The Page Count Clinic

Good morning, Wavers! I inexplicably slept for 10 hours last night. I have no idea why so I just count my blessings that my lifestyle gives me the latitude to do that and get on with my day.

Ahem. Onward.

A commenter on yesterday's post wondered why BENJAMIN BUTTON appears to have a very loose structure and, I assume, intimated that we should not be as concerned with getting structure right when there are (truly) so many exceptions. Yes, there are many exceptions to the rule. But until or unless you have made it - are repped, are pitching, are sold or selling - you MUST understand exactly how structure works and you must demonstrate this in your writing. Exceptions are no excuse not to know exactly what you're doing in the now. Aspiring screenwriters are like nascent cooks - you must stick to the recipe in order to learn. Once you've made it over the moat that separates aspiring writers from paid ones - then and only then can you begin to put the recipe book down and vary from it when it comes to things like structure. Yesterday's discussion of structure was a rudimentary one - of course there are all sorts of jumping off points.

Additionally, before we get to today's topic, one cannot know what went on in the production of a major motion picture unless one was there. The script may have been tightly structured but somewhere in development, decisions were made to add more and bigger set pieces that plumped the structure up until it is what it currently is - pretty free form. Or not. We have no way of knowing unless we can ask that question directly of the writer. One can spend all day every day finding exceptions. Aspiring screenwriters trying to break in don't have the luxury of stepping off with new and wacky structural techniques. You need to show a rep or producer that you have basic screenwriting craft down cold before you start popping wheelies.

So on to the topic of the day: The Page Count Clinic

Another commenter said: Do you have any suggestions for reining in runaway page count, other than the obvious of scene chopping solution?

Yeah, no, I dunno. Good luck with that.

Wait, I'm getting too cavalier lately. Forgive my insouciance. Yes, there are a few things you can do to cut down on page count. When I write, I never, ever worry about page count in the early stages. I don't care if my whole script, from fade in to fade out has 72 pages. That gives me room to expand and add more set pieces and more character development. I don't worry if my script has 132 pages either - that's an opportunity to take what I have and distill it into sharper, more powerful pages.

So when you have too many pages that's the opportunity begging to be had. Distilling 10 okay pages into five GREAT pages.

There are two fundamental ways to approach reducing your page count - reviewing each SCENE for relevance and then reviewing each and every PAGE to see where you can cut a line of dialogue, two lines of action, etc.

SCENEWORK
When it comes to each scene, do the scene test: Does this scene contain a relevant beat? Does this scene concurrently develop character? Does this scene contain the thematic undertones of your premise? Does this scene, in other words, absolutely carry its weight and earn its spot in the script? Think of yourself as the captain of a ship loading up to head out to sea - is this scene necessary? Does it earn the spot on the ship? Or is it ballast that can be tossed because it will only weigh the ship down?

PAGEWORK
Once you're confident that every scene is absolutely necessary, go over every single page and look for ANY opportunity to reduce your action lines from three lines to two. Are there entire action lines that break up dialogue between characters? Are you over-directing the characters, in other words? Is there another way your character can express his or her thoughts in half the dialogue? Is your character actually repeating him or herself? In the same way that grapes are stomped down into a pulp which will ferment into wine, pages can be s-q-u-e-e-z-e-d down into more powerful stuff too.

Something I like to do which seems a bit arbitrary is to say to a writer - okay lose 10 pages off this script. I don't care where, I don't care how, just do it. And to a one, the writer comes back aglow with accomplishment and sleeker, faster, more powerful pages.

Just given that marching order with no parameters is empowering because when it comes right down to it, it's not rocket science to look at your pages and see where the fat is.

So you may want to try that first - just take 10 pages out of your script. Open that sucker up and go. If that feels daunting or directionless, try reducing pages using the following steps:

Do a structure check: Are your act breaks falling on or about pages 10, 25, 50 and 75? How far off are they? Remember, this is a ratio based on the Golden 100 Page Script. Is the ratio about right? If there are 50 pages between act breaks, you have now pinpointed where the problem is in your script. So focus on that section.

Do a scene review: go through each and every scene and ask it these questions: What's your name and where are you from? Well, no, maybe like: What is the BEAT in this scene? Is there one? Does this scene absolutely and without question move the story forward? Does it develop and reveal more about your character? And ideally - does it do both? Does this scene jump in late and get out early? Could the scene move a long even a little faster?

Do a global page reduction: Go through every single page and find any and all lines that can be cut. Anything. Dialogue, action lines - nothing is safe. Go pithier. Use more powerful, evocative words. The sun shines down on this suburban neighborhood. Dogs bark, children play and the mailman makes his rounds - which is not bad - might then become: Another sunny day in this family neighborhood; kids play, dogs bark. - We lost seven words in the second example. Maybe we don't need the mailman. Or do we? Go through every single action and ask - what is really important to point out here? Is the word 'suburban' really critical? Or does 'family' do the job? That's your call. But I guarantee that you will find TONS of things you can reduce just slightly. Writers tend to overwrite and over direct scenes. Strip each scene down to the bare bones using words that deliver the feeling and imagery important to the scene but that literally take up less space.

Depending on where you are as a writer - the global page reduction method is probably the best way to cut down on pages. You'd be surprised - even the most advanced writer can always find extraneous stuff on his or her pages. Newer writers are more likely to have scenes that are not necessary at all. If you're not sure where to begin, I'd follow the steps above in that order without worrying about what your total page count should then be. Just follow the steps and then check in again. Did you lose 10 pages or so?

If you have to lose more than 10 pages you either have a problem with the structure full stop or you have a major issue with overwriting pages.

If you have 10 pages or less to lose, you probably just need to trim action and dialogue on your pages.

Writing IS rewriting. I love trimming pages because it's not a punishment, it's a challenge. How can I make what's here work BETTER than ever before? It's like chipping away at the marble to reveal a finer, more beautiful image. It is making wine from grapes, it is squeezing the - okay I've run out of weird metaphors but you get it.

In general, as a rule of thumb*, I always like to shoot for the Golden 100 Page Script. If you're writing comedy, romcom, thriller or horror, this page count is actually pretty sweet. If you're writing scifi, fantasy or drama, you might wind up with 110 pages. If your script has over 115 pages, you need to pull the car over and see what's going on. It might be fine but it also might be your clarion call to write sleeker, more powerful pages. No matter what your page count, you can always produce better pages than the ones you currently have. I guarantee that. In fact, that's a whole other blog post - when to STOP tweaking!

*stuff it, Anonymous.*

*This seems like a good time to explain my "stuff it, Anonymous" disclaimers. A couple or three times a week I get comments or emails from disgruntled Have-to-be-Righters who tell me how WRONG I am. Everything on the Rouge Wave is from MY perspective and MY experience. Anyone who takes what I say as gospel should have his head examined. These are all suggestions and advice. Do what you will. Do what works for you.

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Let's Talk About Structure and Also Poker

First, totally unrelated to structure - this from today's Variety Online: The record-breaking 2008 domestic box office proves Hollywood isn't as dependent on by-the-book franchises as everyone feared. It will also be remembered for prospering even as the economy collapsed.

To read the rest of the article, click HERE.

