahhhhh. I love being on the receiving end of bitter disappointment.

It has been a very long past couple of months, with judging quietly going on in the background of everything else. I did not judge this round; we had about four judges working day and night to weed out the first round, which was massive. I wanted the quarterfinalists to represent about 10% of the total entrants. The finalists will be the top 12 - 15% of the quarterfinalists and then we'll have the grand prize winner, 2nd and 3rd places.

Starting now, I am judging, along with Margaux Froley and Andrew Zinnes. We will be finding the finalists within the quarterfinalists and then finding the winner in that pile. It's fun for me to scan the lists of those moving up in the competition, looking for clients and scripts I am familiar with. I haven't seen any that I know personally yet, to be honest. What we did last year when we were in final judging rounds is if we knew a writer, we'd pass the script to someone else so we could judge as objectively as possible. Believe me, you do NOT want to know the writer when you're judging. You so badly want a friend to do well but...you have to judge honestly as well. So you get out of the situation fast and swap scripts.

How did the judges decide who was moving onward and upward and who was not? The usual list of criteria: formatting issues (Wavers, there were entrants who'd literally never before seen a script) originality, voice, character and primarily, the title of my upcoming book: JUST F*NG ENTERTAIN ME. You know how I feel about that. If we're not entertained and fast, you're not advancing. Because this is not about that time you lost your first pet, this is a movie script that is, in theory, a piece of entertainment. So the very first round of judging, which is the most massive, time-consuming one, is one in which we find out who can fundamentally write a fairly good script and who needs to go back to the drawing board.*

*before that pisses you off, go to the section below, about subjectivity

The next round of judging will tighten the noose quite a bit as we look for writers who are not just in the general realm of pretty good execution or a pretty original idea but writers who nailed the execution, theme, originality, premise, character and dialogue. The qualities we are looking for in the very top spots are writers who have a legitimate shot at breaking in, getting repped and maybe even making a sale. Now, I know the spec market is tough right now, so whoever the winner is probably can't plan on defying those odds, but we want our winner to be on par with other repped writers whose work is going out on the marketplace.

I haven't said much about the judging and administrative activities that have been going on with the Silver Screenwriting Competition this year because I know that among the I HATE YOU people, my every word will be cross-examined. I had a conversation with one of my judges the other day about a script he was unsure of. He laughed and remarked how ironic it is that he can see how hard I work to make sure every entrant gets his or her due but it won't matter because there will be the sour grape-types anyway, who handle rejection by FLIPPING OUT and complaining that there was a grammatical error in their notes therefore how on earth can we judge their script??

I had a writer - long story - absolutely flip out and lose her mind because when her script was pitched on her behalf, she got no read requests. She went into full on stalking, raving, threatening mode that lasted for more than two weeks. After I recovered from being absolutely dumbfounded, I gave her some unsolicited advice: You better chill or you'll never work in this town. Ever.

Rejection is part of life, Wavers. And it is a huge part of the life of a writer. Judges strive to be objective but of course subjectivity is always present. What do I always say? Until they invent the Reader 9000, humans are reading your scripts. Of course, maybe one day they'll invent the Audience 9000 and it won't matter who watches your movie or who cares about it. For now, we have humans reading and judging your scripts, we have human executives making decisions about it and we have subjective human beings either slapping down $14 to watch your movie or walking away. Rejection hurts. Get used to it or go make home movies and show them to your friends in the basement. If you want to work in this business, you have to please the majority of people the majority of the time. And that's not possible. And it's crazy-making.

If you did not advance in the SSC this year, don't take it personally and don't let it get you down. Keep believing in your writing and in your script. In fact, I once read a line of a dialogue in a script that really stayed with me: The mettle of a cowboy is not how many times he gets knocked off the horse, but how fast he gets back up again. If you find that you didn't advance and your sentiment is RAGE and a surety that you were CHEATED, you may want to take a look at the man in the mirror and ask if writing is really the path for you. If you feel disappointed and really let down for awhile - well, that is pretty damn normal. God knows I've been there. But here's the mettle of a true writer...you shrug it off, you decide that you are a good writer who can do better next time, you pack up your laptop and go to a cafe and you sit your ass down and you get back to work on some writing.

That is all. Now get back to work.

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Put Your Best Foot Forward

Hello, Wavers! Today I received my third phone message for The Script Department that was mumbly and incoherent with no name or phone number left. I dialed the callers back using the caller ID function in my voice mail but didn't know who to ask for. When the callers did pick up, they were as mumbly as their messages, didn't introduce themselves, didn't greet me warmly or thank me for calling back. Can you imagine how quickly I got off those calls? Do you know how much free information, advice and cheerfulness I dole out to callers who do the opposite?

