tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8496585120938599514.post7351002008197225837..comments2023-05-04T03:37:04.200-07:00Comments on The Rouge Wave: Directing the Eye of Your ReaderJulie Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14690487940378619749noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8496585120938599514.post-16895300621530772032008-12-28T14:46:00.000-08:002008-12-28T14:46:00.000-08:00How do you feel about POV angles? Director's decis...How do you feel about POV angles? Director's decision or writer's? Feels right and powerful in my script but could be oh-so-wrong.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8496585120938599514.post-78608066451989745172008-12-19T11:00:00.000-08:002008-12-19T11:00:00.000-08:00@Desiree: I found it really helpful to read a scri...@Desiree: I found it really helpful to read a script and watch the movie or tv show at the same time.meghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07383192607366785499noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8496585120938599514.post-46465049797277638032008-12-18T22:55:00.000-08:002008-12-18T22:55:00.000-08:00Desiree - it's a fine line. Don't abuse it. A char...Desiree - it's a fine line. Don't abuse it. A character can "not recognize a sound" but he can't "think about his brother". Get the difference? Always shoot for showing not telling but in the example I gave, it's clear that the character is confused. But please, please do not take this as a free pass to be lazy and expositional. Read as many produced scripts as you can and practice, practice, practice being pithy and clear in your action lines. If you have gotten "we can't see that" feedback, chances are you are guilty as charged.Julie Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14690487940378619749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8496585120938599514.post-42696180830648031632008-12-18T21:46:00.000-08:002008-12-18T21:46:00.000-08:00Thank you. Things get much easier then.I've use th...Thank you. Things get much easier then.<BR/><BR/>I've use that kind of phrasing and got the feedback "we can't see or hear that".<BR/><BR/>Thank you for telling me that it is to overdo it by trying to show it.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05764909473718896182noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8496585120938599514.post-23639280621247085792008-12-18T00:38:00.000-08:002008-12-18T00:38:00.000-08:00Desiree - you express it exactly as I did. It leav...Desiree - you express it exactly as I did. It leaves room for the actor to interpret that.Julie Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14690487940378619749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8496585120938599514.post-81916954692873952692008-12-18T00:23:00.000-08:002008-12-18T00:23:00.000-08:00Great post. Very illustrative.A bold question to p...Great post. Very illustrative.<BR/><BR/>A bold question to pro: You wrote <I>"another sound, one he doesn't recognize"</I> - how do we <I>see</I> that he does not recognize the sound?<BR/><BR/>I'm not asking to be provocative. It's just that I find these situations difficult. My character does not recognize a sound but how do I express that in a script?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05764909473718896182noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8496585120938599514.post-58307362520612087792008-12-17T12:58:00.000-08:002008-12-17T12:58:00.000-08:00I have dubbed it the PYT (pretty young thing) and ...I have dubbed it the PYT (pretty young thing) and a certain young man knows its named after him :)Julie Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14690487940378619749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8496585120938599514.post-13036988200546106682008-12-17T12:52:00.000-08:002008-12-17T12:52:00.000-08:00Thanks Julie,What do you call your Drink?Le Violet...Thanks Julie,<BR/><BR/>What do you call your Drink?<BR/><BR/>Le Violet, perchance?Rusty Jameshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16143817211151177797noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8496585120938599514.post-78321060046843180272008-12-16T18:38:00.000-08:002008-12-16T18:38:00.000-08:00Or the elevator door about to open on a crazy circ...Or the elevator door about to open on a crazy circus clown... who has a cream pie --<BR/><BR/>-- and a bloodied axe.Luzidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15862297674415830596noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8496585120938599514.post-22262116814166143612008-12-16T18:34:00.000-08:002008-12-16T18:34:00.000-08:00LOVE all the comments. This peanut gallery is SOO...LOVE all the comments. This peanut gallery is SOOOO SMART, I feel intimidated. What are you folks eating for breakfast?<BR/><BR/>Seriously though, I did enjoy reading the comments AND this subject is paramount as pertains to writing scripts. And this skill, directing the eye of your reader, is the biggest thing I'm working on in attempt to improve my own screenwriting.