Now. I thought maybe we should get down to brass tacks. Let's talk about structure. A topic that for many makes the blood run cold. Three acts or four? Inciting incident on page five or 10? First act break on page 25 or 30? Get character up in tree, throw rocks at character. Right? Forget all that stuff for a minute.

There is no element in screenwriting that can be discussed totally unto itself. Well, you could, and people try to, but it doesn't make sense. Structure in particular is the hub of the wheel and is closely tied to character and premise. We know that the structure of a screenplay is roughly a three act proposition. I personally like thinking of it in terms of four acts - but that's hair splitting; four acts is just the second act divided in half. So we might have:

Act One: pages one-25
Act Two A: pages 25-50
Act Two B: pages 50-75
Act Three: pages 50-100*

*I am using the magical 100 page script here for two reasons. One, it's not a bad page count to aspire to and two, it just makes the math easier. If you script has a longer page count, the ratios here still apply.

We know we have certain milestones in the three or four act structure:

The inciting incident which falls anywhere from page one to page 10 (latest, kids, latest). Another name for this milestone might be: Why did I buy a ticket to this movie? When is all the stuff I saw in the trailer going to start to happen?

The first act break, which falls right around page 25 or so. And we might call this: I forgot to buy M&Ms I'll just be a minute - oh HEY, what's this? I'll get them later.

The midpoint, which falls, yup, dead center. And we might refer to this as the okay forget the M&MS, the Coke, forget everything, I cannot leave this seat, things just heated up - again!

The second act break, which falls just before the third act, so in the area of page 75 or so. And we most definitely can refer to this one as: I have to use the restroom but...but...I HAVE to see what happens now!

So we know this, right? Each portion of the structure ramps things up to engage the audience in more interesting and complicated ways. Sucking them into the story more and more. That's looking at structure purely from an entertainment factor point of view, not a story point of view. This is not the gist of what I want to talk about today but it's a useful way to think of structure. Every 25 pages or so you have to turn up the heat so that your audience is more committed, more curious and more entertained by what's going on.

But of course, you cannot accomplish this by adding rhinoceros stampedes, BIGGER rhinoceros stampedes and flying monkeys - when you've written a romcom. Well, maybe you could. Here's the thing, once you understand structure from a purely academic point of view and with the use of my handy Audience-ometer Structure Guide (patent pending) as above, you have to design your structure in such a way that it makes sense for your premise and for your character. Structure and character arc are indelibly linked. Like Siamese twins.

Many new writers think okay I'm on page 25, something a bit bigger needs to happen here. It's a sort of structure by numbers methodology. It is helpful to chart out your character's arc relative to the structure. Things like rhino stampedes are only a good escalation for a certain type of character. Maybe in JUMANJI this makes sense.

The escalation embedded in and implied by structure has to make sense. What is the worst thing that COULD happen for THIS character at THIS point of time given THIS premise?

Again, anybody can simply jot down what I indicated above:

Act One: pages one-25
Act Two A: pages 25-50
Act Two B: pages 50-75
Act Three: pages 50-100

But this is only an academic understanding of structure. Again, what is the worst thing that could happen to your particular character at this point in the story? And are you going to be able to top that organically, within the premise, in another 25 pages? I actually take some issue with the macro view statement that you get your character in a tree and throw rocks at him. What character? In what tree? What kind of rocks are these? It's all relative to the story you are telling and the type of character inhabiting this story. The act breaks for DIE HARD are in no way related to the act breaks in RAIN MAN. Yes, they fall in approximately the same places but that isn't specific enough to be helpful.

So much of screenwriting is like that - we are all taught the academic perspective but one size does not fit all. And that's part of the journey of being a screenwriter. We learn about the various elements from a macro view but it is only as you gain more experience that you can get a feel for the jumping off points and after you've written a few scripts, structure just starts to come naturally to you.

Imagine thinking of structure as a poker game for your main character - and he or she really doesn't want to be there at all. Your main character doesn't know how to play poker, never played a hand in his or her life and would much rather go home. But this is a movie and you the writer are God. You have literally thrown your character into a high stakes poker game against his or her will. There's no going home there's only winning or losing. Or is there a third way?

At each structural juncture, your character is more and more screwed in this imaginary poker game. At the midpoint, he or she is all in. With a bad hand. Audiences are conditioned to believe that your main character will in fact succeed. But with that hand? All in? It's not possible. Or is it?

Just some food for thought on this Monday when the holidays are behind us and the new year lies ahead. Maybe you already have structure nailed. But for many new screenwriters, structure, which is deceptively simple, is a very difficult thing to wrap their minds around. Try looking at it from three points of view: Academic, Audience-ometer and Character Arc.

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What it's Worth

The other day I took a meeting at the legendary Beverly Hills Hotel. In the Polo Lounge, to be exact. The type of place I used to frequent in my past (married) life. All white gloves, caps, red carpets and deferential greetings. It's not that the food at a place such is this really is that much better - some of my favorite eateries in San Francisco and Los Angeles are in the funky neighborhoods - no, it's the service. The unmitigated, all out attentiveness. That's what you have to pay more for and that's what you get at high end establishments. And you know what? It's pretty darn nice to be treated as though you are important and your needs and comfort matter.

That's how I felt when the Mini-W and I saw THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON at the Arclight Cinema in Hollywood yesterday. The movie clocks in at something like two hours and 45 minutes but for us, it was two hours and 45 minutes of white glove, tip capping, door opening "good morning, ma'am." Every detail of the movie was designed for your viewing pleasure and satisfaction. From the clever button CGI Paramount logo at the beginning, to the lush soundtrack, gorgeous set design with fastidious period detail, to the exacting makeup and beautiful cinematography to the stellar acting, resonant theme and satisfying ending.

Now, when you're writing a script and if you should get so lucky as to sell it and if you should be so spectacularly fortunate to see it produced, the production values and budget are totally out of your hands. But you want to write a script that is so fantastic that the producers of the subsequent movie are so passionate about it that there is a beautiful collaboration in bringing your story to life. But the most wonderful production values in the world cannot elevate a hollow story. So the lowest paid, least glamorous, generally unknown writer of a movie really does play the most important part. Because without the heart and skill you pour onto your pages, nothing else really matters.

Most aspiring screenwriters think they have to please an agent or manager with their writing. And they do. But you want to write a script that not only gets an agent or manager excited, but also gets a production company excited as well. And not just one guy at the production company but several. A great number of people have to get on board in order to push your project forward. That any movie ever gets produced is a miracle. When that movie is good, it is a major miracle. When it is great - well, that's some kind of magic.

Your script has to generate a viral excitement. No matter what the budget is, you are writing something that needs to fuel the passion of a cinematographer to do her best work, for a director to get excited with his or her vision for the movie, for a set designer to pull out the stops, for costume designers, makeup artists and grips to do their best work. Because when everybody is passionate about your script, when they really GET IT and LOVE IT, then movie magic can happen.

The amount of collaboration on a movie is staggering. If you've ever visited the set of a major motion picture, you know that it takes a small city to make a movie. The number of people on a set is absolutely mind-blowing to me. Every time. I don't get over my awe.