While I'm on a roll, I have another beef as well - email addresses that are long, incomprehensible, hard to remember or spell and silly on top of all of that. I emailed a writer earlier this week whose email address was an approximation of this: fundaddy@whatever.com. Fundaddy? This is a writer who wishes to have a career in Hollywood? And that's his email address?

Wavers. When you communicate with someone in the industry, even if it's just to ask a question or get some advice, please, please, please be a professional. If you leave a message and have any hope of being called back, state your name and the date and time clearly. Leave your phone number behind too. Say it clearly and say it twice. Say thank you. Be polite. And if you have an email address that you use for your friends and family that is cute and funny (to you) like NorcalDanceFiend@whatever.com - DO NOT use that email address. Get a new one somewhere else. Ideally, it should be LASTNAME@whatever.com.

Don't waste my time with mumbled messages. Don't irritate me when I can't find your information on your title page, your pages aren't numbered and your email address isn't cute it's stupid. In Hollywood, everybody is in a hurry. We want upshot, we want information, we want a name, a number and a great logline. Anything you can do to streamline that for us is not only appreciated, to do less than that is apt to make me hurry on to the next person because you're not putting your best foot forward.

I know this doesn't apply to 99% of you but to the 1% it does apply to, please do better. The silly email address topic does apply to many of you and I know for a fact. So take a look at your email address today. Is it simple, clear, easy to say and to spell? Or does it contain some kind of inside joke or allusion to your marital or parenting status or a hobby of yours? Because I like people and getting to know them - but not when I'm giving your email address to a producer and trying to act like a pro when doing it.

Okay, today's hand slap is over. Don't make mama cranky.

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What's Your Story, Morning Glory?

I had been on the cusp of posting something on TRW yesterday about the story most central to your life when I received the news of Blake Snyder's death. Of course, like so many, I have been feeling sad and stunned ever since hearing such awful news. But then, I thought back to a conversation Blake and I once had about his philosophy of living and today I feel better. I often say to writers that if you're not having fun in the process of writing, something is wrong. Now, I know writing is not always fun, sometimes it's downright painful. But in the big picture you should be experiencing the joy of creation when you write.

Harkening back to the conversation with Blake: You should be experiencing the joy of creation in your life. Every day. When you feel down, worried, discontent or anxious, you're simply blocking the good stuff from your view because it's always there in pleasures large and small. We don't have to try hard to be happy - we GET to be happy. It's your birthright and it's the preset of your life. Imagine that. You can be happy just because you decide to be. That's what Blake did. That's the biggest example he left behind for me. Be happy. Enjoy the ride. I'll tell you for a fact, if you never met Blake in person, he enjoyed the hell out of this ride. He left early but he went out happy. I can't think of anyone who'd prefer the opposite.

So let's move on in appreciation for Blake, for life and for this gift we have for writing. Somebody said to me recently - hey, gee, how come you haven't been writing anything lately? My initial reaction was one of defensiveness; HEY I run a BUSINESS every day, YOU try writing on top of that! I really felt bad about the comment. It messed with my mind. Until, a few days later, I had a story idea that I glommed on top of another story idea I had had a few weeks back and then I realized something, Wavers...I realized that for the past few months, I haven't had anything to say in my writing. Let me back up. Every script and every short story I have written in the past 10 years shared a common theme - that of the search for identity and the desire to change one's life. And it was toward the end of that time that I got divorced, moved to LA, started reading for production companies, started my own business, got a writing partner and - totally changed my life. I explored the desire to change my life totally through various characters in various mediums and then I did it. Now I'm in a completely different phase of my life. And it is now that I am gestating a totally new truth about me which will give birth to a new theme or story I want to tell.

Now, some writers are literally like popcorn machines, life pours in kernels and they pop pop pop new stories and ideas at a rapid pace. I'll be honest, I'm quite jealous of those writers. But give 'em time; everybody runs out of juice at one point or another. Yet other writers need to gestate their story ideas at length. That's me. And either way is fine, by the way. Now, I'm not talking about writer's block, by the way, which I have never experienced and I'm not sure is even a real phenomenon, I'm talking about feeling the urgency to put your truth, your questions, your story down on paper. I used to be absolutely engrossed by the idea of being trapped in one life and finding a way to change that. Now I'm more interested in reinvention and rebirth into new possibilities in middle age. And the great news is, once I realized that my central truth, my central story is a new one now, an idea came flooding in to me and I'm outlining a new script that I'm really excited about because it really speaks to me. What a great feeling. But I needed to have that terrified feeling first - oh my god, I haven't been writing lately, what does it mean? Am I all out of stories? Have I given up? What's wrong?? No. It was just that I needed to acknowledge that I'm done telling the story I had been telling for a long time. Been there done that.

So - I'm curious, Wavers. What's your story? If you look at everything you've written in a period of time, what theme keeps coming up again and again for you? And also, are you a gestational writer or a popcorn machine writer? Where are you in your story as a writer?

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