<BR/><BR/>- E.C. Henry from Bonney Lake, WA<BR/><BR/>P.S. Joshua James, with your recent success in the short scene competition, why are you even bothering with this? Interfacing with us, "little people?" Shoudn't you be headlining a ticker tape parade, or signing autographs somewhere?E.C. Henryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10748007729066148300noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8496585120938599514.post-10370411787644835102008-12-16T16:45:00.000-08:002008-12-16T16:45:00.000-08:00Interestingly, in Whether to Give Camera Direction...Interestingly, in Whether to Give Camera Directions World, the occasional CLOSE ON is relatively okay since it is also essentially saying WE LOOK RIGHT AT SO-AND-SO, whereas using MOS or PAN TO or SMASH CUT is more technical in nature.Julie Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14690487940378619749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8496585120938599514.post-26014340693240327422008-12-16T16:16:00.000-08:002008-12-16T16:16:00.000-08:00Brad Ingelsby -- oh my Lordy, The Low Dweller. I'...Brad Ingelsby -- oh my Lordy, The Low Dweller. I'm 15 pages in and thinking this is much of a History of Violence. But the writing! Brad writes like a seasoned novelist-turned-screenwriter -- the good kind, not the bad kind who who struggles with the transition to screenwriting.<BR/><BR/>The dude is 27! His writing shows all the best qualities of screenwriting AND literature, which is to say a smooth blend of fact/fiction. And the dude is 27. Sigh. Professional jealousy aside, you earned that $650K, my friend. No doubt about it.<BR/><BR/>To add fuel to the debate here about including directions, not including directions, etc. -- here's a passage from page 15:<BR/><BR/>-----<BR/><BR/>CLOSE ON SAM NEBRASKA... forties, with eyes like dying embers. His face is marred by cavities and a cleft palate the damage of which surgeries couldn't ameliorate.<BR/><BR/>JOHN (CONT.)<BR/>Sam -- you uh --<BR/>(swallows)<BR/>-- that brother a yours doin' alright...?<BR/><BR/>John turns back to the sandwiches, removes them from the pan and the hot grease and he's shaking like a leaf and his breaths are quick and fast and he can't think anymore so he PULLS THE KNIFE FROM HIS SLEEVE and whips back to Sam and --<BR/><BR/>SINK! SAM'S BOXCUTTER INTO JOHN'S NECK and John stumbles back against the counter, WHEEZING HORRIDLY for air.<BR/><BR/>Sam stands and moves behind the counter as smooth as unwinding smoke.<BR/><BR/>-----<BR/><BR/>So, look, including the ocassional explicit camera direction is not going to get your script passed. On the other hand, in doing so your writing better be on par with Brad's: so fluid and engaging that the Reader can only assume you are so in command of your craft that you are bending the rules for effect, like a master painter.Belzecuehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11947687721478725802noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8496585120938599514.post-91835107924111507712008-12-16T14:24:00.000-08:002008-12-16T14:24:00.000-08:00I second whomever uses Secondary Slugs, I use them...I second whomever uses Secondary Slugs, I use them a lot, especially in action scenes ... great for directing the reader's eye.Joshua Jameshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08239067667651048280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8496585120938599514.post-9755326680544533752008-12-16T14:17:00.000-08:002008-12-16T14:17:00.000-08:00When I decided to give screenwriting a go and had ...When I decided to give screenwriting a go and had yet to open up a book or read a blog my number one concern was how to do all those specific/technical camera directions I ASSUMED I'd need. <BR/><BR/>What a relief that I didn't need 'em.<BR/><BR/>Rather I can spin my yarn. Take my readers and myself on a journey. WAY more fun than just telling what happened...which is passive and doesn't involve the reader in any of it.<BR/><BR/>Your dull example of the Greek restaurant reminds me of writing a report. Never did like writing reports in school. <BR/><BR/>I want my readers to live it!meghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07383192607366785499noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8496585120938599514.post-70153945227091950092008-12-16T13:35:00.000-08:002008-12-16T13:35:00.000-08:00@Racicot: here's my rule of thumb. I use the Occam...@Racicot: here's my rule of thumb. I use the Occam's Razor of Annoyingness. Look at that little paragraph you sent. Too many all-caps. It looks like your shift-key finger has tourettes.