A good friend of mine who has worked in production for over 20 years now likens film production to launching a small, highly organized army for an offensive. Every single day. For weeks. Walkie talkies buzz, people ride by on bicycles, trucks pull in and out loaded with lighting and equipment, assistants scurry, stars rehearse their lines, extras await direction, caterers provide a never-ending supply of hot food, directors sit behind the camera, brows furrowed, having long conversations with producers and the DP over this or that scene or shot. Booms raise and lower and huge cables snake everywhere. It is another day at work for many, but to me, it is mindboggling how this organized chaos coalesces into a movie.

Everyone is working on making your story come to life. They're happy for the work and happy for the opportunity to have a credit that highlights their respective technical or creative skills. Everybody wants the movie to do well - of course.

But it all starts with you. One line of thinking is that you should write what YOU are passionate about. Period. Don't try to second guess the market, this line of reasoning continues, just write your heart out. Don't worry about what is "hot" right now or what feedback you might get from a producer - just write what totally ignites and inspires you.

And I do subscribe to that philosophy, very much. But something begins to happen over time, as your screenwriting skill and intuition sharpens - there is an intersection of what makes you passionate and what makes others passionate as well. The more you write, the more you begin to intuit universal resonance in film.

This is what usually happens for screenwriters*

Write semi-autobiographical, dramatic, fairly dull script with your very low, newbie skill set.

Write a derivative riff on some movie (or movies) you really personally liked - but fall short.

Write about three more of those.

Have some kind of existential crisis and write a slasher when you hate slashers.

Write a script that you like and that others like too but that is not commercial enough.

Write about three more of those.

*I say generally because by and large this is the pattern. But there are always exceptions, so stuff it, Anonymous.

Then, one day, after having written about 10 scripts that went nowhere, you have a flash of insight. It's almost a religious experience, this insight. You get an idea to write something you really love and you have a very rebellious "screw it" attitude. But you smile to yourself while writing it because you have a weird feeling deep in your gut that you have in some way arrived at the creative crossroads of writing what YOU love but with an understanding of what audiences love too. And it is usually THIS script that finally gets you repped, optioned or sold. Because you simultaneously don't give a good god damn what anybody else thinks and know that this is exactly the attitude that's going to show on the pages and make them sing. You've stopped being so careful about your writing. You've stopped second-guessing every idea, every page, every character. You're finally in the zone. You feel confident. You've found your voice.

Now, there are no guarantees that that script really will sell or be produced. But now you are a real contender because you can replicate this experience into your next script and your next.

You can't go around it, you can't go over it, you have to go through it. Which is why screenwriters don't generally skip crappy scripts one through ten and just write a great one. Because there is a learning curve. It's repetition and frustration and learning. It's wax on, wax off. One day, everything just clicks. But scripts one through ten were important too. They were part of the learning curve.

We'd all like to hit the fast forward button and just arrive at total balance, abundance, wisdom and maturity. We'd all rather have skipped the painful, acne prone high school years or the bad marriage entered into too young or the unfortunate incident at the margarita mixer party. But we become the sum of our experiences and if we hadn't had them - the good and the bad - we wouldn't be who we are today. It's the same with writing. How could it not be?

Well then, how does one start off screenwriting with the knowledge that your first few scripts are going to be terrible? You can't. You have to believe each one will be great - just like you really believed that electric blue suit you wore to the prom was really great. But when the script falls short because you get no read requests, or you get a set of notes with global notes advocating a total page one rewrite, you simply have to shrug your shoulders and go for it. Again. Writing is not a destination, it's a journey. A pretty long one. Know that now and embrace it. Nothing worth having comes easy. But tell you one thing, when you slid into that electric blue suit for prom, you looked in the mirror and you thought - damn. Right? Am I right? You had to. Else you never would have gotten out the door.

Now here's a truth difficult to hear: Only a few writers will write 10 scripts and then experience success by way of a sale. A tiny fraction of all aspiring writers, in fact. I know. It's depressing. But it's the case. Because we have an unknowable, unquantifable quality at play here - talent. Do you have it? If you could know that now, with certainty, the game wouldn't be very fun to play, would it? You knew before you started writing scripts that there is absolutely no guarantee of anything, right?

And yet - there's pleasure to be had in the undertaking. Because like all those dancers, musicians, sculptors, poets and writers that came before you - the unsung and the successful - you are driven to create. So that's what you should be doing. Regardless of the outcome.

That's my wish for you in 2009: Enjoy this journey of creation. Keep it real, keep your eyes wide open, but when you open up your computer to write, do it with all your heart. No matter what the outcome of your writing is, you're doing something that is in my view pretty mystical - you are creating something from nothing. And there's nothing more meaningful and worthwhile than that.

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How Many Movies Were Released in 2008?

573 titles. Isn't that amazing?! It's a huge number. Now, many of these films were quite small (see the note below about what qualifies a movie to be on this list) and many were clearly a pretty bad investment. Go to Box Office Mojo to find out how each performed. Nonetheless, I do find this total number encouraging. Sure, sure, it might be less than in 2007 (I actually don't have stats on that, but this is what I am told) but let's not be negative, this is the Rouge Wave after all.

573 movies were released in 2008. Let's get your movie on the list for 2009, shall we? And not up for Razzie consideration! Which is the provenance of this list, by the way. I don't keep a notepad of stuff like this. I'd have to be freakishly organized. No, I rely on the hard work of OTHER people when providing nifty lists on The Rouge Wave. Thank you, Other People.

Enjoy skimming through this lavish list and coming upon titles and thinking, hey wait - whatever happened to that movie? TOWELHEAD had that affect on me. Right, right, that Allan Ball movie. Kerplunk.

*****

COMPLETE LIST of ALL 2008 RELEASES

January 1st through December 31st: 573 Titles

NOTES: To appear on this list, a film must have played at least a one-week/regular admission engagement in either Los Angeles or New York (Manhattan) commencing during calendar year 2008, thus qualifying it for both Golden Raspberry and Academy Award consideration.

KEY:

a = Animated

d = Documentary

f = Foreign Film

R = REMAKE

S = SEQUEL



21

27 DRESSES

88 MINUTES

$9.99

1968: TUNNEL RATS

10,000 B.C. / R

Able Danger

Adam Resurrected

The Air That I Breathe

Alexandra

Alice's House

Alice Neel / d

All in This Tea / f

Allah Made Me Funny: Live in Concert / d

The Alphabet Killer

The Amazing Truth About Queen Raquela

America the Beautiful

AMERICAN CAROL / R

American Teen

American Zombie

Amusement

Anamorph

The Animation Show #4 / a

Anita O'Day: The Life of a Jazz Singer

Antarctica

Appaloosa

Ashes of Time Redux / f

Asian Stories (Book 3)

August

August Evening

Australia

B.O.H.I.C.A.

Bab Aziz (The Prince Who Contemplates His Soul) / f

Baby Mama

Babylon A.D.

The Babysitters

Baghead

Ballast

BANG COCK? DANGEROUS! / R

The Bank Job

Battle in Seattle

Be Kind, Rewind

Beautiful Losers

The Beautiful Truth

BEDTIME STORIES

BEER FOR MY HORSES

Beaufort / f

Beauty in Trouble / f

Before the Rains

Ben X / f

Beverly Hills Chihuhua

Beyond the Call / d

Bigger, Stronger, Faster / d

Billy

Billy the Kid / d

The Black Balloon

Blind Mountain

Blindness

Blindsight

Bloodline

Boarding Gate

Body of Lies

Body of War / d

Bolt / a

Bomb It! / d

Bonneville

Bottle Shock

Boy A

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas

Bra Boys / d

Breakfast With Scott

Brick Lane

Brideshead Revisited / R

The Brothers Bloom

Burn After Reading

The Business of Being Born

Bustin' Down the Door / d

CSNY/Deja Vu

Cadillac Redords

Call + Response

Captain Abu Raed / f

Caramel / f

Cassandra's Dream

Changeling

Chaos Theory

Chapter 27

Charlie Bartlett

Che / R

Chicago 10

Children of Huang Shi

Choose Connor

Chop Shop

Chris & Don: A Love Story / d

A Christmas Tale / f

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian / S

Ciao!

CJ7 / f

Circulation

City of Ember

City of Men

The Class / f

Cloverfield

College

Constantine's Sword / d

The Cool School / d

The Counterfeiters / f

College Road Trip

Cover

Crossing Over

Cthulha / f

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Dare Not Walk Alone / d

The Dark Knight / S

Dark Matter

Dark Streets

THE DAY THE EARTH BLOWED UP REAL GOOD / R

Days and Clouds

DEAL

Dear Zachary

DEATH RACE / R

Deception

Defiance

Definitely, Maybe

Delgo / a

The Dhamma Brothers / d

Diary of the Dead

Dimished Capacity

DISASTER MOVIE

Doomsday

The Doorman

DR. SUESS' HORTON HIRES a HO / a, R

Dostana / f

Doubt

Dragon Hunters

Drillbit Taylor

The Duchess

The Duchess of Langleals / f

The Dukes

Dying to Live

Eagle Eye

Eden

The Edge of Heaven

Eight Miles High

Elegy

The Elephant King

Elsa and Fred

Encounters at the End of the World

The Exiles

Expelled / d

Expired

The Express

THE EYE / R

Faded Memories

The Fall

Fall of Hyperion

The Favor

Fears of the Dark

Felon

Filth and Wisdom

Fighting for Life / d

Finding Amanda

The First Basket

First Saturday in May / d

FIREPROOF

FIRST SUNDAY

Flash of Genius

Flash Point

Flawless

Flight of the Red Balloon / f

FLY ME TO THE MOON / a

The Flyboys

Flow / d

FOOL'S GOLD

The Foot Fist Way

Forbidden Kingdom

Forever / d

Forever Strong

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

FOUR CHRISTMASES

A Four Letter Word

Four Minutes / f

Fraude: Mexico 2006 / d - f

Freebird

Frost/Nixon

Frozen River

Fugitive Pieces

Funny Games

The Garden / d

Garden Party

Gardens of the Night

GET SMART / R

Ghost Town

A Girl Cut in Two /f

Girls Rock!

The Go-Getter

God and Gays: BRidging the Gap / d

God Bless This Couple / f

Gomorrah / f

Gonzo: The Life and Work of Hunter S. Thompson / d

Good

A Good Day to Be Black and Sexy

Good Dick

Gran Torino

The Grand

The Grocer's Son / f

Gunnin' for That #1 Spot / d

Hamlet 2 / S

The Hammer

HANCOCK

Hania

Hank and Mike

Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert / d

M. Night Shyamalan's THE HAPPENING

Happy-Go-Lucky

Harold

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay / S

Harvard Beats Yale, 29-29 / d

Hats Off / d

THE HAUNTING OF MOLLY HARTLEY

Heavy Metal in Baghdad / d

Hell Ride

Hellboy II: The Golden Army / S

Henty Poole Is Here

HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3: SENIOR YEAR / S

Holding Trevor

Hollywood Chinese / d

THE HOTTIE & THE NOTTIE

Hounddog

House

The House Bunny

House of Adam

House of the Sleeping Beauties / f

The House of Usher / R

How About You

How She Move

How the Garcia Girls Spent Their Summer

How to Lose Friends & Alienate People

Hunger

I Can't Think Straight / f

I.O.U.S.A. / d

I Served the King of England

Ice Blues

IGOR / a

Imaginary Witness: Hollywood and the Holocaust / d

In Bruges

In Search of a Midnight Kiss

The Incredible Hulk / R

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull / S

IN THE NAME OF THE KING: A DUNGEON SIEGE TALE

Irina Palm

Iron Man

I've Loved You So Long

J.C.V.D.

Jack & Jill vs. the World

Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer

Jellyfish

A Jihad for Love / d

Johnny Got His Gun / R

Journey to the Center of the Earth / R

JUMPER

Just Add Water

Just Buried

Kabluey

Kenny

Kicking It / d

The Killing of John Lennon

Kiss Me Deadly

Kiss the Bride

Kit Kittredge: An American Girl

Kung Fu Panda / a

Lake City

Lakeview Terrace

Last Chance Harvey

The Last Mistress / f

Last Stop for Paul

Leatherheads

Let's Get Lost / d

Let the Right One In

Liberty Kid

The Life Before Her Eyes

Little Big Top

Little Chenier: A Cajun Story

The Little Red Truck / d

Live and Become

Loins of Pujab Presents

Lord, Save Us from Your Followers / d

The Longshots

The Lost

Lost in Beijing / f

Love & Honor

Lou Reed's Berlin / d

Love Comes Lately

THE LOVE GURU

Love Songs (Les Chansons D'Amour) / f

Lower Learning

The Lucky Ones

MAD MONEY

Madagascar 2: Escape 2 Africa / a - S

MADE OF HONOR

Mamma Mia!

A Man Named Pearl / d

Man on Wire

Marley & Me

Married Life

The Matador / d

Mattie Fresno and the Holoflux Universe

MAX PAYNE

Meet Bill

MEET DAVE

The Memory Thief

MEET THE SPARTANS

The Midnight Meat Train

Military Intelligence and You!

Milk

Miracle at St. Anna

MIRRORS / R

Miss Conception

Miss Pettigre Lives for a Day

Mister Foe

Mister Lonely

Momma's Man

Mongol / f

Morning Light

The Mother of Tears

Moving Midway

THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR / S

Murder.com

MY BEST FRIEND'S GIRL

My Blueberry Nights

My Brother Is an Only Child

My Father, My Lord

My Name is Albert Ayler / d

My Name is Bruce

My Winnipeg

Nana

Nanking / f

National Lampoon's Homo Erectus

NEVER BACK DOWN

Never Forever

Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist

Nights in Rodanthe

Nim's Island

NOBEL SON

Noise

No Regret

Noah's Ark: Jumping the Broom

Note by Note: The Making of Steinway L1037 / d

Nothing But the Truth

Nothing Like the Holidays

Obscene

On the Other Hand, Murder

On the Rumba River / f

One Day You'll Understand

ONE MISSED CALL / R

Opa!

The Order of Myths / d

Orthodox Stance / d

OSS-117: Cairo, Nest of Spies

THE OTHER BOLEYN GIRL

Otto, or Up with Dead People

OVER HER DEAD BODY

P.J.