<BR/><BR/>All-caps are fine but use them sparingly. that way you a) do not annoy yourself or a reader and b) use them for full effect, rather than appearing as if your cap-key is hiccuping. <BR/><BR/>@AWho: Welch's Grape Soda, Club Soda to dilute it some, Skyy Vodka, lemon twist. Behold: a bubbly, purple, refreshing cocktail you made for like a dollar. :)Julie Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14690487940378619749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8496585120938599514.post-92215799825249903122008-12-16T13:25:00.000-08:002008-12-16T13:25:00.000-08:00You know writing camera directions like SMASH CUT,...You know writing camera directions like SMASH CUT, PULL OUT, PAN OVER is not just the work of amateurs... it is also the work of pros. <BR/><BR/>I work with a guy, a produced HW screenwriter, and he uses camera direction all of the time. It is soooo annoying. And... if I try to tell him in a friendly easy going way that he should cut a few of those ANGLE ONS, CAMERA MOVES, PULL OUTS he accuses me of being over-schooled in screenwriting.<BR/><BR/>Go figure.hudsonrivercreativehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15432473773446332646noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8496585120938599514.post-25861396488979504252008-12-16T11:39:00.000-08:002008-12-16T11:39:00.000-08:00I am soooo guilty as charged about including the o...I am soooo guilty as charged about including the occasional MOS/cut to:s/etc. but it's left over from my amateur directing days.Chaia Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02323371613659813840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8496585120938599514.post-28402815034632042802008-12-16T11:28:00.000-08:002008-12-16T11:28:00.000-08:00Julie, Your post had perfect timing for me. We are...Julie, <BR/>Your post had perfect timing for me. We are struggling with our first screen play and it is a battle to stop myself from using CAMERA direction. I just went through and took out all the WE SEE’s that I used to replace the first round of PAN TOs and POV’s. Your illustration of the monster is very helpful, and I will use it as I go through our screenplay again looking to make improvements.<BR/>Thanks.Wendy Gail Ellenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14051403044372695194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8496585120938599514.post-40114168335032890302008-12-16T11:23:00.000-08:002008-12-16T11:23:00.000-08:00I feel great that I've been using that term since ...I feel great that I've been using that term since I got serious about cinema and writing.<BR/><BR/>I liek to use secondary slug lines to do that. I always assume that reader's tend to place things in the "middle of the screen" when emphasized or pointed out.<BR/><BR/>As an example:<BR/><I><BR/><BR/>EXT. SMOKING BUILDING - DAY<BR/><BR/>ON THE SIDEWALK<BR/><BR/>Charcoaled faces drip sweat. Gloved hands lug axes. Broad shoulders support expended fire hoses.<BR/><BR/>IN THE STREET<BR/><BR/>A reporter speaks excitedly into a microphone.<BR/></I><BR/><BR/>I use that all the time as it's cleaner and you always know what you're looking at(as a reader).<BR/><BR/>There is a fine line though between crisp descriptions and over-written ones though.<BR/><BR/>I try to keep my action "sentences" less than ten words. That's how I control pacing. By limiting how much you say in a sentence, I think you can not only the read easier but can imply emotion or tension:<BR/><BR/><I><BR/>The dark hall emanates a palpable feeling of dread.<BR/><BR/>A tear rolls slowly down his emotion torn face.<BR/><BR/>A quick sword thrust and entrails spill to the floor.<BR/></I><BR/><BR/>You get the idea. I just love the elegance afforded by screenwriting. I really like misdirecting the eye so to speak, where you show people one thing openly while ambiguously emphasizing another.<BR/><BR/><BR/>Novels are truthfully more wordy than I would like.<BR/><BR/>I'd actually love to try an adaptation. 500 pages to 120 would be exhilarating, though I really love to come up with my own ideas. I'm think I'm at 80+ now. Hopefully my day job will slow down a little so I can get the 5 that I'm working on finished by the end of January.Christian H.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16847810167041864292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8496585120938599514.post-30276972086824279062008-12-16T11:02:00.000-08:002008-12-16T11:02:00.000-08:00I was curious about the grape soda and vodka cockt...I was curious about the grape soda and vodka cocktails. Were they good? I've mixed rum with my Chai tea lately -- not bad if you add honey.<BR/>: )A Whohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03063035236737683648noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8496585120938599514.post-67071038247651522472008-12-16T10:34:00.000-08:002008-12-16T10:34:00.000-08:00Hello Julie,I find myself flip-flopping between CA...Hello Julie,<BR/><BR/>I find myself flip-flopping between CAPS and non-caps:<BR/><BR/>Darcy takes a SWING at Cleaver.<BR/>He goes DOWN then RUSHES Darcy. <BR/>The two STRUGGLE then TUMBLE into -<BR/><BR/>A packed Greek restaurant!<BR/><BR/>Whaaaat do I DO?!Rusty Jameshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16143817211151177797noreply@blogger.com