Paranoid Park

Partition

Passing Poston / d

Pathology

Patti SMith: Dream of Life / d

Penelope

Pineapple Express

Ping Pong Playa

The Pink Conspiracy

The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything / a

Planet B-Boy / d

A Plumm Summer

The Poet

Poisoned by Polonium: The Litvenenko File / d

Polar Opposites

Uwe Boll's POSTAL

Poultrygeist

Pray the Devil Back to Hell / d

Praying with Lior / d

A Previous Engagement

Priceless / f

Pride and Glory

PROM NIGHT / R

The Promotion

Proud American

THE PUNISHER: WAR ZONE / S

Quantum of Solace / S

QUARANTINE / R

Quid Pro Quo

Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi / f

Rachel Getting Married

RAMBO / S

The Reader

Red

Red Roses and Petrol

Redbelt

Refusenik / d

Religulous / d

Remember the Daze

REPO! THE GENETIC OPERA

Reprise

Retrieval / f

Revolutionary Road

RIGHTEOUS KILL

The Rocker

Rock-n-Rolla

Role Models

Roman de Gare / f

Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired / d

Romulus, My Father

THE RUINS

Run, Fatboy, Run

Running with Arnold / d

Santouri the Music Man / f

Sangre de Mi Sangre (Blood of My Blood) / f

Savage Grace

Save Me

Saving Marriage / d

SAW V / S

Secrecy / d

A Secret / f

The Secret Life of Bees

The Secrets / f

SEMI-PRO

SEVEN POUNDS

Sex and Death 101

Sex and the City: The Movie / R

Sex Drive

Shelter

Shine a Light / d

Shoot Down

Shoot on Sight

Short Order

Shotgun Stories

Shrooms

SHUTTER / R

The Signal

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 / S

Sixty-Six

Sleepwalking

Slumdog Millionaire

Smart People

Smother

Snow Angels

Solar Flare

Son of Rambow

Soul Men

SPACE CHIMPS / a

Special

SPEED RACER / R

The Spiderwick Chronicles

THE SPIRIT

Splinter

Standard Operatng Procedure / d

STAR WARS: CLONE WARS / a - S

Stealing America: Vote by Vote / d

STEP BROTHERS

Step Up 2: The Streets / S

The Stone Angel

Stop-Loss

Stranded

STRANGE WILDERNESS

THE STRANGERS

Street Kings

Stuck

Sukiyaki Western Django

Summer Love / f

Summer Palace / f

Sunflower / f

SUPERHERO MOVIE

Super High Me

Surfer, Dude

Surfwise

Swimming in Auschwitz / d

SWING VOTE

Synecdoche, New York

Take

Takeout

Talento de Barrio / f

The Tale of Despereaux / a

Taxi to the Dark Side / d

Teeth

Tell No One / f

Ten Nights of Dreams

Tennessee

Then She Found Me

Thoda Payar, Thoda Magic / f

A Thousand years of Good Prayers

Time and Winds

Timecrimes / f

Tinkerbell Movie / a - S

Tired of Kissing Frogs

'Tis Autumn: The Search for Jackie Paris / d

Toots / d

Towards Darkness / f

Towelhead

The Tracey Fragments

Trailer Park Boys: The Movie

Traitor

Transpoter 3 / S

Transsiberian

Tre

Tropic Thunder

Trouble the Water / d

Try Loved

Trumbo

Tyring to Get Good: The Jazz Odyssey of Jack Sheldon / d

Turn the River

Tuya's Marriage / f

TWILIGHT

Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns

Tyler Perry's The Family That Preys

Under the Same Moon / f

Undoing

The Unforseen / d

The Universe of Keith Haring / d

The Unknown Woman

Unsettled / d

Untraceable

Up the Yangtze / d

U2 3-D / d

VALKYRIE / R

Vantage Point

A Very British Gangster

Vice

Vicky Cristina Barcelona

Vince Vaughn's Wild West Comedy Show / d

The Visitor

Vivere / f

The Violin / f

W.

The Wackness

Waiting in Bejing

A Walk into the Sea / d

A Walk to Beautiful

Wall E / a

Waltz with Bashir / a - f

WANTED

War Eage, Arkansas

WAR, INC.

Water / d

Water Lillies

Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins

Wendy and Lucy

Were the World Mine

Wetlands Preserved: The Story of an Activist Rock Club / d

What Doesn't Kill You

WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS

What Just Happened

What We Do Is Secret

When Did You Last See Your Father?

Where God Left His Shoes

Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden? / d

While She Was Out

Without the King / d

WITLESS PROTECTION

THE WOMEN / R

Wonders Are Many: The Making of Doctor Atomic / d

The World Unseen

The Wrestler

X-FILES: I WANNA BE LEAVING... / S

XXYY

The Year My Parents Went on Vacation

The Yellow Handkerchief

YES MAN

YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN

Young and Restless in China / d

Young @ Heart / d

Young Yakuza / d - f

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Zombie Strippers

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Movie-palooza

As the Mini-W and I are wont to do whenever we have one to two weeks of holiday time, we again went to Hollywood Video and swiped whole shelves of movies at random and watched them all in an orgy of movie gluttony. If you're a long time Rouge Waver, you know that we are totally omnivorous. We'll see anything. Generally, we try to stay away from the New Releases because we've already seen many of them and if we haven't, there's plenty of time. We go for the stuff on the second shelf from the bottom in the quiet sections and we go for the Movies We Should Have Seen. So here's what we've seen so far (oh, we still have a few days left. Just watch us.):

HAMLET2: Other than a couple of pretty hilarious moments, not as funny as we thought it would be. We really, really wanted to love this movie. One particular line of dialogue that is totally horrible and inappropriate is very, very funny and if you've seen this movie, you know what I mean and you laughed too. Rock Me Sexy Jesus is funny but we just sort of ran out of gas on this movie.

SABRETOOTH*: Total B-movie HILARITY. A highly recommended rip off of Jurassic Park (Primal Park: Genetic Engineering at a Reasonable Price). Sample dialogue: "We've done tests. The cats are bulimic."

*Yeah, I spelled that the way they did. British affectation or bad spelling? We don't know.

BLUE DEMONS: B-Movie but with an ironic wink, therefore not as hilarious. Genetically altered sharks chase down - wait for it - nuclear weapons at sea. Electronic readings of red dot groupings of sharks moving up coast - hilarious. Not as funny as SHARK SWARM.

FEAR: Mark Wahlberg stalks Reese Witherspoon in this 1996 thriller set in Seattle. Good but not particularly memorable. As far as crazy-teen-stalker movies, we preferred SWIM FAN.

RESIDENT EVIL: We LOVED it but have been warned again the sequels. Milla Jovovich receives four out of five bad ass points for amazing martial arts moves in a red cocktail dress. Scientific explanation for zombies was buyable, creepy child-hologram of the Red Queen was very cool.

CAPTURING THE FRIEDMANS: One of the most engrossing, compelling, disturbing documentaries we've ever seen. Highly recommended. Will provoke an interesting conversation and some depression later.

STEPBROTHERS: Brothers were clearly functionally retarded not charming or funny man-boys. Impossible to relate to or root for main characters and their parents were remiss not to put both "men" on the short bus on the way to special class rather than force them to live on their own. This gap in logic perplexed and annoyed us. P.S.: Dear Judd Apatow and ancillary crew - man-boys are neither charming nor funny. Please stop making movies.

30 DAYS OF NIGHT: As mentioned on an earlier post - we LOVED this clever horror gem.

SHIVER: Spanish-language horror film brought to us by the producers of THE ORPHANAGE (which we loved). Great production values, some scary moments but overall, not super memorable. Clever twist that we didn't see coming but it's delivered pretty early.

DEEP SHOCK: B-Movie carnage with some hilarity. The monster turns out to be giant sea eels that look like something from THE NEVER ENDING STORY - thing is, these eels can read your mind and also email you. You think I'm kidding.

MULBERRY ST.: An offering from the Eight Films to Die For annual film festival. Good production values, effects and acting. Surprisingly good zombie flick.

RUN FAT BOY RUN: A stylized romcom starring Simon Pegg (who we LOVE) and directed by David Schwimmer. We liked this very much. We were surprised and slightly uncomfortable to note that Hank Azaria is RIPPED.

FIRST BLOOD: This first installment of the Rambo series seemed dated and... didn't work for us. The thing tied on Rambo's head was super goofy looking. Heartfelt soliloquy at end of movie was pretty amazing but it was too little too late. Oft imitated since, possibly seminal at the time, this movie felt thoroughly dated.*

*Note to self: Should probably watch seminal movies when they are released, not 26 years later.

EQUILIBRIUM: This sci-fi movie depicts a dystopian future in which having emotions is illegal. Starring Christian Bale and Emma Watson, this movie should have been great but - wasn't. Great action sequences although weird gun-ballet-martial-arts thing was unintentionally funny.

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What You Can Learn From Clark Rockefeller

Did anybody else read that article in Vanity Fair about "Clark Rockefeller," the German guy who successfully made up a number of mysterious and wealthy personas, including claiming to be a Rockefeller? His audacious and slightly alarming story makes the Catch Me If You Can guy look like a pussy cat by comparison.

What can we, as writers, learn from "Clark?" Anyone? Oh - I see a hand in the back. Yes, correct, we can learn that we all want to believe in the beautiful lie. In other words, people are willing to believe almost anything. Why just last evening, after watching Milla Jovovich complete an extraordinary martial arts stunt in RESIDENT EVIL, my best pal told me he is practicing the same one in his class. Seemed totally plausible to me - my friend is in great shape. Turns out he was joking. But how was I to know? I don't know anything about martial arts. Sure, looking back now, as my friend was lying flat on his back on my sofa eating popcorn, it may have been a suspicious claim. But in the moment - hell, who knows right?

If someone told you that he or she had lived in Brazil for six months and helped indigenous people build new thatch huts while fighting off tarantulas and a neighboring, warlike tribe BEFORE returning to Yale where he or she was studying the Sociology of Indigenous South American Tribes, would you buy that? Because that could possibly be true, well, what reason would you have to disbelieve it?

Yesterday I watched YES MAN - there's a nose-wheely stunt done on a Ducati. Real? Or a movie stunt with some CGI benefit? Real, as it turns out. I'd not know the difference and I don't care - it was a good moment in the movie. In BIG, Zoltar grants Tom Hank's wish. We know in real life this couldn't happen but in the movie - we willingly suspend our disbelief. A willing suspension of disbelief is the free ticket handed to you, the screenwriter, by every audience member going to see your movie.

But taking this idea a step further, or perhaps backwards and to the left - when thinking about your characters - who do they want people to believe they are? Who do you want people to believe YOU are? You see, Clark Rockefeller was motivated by more than a need to scam money, rides in private jets and exclusive club memberships - he reveled in the feeling he got from the perception that he was monied and blue blooded. Imagine how differently a Rockefeller is treated making dinner reservations at the most expensive restaurant. Imagine the carte blanche that gives you. Even if you are not writing a character who is a pathological liar - being that that is the extreme - everyone has a self and public image that they cultivate. I'm the nice dad, the crazy artist, the neurotic writer, the dependable friend. But that's just on the surface - in the bathroom mirror - all alone - who is your character, really? Who are you - really?

Every one of us is playing a role - if not several. You might be one person at work, another person to your family, another person to your lover or friends. Now, we all know that healthy people don't have huge differences in these different roles - but remember, your main character, at the top of the story, isn't totally healthy and balanced - they need to change. And you, the writer (aka God in this script) are going to force that change. In the arc of your character, he/she is going to unite inner and outer selves - the external want and the internal need - so that he/she is healthier and more realized and fulfilled in the end. It is that tension between who your character wants to be and who they need to be that fuels their arc.

As the truth began to sneak up on Clark Rockefeller, his lies grew more and more farfetched. He was desperately avoiding being found out and he got sloppy. Or began to dissemble psychologically. Yeah, well, probably the latter, but if he were a character in a movie, his fall apart would coincide with an epiphany - he'd finally come face to face with what it is he's been running from. Again there's Reality and then there's Movie Reality. In Reality, "Rockefeller" will probably just sit in jail for years believing his own lies then writing a book about the experience. But in Movie Reality, he'd have a flash of insight that would lead to personal growth and a satisfying ending.

There are several lessons to draw from this convoluted and, I hope, entertaining post:

1. Read the paper and/or magazines: If you hadn't heard of Clark Rockefeller til now, you've missed out on just one of trillions of fascinating real life stories that can inspire your writing and your understanding of character.

2. Audiences are like a group of people at a party standing in a circle around that one totally fascinating dude - they've had a couple of drinks and will buy almost anything. Exploit that.

3. Your main character is one person on the exterior but someone else on the inside. It's your job to unite those two selves in a satisfying way. Your main character will hate you for trying.

4. The more you think about what makes people tick - everyone from yourself to crazy, pathological liars to that enormously cranky woman who works at the post office - the deeper your writing can explore that.

5. People are weird. We all are. It's a matter of degree. But movie characters are not like you and me - they are composite, escalated versions of who we fear we'll become if we don't find love, spontaneity, courage - you name it. And in the end, they are who we'd like to be. They are life writ large, they are on a journey with a happy, tragic or in some way conclusive and definable ending. Audiences crave it. So do you. Deliver on that.

6. Writers are weavers of The Beautiful Lie. We are that dude at the party. We are Clark Rockefeller. Have fun with it.

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Goal for 2009: Just Do It

So here we are guys...about to start a whole new year. Every year I think, oh, I don't hew to these false calendar boundaries, I just flow with the seasons of life, maaaan. But then the new year rolls around and one does find oneself secretly thinking: will try go to bed earlier, will get electric toothbrush, must get new cell phone plan.

As it turns out, in Screenwriting World, January really does make a natural break from one year to the next. We have a few short weeks of relative quiet then the competition season is announced and business begins to rev back up again. Yes, this year we have a Funky Economy so we must take that into account, but still - Hollywood slouches on and this is indeed a good time to take inventory of where you've been and create a road map for where you're going.

Personally - because it would be no fun if I didn't share - I am excited for the thriller my partner and I co-wrote to go out to some buyers right after Sundance. We're working on another at quite a clip, should we have some opportunities that arise from the first, and we have literally a huge dossier of other ideas, some beat out in outline form, others even more realized than that. So we're ready to pull the trigger on a number of thrillers. Tons of complicated stuff is happening with my business but the upshot is we have new financial backers and - well, I guess it's dull unless you're interested in Media Empire Chia Pets. Lots of cool new initiatives, let's just say. And one of them - if it actually gels - will mean that I will be looking for some kick-ass comedy scripts.

I also really am going to try to go to bed earlier and rise earlier. I want to read more and if I go to bed earlier, there's a chance of that happening rather than the 1.5 paragraphs I currently make it through before falling asleep, book in hand, at 2am. I'm going to be adding some new content to the Rouge Wave which I think you will find mighty enriching. Oh, and work out daily. And get a new car. Yeah, I need a new car. So 2009 will be a year of great personal and professional growth. Oh and I really did get an electric toothbrush so I'm off to a pretty positive start.

What about you? It's sometimes helpful to look back at where you've been in order to design a plan for going forward. Do you have any old scripts that you're still rewriting and working on? Or are you going to generate new material this year? Hint: please generate new material. Are there screenwriting events you'd like to attend this year? Hint: go to at least one. Can you be reading more produced scripts this year? Hint: YES. In fact, one of the new bits on my new website which debuts later this week is a "script of the week" that you can go download and read. Will you be entering competitions this year? Which ones? Deadlines have not yet been announced but we know that in general the deadlines are in May and June. So you have time to prepare. You should be able to complete two to three feature scripts in one calendar year. Sounds like A LOT, I know - but why not try? The more material and ideas you generate, the better your writing becomes and the better your chances of breaking in get. That's a fact, Jack.

So take this week to reflect a bit on where you've been and where you're going. Set goals that are realistic for you. We all have families and other obligations so don't set goals that you know in your gut you won't actually meet. That defeats the purpose. If you work full time, can you set a goal to write two pages each day? Or to write for 30 minutes each day? 30 minutes 7 days a week is 3 1/2 hours of writing time every week. Doesn't sound like much but that might be realistic and actually, writing doesn't take all that much time - it's the THINKING about writing that does. Many of us probably spend more time thinking about, dreading, worrying about, complaining about writing than actually writing. Do you surf the interweb? How many minutes each day? I know I waste tremendous amounts of time on doing stuff that has absolutely no pay off for me. And I know that because when I buckle down to write or work at developing my business, I am always amazed at how much I get done in two focused hours. Two focused hours is like 8 unfocused hours, don't you think? Arguing on message boards, clicking on silly links that show cats saying dumb things spelled wrong, reading celebrity news - these are bullshits, my friends. And we all do it. So we need to go on a collective Interweb Diet. I'm in, are you?

When it comes to your writing career you have to be mercenary: Just Do It. Nobody is going to do it for you and there are plenty of other writers who'd love you to mess around, wasting time because you just created an opening for THEM.

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Too Much Drama

Hello, Wavers! How's everybody doing in the vast in-between of Christmas and New Years? It's like some kind of twilight. Speaking of which, the mini-W and I saw 30 DAYS OF NIGHT last evening and loved it. Wow, what great production values and really great, inventive set pieces. A little gory but it was quite compelling.

So as I prepare to launch my new website by this weekend (yeah, that deadline looks to be pushed, ain't that just like life?) I am going through the hundreds of sets of notes we have done over time looking for suitable samples of our work. And I have found the most interesting trend - too many dramas! I'm finding that newer writers tend to write dramas. Because, you know, I do keep track of where each writer is at on the curve so that when we work with that writer, we have that jumping off point. New writer = likelihood of having written drama QUITE HIGH. Which is interesting because further, I have also observed that these dramas get consistently low ratings on the grid and the notes tend to be that its "too self-referential." In other words, not universal, but rather too personally specific - missing a larger, relatable theme.

Drama as a genre coming from a spec writer trying to break in, is common and - not very marketable. Genre pieces tend to trend better on the market. I like dramas very much, personally, but in Hwood we tend to see them mainly written by heavy hitters and released in the winter. I know the first two scripts I wrote were both dramas before I discovered and set upon writing romcom which I did for several scripts before I discovered that my strength is in writing thrillers. It took me awhile to find my voice, my strength and my passion in terms of genre.

If you are writing a drama, you might check in and ask yourself if you are aware that as a genre, it is a weak sell. Also, is your drama self-referential - about that time your boyfriend broke your heart? Is this a mildly biographical drama, in other words? If so - beware. I'm just saying. Make sure you have the emotional distance and skillset to make the story universally resonant, not just a therapeutic way of working out your demons. Which can be fine - we're all working out our demons - but don't lose sight of audience appreciation. Is this story something MANY people can relate to? Or is this something that only YOU find satisfying? If so - how can you elevate the drama, conflict and theme to something more - well, again - universal?

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What We Do Is Secret: Review

Good morning, Wavers. I am back, having survived Christmas. This is the first in a (very) occasional series of reviews of movies and documentaries about bands and music. Written by a whip smart Los Angeles teenager and follower of the music scene, the Mini-W's best friend and my honorary god daughter, this review is more than informational; for me it is heartening to see a teenager as articulate and thorough about her passion as she is. I think of myself as a fairy godmother; wherever there's a teenager passionate about whatever - okay mainly books, music and movies since that's my bent, I like to encourage that teenager to articulate that passion and make sense of it. I figure it's my contribution to society to encourage thoughtful analysis of what's going on around us from those who will inherit our society in a few short years.

****



What We Do is Secret, the biopic of legendary LA punk band, The Germs, spotlights front man Darby Crash as a prophetic icon for the demise of punk rock. The movie, starring actor Shane West from hit TV show ER, playing Darby Crash, hits the old school LA punk scene head on, reenacting the hard drugs and harder demeanor of the kids and the music that held together that scene.

What We Do is Secret was the brainchild of Rodger Grossman who both directed and wrote the movie. Grossman set out for an accurate and authentic depiction of the rise and fall of America’s Sex Pistols; this was achieved through a nine year process which culminated in a Germs reunion set with Shane West fronting in place of Crash.

The movie was three parts educational and two parts nostalgic (despite the fact that I had no clue where my nostalgia was rooted, being as I’ve only read and listened to the remnants of the height of LA punk). The educational aspect of the film came from what appeared to be a precise depiction of the punk/hardcore culture in the '70s. From the original shots at LA’s own Okidog to the music producer for the film being one of The Germs original founding members, Pat Smear, it takes the Los Angeles that teenagers such as myself currently call their stomping grounds and transforms it to the setting of a counterculture cataclysm.

This revolution of sorts was figureheaded by Darby Crash, whose fascination with philosophy and fascist ideals formed a dynamic character that was soundly depicted as captivating, unattainable, and the epitome of charismatic. His view on circles as the blueprint to life plays a subtle narrative through out the movie. Darby theorizes that everything works in circles; while this proves to be rhetoric on the fluctuation of culture in society, this philosophy also works itself into the description of The Germs influence on music being allotted the title of ‘revolutionary.’ Darby understood and utilized the working of circles in civilization (and beyond) and worked that into his renowned ‘Five Year Plan.’ This takes the term revolutionary down to its core meaning, allowing ultimate subjectivity in interpreting art-based cultural movements.

All in all, I would describe this movie as a calling to music gourmands and modern history connoisseurs alike. Its controversy-ridden demeanor makes for a thought-provoking film riddled with good music and intoxicat[ed]ing personalities. This movie also appeals to the pretentious music fan motivated to learn the scene that parented the state of music today in order to ostentatiously inform peers of their ownership of such knowledge. What We Do is Secret is ideal for a day in which the weather calls for philosophical outbursts, uprooting societal rhetoric, and a good movie.

I give this movie four out of five safety pins.

Tony Blum

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Merry Christmas! And I Really Mean That. Kind of.

Merry Christmas to Christmas-celebrating Wavers everywhere and happy Really Quiet Day at the Movie Theaters to everybody else.

Christmas is pay dirt for writers, it really is. The day when family and friends come together to spend all day eating, drinking and throwing weird potshots. The day when we're all stuck in the house together playing innocuous games and seeing the - uh, rather competitive side of Aunt Pat. The day when we spend an inordinate amount of time managing our expectations - ohhhhhh a clearly regifted bar of cucumber soap. Thanks. And there's always some ridiculous person who wears the Santa hat. The silences in-between conversation that somebody rushes to fill. Oh sure, there's the laughter, the good food, the memories but to me, Christmas has always had a measure of forced gaiety. I have more fun with friends and family on a random Saturday night when we all come together for absolutely no reason. Christmas is so weighted. And really, as I just pointed out to a friend, as a percentage of the year, Christmas really hogs the limelight of our attention. The advertising, mall decor and Christmas tunes start the second Thanksgiving is over and sometimes before. So there's essentially a five week period every year when one should/must/will see family, spend money on stuff nobody really wants, cook and eat food one normally avoids and botches up one's routine for all of the above.

Don't get me wrong - I like the Christmas Season.

No, I just said that. It seemed what I should say at this point. I don't dislike it actively.I just get tired of it even while it's still happening. I was enough already about a week and a half ago.

And I have to work. Not on reading scripts but on the new website The Script Department will be debuting, with any luck from the volcano gods, on January first. It's not just me, there is the web designer, an art director and a copywriter all working straight through Christmas to get this done properly. Because some jackass decided randomly that January 1st would be a good, symbolic date to debut the new site. Oh wait, I think that was me. It seemed simple enough at the time. The site is going to look amazing and I'm very impressed by the work done by the aforementioned talented professionals.

Things I have decided over this holiday season:

Cranium? Geared for fourth grade comprehension level. I kick butt but cannot take pride in that. I mean - really.

Taboo? Funny for first ten minutes then kind of dull. Is the word - DIPSTICK?! Yay, one point for team Mat/Julie/Quincy!

Prime rib roast? Wouldn't be SO expensive if you didn't have to buy so many POUNDS of it. That stupid bone-in really adds to the cost.

Ecards? Not a fan.

Hilarious Santa Pictures send via email: love it.

Writing time? Forget it.

Good shopping destination for teenagers? Wacko in Hollywood, Aaahs or worst case, CVS, the ubiquitous drug store full of glittery gift ensembles that every teenager finds hilarious. Teens like hilarious gifts so they're fun to shop for.

Please let Christmas just be over already. I'm ready for 2009 and a Christmas Season that is 11 whole months away from taking over my life again. Next year? Maui, a Mai Tai and a good book.

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When Will You Arrive?

Last evening, spending another delightful evening with a particularly delightful friend, we of course discussed our writing goals for 2009 - relative to where we have been as writers during this long journey which in both cases began some time ago. And as we discussed those who were also writing scripts and trying to break in but who eventually quit trying, my friend came up with a great metaphor - that of a funnel.

The top of the funnel being the widest part - where literally thousands of people say - I'm going to write a script! But the funnel narrows rather quickly as writers who thought they'd find success after writing one or two scripts learn the brutal truth. Huh uh. Doesn't happen that way. It's a bit of an endurance race. A marathon. So when success doesn't occur to those at the top of the funnel almost immediately - one or three scripts in - they quit.

The writers who move lower into the funnel are the ones who keep writing - literally, for sometimes years. They write script after script, they keep networking, they take lumps, classes and sleeping aides. Those writers who reach the neck of the funnel are significantly less in numbers. It's like a herd being thinned. These are writers who have continued the process, never giving up. They're still standing - well, I mean, squished into the funnel. One of these days if they keep trying, they'll SPLASH into the bottle below the funnel. Heaven, right?! It's all azure seas, palm trees and Grey Goose vodka in the bottle, yes!

Not exactly. You've finally made a sale. Can you make another one? Can you get rewrite work? Should you quit your day job and just wait for those dollars to roll in? Hell no. The truth is once you splash into the bottle below the funnel - where actual paid writers live, you have to start paddling right away. Sink or swim. Top-of-the-funnel writers mistakenly fantasize that one sale will a) be enough money to live on FOREVER! b) offers will then flow to them REGULARLY! Sadly, neither is true. Say you make a sale and get paid scale. Six figures. Say low six because you're new to the splashy bottle. So what's that - maybe 200K if you're pretty lucky? Okay, now let's pay your attorney and manager. And taxes. So maybe you're going to bank something like 100K after all that. Give or take. I'm not a mathematician so just go with me. Say out of that 100K you spend even 25% on yourself immediately - go on vacation, pay off a credit card, put a juicy downpayment on a car. You've got about 75K left. Wow, that's enough to quit your day job and support your family on for a year! Or - is it? Okay say it is. What about the next year? Are you going to make another sale? Can you count on that? How about the year after that?

I had dinner with an A-list writer familiar with the Academy Award recently and he mentioned morosely how there'd been so little work for the past couple of years. And this man is ON the A-list. I once heard that the WGA estimates that only 35% of their membership is working each year. That leaves - wait - yes, 65% of guild members out of work on a given calendar year.

So there are many things to ponder: where are you in the funnel? That's okay if you're at the very top, having written one or three scripts. Or maybe you're in the neck, you've written six or seven scripts and optioned something once. Do you have a realistic idea about what splashing down into the bottle is going to be like - for real? Do you have the ambition, nerves of steel and passion to not know where your next writing income is going to come from? Do you mind if there are two or three year stretches in-between? Can you live on promises and martinis?

We can all relate to over-inflating our expectations only to be disappointed when we arrive at our destination. Oh - this is Namibia? Where's like the flocks of flamingos and herds of zebras like on tv? Can you drink the water? I have to eat that? What do you mean - rebel coup?! Does your idea of "making it Hollywood" look something like this?




Of course it does. It did to me, too. For awhile. But the closer you get to the bottom of the funnel, the more you can hear the faint cries of surprise from those just ahead of you on the water slide.

Making it all the way down through the funnel and into the bottle is more like being a trained paratrooper. When you finally splash down you have to immediately reorganize and strategize your survival in enemy territory.

Don't get me wrong - I'm excited to splash into the bottle. But I'm realistic. Somebody might just hand me a towel a year later, thank me for playing and escort me to the poop deck with a party favor. This is a very long way of saying - keep your day job. And keep your expectations realistic. One sale will NOT necessarily change your life. I take that back - it will - but probably not in the way that you have imagined. Are you really ready for this lifestyle? Is it what you really want? I know so many writers who made it into the bottle with a sale and then have been dog paddling ever since with no other successes of note.

Screenwriting magazines are full of interviews with exceptions - but inside that bottle there's a tiny little tropical island where the A-list writers live. Don't be fooled into thinking that little island is shared by more than a tiny minority. And even then - even then, my friends, those A-listers are on an episode of Survivor and can - and do - get kicked off the island at any time. Just keep it real, Wavers. That's today's upshot. Writing is a bitch of a way to earn a living. Even when you're actually doing it.

Now get back to work.

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